Illustrated Fic: La La How the Life Goes On
Title: La La How the Life Goes On
Words by: secret_weapon
Art by: littlewolfstar
Summary: When Pavel said that he wanted eight children so they needed to start right now, Hikaru thought he was joking.
Pairings: Sulu/Chekov, Spock/Uhura [background JKirk/Carol Marcus and implied Kirk/Bones]
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Loads and loads of Chulu babies. Seriously, if you do not like baby!fic do not read this.
Notes: I found this video and this fic grew out of a cracky conversation with littlewolfstar. So this is for her: my evil, evil bb!fic partner in crime.
Special thanks to crystalshard for the beta.
La La How the Life Goes On
When Pavel said that he wanted eight children so they needed to start right now, Hikaru thought he was joking.
Demora
Hikaru still thinks that it's all an elaborate plan thought up by his mother to get grandchildren - showing Pavel all of Hikaru's baby videos and pictures and then backing him up when he decided that eighteen was a perfectly good age to start having children. Hikaru is not entirely sure how Pavel managed to talk him into it, although now Demora is here Hikaru wouldn't take her back for the world.
Demora's pulling at Hikaru's ukulele. He still feels incredibly dorky when he plays it, but Demora likes it and he's fast learning that he'll do anything to make his little girl smile.
Pavel likes it as well. In fact it was probably that video of Hikaru with a ukulele that set this whole thing off.
Pavel picks up both Demi and the ukulele and sits down next to Hikaru. 'Obabee!' says Demi.
Hikaru takes the ukulele and pretends to be annoyed. 'I'm not your personal music player,' he says, sighing exaggeratedly. 'Do you expect me to drop everything to sing to you?'
Demi looks up at Pavel, a look that is far too knowing for a child not yet two. 'Da,' she says. 'Papa! Obabee!'
'She wants to hear her song,' Pavel says. 'Poor little Demi, her Daddy is so mean! He won’t even play his little girl her song.'
'Poor Demi,' says Demi pouting, and then she puts her hands over her face and giggles, peeking through them at Hikaru.
Hikaru reaches over and plucks her out of Pavel's arms. 'What will you give me if I sing you a song?' he asks her.
'Chu!' she says, holding out her arms.
'Now there’s an offer I can't refuse,' he says, and bends his head down so she can kiss his cheek.
He props her up in between himself and Pavel and starts to play the old song that his little girl loves.
'Oh-bla-di Oh-blah-da
Life goes on; La -
La la how the life goes on '
Demi reaches forward as he does to tap the ukulele. He's noticed her doing this a couple of times before and wants to try something. He starts to play a little faster, turning up the tempo a notch. As he suspects, Demora's tapping gets faster as well.
'No, Demi!' says Pavel. 'Stop that!'
'Wait,' says Hikaru. 'Can't you see what she's doing?'
Pavel stops with his hand still reaching for their baby and looks at him quizzically. 'What?'
'She's keeping time!'
Pavel watches her little hands tap out rhythms and beats on Hikaru's ukulele and then he sighs. 'I suppose when she is older she will be wanting a drum set. Eh, we must wait to see if the next one has inherited her Daddy's talent.'
Hikaru chooses not to mention that other than trying to make his brother's life hell, his fifteenth summer had been spent learning to play the drums and starting a 'rock-band' in his garage because the ukulele wasn't quite as cool as it had been when he was younger.
'Isn't it a little early to be thinking about the next one?' Hikaru jokes but Pavel doesn't laugh. He turns a shade paler and clears his throat like he's nervous.
Hikaru stops playing. Demora whines and smacks his hand. 'Lele, Daddy!' she says.
Hikaru puts the ukulele down, picks her up and places her in Pavel's lap. 'We kept putting off getting that procedure reversed,' he says.
Pavel hugs Demora to him. 'Is not as if we did not want more,' he says. 'I would not want Demi to be a lonely child like me.'
'You mean an only child?'
'No,' says Pavel. 'I meant lonely.'
'Papa sad,' says Demi, looking up at Hikaru with Pavel's eyes. 'Daddy, chu!'
Hikaru ruffles her hair and leans over her to kiss her Papa. 'Aww, don't look like that, baby. I'm not mad or anything. Besides, I figure Demi would like to be a big sister.'
Pavel smiles but his lower lip trembles a little so Hikaru pulls both of them into his arms. 'How far gone are you?'
'Three months,' say Pavel snuggling against his chest. 'I saw the doctor today. I suspected but he confirmed it.'
Hikaru kisses the top of his head. 'Do you want to tell the Captain you'll be needing maternity leave again, or should I?'
Kimiko
Kimmi walks and talks about four months earlier than Demi did. Not that Demi was late or anything. Doctor McCoy tells them that thirteen months is a perfectly respectable time, but Kimiko is rather exceptionally bright.
'She is in the ninety fifth percentile!' Pavel tells anyone who will listen. Usually Spock, because he finds the girls fascinating and is a surprisingly willing babysitter. Uhura loves the girls too but is a bit wary of Spock's doting on them. Sometimes he starts talking about repopulating his race and things get tense between them.
Pavel won’t let Jim babysit after the time they came back to find that the Captain had let the girls try to paint their room purple.
There's still a purple stripe at about knee length across one corner.
Kimiko is a quieter child than Demora. Instead of screaming when she wakes up, she's quite happy to lay in her crib until either of her fathers wake up, or as happens more often than not, her big sister comes crashing onto their bed.
When Demi bounces in between Hikaru and Pavel on those rare mornings when neither of them have to be up early, Kimmi will start to whimper. Pavel will get up to fetch her and the four of them will stay there for a while.
Hikaru thinks this might be his favourite time of all. Pavel dozing slightly with his head resting against Hikaru's shoulder, Demi squeezed between them chattering in a terribly self-important manner and Kimmi nodding along as if what Demi has to say is terribly important.
Today Demora wants to be a pilot. It usually changes once every two weeks but 'pilot' has been coming back with some regularity and Hikaru is ridiculously pleased with this.
'Daddy! Uncle Jimmy said when I get older I can be helmsman of the Enterprise!' she says. 'And I said that's where Daddy sits and he said that by that time you will be old and retarded.'
'Retired!' Pavel says without opening his eyes. 'Retired.'
'Wetired,' says Kimmi.
'Is that like tired?' asks Demora. 'Like how Dr Bones is old and tired.'
'Dr McCoy is not old and tired,' says Pavel. 'Where do you learn such things?'
'He told me!' Demi protests. 'Daddy, tell Papa it's true! When we went to sickbay last week when you had an owie! He said he was too old and tired for this sh-'
'Dammit Jim!' says Kimmi happily.
Pavel opens his eyes and looks at Hikaru and they start to laugh. They'll have to have a word with Bones about what he says around the girls, but even though it's wrong it's kind of adorable.
Pavel gets up. 'Why don't you show your Daddy that dance Auntie Nyota taught you?' he says to Demi. 'While I wash this madam's mouth with soap!' He pinches the tip of Kimmi's nose.
'Papaaaa!' she says, which means she needs the potty.
While Pavel sorts out Kimiko, Hikaru tries to get Demi to show him the dance but she wrinkles her nose.
'Dancing is booooring!' she says. 'Daddy, you promised you'd teach me a new beat.'
Finally tired of having Demi bang on every surface available, they'd given in and bought her a little drum set last year. She might just be the youngest, cutest rocker there is.
'I said on Sunday, Demi. What day is it today?'
'Saturday,' she says pouting. 'Can we play the Obladi song then?'
She always has a backup plan. Always negotiating. Always trying to get her way - one way, or another.
'You're just like your Papa,' he tells her, but he agrees because he can’t not play her song when she's asked for it and he's long stopped caring about how dorky his ukulele is.
Demi accompanies him on her drums - and she's really getting good at them - when Pavel comes back with Kimmi.
He sits down on the floor cross-legged to watch them with Kimmi on his lap, smiling in that way that makes Hikaru's heart clench. Kimmi wiggles out of his arms and stands up, and then she starts to twirl, twisting her arms above her head in time to the music.
Hikaru stops playing. Pavel gawks at her open mouthed - looking exactly how Hikaru feels.
'What?' asks Hikaru. 'Is that?'
'Oh that?' says Demi, disgruntled. 'That's the dance Auntie Nyota was teaching me. Isn't it boring? Daddy, why did you stop?'
Kimiko looks at them confused. 'Obadi?' she asks.
Kimmi's never shown any sort of interest in Demi's drums or Hikaru's ukulele or Spock's harp or any of the other instruments the crew play. She likes to sit and listen, swaying slightly, obviously moved by the music but with no desire to actually create any.
Hikaru laughs. 'Alright, Kimmi,' he says. 'Do that again and I'll play Obadi. Looks like you'll have to wait for the next one, Pavel.'
Pavel smiles that nervous, tremulous smile Hikaru's seen before and clears his throat. 'Yes, about that - '
The Twins
Pavel tells the girls that he asked the pixies to give them one baby brother each. The first time he tells this story Demora asks if he means Uncle Spock, because Dr Bones said he was a pixie.
Hikaru isn't looking forward to the time when Demi hits her teens. He can tell she'll be trouble.
Demi takes charge of Anton and Kimmi of Mikhail. Hikaru wonders if their personalities have rubbed off on the boys. Anton - Tosha - is the more adventurous twin, always climbing out of his cot and squeezing into corners to see what’s there. Once they managed to lose him down a Jeffries tube. Hikaru is ninety percent sure that Demi had something to do with that.
