Contest Entry: Heechul Kissing Massacre - Fanficition: The Fall
Title: The Fall
Pairing: Eeteuk/Heechul
Rating: R - Tasteful Gore (yes it exists and it's really not that horrid ^^; or perhaps I'm warped), Language, and Kissing (...dur X3)
Warnings: If you're Catholic please excuse the blasphemy. Topics and pairing discussed within prove to be a mix of common and uncommon. Read this knowing meanings can be doubled. Try to leave preconceived notions at the cut ♥
Summary: The birth of love. An ever flowing circle of light and happiness surrounded by darkness, acting as it's own eternal wheel of flame.
Darkness laced with hatred that burned black as pitch surrounded me at all times but deep within my heart there was light. I curled around it while I laid about on cold stone so no one could see it. If they saw my light they would try and take it. Everyone here wanted light but I was the only one that had any. He’d given it to me, my Angel. It warmed my heart in a way that didn’t burn like the flames around me. Those black flames…they lapped at my skin day and night. I could never sleep because of the ice cold rocks beneath me and the black flame that burned me. This was the fate of the damned. Those who asked questions were sent here to burn always and never know peace. But I knew peace. I knew the light within my heart to be something perfect and pure. I felt his love and I felt my fear. If anyone knew I held his light within me and he held my fire within him then they would send him to burn alongside me here in the darkness of hell. His light would fade like mine had faded.
My cold hands clutched at my chest tightly to keep the light buried deep within. I groaned low in my throat at first then cried out in pain, my cries mixing with those around me. I had learned to ignore these sounds so I wouldn’t cry constantly for them as they constantly cried for themselves. My fingers were long and chilled like ice as they pierced my skin and ripped past my ribs to clutch at my heart. I couldn’t stop shaking and I coughed while I cried, blood falling past my lips unnoticed. Writhing on the freezing jagged stones which tore at my ragged robes and cut into my back and arms, I gasped for breath and rested finger tips gently upon my own heart that beat steadily beneath them. I could never die but I would always hurt and bleed. I could have endless pain and eternal life. I would burn in ice. That was the definition of hell: suffering and chaos.
But his love warmed my weakly throbbing heart. I laughed and soared into the air on ashen gray wings, feather tips singed by flames that danced up from the rocks. Fingers slid wet and red from my chest and slowly the holes closed. Blood stained me but I saw nothing but his pure white wings, his little dimple, behind my closed eyes. I was laughing and crying at once, flying up higher and higher until there were no more screams or pain, no more undulating bodies below, fucking and dying and rotting. There was no sound and the light about was dim with no discernible source. This between space was where we met. I could feel eyes boring into me but saw no faces. Hands seemed to tear at my flesh but there weren’t any limbs. The paranoia of hell resided within all it’s residents.
I felt him before I saw him. The warmth in my heart swelled within my chest and heated my body from head to toe. I reached out to him with a choked sob. Blood and dirt stained me and I knew I shouldn’t touch him, shouldn’t dirty him, but I needed him too badly to care. Melting into his arms which held me tightly, I could hear him crying and it made me cry harder. He hated to see my pain and suffering and I hated that in loving me he had to suffer, “I love you,” I choked through my sobs, “I love you.”
Each time we met those were the first words he told me. They fell from his lips easily and I knew he wasn’t lying, couldn’t possibly lie to me. “I love you,” always my first words to him, “I love you.” And I held him tightly against my breast, softly kissing his hair and rubbing his back as he sobbed. That war so long ago when I’d watched him fall, pushed him as we’d all been instructed to do, something in me had changed. His face was the very picture of terror as he realized his wings wouldn’t work, that as surely as he was falling something was also pulling him down. In seeing his face I too felt his fear and without thinking I jumped after him, but he was too far gone. I’d later be told I was too kind, congratulated and praised for always wanting to help and heal. They told me he couldn’t be helped any longer and to turn my focus to God’s new world which they all watched and sang to even though the people below could not hear them, but I still heard his screams.
