I really liked this. The world is well built and I the nicknames for things are super neat! (Dead-Heads, Fang-Bangers)
Spelling and grammar look good.
Just a few suggestions. Watch out for repeated words/actions like having your characters smirk too much in one scene. Even if that's what they do you can always toss another word in there. The other thing is sprinkling in descriptions of characters, instead of having it all in one paragraph. Or starting the work with those descriptive paragraphs, so the reader has a picture in their mind to start.
But overall it's a fantastic, rich world! Great job!
Hey there, selkie_queen! I'm so glad you decided to write this despite it just being JFF. I really love your stories about Jessica, and this one is no exception. She's such a strong character, and you write her and her world so well, I feel like I might run into her on the street one day
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Enjoyed reading this piece and liked the way the stpory developed and built towards the end .
Could not pick up naythign in terms of grammar errors. Keep on writing as this was really enjoyable and would like to see how the story grows from here
Comments 3
I really liked this. The world is well built and I the nicknames for things are super neat! (Dead-Heads, Fang-Bangers)
Spelling and grammar look good.
Just a few suggestions. Watch out for repeated words/actions like having your characters smirk too much in one scene. Even if that's what they do you can always toss another word in there. The other thing is sprinkling in descriptions of characters, instead of having it all in one paragraph. Or starting the work with those descriptive paragraphs, so the reader has a picture in their mind to start.
But overall it's a fantastic, rich world! Great job!
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Could not pick up naythign in terms of grammar errors.
Keep on writing as this was really enjoyable and would like to see how the story grows from here
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