flip a coin (let’s see where it lands): part two
Everything builds up.
All the smiles, the reassuring touches, the eyes trained to spot him in even the most crowded of areas, every little moment stacks up together like a Jenga tower to this very moment.
This moment being Sehun half-naked with Luhan standing right behind him in Sehun’s bathroom.
Earlier in the day, Jongin had roped Sehun into helping him cook because he wanted to impress Kyungsoo, who apparently is a pretty good chef. Sehun doesn’t know why people keep shoving him into the kitchen. The baking wasn’t so bad, since there weren’t any dangerous, sharp knives around. Cooking, on the other hand, does have knives.
So, as obvious as the Earth revolving around the sun, as Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s pitiful love story, Sehun cut his palm. It bled a lot more than it hurt, but Jongin started freaking out and after Sehun bandaged himself up, he had sent his roommate out so Jongin wouldn’t pass out.
But the problem was, Sehun had to wash his hair that night. And the shampoo most definitely should not come into contact with his cut. Naturally, he only realized that after he already rinsed off the soap he applied one-handedly.
Just as he’s about to give up on showering his hair, he hears someone knocking on his dorm door. Assuming that it’s Jongin, since Sehun doesn’t recall Jongin leaving with his keys, he quickly dries himself and wraps the towel around his mid-section. The two of them basically grew up together, there’s nothing they haven’t seen.
When he opens the door and sees Luhan instead, he barely stops himself from slamming the door in Luhan’s face.
Too focused on his own mortification, Sehun doesn’t notice the dark look in Luhan’s eyes and the way he subtly licks his lips.
It’s not that Sehun’s self-conscious about his own body. Despite not playing any sports, he spends quite a bit of time at the gym and has an impressive set of abs, if he does say so himself. Broad shoulders, toned, and fair-skinned do nothing to hurt his confidence.
But answering the door wearing nothing but a towel is not a message he wants to be sending across to Luhan.
Clearing his throat, Sehun ushers Luhan inside, explaining quickly, “I was in the shower and I thought you were Jongin, so I-”
“What happened to your hand?” Luhan cuts him off, sharp eyes already catching the Spider-man band-aid on Sehun’s palm.
“Oh, I just nicked myself when cooking,” Sehun brushes it off. “It’s just a cut.”
“So,” Luhan faces away from Sehun as he slides off his jacket. His voice sounds oddly controlled. “How did you wash your hair?”
“I didn’t. Well, not yet.”
Luhan turns back to him, an innocent grin masking the eyes raking Sehun’s lean form. “Do you need help?”
Which is how Sehun finds himself sitting in the bathtub with Luhan hovering behind him, hands massaging shampoo into his hair. The temperature of the room is incredibly warm, almost suffocatingly so. Heat’s pooling in his stomach, lighting a flame he tried so hard to douse. Sehun’s hyperaware of every single touch, every single press of the fingers from Luhan.
It’s hell and heaven at the same time.
Sehun nearly shivers when Luhan whispers in his ear, lips brushing the shell and cool breath hitting his skin, “Close your eyes.”
Luhan rinses out the shampoo, hand running through Sehun’s wet locks. Sehun wonders if Luhan can feel his pulse beating rapidly fast, with the way his finger tips are ghosting over Sehun’s skin, almost teasingly.
It feels like an eternity before Luhan backs away, when it only lasted a few minutes.
Filling his lungs with much-needed air, Sehun slowly gets to his feet and reaches for the towel, only for Luhan to grab it first and wrap it around Sehun’s head. “Let me,” Luhan murmurs and starts drying Sehun’s hair gently.
The towel blocks most of Sehun’s vision so he can’t see the way Luhan’s jaw’s clenched, like he’s holding onto the last bit of self-control he has.
“You have to be more careful,” Luhan says softly. He taps lightly at Sehun’s palm. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Swallowing hard, Sehun nods. Every spot Luhan has touched is tingling, like his fingertips are sparkling electricity. He can’t focus with the heat, with Luhan a mere inch away.
He knows Luhan will stop if he tells him to, but Sehun’s scared if he moves, he’ll break something he won’t be able to fix. Oblivious to his distress, Luhan says with a smile, “You know I’ll help you whenever you need me, right?”
They’re so close, Sehun can see his own lovestruck reflection in Luhan’s eyes.
I don’t have to be a firefly to be trapped in there, Sehun realizes.
He can’t deny it anymore, can’t explain his way out of this one, because a friend doesn’t react the way he does, a friend’s heart wouldn’t be beating uncontrollably fast and a friend’s hand wouldn’t be itching to grab onto Luhan’s collar and yank him down, pulling him impossibly close.
Maybe, just maybe, this can happen. This, a future of possibilities, hidden in the eyes reserved only for Sehun.
But Sehun knows, if he’s not careful, this Jenga tower will come crashing down.
-
After Sehun collapses into Jongin’s bed a little after midnight, Jongin blearily chucks a few swear words at his friend for waking him up. But when Sehun doesn’t fight back with his usual insults and seeks comfort, Jongin tiredly gives it to him despite his sleepy complaints at Sehun getting his bed dirty.