Misha’s clingier, more hesitant. He takes his lead from his brother, who’s older by fifteen minutes. Usually, if you see Misha hanging back with an anxious expression, it means Tosha is up to some mischief nearby. Misha unfailingly knows where his brother is. Kimmi’s gentler temperament is probably just what Mikhail needs. She stops Demora from pressuring him into her mad schemes. While Tosha will jump head first wherever she points, Kimiko’s there to assure Misha that it’s okay to sit this one out.
Misha’s the snuggler, although if Tosha sees his brother getting a cuddle he wants one too.
Pavel is trying to teach the girls how to play the piano. He wants them to learn how to play a ‘real’ instrument, something that Demi takes great offense to. Her drums are real, thank you very much. She endures piano lessons as if it’s a great ordeal and practice is a horrible punishment that she has to be ordered to do. Her only motivation is to be better than Kimmi.
Kimmi’s more eager to please her Papa than Demi is, so she tries hard even though she prefers her dancing and her castanets.
She’s as competitive as Demi but more sneaky about it.
The twins have started to bang on the keyboard copying their sisters, so Hikaru gets them a little one they can break.
Demora’s chasing Anton about the room. ‘Give that back!’ she screams at him. ‘My drum sticks are not toys! Daddy! Make him give them back!’
Anton’s fast but his legs are shorter. Demi grabs his arm and snatches the drumsticks back. She smacks him hard.
‘Hey!’ says Hikaru. ‘Stop that!’
Anton starts to cry. ‘Daddy, owie!’ he says pointing at his arm.
‘Demora, what did I tell you about not hitting your brother?’ Hikaru says kneeling down to comfort him. ‘Give me your drum sticks.’
‘But Daddy -‘
‘Now, Demora.’
‘It isn’t fair.’
‘Give them to me now and you’ll get them back tonight. If I have to take them from you I’ll keep them all week.’
‘You always take his side!’ she complains but gives Hikaru the drum sticks and then stomps off to the room that the girls share. ‘I hate everybody!’ she announced from the door. ‘You’re all stupid heads.’
Kimmi giggles. She’s putting butterfly shaped hair clips into Misha’s hair. The little boy waits patiently. Hikaru knows that as soon as she lets go of him he’ll take them out and hide them under sofa cushions and beds.
Tosha tugs on Hikaru’s hair to get his attention. ‘Ow! What?’
‘Owie!’ he says pointing at his arm. The red mark is already fading.
Hikaru kisses it and then the boy’s tear streaked face. ‘Better now?’
‘Up!’ Hikaru picks him up. ‘Demi bad,’ Tosha whispers in his ear.
‘Very bad,’ Hikaru agrees. Misha whines as Kimmi pulls on his hair a bit. ‘Kimmi, stop it! You’re hurting him. Take those out of his hair now. You know he’ll lose them.’
The boys’ hair is like Pavel’s - wild and unruly full of soft little curls. Kimmi’s hair is curly too but more manageable.
Misha wriggles out of Kimmi’s grasp and toddles over to Hikaru, butterflies still in his hair. ‘Owie?’ he says hopefully, tugging on his trouser leg.
Hikaru laughs but picks him up and gives him a kiss anyway.
Kimmi looks up. ‘Papa’s back.’
‘How did the scan go?’ Hikaru asks as Pavel comes in.
‘Usual,’ Pavel says. He’s six months pregnant with their fifth child now. Hikaru is starting to feel a little overwhelmed, but Pavel’s insistent that they can cope. Hikaru would have liked to go with him, but taking all four children to sick bay is generally not a good idea. Especially because the twins have just been given booster shots and now scream every time they see Bones.
‘Where’s Demi?’ Pavel asks.
‘I haaaaate Daddy!’ Demi supplies helpfully from her room. ‘Daddy’s mean!’
‘Demi bad!’ says Tosha. ‘Tosha owie!’
Pavel raises his eyebrows and takes Tosha from Hikaru. ‘What did you do to her? Hmm? In Russia we have a saying - it takes two to dance the waltz.’
‘He stole her drum sticks,’ says Kimmi. ‘But she’s dumb. She should just hide them like I hide my castanets!’
‘You’re dumb!’ shouts Demi. ‘You’re dumb and your head is dumb and your dancing is dumb!’
‘Your drums are dumb and your face is dumb!’
Hikaru hands Misha over to Pavel, ‘Oh well, time for my shift! You sure everything’s okay, baby?’
Pavel nods. ‘Just go, you Cossack. Abandon me with these monsters.’
Hikaru kisses him over the twins’ heads. ‘Love you.’
Pavel smiles back, ‘I love y -Kimmi! Put that down!’
Hikaru makes his escape while he can.
When he comes back, he hears the keyboard and frowns. The girls’ practice time isn’t for another hour. How Pavel has managed to get them to do more is obviously evidence of some form of mind control.
He recognizes the familiar chorus of the old song that Demi loves and smiles. That explains it.
It isn’t the girls. They’re in their room and from the sound of it they’re playing space pirates. Pavel’s curled up on the couch, dozing and the twins are sitting on the floor in front of the girls’ abandoned keyboard playing the ‘Obladi song’.
They’re too small to reach the range they need so they play it together, Tosha taking the high notes and Misha the low ones, tongues poking out a little in concentration. They’ve never looked so much like Pavel before and Hikaru has to blink away sudden tears.
Hikaru walks over to Pavel quietly so as not to disturb them and kisses his forehead. He holds a finger to his lips as Pavel wakes up and then points at the twins.
‘When did you teach them to do that?’ he whispers.
Pavel’s go very wide and he looks impossibly young - far too young to be their father. ‘I didn’t,’ he whispers back. ‘They must have - oh - ,’ he puts a hand to his stomach as the baby kicks. ‘This one’s strong,’ he mutters.
Hikaru moves to sit down next to Pavel and puts his arm around him, ‘How about we wait a couple of years before the next one?’
Pavel looks at him curiously. ‘You mean -‘
‘You want eight, don’t you?’ Hikaru says. ‘I know you, Pavel. You’re going to get what you want one way or the other, so we need to stop messing about, okay? Let’s just pace them, yeah? Give ourselves a break?’
Pavel puts his head on Hikaru’s shoulder and hugs him close. ‘Okay,’ he says and then laughs a little. ‘It took you six years to realize this.’
‘Better late than never though, right?’ says Hikaru, settling down to watch the twins.
‘Late?’ says Pavel scoffing. ‘I was going to say you caught on faster than I thought you would.’
Jamie
There’s a persistent tapping at the door. Hikaru knows who it is before he opens it. Uhura’s son doesn’t quite understand that you’re supposed to knock and then wait. According to three year old logic, if knocking on a door means someone will open it, the only thing to do is to keep knocking until they do.
‘Hello Jarock,’ he says. Jarock’s tall for his age - he’s taller than the twins despite being six months younger.
‘Hello Uncle Hikaru. I have come to play. I have brought Sir Ichabod and a tambourine for this purpose!’ he says and holds out his toy sehlat and the instrument.
Hikaru steps aside to let him in. ‘What happened to the lute?’
Spock has been teaching his son the Vulcan lute. Unfortunately Jarock seems more interested in a different sort of string instrument and lutes should not be treated like guitars. Jarock’s been eyeing Hikaru’s ukulele these days and Hikaru would offer to teach him but is slightly afraid of breaking Spock’s heart.
‘A lute is unsuitable for our social interactions,’ says Jarock solemnly. Before Hikaru can ask what he means his own brood tumble out of the opposite room.
‘Aha!’ says Demi. ‘I knew you’d find one!’ She takes the tambourine from Jarock and puts it on her head. ‘I am the tambourine monster!’ she announces. ‘I will eat your souls!’
‘Oh noes!’ Kimmi deadpans. ‘Not the tambourine monster!’
‘You said I could be the tambourine monster!’ Jarock protests.
‘You can have my sword!’ Demora offers as a compromise and throws the toy at him. ‘Run!’
Tosha grabs Jarock’s sehlat. ‘Sir Ichabod will save us!’
‘No!’ Misha says holding up his and his brother’s identical stuffed rabbits. ‘The bunnybots will save us!’
‘I’m a pirate!’ Jarock shouts waving Demora’s sword over his head. He jumps onto the coffee table. ‘This is my ship! Everybody look at me! I’m on a ship!’
‘Everybody out!’ Hikaru says. ‘Go on! Rec Room five! I’ll come to see what you’re doing in twenty minutes, and if you’re not there, no playtime for a week. Demora, you’re in charge. If you lose anyone - and I mean anyone -‘
Pavel sticks his head round the door of their bedroom. ‘If you are good there will be cake,’ he says. ‘Otherwise not so much.’
‘Can there be ice-cream?’ asks Kimmi.
‘There may be,’ says Pavel. ‘It depends on how good you are.’
There’s the rather lengthy process of gathering up of stuffed animals and toy swords and phasers, and sending them to the bathroom, because if they don’t go now they’ll want to go three minutes after they’ve left. Hikaru has to find some string to tie the tambourine to Demi’s head because it keeps falling off, but finally they all stampede away.
‘You shouldn’t bribe them all the time,’ Hikaru says to Pavel.
‘It works, doesn’t it?’ Pavel says smugly.
A tug on his pants makes Hikaru look down. ‘All gone?’ asks their youngest.
‘Yeah,’ says Hikaru picking her up. ‘All gone. Poor little Jamie, they always forget you.’
Jamie blows a raspberry in the direction of the door. ‘Cossacks!’ she says.
Hikaru turns to Pavel. ‘Who’s responsible for this?’
Pavel shrugs. ‘Technically, it is not a bad word,’ he says.
‘Fuckers!’ says Jamie.
Pavel’s mouth drops open. ‘I don’t know where she heard that!’