His face was burned into my mind and I knew that when I had jumped flames of the newly formed hell must have licked at my breast and implanted in me a fire the likes of which I had never before felt. Such an event would explain quite clearly why I felt sick and my heart never stopped aching. It was once said that to love anyone but God was to love pain. His face made me a masochist. Never had a more beautiful being existed I decided as indeterminate time wore on. I began to plot how I might see him again, save him from hell’s fire as I had tried to do before, stopped by my fellow angel’s who laughed joyously as he cried. All I had heard in that moment were his sobs and screams. I wandered the vast heavens thinking over all the knowledge of the cosmos but always my thoughts ended with him. He who was perfect.
I knew to think these things was blasphemous, but if I was sent to hell I could see his face so I thought them without fear. The only punishment that could be delivered would be a blessing in disguise. Never had my home, the heaven of my God, felt so large and empty. Without him there at my side nothing made sense and all the rules I had known were slowly forgotten as I filled my mind with thoughts of his features, his laugh, his smile. These thoughts became indistinct, replaced by more morbid images that stoked the fire in my breast along with the need to save him. His tears were my tears and I wore them proudly on my cheeks, suffering within as he suffered throughout in hell. Prayers were merely words and songs useless noise. Food held no taste and the humans down below did not amuse me as they did everyone else. All of heaven’s joys were taken from me one by one until I resided always within my own personal hell, thinking always on him and how he might come be in my arms once more.
In the instant that I rejected heaven I felt something shift around me and I knew what to do as surely as I knew I loved him. Letting myself fall I was soon surrounded by gray nothingness. Light existed somehow and no sounds could be heard but this was only noticed by me in passing. He was there before me, my tattered and bleeding love. Tears trekked through the dirt on his cheeks as they fell and I too fell to his feet, clinging to him tightly and crying. His fingers ran through my hair as my hands gripped at his rags. We clutched at each other understanding everything and nothing about the beautifully terrifying emotion that swelled within us both. “I love you,” he had said. “I love you too,” I had told him. That was how it began and how it ended.
We knew that they would eventually stop us. That God and Lucifer would bore of watching us suffer then swell with a love so deep it changed our very souls. This was what they told us as we stood before them in the gray space. No one else was present at our judgment. I trembled softly but he held onto me, my angel was strong for us both even as his hands gripped tightly at my waist and his tears fell onto my hand that clutched at his breast. They told us that in loving one another we had slowly stopped caring about everything else. I no longer felt the pains of hell and he no longer delighted in the joys of heaven. Furthermore, they explained that no matter where they put us we could not feel the punishment or the pleasure we deserved.
Our love had changed the very fabric of time so that we might come together once more, so drawn to each other that even the powers of the Lord above had been unable to halt us. We silently marveled at how two such as us, angel and damned, could shift the fabric of something we hadn’t even created ourselves. God told us love was powerful. I asked him, “Is it stronger than You?” and watched as Lucifer laughed, felt my Angel hold me tighter. The Lord said nothing more to me. I might have felt cold had my angel not been holding onto me so tightly. “We cannot understand that which the Lord understands,” I heard my Angel say and saw God smile, but my Angel was not finished, “And the divine cannot understand what we feel.” Once more the Lord was silent and now Lucifer was no longer laughing.
I knew what I had said was true as surely as they themselves knew. He was shivering against me, my love, and I held him as tightly as I could. “Where will we go?” I asked for I wanted to know where I should take my love so that we might sit and speak, so that I might love him uninterrupted by the ignorant. The Lord told us we would be sent to Earth and as we fell our souls would drift apart and into the wombs of women. Then we would live and die. This process would repeat for all of time until our aged souls no longer knew one another at which point our souls would rest once more in heaven and hell respectively. The Lord still did not understand but I did and nodded knowing my soul was bonded to my love’s own so strongly nothing could part us, neither time nor death.
We were falling once more, locked in an eternal embrace destined to die only to be reborn. He was crying and clinging tightly to me. I kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, and finally he was quiet. Wind roared in our ears like the howls of the dying but I knew he heard me when I spoke, could see the understanding and the hope in his eyes, “I will die endless deaths and always know I love you. Forever will you be in my heart.” We kissed as we fell, his hands lost in my hair, my tongue lost in his mouth. This was how we would be from then on, lost and searching for each other, longing to be together once again. I had made him a promise and he had sealed our pact with his kiss. While we breathed we would search, and in searching know that we were not yet complete. Our love was that strong and always would be. Suddenly I was blind and I knew I was without him. Then I knew nothing but darkness and need.