“What did you destroy this time?” Jongin asks drowsily, slowly waking up. “A Rolex watch? A sports car? I swear, if you chucked an egg at someone’s car again-”
“No, no.” Jongin breathes out a sigh of relief. Sehun moans, “It’s something more valuable than those.”
“What?” Jongin sits up in shock and is pulled back down.
With an arm thrown around Jongin, Sehun says, “Hear me out. Say you stumble across this gorgeous painting and you fell in love with it. But it’s way too expensive and you’re scared if you buy it and end up ruining it somehow, it’ll be a waste.”
Sighing, Jongin goes along with it. “Well, if I really love paintings, which I don’t, and I end up buying a pricey one, which I won’t because I’m not stupid, I’ll do my best to take care of it.”
“But what if someone can take care of it better?” Sehun’s voice grows softer and softer, “What if you’re better off not having seen it in the first place?”
Jongin shifts onto his side so that he’s facing Sehun. Peering in the darkness, he can make out Sehun’s twisted expression. “Hun, what are you scared of?”
“I…” Sehun bites his lip. He’s glad for the mask of darkness, because he’s not sure he can admit this without anything hiding his emotions. “That I’ll lose a really close friend. And if things don’t even work out with Luhan - and given my history, it’ll be likely - then it’ll all be for nothing. I’ll have ruined everything.”
“Hey, Oh Sehun.” Jongin hits Sehun’s arm softly. “He makes you happy, and, believe me, you do make him happy, like, he talks about you all the time. You never know what’s going to happen in the future, so you might as well make yourself happy right now. Oh, god, I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Jongin curls his fingers into cringe-induced fists. “But everyone has a shot at love. Including you.” Whacking Sehun again, harder this time, Jongin flips onto his other side with a mumbled, “The shit you’re making me say…”
Sehun starts to breathe easily again. Maybe Jongin’s right. Maybe he hasn’t been giving him or Luhan a chance this entire time. Smiling to himself, Sehun pokes Jongin’s back. “Thanks, golden boy.”
“Go to sleep, noodle face.”
-
Sehun and Luhan’s relationship is built on timing.
Every instance that led them to each other is all a coincidence that can easily be avoided if one of them were held back by a minute or two, by untied shoelaces or a random phone call.
And when a relationship is built on timing, the base is purely fate.
So, when fate decides she’s done playing around because she can only do so much, what is left?
-
It’s half past one when Sehun shows up at Luhan’s place, breathless and cheeks rosy red from the cold.
Sehun hesitates once he’s facing the gold-plated 4-2 hanging on Luhan’s wooden door and stares down at the lollipops gripped tight in his hand. The cashier had scanned them for him with a knowing smirk.
He didn’t write a note. This message is one he’ll deliver in person.
Why he’s going against everything he used to believe in, why he’s putting aside his misfortune, why he’s exposing every vulnerable inch of himself, Sehun doesn’t know.
But he knows he should give this a chance.
Sucking up all the courage he has in his skinny, “noodle” body, as Jongin so kindly would put it, Sehun knocks.
Luhan opens the door, bleary-eyed, and whispers, “Sehun? What are you doing here?”
“I came to deliver these,” Sehun breathes out. He holds up the lollipops like they’re the key to getting through to Luhan.
After a few bated breaths, Luhan sighs and lets him in wordlessly, because he’s Luhan and he’ll always let Sehun in.
Luhan’s still in his regular day clothes, Sehun notices. He takes in the scattered music sheets on the ground and the guitar on the couch. “Were you working?”
“Yup, you’re lucky I wasn’t in bed. I would’ve thrown Kris at you.” Luhan drops onto the couch, yawning.
“Funny,” Sehun says dryly. He grins, a little too hopefully, at Luhan, “Maybe I’m only lucky with you.”
“Watch your words, or I might just believe them,” Luhan smirks, eyes half-lidded from sleep or something else, Sehun doesn’t know. His eyes fall onto the lollipops in Sehun’s hand. “So what’s with the lollipops?”
Looking into Luhan’s droopy eyes, all the courage seeps out of Sehun. The words are on the tip of his tongue, right behind his teeth, but it’s late, Luhan’s tired, and the lollipops in his hand suddenly feel way too heavy.
Later, Sehun says to himself. It’s not the right time yet.
Sehun’s eyes dart to the sheets on the ground, and he picks one up, hoping it’ll be a distraction. “Promises?” Sehun reads the title.
Luhan jumps from his couch and launches himself at Sehun surprisingly fast for someone who looked like a zombie just seconds ago. He snatches the sheet out of Sehun’s hand, a nervous grin plastered on his face. It’s a huge contrast to that confident smirk he had on before. “That’s none of your business.”
“Really now?” Sehun says it more like a sentence. Cocking an eyebrow, he can’t help but smirk at seeing Luhan so flustered. Taking full advantage of his height, Sehun grabs the sheet back and holds it up as high as he can.