‘That’s a bad word Jamie,’ Hikaru says. ‘You’re not to say it again! Do you understand? Bad!’
He can tell that she doesn’t really understand what he’s saying, but she knows what bad means and that she’s being scolded. Her eyes fill with easy tears and she holds out her arms.
‘Cuddle!’ she wails.
Hikaru sighs. ‘You’re just like your Papa,’ he tells her.
She sniffles. ‘Papa! Cuddle!’
‘Why is it,’ Pavel asks, taking Jamie from Hikaru, ‘that whenever they are bad they are like me?’
‘I was a good kid,’ says Hikaru. ‘Ask anyone.’
Pavel cradles Jamie, holding her to him. ‘Poor little thing,’ he says. Jamie looks at Hikaru piteously and sniffs exaggeratedly, clinging to Pavel like a limpet.
‘Alright, alright!’ says Hikaru. ‘You’re a silly girl!’ He hugs her and her Papa to him.
‘Chu!’ she says, little fists gripping his uniform tight. Hikaru kisses her cheek and then he kisses Pavel as well.
Pavel grins at him. ‘Your Daddy is just a big softie,’ he says to Jamie.
Jamie’s given name is James, after the Captain. Pavel had promised they’d call the next one James after Kirk had carried Hikaru back after he’d almost been ripped in half by a Krytonian tiger - he still has the scars on his back to prove it. Hikaru knows that he could have died. He’d been critical for a week and Pavel had gone into early labour out of anxiety. Jamie is the only child whose birth Hikaru wasn’t present for and he still feels a little guilty.
Jamie had been born while he was unconscious and Pavel had decided that a promise was a promise and called the baby James, despite the fact that it was a girl. Kirk told Hikaru that he wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or insulted.
Jamie’s showing signs of being the child who will actually want to play the ukulele rather than just listen to it. The other four have all had a go at some point but have drifted back to their own preference.
Jamie’s fascinated by it, she’ll watch Hikaru’s fingers as they form the chords and reach out to touch the strings herself. They’ve seen her playing “air-ukulele” to herself and as soon as she’s a little older Hikaru thinks he’ll get a specially made little one for her.
Jamie is like her Papa though. She doesn’t mind when the others run off and leave her even though she cries sometimes. She’s quite happy to have her fathers’ undivided attention when she can. The very antithesis of her namesake, she’s a shy child; she doesn’t take to people she doesn’t know well easily and clings to Pavel, burying her face in his neck at the sight of a stranger. Maybe a little brother or sister will be good for her. Help her come out of her shell a bit.
Hikaru kisses Pavel again and strokes Jamie’s hair. ‘Hey baby?’ he asks. ‘What do you say we make it an even six?’
Hiroki
They all know that the Captain has a son. They also know that he’s been trying to get access for years, but they’re still surprised when he mentions that David will be spending Jim’s two months of shore leave with him.
‘Does his mother know?’ McCoy asks pointedly.
‘Yes!’ says Jim peevishly. ‘Look, she doesn’t want him flying about on the ship, okay? But I won’t be on the ship, so it’s all cool.’
It’s the day after they’ve landed and Jim insisted on taking everyone - everyone being McCoy, Hikaru and Pavel, the others having flaked out - for a drink. They’ve left the kids with Hikaru’s parents, but Pavel is still distracted. He’s messaging Hikaru’s sister frantically on his PADD.
‘She is asking if you know where the wild things are!’ Pavel says sounding faintly hysterical. ‘Is this some joke? Is she taking my children to see some wild things?’
Hikaru stifles a laugh and rubs his back, ‘Calm down, baby! It’s a book.’
‘A book?’
‘Yeah, my Mom used to read it to us when we were li -‘ Jim howls suddenly and downs his shot and then reaches over and downs everyone else’s.
There is a stunned, uncomfortable silence where they look at each other, carefully avoiding Jim’s gaze until Pavel’s communicator vibrates. He takes it hesitantly and glances at the message. Then he shrieks and bolts out of the bar, communicator to his ear.
‘Stuck? What do you mean, stuck ?!’
McCoy motions vehemently toward Jim, who is hunched over clutching at his hair- and leaves, presumably to refill their drinks. Hikaru swallows and touches Jim’s shoulder lightly. ‘Uh - are you worried she might not let you have him?’
‘What if he doesn’t like me?’ Jim whispers quietly. ‘What if he doesn’t want to come?’
Hikaru looks over to the bar and glowers at McCoy’s back. He’s the Captain’s best friend. He should be doing this.
‘You’ve - uh- met him before,’ Hikaru points out. ‘You talk to him, right? Over the video -‘
‘It’s really awkward!’ Jim says looking up at Hikaru with wild eyes. ‘I ask him how he’s been and he answers in two words or less. I’m going to fuck this up I know it!’
‘Hey now!’ says Hikaru wishing Pavel were back. He’s better at this. ‘C’mon, you gotta give yourself a chance - uh - if you need any advice or anything me and Pavel would be happy to help.’
‘You would?’
‘Yeah, I guess.’ Jim looks a lot less distraught all of a sudden. Hikaru’s beginning to feel like he’s been had.
‘What are you doing tomorrow?’
‘Um -I’m not - ‘
‘You guys couldn’t come with me, could you? If Carol saw I was good with the kids - I mean I am good with the kids, right? They - they do like me?’ he falters.
Hikaru is pretty sure that he has been had at this point, although he’s sure that the Captain’s distress is genuine. But he supposes that they can spare a few hours for a friend. He sighs.
‘Stop being so fucking melodramatic. You know they love their Uncle Jimmy. We’ll be there - just tell us where and when.’
As expected Jim brightens at this and grins widely. Then unexpectedly, he hugs Hikaru - a big tackle hug that almost knocks him off his chair.
‘Oof,’ Hikaru protests. ‘Knock it off! People are gonna think I agreed to marry you or something!’
‘Hikaaaru!’
Hikaru shoves Jim off him. Pavel sounds terrified - this is more than general anxiety and Hikaru is gripped by fear that something awful has happened to one of the children.
‘What? What’s wrong?’
‘It’s Tosha!’
They’re always saying that one day that boy is going to put himself in hospital. Hikaru grabs Pavel’s arm. His hands are shaking. Oh please he thinks. Please let it just be Pavel over-reacting. Please. ‘What? Baby, please - what?'
'He has his head stuck in the stairs!'
It takes a second for this to register. 'He has his what stuck where?'
'The railings! Of the staircase! Oh, Hikaru! He is so scared! We have to go back now!'
Hikaru laughs with relief. Jim chuckles behind him. Pavel glares at them. 'Is not funny!' he says. 'My poor baby.'
Hikaru releases his grip on Pavel and slings an arm around his shoulders. 'Alright, let’s go,' he says. His mind conjures up images of everyone at home panicking and shrieking, and everyone offering opinions and suggestions at the top of their voices. He isn’t sure whether he should be more amused or alarmed.
'I'll call you!' Jim yells after them as they leave and Hikaru nods and waves.
'What is that about?' Pavel asks biting at his thumbnail, the way he does when he's scared.
'I'll tell you once we've got Tosha's head back,' says Hikaru. 'Why did he put it there in the first place?'
'How should I know?' asks Pavel. 'He is five. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time!'
'I think I know who will know,' mutters Hikaru and calls his sister. 'Haruka? Let me talk to Demora for a minute -'
*
Hiroki has two volumes. Loud and Oh-dear-god-who's-murdering-that-child?
Right now, he wants his spider shoes, and he won’t leave without them.
'No!' he shouts, pushing away the red ones that Hikaru offers him instead. 'No! Daddy, thpider! Spider!'
Hikaru winces. 'Come on Hiro, be a good boy. Don't you want to see Uncle Jimmy?'
Hiro sniffles. 'Spider?'
'I will find your spider shoes as soon as we get back,' Hikaru promises.
'Naaaaaaaaaaooo!' wails Hiro. 'Daddy! Spider!'
Hikaru had thought that he might have managed to get away without any clothes related tantrums when he suggested the children wear their Starfleet “uniforms”.
They aren't real uniforms. Just little ones they've replicated for them, but they all love them anyway. They like to play Starfleet Officers, and Hikaru is a little embarrassed over how often he finds himself with a lump in his throat when he sees them marching about all dressed in Command Gold.
But of course, Hiroki wants his Spider shoes and they haven't unpacked properly yet.
Pavel is trying to get Jamie to leave her ukulele at home. She takes the thing everywhere, even to bed, and when she has a bath they have to put it somewhere she can see it or she'll cry until she has it back.
'Let her keep it, Pavel,' Hikaru says. 'Stop shouting, Hiro! Quiet!'
Hiro puts a finger to his lips and looks up at Hikaru with big wide eyes, the picture of innocence. 'Spider!' he whispers.
'Here!' Hikaru's younger sister walks in and throws the shoes at Hikaru's head.
'We found them Daddy! Auntie Haruka helped!' Demi says triumphantly.
'How?' says Pavel. 'Did you remember which suitcase it was - oh Demi, you didn't!'
'It was the quickest way,' Haruka says. 'Oh and you guys better get back before Mom sees the mess in her room. She won't be happy.'
'Haruka,' says Hikaru holding his head as Hiro cheers and runs around waving his shoes in the air. 'Please tell me you did not empty out all the suitcases on the floor in Mom and Dad's room?'
'Don't be ridiculous, Nii-Nii,' says Haruka smirking. 'We found them in the third one we tried.'
The twins and Kimmi run in. Misha holds out his bunnybot happily. 'Papa, look! We didn't leave them on the ship!'