Eeteuk smiled at me from across the stage. That ridiculous smile with it’s little dimple that had made my knees weak from the first day we’d met and every day after that. Something about him had always seemed different, special, and at first I envied him for it because everyone else seemed to see it too. As time passed I began to realize not everyone could see him like I did. He couldn’t hide from me, but this also meant I couldn’t hide from him. I never could figure out why that was and after a while stopped caring. We would draw close then I’d push us apart, becoming friendly only to be estranged once more by my brash nature and unforgiving tone.
As many times as I pushed him away, that was how many times I pulled him back. Time and time again he let me tug him to and fro. I knew all he had to do was resist and I would no longer have such power over him, but he never resisted. I drug him to dinner, to the movies, to the mall, to my family’s home, to concerts, to premieres, on set, off set, on camera, off camera, I didn’t like letting him go. The only times he’d say no was when work got in the way and I wasn’t bothered by this as I understood all too well the call of duty. Even though I told myself it was because I liked the power I really didn’t know why I disliked letting him go. One day I would tug too hard and he’d be the one who pulled away. I was sure of this, my greatest fear.
On stage everything was lights, noise, and laughter. It should have made everything worth it, but when I was honest with myself I accepted that Heechul was what made it all mean something more. He had fascinated me from the instant I laid eyes on him. Always doing what he wanted, it seemed like not once in his life had he ever truly known what his decision would be before he made it. Everything was on a whim or to appease someone other than himself. He was at the mercy of all the opinions which constantly swirled about him and I knew he was drowning. I never expected him to take my hand, to lead me into his life, but whenever he did I made sure to stay until he was tired of me. I knew he was never truly tired of me because he always came back. I knew I loved him because I was always waiting for him to return. I knew I was doomed because he had no clue he loved me.
I watched him flail and thrust about the stage. This was his way of ‘dancing’. I had tried to teach him moves, rhythm, but if he retained any of those lessons I never saw it on stage. His latest way to appease the masses was kissing on other members. I had yet to be on stage at the same time and witness it first hand but it made me sick to see the clips and articles the next day, to hear the fights between him and our manager that handled his PR. After the third kiss and subsequent fit thrown by the company he’d come to see me. We’d gotten trashed as per his request and he’d told me that he didn’t know why he did it. That he felt like he was searching for something. He said he liked the rush he got as the crowd cheered but hated the way his stomach dropped after he looked into the eyes of whichever friend he had kissed. I told him it wasn’t worth it if that’s what it felt like. He laughed and told me that next time he’d kiss me. We both just laughed. I didn’t know we were laughing for the same reason.
Of course I knew better than to kiss our angelic leader, but that didn’t stop me. He’d just finished singing and I’d just finished deciding I needed to know what his lips tasted like. I didn’t know if I needed to be singing because my heart was racing and making me dizzy as I stalked over to him. My elder by ten days never saw me coming and I pulled. Stumbling shocked and surprised into my arms I grinned at him and was surprised when he grinned back at me. As our eyes met I felt my heart jump into my throat then everything went black, in his eyes a sea of blue light sticks was reflected. His lips crashed against mine as we both lunged for one another at once. The kiss was so amazing I felt the earth move under my feet. I realized shortly thereafter he had been on his lowering platform, which meant we were both on it, and the song had ended so we’d been lowered offstage for costume change.