“Sehun!” Luhan screeches, furiously grabbing at the air. It’s a fruitless attempt because of Sehun’s ridiculously long arms.
Squinting, Sehun tries to read the lyrics. “I don’t have the courage to say I - ah, fuck, Luhan,” It’s a hard feat, since Luhan’s climbing him like a tree. “When I hold you in my arms, I don’t want to let you go.”
“Woah, are you writing a love song?” Sehun teases.
Looking down from the paper, Sehun nearly bites down on his tongue due to the close proximity. Luhan’s centimetres away from kissing him, their breaths mingling. Their noses are brushing, and Luhan has both legs wrapped around Sehun’s midsection, one arm holding onto Sehun’s shoulder for support and the other reaching for the paper.
Luhan still doesn’t notice their compromising positions and reaches up to snatch the paper, letting out a triumphant, “Ha!” once he pulls it out of Sehun’s fingers.
However, the shift of weight sends both of them toppling to the ground, the lollipops flying from Sehun’s hand to somewhere among the sheets on the ground, and Sehun lands with a painful thud. Groaning, he blinks away the stars. The load on top of him shifts slightly.
“Oww,” Luhan moans, and Sehun stiffens when he realizes said load is Luhan.
Luhan pushes himself up so that his hands are planted on both sides of Sehun’s head, and his eyes widen to an incredible size. His shocked expression disappears easily with a casual smirk when he catches Sehun glancing at his lips.
“Yes,” Luhan says, licking his lips tauntingly, “It’s a love song.”
“How cliché,” replies Sehun. Luhan chuckles, and Sehun feels the vibration down to his very bone. Not wanting to lose, Sehun asks, “Who inspired it?”
“Definitely Kris,” says Luhan, the corners of his lips tugging up.
“You wrote a love song for your guitar,” Sehun manages to say with a straight face. He rolls his eyes mockingly when Luhan nods eagerly, and raises a hand to tap Luhan’s forehead. “Are you not getting off? You’re not that light, y’know.” But really, Luhan on top of him is the perfect weight.
Luhan smiles, lowering his head. “I like where I am. Why don’t you move?”
“I’m here now, aren’t I?” Sehun says softly, hands resting on Luhan’s hips, pressing him closer.
Luhan hears the promise without Sehun having to say the actual words, because Luhan always knows, and it’s not clear who makes the first move, but it doesn’t matter since they reach other at the same time.
They kiss eagerly, like it’s something they’ve been waiting for, and maybe it has. At least, Sehun knows he’s been waiting for it for a long, long time coming. Ever since he first saw those curled lips, he’s been waiting.
It’s not chaste at all, with teeth tugging lips, hands roaming every touchable surface of skin, fingers running through hair. At one point, Luhan pulls away for air and Sehun nearly whimpers, but is quickly silenced by the tiny little pecks Luhan leaves along his jawline and down his neck.
It doesn’t hit Sehun that he should feel worried at how it feels like everything’s fallen back into place after all those days wasted without Luhan’s hot mouth on his, like Luhan is the last puzzle piece, and nothing will feel right without him.
Sehun doesn’t know how long they would have stayed there or if things would have escalated even further. But it doesn’t matter. He won’t ever find out the answer.
Because just as Luhan slips a hand under Sehun’s sweater, the front door of Luhan’s apartment swings open and in walks Jongdae, whistling carelessly and completely oblivious.
Luhan pulls back as if he had been burned and shoots up. He fixes his disarrayed state, running a hand through his hair and tugging his clothes into place. Disoriented, Sehun slowly stands up beside him.
Sehun isn’t the one who moved away this time. With every silent, excruciating second passing, Sehun’s heart is dropping lower and lower, uneasiness creeping under his skin.
Jongdae whirls around and bends forward, squinting. Swaying, he belts out, obviously drunk, “Oh, Luhannie! And Sehunnie! It’s been so long since Jongdae’s seen Sehun. But s’okay, Luhan tells Jongdae all about Sehun everyday.” Jongdae makes a face. “S’cute, but annoying.”
“Have you been drinking?” Luhan sighs, ignoring the looks Sehun’s shooting him. “You said you were studying with friends.”
“Jongdae lied!” Jongdae shouts, and then snorts. “Wait, Jongdae sees what’s going on. Did Jongdae interrupt you two?”
Luhan frowns, “Jongdae-”
“What was Luhannie doing with Sehunnie?”
Sehun looks back and forth between the two roommates, feeling like an outsider looking in on something not meant for his eyes. A strand of panic shoots through his system when he sees Luhan clench his fists. Why is Luhan reacting like this? What is Luhan doing with Sehun?
Suddenly reverting back to his six-year-old self, Sehun feels the urge to cover his ears. Judging by Luhan’s set jaw, Sehun won’t like the answer.
“Nothing. So just go to bed.”
Nothing.
With that, Sehun’s mind clears. He understands now. Everything that just happened can be contained in or wiped away with this one word.