Tosha's neck is bruised and sore looking. His own bunnybot is tucked under his arm and his thumb is in his mouth. He stumbles over to Pavel and snuggles up to his side sleepily. He didn't get much sleep last night with all the excitement.
'Don't go to sleep!' Pavel says giving him a little shake. ‘We have to go now!’
Kimmi and Demi have caught Hiro and are swinging him between them. 'Hiro flying!' he shouts gleefully. 'Super Hiro!'
Jamie tugs on Hikaru's pants. He picks her up, ukulele and all, and kisses her forehead. 'How's my good girl?' he asks. 'You're the only sane one here, Jamie!'
Jamie giggles and then offers her cheek to be kissed as well.
It's only when they've actually left the house that she chooses to tell them that somehow someone's managed to spill baby shampoo all over the pile of clothes and toys in his mother's bedroom.
*
As far as first impressions go, it’s a bit of a disaster.
Hikaru wishes that Jim had mentioned he’d be picking David up at his mother’s lab and he would have explained just how bad an idea that would be. Jim has gone overboard as usual and has borrowed Jarock for the day. Jim also appears to have fed him a box full of sugar as a bribe to get him there, so he’s as dizzy as bug on a rope.
He’s backed David into a corner when they arrive and is chattering loudly about the plot of the last movie the children saw. ‘-and then astrogoons kidnap Jellicles , who you may recall is Tabitha’s pet sehlat and she realizes her previous misconceptions were an error and she goes to Errol to apologise. I wanted to have a sehlat but we couldn’t keep him on the ship so my Mommy bought me a toy one. This one. His name is Sir Ichabod Euphrates Cuddlypants the Third. Do you have a - ‘ Jarock catches sight of them, his face lights up and he bounces over.
Jim really should have known better than to give Jarock sugar.
‘Did you know Uncle Jimmy had a son?’ Jarock says loudly, without any sort of greeting. ‘I did not know.’
‘Not before today,’ says Demi. ‘Is that him?’
‘Why are we in a lab?’ Misha asks ‘I thought we weren’t allowed in labs. Those are the rules.’
‘Guidelines!’ mumbles Tosha from where he’s falling asleep over Pavel’s shoulder. He puts his thumb in his mouth.
Dr Marcus is looking at the bruises on Tosha’s neck with a frown. Pavel practically snarls at her. ‘He got his head stuck in the stairs! I do not choke my children!’
‘He doesn’t talk!’ Jarock is telling the other children. ‘I don’t think that he can.’
David is about Kimmi’s age and looks like Jim, blonde and blue eyed; the sort of boy who is going to grow up and break a million hearts, but he has none of the Captain’s brazen confidence. He’s slunk behind his mother and looking warily at Hikaru’s noisy bunch, but he looks slightly indignant at Jarock’s last comment.
‘Was he grown in the lab?’ Kimmi asks in a stage whisper. ‘Maybe that’s why he can’t talk.’
Demi snorts. ‘Maybe. Uncle Jimmy, why did you have to get them to make you a little boy in a lab? Why didn’t you get one the normal way?’
‘What’s the normal way?’
‘Daddy put his dingle dangle into -‘
That’s enough, Demora!’ says Hikaru, wishing he had a free hand to rub his forehead; he feels like he has a headache coming on. But he’s carrying both Jamie and Hiro and he doesn’t especially want to drop either.
Demi has recently become acquainted with the facts of life - she’d started asking awkward question until finally Pavel sat her down and explained. Being Pavel he did so with flowcharts and intensively labelled diagrams, but somehow Demi has managed to get to the gist of things with surprising efficiency. She also seems to think it’s her duty to tell everybody.
‘But Daddy - ‘
‘It is enough!’ Pavel snaps. He’s still glaring at Dr Marcus. Oh crap.
‘Get down now!’ says Jamie. Hikaru winces, if she wants to get down Hiro will too. But he puts both of them down anyway, because Jamie’s started to squirm. Hiro doesn’t seem too interested in moving off at the moment. He reaches up to grip Hikaru’s finger pressing close to his legs.
‘I just thought that if there were other kids he might feel less - you know - weird about the whole thing,’ says Jim to Dr Marcus desperately. ‘They’re good kids, usually.’
‘They are being good now ,’ Pavel interrupts. Tosha whimpers and Pavel steadies his head, stroking his hair to soothe him. ‘What sort of place is this for children? You did not say we would be coming to this laboratory - ‘ he says to Jim, and then he turns to Dr Marcus. ‘Also your calculations are all wrong.’ He waves at a nearby screen. ‘You failed to include the probability of solar flares.’
Dr Marcus looks furious and a little puzzled, as if wondering when exactly it was that Pavel had time to look at her calculations.
‘The laboratory is perfectly safe for a well behaved child,’ she says. She hasn’t said anything about Pavel’s observation. Probably means that he’s right.
Pavel sniffs disdainfully. ‘You remind me of my mother,’ he says. ‘She also thinks that children should be seen and not heard. Of course, I left when I was fourteen. I could not wait to get away from -‘
‘Lieutenant Chekov!’ says Jim. ‘One moment please.’
‘Papa doesn’t like you,’ Demi tells Dr Marcus as Pavel goes over to talk to Jim, looking mutinous.
‘I don’t think she likes Papa either,’ Kimmi says. ‘Or us.’
‘I’m sure that isn’t true,’ says Hikaru, though he’s sure of no such thing. ‘Papa likes her just fine Demi - he’s just - um - in one of his moods.’
‘Bleh!’ says Demi. ‘I don’t like this lab.’
‘Can we play Wild Things?’ says Kimmi. ‘If we go outside?’
‘What’s Wild Things?’ asks Jarock excitedly. ‘Is it a new game?’
‘I get to be the King of the Wild Things!’ shouts Misha. ‘I said it first!’
Tosha wakes up at this and struggles to be put down. Pavel lets him go and continues to talk to Jim. Hikaru can’t hear what Pavel’s saying, but he’s gesturing rather wildly so it can’t be good.
‘We should have a Wild Rumpus!’ Tosha says.
‘What’s a Rumpus?’
‘No rumpus!’ says Hikaru. ‘This is not the place for rumpuses. Ugh, okay - you don’t have an empty room, do you?’ he asks Dr Marcus. ‘Like a conference room or something?’
She doesn’t look very happy. ‘Can’t you take them outside?’
‘I’m not letting them go outside on their -‘
Hiro lifts his arms up. ‘Super-Hiro!’ he says. He wants to be swung around. Hikaru picks him up, swoops him in the air once and then puts him back down. ‘There’s got to be somewhere that isn’t filled with delicate equipment,’ says Hikaru.
Jamie starts to sing strumming away on her ukulele. Jamie doesn’t really pay much attention to the words. She just sings ‘La la la,’ until she gets to the chorus which she does know, and which is the cue for the other five to join in, and even little Hiro claps his hands and babbles along with them.
Dr Marcus looks mollified and even David looks less apprehensive and a little wistful. Like this is something he’s looking in at from the outside. In a way, Hikaru supposes, he is. Pavel and Jim stop their arguing to watch them, and Hikaru watches Pavel look at David’s face and melt.
Perhaps he recognizes something of himself in the boy. Hikaru remembers Pavel telling him about how lonely he’d been as a child, and his heart goes out to that little boy of twenty years ago and the other little boy who is standing in front of him.
With all the kerfuffle and the calm that follows, he’s forgotten to keep a firm grip on Hiro. He only realizes when a strange eerie music starts to come from the corner of the room and they turn to notice Hiro waving his arms near what looks like a box with a couple of antennas sticking out of it.
‘Hiro!’ Pavel shouts. ‘What are you doing? Come here!’
‘Super-Hiro!’ Hiro shouts back gleefully and moves his hands again. The other children stop their singing and playing to watch him and the music coming from the box gradually stops being random noise and turns into the old familiar song.
‘What is that?’ Hikaru whispers.
‘It’s a theramin,’ Pavel says. At Hikaru’s incredulous look he adds, ‘It was invented in Russia.’
Dr Marcus shakes her head. ‘It belongs to my assistant,’ she says. ‘He must have left it here. Your boy is as good as anyone I’ve seen play it. When did you start him on it?’
Hikaru and Pavel look at each other and say nothing for a minute. Pavel recovers quicker. ‘Is the first time he has seen one,’ he brags. ‘He is a genius, obviously. Just like his Papa!’
Hikaru rolls his eyes but he’s always found Pavel’s boasting adorable and he puts an arm around him.
Dr Marcus turns to Hikaru with a smile. ‘So you’re a genius, are you?’
Pavel makes an angry choked noise and Hikaru snickers. ‘He’s their Papa. I’m Daddy.’
Hiro finishes the song and crows triumphantly, thrusting his little fists in the air. He really is like his Papa. Everyone claps and Pavel rushes forward to make a fuss of him.
Hikaru sees Jim and Dr Marcus exchange a little smile - the first Jim has smiled throughout all of this. ‘I suppose we should talk,’ Dr Marcus says. ‘About David. So you know what to expect for the next couple of months.’
‘Alright you monsters,’ says Pavel. ‘I and Hikaru will take you outside and then you can play your game until we go.’
‘We aren’t monsters,’ says Kimmi. ‘We’re Wild Things!’ She turns towards David. ‘Do you want to come?’
David glances at his parents a little uncertainly and then he nods.
‘I get to be king!’ Misha’s shouting as Hikaru starts to herd them out. Pavel hands Hiro into his arms and smiles at Hikaru in the way that suggests he’s thinking of child number seven. Hikaru isn’t sure about that but they can talk about it later. If Pavel’s made his mind up, he doesn’t expect to stand a chance, but maybe it is time for another.