His tongue was in my mouth and it made me groan as I clutched at his ridiculously expensive outfit tugging it violently out of his pants so I could let my hands roam up his abdomen. It was his turn to groan and my arms slipped around his bare waist as he crushed me against him. The kiss was frantic. We devoured one another with no need for words or breaths. We heard voices, stage crew coming to check on why the hell we weren’t in the dressing rooms yet, but he just held me tighter, kissed me harder. As I heard voices die in throats and feet try to quietly back away a realization hit me so hard I gasped. I loved Jungsoo. Everything made sense. All that I had felt, good and bad, for years made sense. Biting at his lips and scratching at his back he hissed into my mouth and pinned me up against a pole. I cried out softly in the most extreme arousal I had ever felt in my life as I connected with the cold metal. My eyes fluttered open because he had stopped kissing me. He was apologizing, asking me if my head hurt from hitting the pole. I laughed softly and fell forward, boneless, burying my face in his neck, “I love you,” I explained since these words made everything make sense.
“I love you,” was all he said in reply and now I was the one who could barely stand, hugging onto him tightly and peppering his neck with kisses. I’d longed to say those words to him for ages but he had stolen my thunder and said them first. I couldn’t have cared less. “I love you,” I whispered breathlessly against his skin, “I’ve always loved you.” Something clattered to the ground behind us and I turned to see what it was, hugging the limp body closer to me as the man giggled. I was fairly certain he had a concussion but I hadn’t heard him connect with the pole so I hoped he was just as giddy and love drunk as I was. It was the stage manager coming to inspect the stories some of her underlings had told her. Her eyes were wide and her clip board on the ground at her feet. “We’ll be right there!” I called out cheerfully with a bright smile doing my best to hoist up Heechul who seemed to miraculously regain feeling in his legs, walking alongside me just fine. His arm remained firmly around my shoulders, mine about his waist.
We walked past the gawking woman and into the dimly lit hallway. Hearing him snort made me grin but hearing him burst into laughter was my undoing. Making our way down the hall, arms about each other laughing, my heart swelled and as we made our way to the dressing room that was loud with chatter about how ‘Heechul-hyung and Teukie-hyung were found kissing under the stage! No it’s true five guys saw them!’ the world still felt grand somehow. Our laughter died down as we drew closer and I knew they heard us coming because all the noise turned instantly to silence. I looked to the man beside me and saw all his faults, all his fears. Leaning in I whispered against his lips, “I love you,” and just like that all the fears left his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered back and I knew we’d get to the faults another night. We had the rest of our lives together after all.
Pairing: Eeteuk/Heechul
Rating: R - Tasteful Gore (yes it exists and it's really not that horrid ^^; or perhaps I'm warped), Language, and Kissing (...dur X3)
Warnings: If you're Catholic please excuse the blasphemy. Topics and pairing discussed within prove to be a mix of common and uncommon. Read this knowing meanings can be doubled. Try to leave preconceived notions at the cut ♥
Summary: The birth of love. An ever flowing circle of light and happiness surrounded by darkness, acting as it's own eternal wheel of flame.
Darkness laced with hatred that burned black as pitch surrounded me at all times but deep within my heart there was light. I curled around it while I laid about on cold stone so no one could see it. If they saw my light they would try and take it. Everyone here wanted light but I was the only one that had any. He’d given it to me, my Angel. It warmed my heart in a way that didn’t burn like the flames around me. Those black flames…they lapped at my skin day and night. I could never sleep because of the ice cold rocks beneath me and the black flame that burned me. This was the fate of the damned. Those who asked questions were sent here to burn always and never know peace. But I knew peace. I knew the light within my heart to be something perfect and pure. I felt his love and I felt my fear. If anyone knew I held his light within me and he held my fire within him then they would send him to burn alongside me here in the darkness of hell. His light would fade like mine had faded.
My cold hands clutched at my chest tightly to keep the light buried deep within. I groaned low in my throat at first then cried out in pain, my cries mixing with those around me. I had learned to ignore these sounds so I wouldn’t cry constantly for them as they constantly cried for themselves. My fingers were long and chilled like ice as they pierced my skin and ripped past my ribs to clutch at my heart. I couldn’t stop shaking and I coughed while I cried, blood falling past my lips unnoticed. Writhing on the freezing jagged stones which tore at my ragged robes and cut into my back and arms, I gasped for breath and rested finger tips gently upon my own heart that beat steadily beneath them. I could never die but I would always hurt and bleed. I could have endless pain and eternal life. I would burn in ice. That was the definition of hell: suffering and chaos.