Yet a part of him’s left waiting for Luhan to hold onto him, to swallow his previous words, to do anything that retains any logical sense because there’s no way Luhan will do this to him, to them. They can’t be reduced to nothing.
“Nothing,” Sehun echoes. His voice doesn’t sound like his own. “What we did was nothing?”
Luhan finally turns to look at him and presses a hand to his mouth as if he just realized he said the wrong thing. Sehun abruptly turns away before he can identify the regret in Luhan’s eyes.
“I have to go,” Sehun says in a flat voice, “Forget this ever happened.” Sehun feels himself shutting down, face turning terrifyingly expressionless; his defense mechanism is kicking into gear.
Sehun’s learned his lesson. This is what happens when he lets his guard down. How could he have expected anything else?
“No, wait, Sehun, don’t-” Luhan protests to no avail as Sehun gathers his things and stalks stiffly to the door.
“It’s good that you didn’t do anything,” Jongdae giggles obnoxiously when Sehun walks past him. “Jongdae thought Sehunnie was just another, what do you call it-”
“Shut up,” Luhan cuts him off harshly. It’s the most angry Sehun’s ever seen him, though Luhan quickly dissolves into pleas as he calls out, “Sehun, listen to me.”
Luhan must have taken another step forward, because his foot crunches onto something. The lollipops, Sehun realizes. They break with a crack, and Sehun feels something inside of him crack, as well.
The sound echoes in the apartment, freezing Luhan. But it sends Jongdae into motion. He lights up with a snap of his fingers, “Another conquest! That’s the word. Conquest.”
“Conquest, huh,” Sehun rolls the word over his tongue and tastes the entirety of its bitterness. He wants to laugh, wants to play this off as a joke. But it’s too late. The damage has been dealt.
“Sehun, trust me,” Luhan says, sounding small and helpless, but Sehun doesn’t turn to look at him. He doesn’t listen and blocks out all the explanations Luhan’s throwing at him, blocks out Jongdae’s, “But there haven’t been many conquests since Luhannie started talking about Sehunnie.”
In no time, the only things left of him in Luhan’s apartment are the forgotten, cracked lollipops.
-
Sehun and Luhan’s relationship is built on timing.
If Jongdae had came in before they kissed, or even before Sehun entered the apartment, things would have been different. If Sehun had chosen a different day, things could have turned out better.
But timing and luck, those aren’t everything.
Without fate, all that’s left is honesty, communication, and above all else, trust.
-
When Jongin asks him how it went, Sehun laughs, because he needs to make up for his display of hurt, because that’s the only thing he knows how to do after staring his misfortune’s product in the eye.
“Nothing happened, Jongin,” Sehun grins widely. “Can you believe it?”
-
Sehun still sees Luhan, under three rules:
They’re never alone. There’s always Jongin, or Jongdae (who always apologizes to Sehun, even though he was telling the truth and was the one who enlightened Sehun. Really, Sehun should be thanking him.). It doesn’t matter how many others, who the others are, or if they know what went down between Luhan and Sehun. That’s not what’s important, as long as Sehun is never left alone with Luhan.
Never talk about what happened.
Lollipops are forbidden.
These aren’t rules they’ve talked out, but Luhan figures them out quickly.
Why Sehun doesn’t cut Luhan entirely out of his life, Luhan doesn’t know. But he’s grateful Sehun’s even keeping him in his life, so he doesn’t question it. He’s scared it’ll break a rule.
He doesn’t know what’ll happen if he breaks a rule, but hell, he’s not going to try.
At least, that’s his mindset at first.
But Sehun’s distant all the time, dispensing his laughter sparsely like he’s saving it up for someone special, when before, that was all Luhan can hear. Sehun treats him normally, all polite and casual conversations. But it’s not normal for Luhan, not when he knows the Sehun that can goof off despite his icy exterior, the Sehun that greeted him once with, “So did you two fuck yet or what?”
Luhan can’t bring up the past, can’t use lollipops to express his feelings since he’s shit at words even though he writes lyrics for a living, and he can’t even get Sehun all to himself.
Wondering how it’s possible Sehun can feel so far away when only a few inches separate them, how the puppy-like Sehun is completely replaced by his stone-faced counterpart, Luhan makes up his mind.
There is no other choice but to break some rules if Luhan wants to get out of the weird limbo he placed himself into.
-
Sehun doesn’t go to the convenience store on Wednesdays, or any days, anymore. He’s sworn off the now popular diner and forces Jongin to buy the groceries. He rarely comes back to his own dorm, either, because that’s the only place Luhan seems to be able to find him, and instead crashes at Baekhyun’s or Chanyeol’s. Their incessant squabbling fills the blankness in his mind.
Just like that, three weeks pass quickly, and Sehun’s almost forgotten the feeling of Luhan’s lips on his.
He doesn’t want to avoid Luhan. Sehun’s already had plenty of experience doing just that. In avoiding Luhan, he’s admitting what happened still matters to him, and above Sehun’s misfortune rises his pride.