‘Hiro good boy?’
‘Very good,’ says Hikaru. ‘Genius, apparently.’
‘What chenius, Daddy?’
‘Super Hiro,’ Hikaru explains, putting it in a way he can understand.
Hiro grins, showing his teeth - all four of them. ‘SUPER-HIRO!’ he shouts and Hikaru winces. Sometimes he wishes that Hiro came with a mute button.
‘I called king first!’ Misha’s saying.
‘I was asleeping’ says Tosha. ‘It doesn’t count!’
‘You can’t call king!’ David says suddenly. ‘You have to win it!’
It’s the first words he’s said since they’ve arrived. Demi turns to look at him appraisingly. ‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘We have to stare into each other’s eyes and the one who doesn’t blink is king.’
Hikaru looks over his shoulder at Jim and winks. Yeah, David’s going to fit in around here just fine.
Optimus George
George is the first child to be born on Earth since the twins. It happened when they were back in San Francisco for Hikaru’s brother’s wedding.
Hikaru was vaguely surprised and more than a little touched that Hideki asked him to be his best man. Now they’ve grown up they’re nowhere as agonistic towards each other as they used to be but they’re not exactly close.
Even though it was two weeks before the wedding and they’d all known when Pavel was due - George was a week late - Hideki still insisted that he should get to pick the name because Hikaru had upstaged his big day.
Of course, they didn’t go with the name that Hideki picked because: no. Just no.
Unfortunately he said it in front of the other children, who thought it was a great idea, especially Hiro, and they adopted it as his ‘official’ nickname. Soon everyone was using it, even Pavel. They’ve gotten to the point now where the only person who calls the boy George is Hikaru.
Hikaru has a son called Optimus. If ever the phrase ‘fuck my life’ was appropriate, it’s now.
*
There are three things that everyone assumes about Hikaru’s children. One: they will be smart; two: they will be trouble; and three: they will discover some sort of musical talent before their second birthday.
Pavel tells him the betting pool on what instrument Optimus will end up playing currently stands at 1500 Standard credits and that it includes things like the glass harp, the terpsitone and vegetables.
‘His name is George!’ Hikaru says. ‘And how the hell do you play a vegetable, anyway?’
Pavel smirks at him. ‘I think Optimus is cute,’ he says. ‘And how should I know how to play a vegetable?’
‘It was probably invented in Russia,’ Hikaru retorts.
‘We are not so crazy,’ Pavel tells him. ‘Japan though, I bet they invent such things there.’
‘Blergh!’ says George.
‘Thank you,’ Hikaru says. ‘Vegetable instruments were not invented in Japan. George says so.’
‘He is a baby,’ says Pavel picking him up. ‘What does he know? You don’t know anything? Do you?’
‘Bah!’ says George and tugs on Pavel’s ear. ‘Quantum!’
‘Maybe you know some things,’ Pavel concedes. He nuzzles the little boy’s nose with his own. ‘Are you going to grow up to be a physicist like your Papa?’
‘Da!’ says George.
Demi and Tosha taught George to say quantum a couple of weeks ago and it’s quickly becoming his favourite word. Mainly because it makes Pavel grin like crazy.
‘He might grow up to be a botanist,’ Hikaru says. ‘Have you seen my badge?’
‘I am not a house-wife,’ says Pavel. ‘Where did you leave it last?’
Hikaru stiffens. Pavel always gets tetchy when Hikaru goes on potentially hostile away missions, ever since that incident with the Krytonian tiger. Hikaru’s had a couple of other narrow escapes after that, which hasn’t helped matters.
Hikaru finds his badge stuffed down between two sofa cushions. He holds it up to Pavel accusingly. Pavel shrugs. ‘I wonder how it got there,’ he says defiantly.
‘I’ll be back, Pavel,’ Hikaru says. ‘Come on baby, you know Jim wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.’
‘You are not the only person on this ship trained in combat,’ Pavel says. ‘Here - ‘ he holds out George like he’s a basketball; the baby giggles and swings his legs. ‘You should kiss your son goodbye. What if he never sees you again?’
‘You’re hot when you’re being dramatic,’ Hikaru deadpans, but he takes George and kisses his cheek anyway.
‘Drama!’ says George.
Hikaru sighs against his son’s forehead. ‘You take care of your Papa now,’ he says. ‘You know how fragile he is.’
‘I am not fragile!’ Pavel says, taking George back. ‘I am not the one who comes back with broken bones and his skin cut open and his insides hanging out.’
Hikaru tries to kiss him but Pavel turns his face away and stares at George’s head looking moody.
Hikaru has to go, so he doesn’t push it. He promises himself that he’ll make it up to Pavel when he gets back. ‘I will be back, you know,’ he says pausing at the door. ‘I promise.’
It isn’t until he’s almost at the transporter room that Hikaru realizes that Pavel has followed him there with George in his arms. He refuses to look at Hikaru and simply sweeps past him through the door as if he isn’t there. Hikaru wonders where the other children are.
As the door to the transporter room slides open, he hears the babble of excited young voices and groans. When Pavel wants to guilt trip him, he goes all the way.
‘When are you coming back, Daddy?’ Demi asks, her eyes wide and anxious, like Pavel’s can get sometimes. She’s eight now - nearly nine, and is beginning to understand about the permanence of death. Hikaru hates how quickly she’s growing up.
Jim looks uncomfortable when he sees all the children there. ‘You organize a see-off party, Checkers?’ he asks.
‘You, do not speak to me,’ Pavel says. ‘If my children are all orphaned because their father is captured and tortured then it will be your fault.’
‘Actually,’ Jim says peevishly, ‘even if Hicks dies they still wouldn’t be orphaned. They’ll have you, right?’
‘You think I would live without him?’ Pavel asks. ‘I will die of grief before long. It will be very tragic. You can explain to them as they are weeping over my lifeless body how you had to send your pilot when you have a full staff of security who are there for this thing.’
Demi looks terrified and clutches at Hikaru’s arm. ‘Don’t go, Daddy!’ she says. Kimmi is usually unfazed by Pavel’s histrionics but she’s beginning to look distinctly uneasy. Jamie and the twins have started to sniffle.
Hiro’s still cheerful. But he’s only three and wants to be a superhero when he grows up. He thinks Hikaru is some sort of ninja-warrior and is trying to get a look at Hikaru’s sword.
‘Pavel,’ Hikaru says warningly. ‘Leave them out of this.’
‘Don’t look at me like -‘
Scotty walks in at that moment, interrupting them, and Hikaru silently thanks anything that might be behind this because he has a feeling they were headed in a nasty direction.
Then he double takes because Scotty is not only wearing a kilt, he’s also carrying bagpipes. Pavel gawks.
‘What? Is it St George’s day? Did I miss a memo?’ Jim asks Scotty bemused.
‘St. Andrew’s day and no, Captain. I thought I might give ye a proper send off. The wee bairns are convinced it’s the last we’ll see of ye. Some might say good riddance to ye, but seein’ as you’re the Captain the least I could do is play ye a little song.’
‘Aww crap,’ Jim mutters but the children have started to giggle.
‘Why are you wearing a skirt, Uncle Scotty?’ asks Tosha.
‘It’s nae a skirt, it’s a kilt, laddy! Very manly. Only the manliest of men are allowed to wear ‘em. That’s why you’ll never see either of your daddies in one.’
Pavel huffs but his lips twitch slightly.
‘For my first number, I shall play Auld Lang Syne,’ Scotty announces.
‘What?’ says Jim. ‘How is that appropriate?’
‘Would ye rather it be Amazing Grace?’
‘Carry on!’
The children squeal and clap their hands over their ears as he starts to play. It isn’t that Scotty plays badly. It’s just very loud.
Hikaru slips over to Pavel’s side and swings him round to face him. ‘I promise I’ll be back,’ he says, loudly over the noise. ‘I swear it, baby. I’m not leaving you, okay?’
‘After this, we have to talk,’ Pavel says. ‘Please, Hikaru. I cannot do this on my own.’
Hikaru nods. ‘Okay,’ he says. ‘Okay. We’ll talk.’
George looks up at them. ‘Okay?’ he says.
Pavel smiles. It’s a wan, tired smile but a smile nonetheless. ‘Yes Optimus,’ he says. ‘We’re okay.’ But he’s looking at Hikaru when he says it. Hikaru leans down to kiss him, over George’s head.
George gives Hikaru a little push and babbles at him. ‘What’s that?’ Hikaru asks, tilting his head. ‘You telling me to just go already, kiddo?’
George makes a complaining, exasperated noise and then points. ‘Do want!’ he says.
Pavel and Hikaru turn to follow his line of sight.
It’s the bagpipes. Of course. What else?
‘Oh hell, no!’
Polina
Hikaru will never admit it to anyone, but he desperately wanted the last one to be a girl. He likes the idea of having even numbers and none of the other girls look particularly like Pavel.
No one who looks at Polina could ever have any doubt as to who her Papa is. She’s exactly like what Pavel would look like if he were a girl. Her eyes, her hair - Uhura put her in pigtails once and it’s the cutest, most heart wrenching thing that Hikaru has ever seen - her nose, the shape of her mouth - everything is Pavel’s, just smaller and somehow it fits this tiny little girl perfectly.
There’s very little of Hikaru in her, but he doesn’t really care.
Pavel pouts when Hikaru marches him down to see Dr McCoy when Polly is about six months old. ‘But what if we change our mind later?’ he protests.
‘We agreed on eight,’ Hikaru says. ‘Come on, baby, we’re done.’
‘It’s about time,’ McCoy mutters. ‘This is a Starship, not a maternity ward.’
