This is a really intriguing premise ... it isn't by any means the first post-Zombie/post-apocalyptic civilization piece I've read, but I think you did a good job with it and made it your own. I found the birthing scene to actually be really effective -- most of the time people glaze over it or describe it in too much gory detail.
The one thing I questioned, though, was how old are these people? She has great-great-great-great-grandchildren and her great-granddaughter is an old lady already. In today's society, this is very rare, so have things changed, age-wise? And how old was she when the zombie business began?
Otherwise, I think this is the piece I've most enjoyed of yours!
I'm glad you enjoyed this, I did some finishing touches VERY late at night so I was a little worried it wouldn't work. Actually I put in there that Maria is a centurion, she's over 100 years old and in damn good shape. I currently have a theory that people who have good nutrition as children and take care of themselves throughout life will have a better chance at reaching 100+. Also I put Maria at late twenties and thought that with the shortage of women and the need for population growth young women might be a little pressured to start asap on childbirth. I did make a typo with an extra great in there. Basically assuming that every woman starts having children at 15, if Maria was 28 when she had her first daughter, her first grandchild would be born at 43, first great grandchild would be at 58, great-grandchild at 73, great-great grandchild at 88, great-great-great grandchild at 102. That was my bad, but still, she's old and prolific.
You definitely took an idea that a lot of writers are currently working with and made it your own. I would have liked to read and understand a bit more about what started the sickness. What establishing the safe havens was like. More details about when a young woman gets married (if she does) and then knocked up. The depth of Eve was great and I loved the use of that nickname. I would have loved to see a little more depth to the world around her as well. But that's also just me being a curiouspants. :P
Small tweak! The first time you use the pool metaphor for Andrews eyes is really effective. But then you use it again for Olivia's brown eyes, and it looses its charm. Maybe switch up the metaphor for Olivia?
Great job this week! Looking forward to more from you!
I was trying to do one of those grazing short stories where little is revealed. I'm glad you enjoyed it but I'm a little worried it was too grazing and not on target enough.
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The one thing I questioned, though, was how old are these people? She has great-great-great-great-grandchildren and her great-granddaughter is an old lady already. In today's society, this is very rare, so have things changed, age-wise? And how old was she when the zombie business began?
Otherwise, I think this is the piece I've most enjoyed of yours!
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Small tweak! The first time you use the pool metaphor for Andrews eyes is really effective. But then you use it again for Olivia's brown eyes, and it looses its charm. Maybe switch up the metaphor for Olivia?
Great job this week! Looking forward to more from you!
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