If Luhan reduces him to nothing, then Sehun can do the same.
But everything finally rolls to a gruelling stop when Sehun returns to his dorm at two in the morning - a regular time for him recently - and finds an unexpected surprise on his doorstep.
Jongin’s not here, Sehun recalls, and he freezes, considering his options. He won’t have time to run into his dorm, so maybe he can go back to that late-night café for college students and forgo another night to rest.
By the time he remembers the café’s closing hours, Luhan’s already noticed him.
The second their eyes lock, all the walls Sehun’s stacked back up risk crumbling down. Luhan’s face is red from the cold, and after he sniffs, Sehun’s traitorous heart twinges, wondering how long Luhan’s been waiting out here for him.
Before, Sehun could always hide behind a third party whenever Luhan was around, but now they’re left with only each other, completely and utterly defenseless.
“Hey,” Luhan attempts a smile. For the first time since Sehun’s met him, the smile looks foreign on Luhan’s features.
Sehun recovers, “What are you doing here?”
Luhan winces at Sehun’s blunt question. Then, determination takes over. Luhan takes a careful step towards Sehun, eyes peering earnestly, trying to convey every ounce of sincerity across. “Breaking the rules.”
“It’s fucking two, I don’t have time-”
“Jongdae was drunk, Sehun,” Luhan says quietly, words rushing into one another. “I admit I had quite a few partners, but, trust me, I haven’t fucked around after I met you, way back at the diner, because you, I don’t know how or why, but you consumed my thoughts.”
“I didn’t ask,” Sehun purses his lips. “I don’t want to hear this.”
“But I need you to hear this.” Luhan reaches out for him, then hesitates like he’s debating whether or not he’s allowed to touch Sehun. “You’re not a conquest, you’re so much fucking more. You know that song I wrote?” Luhan pulls out a few sheets of paper out of his pocket and shoves it at Sehun. “Remember what you asked me?”
“No, I don’t,” Sehun bristles. “I don’t care anymore, Luhan. You’re not entitled to like me. You’re not entitled to be faithful because we aren’t in a relationship that even requires us to be faithful in the first place. We’re just friends, right? You can fuck around with whoever you want, I don’t care.”
Luhan lets his arm holding the music sheets fall slack to his side. “What if I want you to?”
Sehun feels hot, angry tears prickling, but he holds them back. Crying is not what he needs right now. He tries to twist his mouth into a smile, but comes off looking bitter instead. “Should have thought of that before you kissed me and called it ‘nothing.’”
“I’m so, so sorry.” Luhan’s face is scrunched up, but not out of laughter. To Sehun’s surprise, there are tears threatening to spill from Luhan’s eyes, and Sehun feels his foolish heart crumble at how Luhan still looks pretty when crying.
“You were so nice to me, it became cruel,” Sehun’s mouth moves on its own accord, letting these revealing words fall out without his permission. But he doesn’t have the energy to care - or not care - anymore. All the memories he worked so hard to toss out are rushing back steadily. “You were so thoughtless sometimes, with your notes and your free touches and hugs you dispensed like they were worth nothing. But they were everything to me. Sometimes, I thought you might have liked the fact I adored you more than my actual self. Because you should have known. How could you have not?”
“Sehun.” Luhan’s face crumples. But Sehun’s walking away already. “Sehun, don’t do this again.”
Do what? Sehun wants so badly to scream, What do I keep doing that kills the fireflies in your eyes? Why is it always something that I’m doing wrong?
Luhan tries out again, not caring how desperate he sounds. “Don’t you want to know who inspired Promises?”
“No, Luhan,” Sehun tosses over his shoulder, back still turned. He’s furious at himself for not being able to keep his emotions in check. “I’m done.”
He slips into his dorm before his mouth will betray him and let slip even more than he already has. Sehun collapses against the door, letting his weight slam it shut. His head hits the hardwood surface with a heavy ‘thunk,’ and Sehun winces from the pain, lifting a hand to rub the back of his head. As the pain fades away, Sehun shuts his eyes.
In the darkness, all he sees is Luhan crying.
Sehun lets his head hit the door again and again, hoping to knock out the image of Luhan’s tears etched in his eyelids.
It doesn’t hurt as much.
-
With how things are unfolding, it’s obvious how romance is just not for Sehun.
After their confrontation, Sehun completely cut off all contact with Luhan, and the latter hasn’t done anything to provoke him since. There are no more late-night visits, no more calls, and Jongin stops looking at Sehun like he’s going to fall apart any second.
It seems as if things are finally over, and he can move on.
-
On the day of Reloaded’s concert, Sehun wakes up with a strange, indiscernible feeling churning in his stomach. He goes about his morning routine, and triple-checks that the concert ticket that started everything is safely stored in his jeans pocket. Everything feels off today.
Sehun arrives at the concert venue eventually, though he’s a couple minutes late and Chanyeol and Baekhyun had snuck in already to find good seats. But that and all his previous problems vanish once he enters the darkened hall and walks down the narrow, wooden staircase.