He’s had to deliver three children this year. Lieutenants Tomlinson and Martine’s first baby; Uhura and Spock’s second child, called Amanda, after her grandmother; and Polly.
Pavel cries once the procedure’s reversed. ‘I know I’m being stupid,’ he tells Hikaru. ‘I just feel sad.’
Hikaru knows what he feels like. He doesn’t understand the inexplicable sadness - eight is more than enough - but he just holds Pavel while he gets it out of his system and then later, once he’s sobbed himself to sleep, Hikaru sneaks off intending to stare morosely at the walls for a while.
Jim collars him on the way and makes him come to the bar instead. Scotty and Uhura are already there, drinking what looks like whiskey. Uhura tells him she’s left Spock babysitting.
‘All ten of them?’ Sulu asks. ‘On his own?’
‘He’ll manage,’ Uhura says. ‘You know how good he is with the children. I think if I refused to have another one, he would carry it himself.’
‘Just what we need,’ says Scotty. ‘A Vulcan up the duff.’ He grins at Hikaru and raises his glass. ‘Here’s to the last of your litter, lad. And may she bring me as much good fortune as the last one.’
Hikaru thinks Scotty playing the bagpipes in front of Optimus was no accident. Especially since Scotty had gone on to win that betting pool.
‘Awww,’ says Jim. ‘It won’t be the same without always having a Chulu baby around!’
‘A what baby?’
‘Chulu - It’s easier to say than Chekov-Sulu. You should put that on their passports. It’s cute.’
‘It’s terrible,’ says Uhura. ‘But you’re lucky I got to him before he started calling them Sukov babies.’
‘What’s wrong with Sukov?’ asks Scotty.
‘Pavel would beat you within an inch of your life if you called his children that,’ Uhura smirks. ‘It sounds like the Russian word for bitch.’
Hikaru snorts and takes a gulp of his beer. ‘You could have one yourself,’ he says to Jim. ‘I’m sure the Doc’d be down with that.’
‘Ha ha,’ says Jim. ‘Very funny. Can you imagine me... you know?’ He mimes a large pregnant belly in front of himself.
‘Pregnant?’ says Uhura. ‘You can say the word, Jim.’
‘Aye,’ says Scotty. ‘’Snot like it’ll happen by saying it. You see Captain, the way it works is when a daddy puts his dingle dangle into -‘
Sulu groans. He’ll never hear the end of Demora’s sex-ed lesson. ‘Don’t remind me,’ he says. ‘Ugh! The next time one of them starts asking questions, how about I just send them to you? I tried to explain where babies came from to Jamie when we knew we were having Polly and she just looked at me and said, “You’re making this up, aren’t you?” when I’d finished’
Jim looks uncomfortable. ‘Do you think David knows?’
‘Yes,’ they all say, and then laugh at the look of relief that crosses his face.
‘So whaddya think the littlest is going to play?’ asks Jim.
‘What’s the betting pool like?’
‘I think the favourite is the clarinet, but I’ve got my money on the harmonica,’ says Scotty.
‘You run this thing, don’t you?’ says Hikaru.
‘No honey, that would be Cupcake,’ says Uhura.
‘Cupcake?’ says Hikaru. ‘Now there’s a surprise.’
In the end, it doesn’t matter what Polly chooses to play; Hikarus know she’ll be terrific at it. Or maybe she won’t play at all and they’ll have another dancer in the family; Kimmi’s starting to get interested in ballet and the thought of a tiny little girl-Pavel in a tutu brings a smile to Hikaru’s face. Maybe she won’t have any interest in music and want to do sports or fencing instead.
They’ll all be alright. They can do whatever it is they want, go wherever they want, be whoever they want and even though this isn’t the future Hikaru had ever envisioned for himself all those years ago when he first enlisted in Starfleet, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Pavel has the family he’s always wanted, both in terms of their maddening brilliant children and the close-knit crew of the Enterprise. They’ll watch each other’s children grow up, join Starfleet themselves (probably, they’ve spent most of their lives in Space) and if Demora has her way - start a rock-band.
La la, how the life goes on.
*
The final betting pool reached 5000 credits and listed over a hundred different types of musical instrument and yet no-one at all saw the cello coming.
Et Fin
End Notes: Obladi Oblada by the Beatles. I do not own Star Trek, Where the Wild Things Are, Heroes, Spider shoes, Good Omens or anything else you might recognise. I also have no Chulu babies. ;_;
Words by: secret_weapon
Art by: littlewolfstar
Summary: When Pavel said that he wanted eight children so they needed to start right now, Hikaru thought he was joking.
Pairings: Sulu/Chekov, Spock/Uhura [background JKirk/Carol Marcus and implied Kirk/Bones]
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Loads and loads of Chulu babies. Seriously, if you do not like baby!fic do not read this.
Notes: I found this video and this fic grew out of a cracky conversation with littlewolfstar. So this is for her: my evil, evil bb!fic partner in crime.
Special thanks to crystalshard for the beta.
La La How the Life Goes On
When Pavel said that he wanted eight children so they needed to start right now, Hikaru thought he was joking.
Demora
Hikaru still thinks that it's all an elaborate plan thought up by his mother to get grandchildren - showing Pavel all of Hikaru's baby videos and pictures and then backing him up when he decided that eighteen was a perfectly good age to start having children. Hikaru is not entirely sure how Pavel managed to talk him into it, although now Demora is here Hikaru wouldn't take her back for the world.
Demora's pulling at Hikaru's ukulele. He still feels incredibly dorky when he plays it, but Demora likes it and he's fast learning that he'll do anything to make his little girl smile.
Pavel likes it as well. In fact it was probably that video of Hikaru with a ukulele that set this whole thing off.
Pavel picks up both Demi and the ukulele and sits down next to Hikaru. 'Obabee!' says Demi.
Hikaru takes the ukulele and pretends to be annoyed. 'I'm not your personal music player,' he says, sighing exaggeratedly. 'Do you expect me to drop everything to sing to you?'
Demi looks up at Pavel, a look that is far too knowing for a child not yet two. 'Da,' she says. 'Papa! Obabee!'
'She wants to hear her song,' Pavel says. 'Poor little Demi, her Daddy is so mean! He won’t even play his little girl her song.'
'Poor Demi,' says Demi pouting, and then she puts her hands over her face and giggles, peeking through them at Hikaru.
Hikaru reaches over and plucks her out of Pavel's arms. 'What will you give me if I sing you a song?' he asks her.
'Chu!' she says, holding out her arms.
'Now there’s an offer I can't refuse,' he says, and bends his head down so she can kiss his cheek.
He props her up in between himself and Pavel and starts to play the old song that his little girl loves.
'Oh-bla-di Oh-blah-da
Life goes on; La -
La la how the life goes on '
Demi reaches forward as he does to tap the ukulele. He's noticed her doing this a couple of times before and wants to try something. He starts to play a little faster, turning up the tempo a notch. As he suspects, Demora's tapping gets faster as well.
'No, Demi!' says Pavel. 'Stop that!'
'Wait,' says Hikaru. 'Can't you see what she's doing?'
Pavel stops with his hand still reaching for their baby and looks at him quizzically. 'What?'
'She's keeping time!'
Pavel watches her little hands tap out rhythms and beats on Hikaru's ukulele and then he sighs. 'I suppose when she is older she will be wanting a drum set. Eh, we must wait to see if the next one has inherited her Daddy's talent.'
Hikaru chooses not to mention that other than trying to make his brother's life hell, his fifteenth summer had been spent learning to play the drums and starting a 'rock-band' in his garage because the ukulele wasn't quite as cool as it had been when he was younger.
'Isn't it a little early to be thinking about the next one?' Hikaru jokes but Pavel doesn't laugh. He turns a shade paler and clears his throat like he's nervous.
Hikaru stops playing. Demora whines and smacks his hand. 'Lele, Daddy!' she says.
Hikaru puts the ukulele down, picks her up and places her in Pavel's lap. 'We kept putting off getting that procedure reversed,' he says.
Pavel hugs Demora to him. 'Is not as if we did not want more,' he says. 'I would not want Demi to be a lonely child like me.'
'You mean an only child?'
'No,' says Pavel. 'I meant lonely.'
'Papa sad,' says Demi, looking up at Hikaru with Pavel's eyes. 'Daddy, chu!'
Hikaru ruffles her hair and leans over her to kiss her Papa. 'Aww, don't look like that, baby. I'm not mad or anything. Besides, I figure Demi would like to be a big sister.'
Pavel smiles but his lower lip trembles a little so Hikaru pulls both of them into his arms. 'How far gone are you?'
'Three months,' say Pavel snuggling against his chest. 'I saw the doctor today. I suspected but he confirmed it.'
Hikaru kisses the top of his head. 'Do you want to tell the Captain you'll be needing maternity leave again, or should I?'
Kimiko
Kimmi walks and talks about four months earlier than Demi did. Not that Demi was late or anything. Doctor McCoy tells them that thirteen months is a perfectly respectable time, but Kimiko is rather exceptionally bright.
'She is in the ninety fifth percentile!' Pavel tells anyone who will listen. Usually Spock, because he finds the girls fascinating and is a surprisingly willing babysitter. Uhura loves the girls too but is a bit wary of Spock's doting on them. Sometimes he starts talking about repopulating his race and things get tense between them.
Pavel won’t let Jim babysit after the time they came back to find that the Captain had let the girls try to paint their room purple.
There's still a purple stripe at about knee length across one corner.
Kimiko is a quieter child than Demora. Instead of screaming when she wakes up, she's quite happy to lay in her crib until either of her fathers wake up, or as happens more often than not, her big sister comes crashing onto their bed.