But his love warmed my weakly throbbing heart. I laughed and soared into the air on ashen gray wings, feather tips singed by flames that danced up from the rocks. Fingers slid wet and red from my chest and slowly the holes closed. Blood stained me but I saw nothing but his pure white wings, his little dimple, behind my closed eyes. I was laughing and crying at once, flying up higher and higher until there were no more screams or pain, no more undulating bodies below, fucking and dying and rotting. There was no sound and the light about was dim with no discernible source. This between space was where we met. I could feel eyes boring into me but saw no faces. Hands seemed to tear at my flesh but there weren’t any limbs. The paranoia of hell resided within all it’s residents.
I felt him before I saw him. The warmth in my heart swelled within my chest and heated my body from head to toe. I reached out to him with a choked sob. Blood and dirt stained me and I knew I shouldn’t touch him, shouldn’t dirty him, but I needed him too badly to care. Melting into his arms which held me tightly, I could hear him crying and it made me cry harder. He hated to see my pain and suffering and I hated that in loving me he had to suffer, “I love you,” I choked through my sobs, “I love you.”
Each time we met those were the first words he told me. They fell from his lips easily and I knew he wasn’t lying, couldn’t possibly lie to me. “I love you,” always my first words to him, “I love you.” And I held him tightly against my breast, softly kissing his hair and rubbing his back as he sobbed. That war so long ago when I’d watched him fall, pushed him as we’d all been instructed to do, something in me had changed. His face was the very picture of terror as he realized his wings wouldn’t work, that as surely as he was falling something was also pulling him down. In seeing his face I too felt his fear and without thinking I jumped after him, but he was too far gone. I’d later be told I was too kind, congratulated and praised for always wanting to help and heal. They told me he couldn’t be helped any longer and to turn my focus to God’s new world which they all watched and sang to even though the people below could not hear them, but I still heard his screams.
His face was burned into my mind and I knew that when I had jumped flames of the newly formed hell must have licked at my breast and implanted in me a fire the likes of which I had never before felt. Such an event would explain quite clearly why I felt sick and my heart never stopped aching. It was once said that to love anyone but God was to love pain. His face made me a masochist. Never had a more beautiful being existed I decided as indeterminate time wore on. I began to plot how I might see him again, save him from hell’s fire as I had tried to do before, stopped by my fellow angel’s who laughed joyously as he cried. All I had heard in that moment were his sobs and screams. I wandered the vast heavens thinking over all the knowledge of the cosmos but always my thoughts ended with him. He who was perfect.
I knew to think these things was blasphemous, but if I was sent to hell I could see his face so I thought them without fear. The only punishment that could be delivered would be a blessing in disguise. Never had my home, the heaven of my God, felt so large and empty. Without him there at my side nothing made sense and all the rules I had known were slowly forgotten as I filled my mind with thoughts of his features, his laugh, his smile. These thoughts became indistinct, replaced by more morbid images that stoked the fire in my breast along with the need to save him. His tears were my tears and I wore them proudly on my cheeks, suffering within as he suffered throughout in hell. Prayers were merely words and songs useless noise. Food held no taste and the humans down below did not amuse me as they did everyone else. All of heaven’s joys were taken from me one by one until I resided always within my own personal hell, thinking always on him and how he might come be in my arms once more.
In the instant that I rejected heaven I felt something shift around me and I knew what to do as surely as I knew I loved him. Letting myself fall I was soon surrounded by gray nothingness. Light existed somehow and no sounds could be heard but this was only noticed by me in passing. He was there before me, my tattered and bleeding love. Tears trekked through the dirt on his cheeks as they fell and I too fell to his feet, clinging to him tightly and crying. His fingers ran through my hair as my hands gripped at his rags. We clutched at each other understanding everything and nothing about the beautifully terrifying emotion that swelled within us both. “I love you,” he had said. “I love you too,” I had told him. That was how it began and how it ended.