The lights are ridiculously dim so it’s a miracle that Sehun finds his friends with little to no inconveniences. Of course, these are the times when Sehun appreciates having a giant for a friend. He politely pushes past a few people and plops down into his aisle seat next to Baekhyun. Sehun drums his fingers in anticipation, the overall buzz of the crowd fueling his excitement to finally, fucking finally, see his favourite band live. And that’s a magical feeling that can never be topped.
Sehun’s heart nearly leaps out of his chest when the stage lights turn on.
Everyone starts screaming, and he joins in, though his voice is a little hoarse. One by one, the band members file in. Sehun can surprisingly see all of their faces clearly thanks to the small venue, and they look around his age.
“Wait, don’t they look kind of familiar?” He mutters. But Sehun’s distracted by a missing member. There’s only three people up on stage, instead of the original four.
“Good evening, everyone!” The brunet in the center grabs the mic and greets the hyped crowd. His ripped jeans and washed-out grey tank top give him the classic rocker feel. All of the members take a bow in unison. “We’re Reloaded! It’s nice to meet you all!”
“We’re so glad to finally be able to perform in front of you guys tonight! You ready?” When the crowd shouts in return, the brunet grins. “Alright, so we have quite a show for y’all planned. Of course, I’m guessing you’ve seen the tracklist so no need to go over that again. Instead, we’ll give you what you’ve been waiting for.”
“He means introductions, by the way,” The man next to him cuts in, taking the mic. “I’ll start off. My name’s Minseok and I’m the drummer.”
The rocker guy takes the mic back. “I’m the guitarist and my name’s Jongdae.”
Something clicks in Sehun’s mind. Sehun does a double-take and looks closely at the guitarist. The dimmed lights and make-up threw him off, but to his growing horror, he realizes he does know these people.
“I’m Kyungsoo, keyboardist.”
Oh, no, Sehun thinks, the vocalist can’t be…
Sehun’s brain stops working because the lead singer - the guy whose voice he has been listening to all day long, to school, to bed, even in the shower - walks onto stage and judging from the concerned look Baekhyun’s shooting his way, Sehun’s not dreaming this up.
This has to be a nightmare. Sehun wishes with all his might. There’s no way this is real.
“Oh, how nice of you to join us,” Kyungsoo snips before passing over the mic.
“Sorry, everyone, had a little wardrobe malfunction. Anyways, I’m Luhan, and I’m the lead singer of Reloaded. Thank you so much for coming out tonight!”
Why do these things always happen to me? Sehun internally groans, as he trails his eyes over Luhan standing in black skinny jeans and a plain, white t-shirt with a happy-face on it. It’s been ages since he’s last seen Luhan, and the second Luhan walked on stage, Sehun’s traitorous heart briefly stops. The air’s sucked out of his lungs as Luhan strides to join his bandmates calmly like he’s not ruining Sehun’s life by the second, like he hasn’t ripped Sehun’s heart out and stomped on it along with their lollipops.
“Of all the people on this planet, he just had to be Reloaded’s singer, didn’t he?” Sehun whines. But, he’s not completely taken aback. It’s not a stretch by far, with Luhan telling him about being a musician and the soothing, honey voice. Looking back, everything fits perfectly. No, Sehun’s not mad Luhan didn’t tell him. What he’s mad about is how Luhan keeps entangling himself further and further into Sehun’s life, until it’s no longer possible to extract the memories that weren’t tainted by him. Even Reloaded’s now taken away from him.
“Hey, c’mon, remember what you did to get the ticket?” Baekhyun pats Sehun’s back, in a rare moment of comfort. “At least enjoy the concert while you’re here. You can sulk about this after.”
And enjoy, Sehun does. Even though it takes a while to get over his initial shock, it’s not hard to immerse himself in their brilliant songs that he knows every single word to and sing along at the top of his lungs, even if he’s definitely not a singer. There’s something about a live concert surrounded by people who love the exact same things he does that gets him hyped and blissfully happy. If he thought Reloaded was magical playing through his laptop speakers, Sehun’s completely not prepared for their live performances. The whole band’s energy is overwhelming, and it’s clear how much they love what they do.
It’s sad, Sehun knows, but he can’t take his eyes off of Luhan during the entire performance. There’s something about hearing Luhan sing right in front of him, just metres away, and the way he loses himself in the lyrics and scrunches his nose at the high notes.
Then, Luhan notices him.
Sehun doesn’t know how, doesn’t know why. They make eye contact for a few seconds as Luhan holds out the last lingering note. It’s not supposed to happen, since the blinding stage lights shroud Sehun’s face in the dark, but Luhan still manages to find him and shock overcomes his face briefly, before being quickly replaced by the brightest smile. He mouths, thanks for coming.
“Oh, my god,” Chanyeol straightens his back. “Sehun, he just - he was looking at you, right?”
It sends his stomach flopping at the fact that out of all the people in the audience, Luhan had found him.
“I, I need to leave.” Sehun starts to get out of his seat, face burning. “I shouldn’t have come.”