When Demi bounces in between Hikaru and Pavel on those rare mornings when neither of them have to be up early, Kimmi will start to whimper. Pavel will get up to fetch her and the four of them will stay there for a while.
Hikaru thinks this might be his favourite time of all. Pavel dozing slightly with his head resting against Hikaru's shoulder, Demi squeezed between them chattering in a terribly self-important manner and Kimmi nodding along as if what Demi has to say is terribly important.
Today Demora wants to be a pilot. It usually changes once every two weeks but 'pilot' has been coming back with some regularity and Hikaru is ridiculously pleased with this.
'Daddy! Uncle Jimmy said when I get older I can be helmsman of the Enterprise!' she says. 'And I said that's where Daddy sits and he said that by that time you will be old and retarded.'
'Retired!' Pavel says without opening his eyes. 'Retired.'
'Wetired,' says Kimmi.
'Is that like tired?' asks Demora. 'Like how Dr Bones is old and tired.'
'Dr McCoy is not old and tired,' says Pavel. 'Where do you learn such things?'
'He told me!' Demi protests. 'Daddy, tell Papa it's true! When we went to sickbay last week when you had an owie! He said he was too old and tired for this sh-'
'Dammit Jim!' says Kimmi happily.
Pavel opens his eyes and looks at Hikaru and they start to laugh. They'll have to have a word with Bones about what he says around the girls, but even though it's wrong it's kind of adorable.
Pavel gets up. 'Why don't you show your Daddy that dance Auntie Nyota taught you?' he says to Demi. 'While I wash this madam's mouth with soap!' He pinches the tip of Kimmi's nose.
'Papaaaa!' she says, which means she needs the potty.
While Pavel sorts out Kimiko, Hikaru tries to get Demi to show him the dance but she wrinkles her nose.
'Dancing is booooring!' she says. 'Daddy, you promised you'd teach me a new beat.'
Finally tired of having Demi bang on every surface available, they'd given in and bought her a little drum set last year. She might just be the youngest, cutest rocker there is.
'I said on Sunday, Demi. What day is it today?'
'Saturday,' she says pouting. 'Can we play the Obladi song then?'
She always has a backup plan. Always negotiating. Always trying to get her way - one way, or another.
'You're just like your Papa,' he tells her, but he agrees because he can’t not play her song when she's asked for it and he's long stopped caring about how dorky his ukulele is.
Demi accompanies him on her drums - and she's really getting good at them - when Pavel comes back with Kimmi.
He sits down on the floor cross-legged to watch them with Kimmi on his lap, smiling in that way that makes Hikaru's heart clench. Kimmi wiggles out of his arms and stands up, and then she starts to twirl, twisting her arms above her head in time to the music.
Hikaru stops playing. Pavel gawks at her open mouthed - looking exactly how Hikaru feels.
'What?' asks Hikaru. 'Is that?'
'Oh that?' says Demi, disgruntled. 'That's the dance Auntie Nyota was teaching me. Isn't it boring? Daddy, why did you stop?'
Kimiko looks at them confused. 'Obadi?' she asks.
Kimmi's never shown any sort of interest in Demi's drums or Hikaru's ukulele or Spock's harp or any of the other instruments the crew play. She likes to sit and listen, swaying slightly, obviously moved by the music but with no desire to actually create any.
Hikaru laughs. 'Alright, Kimmi,' he says. 'Do that again and I'll play Obadi. Looks like you'll have to wait for the next one, Pavel.'
Pavel smiles that nervous, tremulous smile Hikaru's seen before and clears his throat. 'Yes, about that - '
The Twins
Pavel tells the girls that he asked the pixies to give them one baby brother each. The first time he tells this story Demora asks if he means Uncle Spock, because Dr Bones said he was a pixie.
Hikaru isn't looking forward to the time when Demi hits her teens. He can tell she'll be trouble.
Demi takes charge of Anton and Kimmi of Mikhail. Hikaru wonders if their personalities have rubbed off on the boys. Anton - Tosha - is the more adventurous twin, always climbing out of his cot and squeezing into corners to see what’s there. Once they managed to lose him down a Jeffries tube. Hikaru is ninety percent sure that Demi had something to do with that.
Misha’s clingier, more hesitant. He takes his lead from his brother, who’s older by fifteen minutes. Usually, if you see Misha hanging back with an anxious expression, it means Tosha is up to some mischief nearby. Misha unfailingly knows where his brother is. Kimmi’s gentler temperament is probably just what Mikhail needs. She stops Demora from pressuring him into her mad schemes. While Tosha will jump head first wherever she points, Kimiko’s there to assure Misha that it’s okay to sit this one out.
Misha’s the snuggler, although if Tosha sees his brother getting a cuddle he wants one too.
Pavel is trying to teach the girls how to play the piano. He wants them to learn how to play a ‘real’ instrument, something that Demi takes great offense to. Her drums are real, thank you very much. She endures piano lessons as if it’s a great ordeal and practice is a horrible punishment that she has to be ordered to do. Her only motivation is to be better than Kimmi.
Kimmi’s more eager to please her Papa than Demi is, so she tries hard even though she prefers her dancing and her castanets.
She’s as competitive as Demi but more sneaky about it.
The twins have started to bang on the keyboard copying their sisters, so Hikaru gets them a little one they can break.
Demora’s chasing Anton about the room. ‘Give that back!’ she screams at him. ‘My drum sticks are not toys! Daddy! Make him give them back!’
Anton’s fast but his legs are shorter. Demi grabs his arm and snatches the drumsticks back. She smacks him hard.
‘Hey!’ says Hikaru. ‘Stop that!’
Anton starts to cry. ‘Daddy, owie!’ he says pointing at his arm.
‘Demora, what did I tell you about not hitting your brother?’ Hikaru says kneeling down to comfort him. ‘Give me your drum sticks.’
‘But Daddy -‘
‘Now, Demora.’
‘It isn’t fair.’
‘Give them to me now and you’ll get them back tonight. If I have to take them from you I’ll keep them all week.’
‘You always take his side!’ she complains but gives Hikaru the drum sticks and then stomps off to the room that the girls share. ‘I hate everybody!’ she announced from the door. ‘You’re all stupid heads.’
Kimmi giggles. She’s putting butterfly shaped hair clips into Misha’s hair. The little boy waits patiently. Hikaru knows that as soon as she lets go of him he’ll take them out and hide them under sofa cushions and beds.
Tosha tugs on Hikaru’s hair to get his attention. ‘Ow! What?’
‘Owie!’ he says pointing at his arm. The red mark is already fading.
Hikaru kisses it and then the boy’s tear streaked face. ‘Better now?’
‘Up!’ Hikaru picks him up. ‘Demi bad,’ Tosha whispers in his ear.
‘Very bad,’ Hikaru agrees. Misha whines as Kimmi pulls on his hair a bit. ‘Kimmi, stop it! You’re hurting him. Take those out of his hair now. You know he’ll lose them.’
The boys’ hair is like Pavel’s - wild and unruly full of soft little curls. Kimmi’s hair is curly too but more manageable.
Misha wriggles out of Kimmi’s grasp and toddles over to Hikaru, butterflies still in his hair. ‘Owie?’ he says hopefully, tugging on his trouser leg.
Hikaru laughs but picks him up and gives him a kiss anyway.
Kimmi looks up. ‘Papa’s back.’
‘How did the scan go?’ Hikaru asks as Pavel comes in.
‘Usual,’ Pavel says. He’s six months pregnant with their fifth child now. Hikaru is starting to feel a little overwhelmed, but Pavel’s insistent that they can cope. Hikaru would have liked to go with him, but taking all four children to sick bay is generally not a good idea. Especially because the twins have just been given booster shots and now scream every time they see Bones.
‘Where’s Demi?’ Pavel asks.
‘I haaaaate Daddy!’ Demi supplies helpfully from her room. ‘Daddy’s mean!’
‘Demi bad!’ says Tosha. ‘Tosha owie!’
Pavel raises his eyebrows and takes Tosha from Hikaru. ‘What did you do to her? Hmm? In Russia we have a saying - it takes two to dance the waltz.’
‘He stole her drum sticks,’ says Kimmi. ‘But she’s dumb. She should just hide them like I hide my castanets!’
‘You’re dumb!’ shouts Demi. ‘You’re dumb and your head is dumb and your dancing is dumb!’
‘Your drums are dumb and your face is dumb!’
Hikaru hands Misha over to Pavel, ‘Oh well, time for my shift! You sure everything’s okay, baby?’
Pavel nods. ‘Just go, you Cossack. Abandon me with these monsters.’
Hikaru kisses him over the twins’ heads. ‘Love you.’
Pavel smiles back, ‘I love y -Kimmi! Put that down!’
Hikaru makes his escape while he can.
When he comes back, he hears the keyboard and frowns. The girls’ practice time isn’t for another hour. How Pavel has managed to get them to do more is obviously evidence of some form of mind control.
He recognizes the familiar chorus of the old song that Demi loves and smiles. That explains it.
It isn’t the girls. They’re in their room and from the sound of it they’re playing space pirates. Pavel’s curled up on the couch, dozing and the twins are sitting on the floor in front of the girls’ abandoned keyboard playing the ‘Obladi song’.
They’re too small to reach the range they need so they play it together, Tosha taking the high notes and Misha the low ones, tongues poking out a little in concentration. They’ve never looked so much like Pavel before and Hikaru has to blink away sudden tears.
Hikaru walks over to Pavel quietly so as not to disturb them and kisses his forehead. He holds a finger to his lips as Pavel wakes up and then points at the twins.
‘When did you teach them to do that?’ he whispers.