We knew that they would eventually stop us. That God and Lucifer would bore of watching us suffer then swell with a love so deep it changed our very souls. This was what they told us as we stood before them in the gray space. No one else was present at our judgment. I trembled softly but he held onto me, my angel was strong for us both even as his hands gripped tightly at my waist and his tears fell onto my hand that clutched at his breast. They told us that in loving one another we had slowly stopped caring about everything else. I no longer felt the pains of hell and he no longer delighted in the joys of heaven. Furthermore, they explained that no matter where they put us we could not feel the punishment or the pleasure we deserved.
Our love had changed the very fabric of time so that we might come together once more, so drawn to each other that even the powers of the Lord above had been unable to halt us. We silently marveled at how two such as us, angel and damned, could shift the fabric of something we hadn’t even created ourselves. God told us love was powerful. I asked him, “Is it stronger than You?” and watched as Lucifer laughed, felt my Angel hold me tighter. The Lord said nothing more to me. I might have felt cold had my angel not been holding onto me so tightly. “We cannot understand that which the Lord understands,” I heard my Angel say and saw God smile, but my Angel was not finished, “And the divine cannot understand what we feel.” Once more the Lord was silent and now Lucifer was no longer laughing.
I knew what I had said was true as surely as they themselves knew. He was shivering against me, my love, and I held him as tightly as I could. “Where will we go?” I asked for I wanted to know where I should take my love so that we might sit and speak, so that I might love him uninterrupted by the ignorant. The Lord told us we would be sent to Earth and as we fell our souls would drift apart and into the wombs of women. Then we would live and die. This process would repeat for all of time until our aged souls no longer knew one another at which point our souls would rest once more in heaven and hell respectively. The Lord still did not understand but I did and nodded knowing my soul was bonded to my love’s own so strongly nothing could part us, neither time nor death.
We were falling once more, locked in an eternal embrace destined to die only to be reborn. He was crying and clinging tightly to me. I kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, and finally he was quiet. Wind roared in our ears like the howls of the dying but I knew he heard me when I spoke, could see the understanding and the hope in his eyes, “I will die endless deaths and always know I love you. Forever will you be in my heart.” We kissed as we fell, his hands lost in my hair, my tongue lost in his mouth. This was how we would be from then on, lost and searching for each other, longing to be together once again. I had made him a promise and he had sealed our pact with his kiss. While we breathed we would search, and in searching know that we were not yet complete. Our love was that strong and always would be. Suddenly I was blind and I knew I was without him. Then I knew nothing but darkness and need.
Eeteuk smiled at me from across the stage. That ridiculous smile with it’s little dimple that had made my knees weak from the first day we’d met and every day after that. Something about him had always seemed different, special, and at first I envied him for it because everyone else seemed to see it too. As time passed I began to realize not everyone could see him like I did. He couldn’t hide from me, but this also meant I couldn’t hide from him. I never could figure out why that was and after a while stopped caring. We would draw close then I’d push us apart, becoming friendly only to be estranged once more by my brash nature and unforgiving tone.
As many times as I pushed him away, that was how many times I pulled him back. Time and time again he let me tug him to and fro. I knew all he had to do was resist and I would no longer have such power over him, but he never resisted. I drug him to dinner, to the movies, to the mall, to my family’s home, to concerts, to premieres, on set, off set, on camera, off camera, I didn’t like letting him go. The only times he’d say no was when work got in the way and I wasn’t bothered by this as I understood all too well the call of duty. Even though I told myself it was because I liked the power I really didn’t know why I disliked letting him go. One day I would tug too hard and he’d be the one who pulled away. I was sure of this, my greatest fear.
On stage everything was lights, noise, and laughter. It should have made everything worth it, but when I was honest with myself I accepted that Heechul was what made it all mean something more. He had fascinated me from the instant I laid eyes on him. Always doing what he wanted, it seemed like not once in his life had he ever truly known what his decision would be before he made it. Everything was on a whim or to appease someone other than himself. He was at the mercy of all the opinions which constantly swirled about him and I knew he was drowning. I never expected him to take my hand, to lead me into his life, but whenever he did I made sure to stay until he was tired of me. I knew he was never truly tired of me because he always came back. I knew I loved him because I was always waiting for him to return. I knew I was doomed because he had no clue he loved me.