Baekhyun grabs onto his arm. “Hold on-”
“I can’t - he can’t just waltz up there and pretend that everything’s okay!” Sehun shuts his eyes. “After everything-”
“This next song,” Luhan cuts him off, and Sehun looks up to see Luhan staring right at him, like he knows Sehun is seconds away from bolting. “It’s off our new album. I wrote it quite recently, during a… fall-out with one of the people I cared about. That I loved.”
Breathe, Sehun has to remind himself to breathe.
“It’s called Promises.”
Luhan sings, and it’s beautiful, starting from the first note ringing from his guitar. It’s vulnerable and raw, and Sehun recognizes the melody; it’s one Luhan’s been strumming and singing under his breath for weeks before what happened. Sehun knows what Luhan’s doing. Because words aren’t his strong suit, Luhan is using what’s he’s best at to get his feelings across. Music.
If Sehun had been told three months ago the lead singer of Reloaded would have written a song about him and sang it to him as an apology, he would have laughed so hard tears would have welled up in his eyes.
Tears are welling up in his eyes, now, but not because he’s laughing. Sehun doesn’t let them fall. Luhan doesn’t deserve that.
He feels Baekhyun tapping his arm lightly, and when he turns, blinking away the tears, Baekhyun gives him a sympathetic look before pressing something into Sehun’s palm.
Unfurling his fingers, a gasp escapes Sehun’s lips at the sight of a coffee-flavoured lollipop attached to a note. He shakingly unfolds the note.
I’m sorry.
At the same time, Luhan sings softly, “Please believe in me. I promise you.” The last note stretches on, curling around Sehun familiarly.
But the crowd’s deafening applause ropes him back into reality, and the trance he was in is broken. Shooting out of his seat, Sehun slips into the aisle before Baekhyun can stop him. The concert’s over, he’s listened to Luhan’s song, so there’s no reason for him to stay here any longer.
During the chants of “encore,” Sehun quickly makes his way back to the exit. But already, the people who were sitting in the back has blocked the entrance, all standing up and surging forward with chants for the band to stay.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sehun moans.
He glances around him for another exit, and to his right, he sees the huge, glowing “EXIT” sign and all but sprints across the room. He’s out the stuffy room in seconds and breathes in the relief of the cold, refreshing night air.
Leaning against the rough, brick wall, Sehun wonders how long Baekhyun and Chanyeol would linger in the concert hall. They hadn’t paid extra for the meet and greet, being broke uni students, but the two might be grabbing some alone time.
Sehun pulls out his phone and sends a quick text to Baekhyun not to wait up for him.
“Hey.”
Startled, Sehun drops his phone on the ground and swears, quickly picking it up. He forgets that he knows this voice as he checks for any scratches on the screen, and is relieved when there’s none.
“Sorry about that.” The sweet voice sends shivers down his spine. Sehun gulps down his urge to bolt again and forces himself to look up. He squints to make out Luhan’s fairy-like features in the dark alleyway, the only light coming from the street behind him. How did he come out so fast? Did he see me leave?
Sehun tries to find something to say and grasps at the only words he can think of, “Your concert was nice.”
“Oh, thanks,” Luhan smiles hesitantly. “Are you - ah, you’re leaving already?”
Sehun nods, ignoring the way his heart clenches at Luhan’s disappointed expression. His body’s already half-turned by the time Luhan calls out, “I’m sorry.”
This time, it stops Sehun in his tracks.
He hears Luhan take a step forward. “I’m sorry I hurt you like that.” Another step. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage before. I, I acted the way I did with you because I couldn’t help it. I liked you, oh god, I like you so much. I didn’t want to rush things, I wanted to let things unravel naturally because I already pushed so hard to get on speaking terms with you.” Luhan’s standing so close, Sehun can hear his strained breathing. “But then you showed up at my house with those lollipops and that lovestruck look in your eyes and you just looked so gorgeous, I was tired as fuck, and I just spent the past few hours writing a song about you. The only thing on my mind was you.”
Luhan places a hand on Sehun’s back, slowly, carefully, as if he’s scared Sehun will run away. But Sehun’s far gone by this point, breath catching and lungs screaming for air.
“I lost my mind for a moment. But it never felt more right, Sehun. Then,” Luhan’s hand clenches into a fist. “Jongdae came in. He’s a good guy, but unpredictable and loose-lipped when drunk. I know what he’s like when I have company over. We were on shaky ground, we just crossed a line, a million lines, and I didn’t know what he was going to say or how you would react. I freaked out and denied it.”
Wrapping his arms around Sehun’s midsection, Luhan rests his head on Sehun’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say all this earlier.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t let you,” Sehun responds, throat thick with emotion, and feels Luhan shake his head.
His voice is muffled in Sehun’s shirt. “You had every right not to.”
Sehun places his hands on top of Luhan’s. He missed the way Luhan melts against his body. “I thought that was it, y’know? That we were it.” Sehun lowers his voice into a whisper. “I didn’t know how to stop hurting, so I just pretended I wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” Luhan whispers, nose buried into the crook of Sehun’s neck.
