20 Random Facts about Rita Skeeter
Written for hp_random_facts, Round Seven
Rating: PG-13
Words: 545
Pairings: Snape/Rita Skeeter; Rita Skeeter/Unknown Character
1. Rita was a Hufflepuff, but strongly implies she was Slytherin.
2. Green is her colour, and silver goes well with it. So what?
3. Rita has an uncle who’s a squib and works as a hairdresser.
4. She taught herself to read at age 4, from the Muggle tabloids and women’s magazines at Uncle Damian’s salon.
5. Early in her third year, the Muggle Studies professor got some facts about Muggle customs completely wrong, as Rita well knew.
She pointed this out in her homework essay. The professor gave her a “T” and detention.
It was a mistake she never made again.
6. The only class at Hogwarts Rita worked really hard in was Potions, because she wanted to be invited into the Slug Club.
She succeeded, and it paid off.
7. Apart from Potions, the only NEWT classes Rita took were History of Magic and Muggle Studies, where you could get an “O” by winging it, which she did.
8. Since Rita has become a bestselling book author, she doesn’t write articles for the “Prophet” anymore, at least not signed ones.
9. Her most successful book to date is “Severus Snape: Scoundrel or Saint?”
10. Rita’s main source of information on Snape was Narcissa Malfoy.
11. A major selling point of the book was Chapter 14, in which an “anonymous source” gives a lovingly detailed report of her short, yet torrid affair with 20year-old Snape, emphasizing on his stamina and kinkiness.
12. The anonymous source was actually Rita herself; after Lily got married, Snape was playing the field a bit.
13. He brought the youthful stamina, she brought the kink.
14. Narcissa doesn’t know this yet, but while interviewing her about Snape, Rita also gathered a lot of info for her next tell-all book: “The Malfoys: Decline of a Dark Family”.
15. When Rita flies in her Beetle Animagus form, she burns a lot of calories, so the beetle has to eat. It’s a scarab, therefore naturally coprophagous.
16. Rita spends a lot of money on mouthwash.
17. Rita has collected enough material for an 800+ pages book about her nemesis, Hermione Granger; but as she would have to register as an Animagus before actually publishing it, she has decided it wouldn’t be worth the trouble.
For now.
(But she continues to keep notes).
18. For years now, Rita has had a secret lover, who is very influential in the Wizarding world and might or might not be married.
If the affair ever became public knowledge, it would cause a major scandal, but Rita can be as discreet as can be, if she wants to.
19. In 1977, Rita was invited to an informal meeting of the Death Eaters.
She chose to play dumb and pretend thinking she was at a normal party. They fell for it: nobody asked her to join, and she could leave in peace. Immediately afterwards, she wrote down the names of everyone in attendance and everything that was said.
The document still lays in her lawyer’s safe. Of the names on her list, three belong to people who never even came under suspicion.
20. Rita can wait a long time, when it comes to calling in favours and collecting debts, but she always does it in the end.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 545
Pairings: Snape/Rita Skeeter; Rita Skeeter/Unknown Character
1. Rita was a Hufflepuff, but strongly implies she was Slytherin.
2. Green is her colour, and silver goes well with it. So what?
3. Rita has an uncle who’s a squib and works as a hairdresser.
4. She taught herself to read at age 4, from the Muggle tabloids and women’s magazines at Uncle Damian’s salon.
5. Early in her third year, the Muggle Studies professor got some facts about Muggle customs completely wrong, as Rita well knew.
She pointed this out in her homework essay. The professor gave her a “T” and detention.
It was a mistake she never made again.
6. The only class at Hogwarts Rita worked really hard in was Potions, because she wanted to be invited into the Slug Club.
She succeeded, and it paid off.
7. Apart from Potions, the only NEWT classes Rita took were History of Magic and Muggle Studies, where you could get an “O” by winging it, which she did.
8. Since Rita has become a bestselling book author, she doesn’t write articles for the “Prophet” anymore, at least not signed ones.
9. Her most successful book to date is “Severus Snape: Scoundrel or Saint?”
10. Rita’s main source of information on Snape was Narcissa Malfoy.
11. A major selling point of the book was Chapter 14, in which an “anonymous source” gives a lovingly detailed report of her short, yet torrid affair with 20year-old Snape, emphasizing on his stamina and kinkiness.
12. The anonymous source was actually Rita herself; after Lily got married, Snape was playing the field a bit.
13. He brought the youthful stamina, she brought the kink.
14. Narcissa doesn’t know this yet, but while interviewing her about Snape, Rita also gathered a lot of info for her next tell-all book: “The Malfoys: Decline of a Dark Family”.
15. When Rita flies in her Beetle Animagus form, she burns a lot of calories, so the beetle has to eat. It’s a scarab, therefore naturally coprophagous.
16. Rita spends a lot of money on mouthwash.
17. Rita has collected enough material for an 800+ pages book about her nemesis, Hermione Granger; but as she would have to register as an Animagus before actually publishing it, she has decided it wouldn’t be worth the trouble.
For now.
(But she continues to keep notes).
18. For years now, Rita has had a secret lover, who is very influential in the Wizarding world and might or might not be married.
If the affair ever became public knowledge, it would cause a major scandal, but Rita can be as discreet as can be, if she wants to.
19. In 1977, Rita was invited to an informal meeting of the Death Eaters.
She chose to play dumb and pretend thinking she was at a normal party. They fell for it: nobody asked her to join, and she could leave in peace. Immediately afterwards, she wrote down the names of everyone in attendance and everything that was said.
The document still lays in her lawyer’s safe. Of the names on her list, three belong to people who never even came under suspicion.
20. Rita can wait a long time, when it comes to calling in favours and collecting debts, but she always does it in the end.