I watched him flail and thrust about the stage. This was his way of ‘dancing’. I had tried to teach him moves, rhythm, but if he retained any of those lessons I never saw it on stage. His latest way to appease the masses was kissing on other members. I had yet to be on stage at the same time and witness it first hand but it made me sick to see the clips and articles the next day, to hear the fights between him and our manager that handled his PR. After the third kiss and subsequent fit thrown by the company he’d come to see me. We’d gotten trashed as per his request and he’d told me that he didn’t know why he did it. That he felt like he was searching for something. He said he liked the rush he got as the crowd cheered but hated the way his stomach dropped after he looked into the eyes of whichever friend he had kissed. I told him it wasn’t worth it if that’s what it felt like. He laughed and told me that next time he’d kiss me. We both just laughed. I didn’t know we were laughing for the same reason.
Of course I knew better than to kiss our angelic leader, but that didn’t stop me. He’d just finished singing and I’d just finished deciding I needed to know what his lips tasted like. I didn’t know if I needed to be singing because my heart was racing and making me dizzy as I stalked over to him. My elder by ten days never saw me coming and I pulled. Stumbling shocked and surprised into my arms I grinned at him and was surprised when he grinned back at me. As our eyes met I felt my heart jump into my throat then everything went black, in his eyes a sea of blue light sticks was reflected. His lips crashed against mine as we both lunged for one another at once. The kiss was so amazing I felt the earth move under my feet. I realized shortly thereafter he had been on his lowering platform, which meant we were both on it, and the song had ended so we’d been lowered offstage for costume change.
His tongue was in my mouth and it made me groan as I clutched at his ridiculously expensive outfit tugging it violently out of his pants so I could let my hands roam up his abdomen. It was his turn to groan and my arms slipped around his bare waist as he crushed me against him. The kiss was frantic. We devoured one another with no need for words or breaths. We heard voices, stage crew coming to check on why the hell we weren’t in the dressing rooms yet, but he just held me tighter, kissed me harder. As I heard voices die in throats and feet try to quietly back away a realization hit me so hard I gasped. I loved Jungsoo. Everything made sense. All that I had felt, good and bad, for years made sense. Biting at his lips and scratching at his back he hissed into my mouth and pinned me up against a pole. I cried out softly in the most extreme arousal I had ever felt in my life as I connected with the cold metal. My eyes fluttered open because he had stopped kissing me. He was apologizing, asking me if my head hurt from hitting the pole. I laughed softly and fell forward, boneless, burying my face in his neck, “I love you,” I explained since these words made everything make sense.
“I love you,” was all he said in reply and now I was the one who could barely stand, hugging onto him tightly and peppering his neck with kisses. I’d longed to say those words to him for ages but he had stolen my thunder and said them first. I couldn’t have cared less. “I love you,” I whispered breathlessly against his skin, “I’ve always loved you.” Something clattered to the ground behind us and I turned to see what it was, hugging the limp body closer to me as the man giggled. I was fairly certain he had a concussion but I hadn’t heard him connect with the pole so I hoped he was just as giddy and love drunk as I was. It was the stage manager coming to inspect the stories some of her underlings had told her. Her eyes were wide and her clip board on the ground at her feet. “We’ll be right there!” I called out cheerfully with a bright smile doing my best to hoist up Heechul who seemed to miraculously regain feeling in his legs, walking alongside me just fine. His arm remained firmly around my shoulders, mine about his waist.
We walked past the gawking woman and into the dimly lit hallway. Hearing him snort made me grin but hearing him burst into laughter was my undoing. Making our way down the hall, arms about each other laughing, my heart swelled and as we made our way to the dressing room that was loud with chatter about how ‘Heechul-hyung and Teukie-hyung were found kissing under the stage! No it’s true five guys saw them!’ the world still felt grand somehow. Our laughter died down as we drew closer and I knew they heard us coming because all the noise turned instantly to silence. I looked to the man beside me and saw all his faults, all his fears. Leaning in I whispered against his lips, “I love you,” and just like that all the fears left his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered back and I knew we’d get to the faults another night. We had the rest of our lives together after all.