“I know,” Sehun feels the corners of his lips tugging up. “You said that, like, twenty times already.”
Luhan laughs, and it warms Sehun down to his toes. “Oh, and another thing… You already know, but I’m going to do it properly this time.” Sehun flutters his eyes shut, feeling Luhan’s arms tightening their hold.
“I think I love you.”
“You’re insane,” Sehun returns.
“I know - wait, what?” Luhan pulls back, and Sehun frowns at the lack of warmth and body contact. Luhan places his hands on Sehun’s shoulder and turns him around.
Sehun says, dead serious, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Are you really sure about this?”
“What are you-” Luhan cocks his head in confusion, almost offended. “Of course I am!”
Sehun clears his throat and tries again, “I know you know this, since I’ve made a fool out of myself in front of you countless times before. But I’m just reminding you. I’m the unluckiest guy in existence. I am a walking Friday the 13th. Who in their right mind would like Friday the 13th?”
“I do!” Luhan exclaims. “I told you I’m totally fine with your misfortune! I’m the lucky one, remember? Especially since I have you right in front of me right now.” Sehun lets slip a grin at Luhan’s cheesiness. “It doesn’t define you, okay?”
“You’re crazy,” Sehun shakes his head slowly.
“You’re the crazy one! Why are you botching my confession?” Luhan runs a hand down his face. “I can’t believe I’m trying to convince you that I like you. Great, I just stored all my confidence up this evening to confess and you completely ruined it.”
Sehun cocks an eyebrow. “Who said I liked you back?”
“Oh my god, you’re impossible,” Luhan laughs, half-frustrated and half-entertained. “Look at this! Every time after I see you, I end up with a smile on my face for some reason. I want to see if that can be more than a ‘lucky’ coincidence.”
Sehun takes a moment to let that sink in, brows furrowed in confusion. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying coffee. Next Friday at four.” Luhan smiles, satisfied and a little smug because of his smooth delivery. “You know, I’ve always wanted to use that line on you.”
If Luhan had said this any other time, Sehun would have thrown up from the cheesiness. Instead, he settles with a disgusted face.
“I have enough romance for the both of us, too,” Luhan laughs.
Sehun groans, but his lips are curling up involuntarily. “Yeah, more like enough grease.”
The two stand there like fools in the middle of the alley smiling shyly at each other. They probably would have been standing there for ages if Luhan’s phone didn’t ring.
“Oh, crap, I have to get back to the meet and greet,” Luhan glances up at Sehun apologetically. The taller just nods, too happy to get his sanity back together to respond. “Alright, I’ll see you Friday then.”
Luhan ducks back through the door into the concert venue and Sehun stands there for a few moments by himself, wondering just how in the world he had accomplished this. He just scored a coffee date with Luhan.
Luhan, Reloaded’s lead singer.
Luhan, with the firefly eyes that light up only for Sehun.
Luhan, baker, guitarist, gross-flavoured-lollipop-enthusiast.
And Sehun knows it’s now his turn to let Luhan in, all of those Luhans.
Instead of worrying about what to wear or how to tell his friends, Sehun wonders when the best time to bring up Luhan’s faulty tastebuds is.
-
Leaning against Luhan’s bed frame, Sehun holds out a strawberry cheesecake lollipop, his favourite flavour. Luhan sits down beside Sehun and takes the lollipop with a raised, skeptical eyebrow.
Sehun watches expectantly as Luhan unwraps it and pops it in his mouth. Luhan’s face scrunches up as he exclaims, “It’s so sweet!”
“You don’t like it?” Sehun’s jaw drops open. “How do you not like sweet things? I thought you liked me.”
“You’re more cheesy than sweet. I think I’m rubbing off on you.” Luhan rolled his eyes. “And coffee’s way better.”
“What is wrong with you?” Sehun shakes his head in mock disgust. He leans forward and pulls Luhan’s jaw down. Turning it side to side, Sehun squints his eyes. “It doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with your tastebuds. Maybe it’s your head that’s the problem.”
“Oh, shut up,” Luhan laughs. “You love my head.”
Sehun smiles back, softening. “Yes, I do.”
With his hand still on Luhan’s chin, Sehun leans forward. He feels Luhan place a hand on the back of his neck, drawing him closer as they breathe each other in, lips moving slowly against each other’s. Luhan chuckles into the kiss when his back hits the floor. “Somebody’s getting eager.”
Sehun tugs at Luhan’s bottom lip in response, hands combing through his hair.
When they run out of air, Luhan pulls back first, forehead resting against Sehun’s. “You must be really unlucky, since now you’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
Kissing the tip of Luhan’s nose, Sehun laughs, “Actually, I think meeting you used up all the luck I had.”
Author’s Note:
thanks so much to my lovely beta~ i wouldn’t have finished this without your support c:
credit for the pumpkin spiced pumpkin shaped cookies go to dan and phil