Pavel’s go very wide and he looks impossibly young - far too young to be their father. ‘I didn’t,’ he whispers back. ‘They must have - oh - ,’ he puts a hand to his stomach as the baby kicks. ‘This one’s strong,’ he mutters.
Hikaru moves to sit down next to Pavel and puts his arm around him, ‘How about we wait a couple of years before the next one?’
Pavel looks at him curiously. ‘You mean -‘
‘You want eight, don’t you?’ Hikaru says. ‘I know you, Pavel. You’re going to get what you want one way or the other, so we need to stop messing about, okay? Let’s just pace them, yeah? Give ourselves a break?’
Pavel puts his head on Hikaru’s shoulder and hugs him close. ‘Okay,’ he says and then laughs a little. ‘It took you six years to realize this.’
‘Better late than never though, right?’ says Hikaru, settling down to watch the twins.
‘Late?’ says Pavel scoffing. ‘I was going to say you caught on faster than I thought you would.’
Jamie
There’s a persistent tapping at the door. Hikaru knows who it is before he opens it. Uhura’s son doesn’t quite understand that you’re supposed to knock and then wait. According to three year old logic, if knocking on a door means someone will open it, the only thing to do is to keep knocking until they do.
‘Hello Jarock,’ he says. Jarock’s tall for his age - he’s taller than the twins despite being six months younger.
‘Hello Uncle Hikaru. I have come to play. I have brought Sir Ichabod and a tambourine for this purpose!’ he says and holds out his toy sehlat and the instrument.
Hikaru steps aside to let him in. ‘What happened to the lute?’
Spock has been teaching his son the Vulcan lute. Unfortunately Jarock seems more interested in a different sort of string instrument and lutes should not be treated like guitars. Jarock’s been eyeing Hikaru’s ukulele these days and Hikaru would offer to teach him but is slightly afraid of breaking Spock’s heart.
‘A lute is unsuitable for our social interactions,’ says Jarock solemnly. Before Hikaru can ask what he means his own brood tumble out of the opposite room.
‘Aha!’ says Demi. ‘I knew you’d find one!’ She takes the tambourine from Jarock and puts it on her head. ‘I am the tambourine monster!’ she announces. ‘I will eat your souls!’
‘Oh noes!’ Kimmi deadpans. ‘Not the tambourine monster!’
‘You said I could be the tambourine monster!’ Jarock protests.
‘You can have my sword!’ Demora offers as a compromise and throws the toy at him. ‘Run!’
Tosha grabs Jarock’s sehlat. ‘Sir Ichabod will save us!’
‘No!’ Misha says holding up his and his brother’s identical stuffed rabbits. ‘The bunnybots will save us!’
‘I’m a pirate!’ Jarock shouts waving Demora’s sword over his head. He jumps onto the coffee table. ‘This is my ship! Everybody look at me! I’m on a ship!’
‘Everybody out!’ Hikaru says. ‘Go on! Rec Room five! I’ll come to see what you’re doing in twenty minutes, and if you’re not there, no playtime for a week. Demora, you’re in charge. If you lose anyone - and I mean anyone -‘
Pavel sticks his head round the door of their bedroom. ‘If you are good there will be cake,’ he says. ‘Otherwise not so much.’
‘Can there be ice-cream?’ asks Kimmi.
‘There may be,’ says Pavel. ‘It depends on how good you are.’
There’s the rather lengthy process of gathering up of stuffed animals and toy swords and phasers, and sending them to the bathroom, because if they don’t go now they’ll want to go three minutes after they’ve left. Hikaru has to find some string to tie the tambourine to Demi’s head because it keeps falling off, but finally they all stampede away.
‘You shouldn’t bribe them all the time,’ Hikaru says to Pavel.
‘It works, doesn’t it?’ Pavel says smugly.
A tug on his pants makes Hikaru look down. ‘All gone?’ asks their youngest.
‘Yeah,’ says Hikaru picking her up. ‘All gone. Poor little Jamie, they always forget you.’
Jamie blows a raspberry in the direction of the door. ‘Cossacks!’ she says.
Hikaru turns to Pavel. ‘Who’s responsible for this?’
Pavel shrugs. ‘Technically, it is not a bad word,’ he says.
‘Fuckers!’ says Jamie.
Pavel’s mouth drops open. ‘I don’t know where she heard that!’
‘That’s a bad word Jamie,’ Hikaru says. ‘You’re not to say it again! Do you understand? Bad!’
He can tell that she doesn’t really understand what he’s saying, but she knows what bad means and that she’s being scolded. Her eyes fill with easy tears and she holds out her arms.
‘Cuddle!’ she wails.
Hikaru sighs. ‘You’re just like your Papa,’ he tells her.
She sniffles. ‘Papa! Cuddle!’
‘Why is it,’ Pavel asks, taking Jamie from Hikaru, ‘that whenever they are bad they are like me?’
‘I was a good kid,’ says Hikaru. ‘Ask anyone.’
Pavel cradles Jamie, holding her to him. ‘Poor little thing,’ he says. Jamie looks at Hikaru piteously and sniffs exaggeratedly, clinging to Pavel like a limpet.
‘Alright, alright!’ says Hikaru. ‘You’re a silly girl!’ He hugs her and her Papa to him.
‘Chu!’ she says, little fists gripping his uniform tight. Hikaru kisses her cheek and then he kisses Pavel as well.
Pavel grins at him. ‘Your Daddy is just a big softie,’ he says to Jamie.
Jamie’s given name is James, after the Captain. Pavel had promised they’d call the next one James after Kirk had carried Hikaru back after he’d almost been ripped in half by a Krytonian tiger - he still has the scars on his back to prove it. Hikaru knows that he could have died. He’d been critical for a week and Pavel had gone into early labour out of anxiety. Jamie is the only child whose birth Hikaru wasn’t present for and he still feels a little guilty.
Jamie had been born while he was unconscious and Pavel had decided that a promise was a promise and called the baby James, despite the fact that it was a girl. Kirk told Hikaru that he wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or insulted.
Jamie’s showing signs of being the child who will actually want to play the ukulele rather than just listen to it. The other four have all had a go at some point but have drifted back to their own preference.
Jamie’s fascinated by it, she’ll watch Hikaru’s fingers as they form the chords and reach out to touch the strings herself. They’ve seen her playing “air-ukulele” to herself and as soon as she’s a little older Hikaru thinks he’ll get a specially made little one for her.
Jamie is like her Papa though. She doesn’t mind when the others run off and leave her even though she cries sometimes. She’s quite happy to have her fathers’ undivided attention when she can. The very antithesis of her namesake, she’s a shy child; she doesn’t take to people she doesn’t know well easily and clings to Pavel, burying her face in his neck at the sight of a stranger. Maybe a little brother or sister will be good for her. Help her come out of her shell a bit.
Hikaru kisses Pavel again and strokes Jamie’s hair. ‘Hey baby?’ he asks. ‘What do you say we make it an even six?’
Hiroki
They all know that the Captain has a son. They also know that he’s been trying to get access for years, but they’re still surprised when he mentions that David will be spending Jim’s two months of shore leave with him.
‘Does his mother know?’ McCoy asks pointedly.
‘Yes!’ says Jim peevishly. ‘Look, she doesn’t want him flying about on the ship, okay? But I won’t be on the ship, so it’s all cool.’
It’s the day after they’ve landed and Jim insisted on taking everyone - everyone being McCoy, Hikaru and Pavel, the others having flaked out - for a drink. They’ve left the kids with Hikaru’s parents, but Pavel is still distracted. He’s messaging Hikaru’s sister frantically on his PADD.
‘She is asking if you know where the wild things are!’ Pavel says sounding faintly hysterical. ‘Is this some joke? Is she taking my children to see some wild things?’
Hikaru stifles a laugh and rubs his back, ‘Calm down, baby! It’s a book.’
‘A book?’
‘Yeah, my Mom used to read it to us when we were li -‘ Jim howls suddenly and downs his shot and then reaches over and downs everyone else’s.
There is a stunned, uncomfortable silence where they look at each other, carefully avoiding Jim’s gaze until Pavel’s communicator vibrates. He takes it hesitantly and glances at the message. Then he shrieks and bolts out of the bar, communicator to his ear.
‘Stuck? What do you mean, stuck ?!’
McCoy motions vehemently toward Jim, who is hunched over clutching at his hair- and leaves, presumably to refill their drinks. Hikaru swallows and touches Jim’s shoulder lightly. ‘Uh - are you worried she might not let you have him?’
‘What if he doesn’t like me?’ Jim whispers quietly. ‘What if he doesn’t want to come?’
Hikaru looks over to the bar and glowers at McCoy’s back. He’s the Captain’s best friend. He should be doing this.
‘You’ve - uh- met him before,’ Hikaru points out. ‘You talk to him, right? Over the video -‘
‘It’s really awkward!’ Jim says looking up at Hikaru with wild eyes. ‘I ask him how he’s been and he answers in two words or less. I’m going to fuck this up I know it!’
‘Hey now!’ says Hikaru wishing Pavel were back. He’s better at this. ‘C’mon, you gotta give yourself a chance - uh - if you need any advice or anything me and Pavel would be happy to help.’
‘You would?’
‘Yeah, I guess.’ Jim looks a lot less distraught all of a sudden. Hikaru’s beginning to feel like he’s been had.
‘What are you doing tomorrow?’
‘Um -I’m not - ‘
‘You guys couldn’t come with me, could you? If Carol saw I was good with the kids - I mean I am good with the kids, right? They - they do like me?’ he falters.
Hikaru is pretty sure that he has been had at this point, although he’s sure that the Captain’s distress is genuine. But he supposes that they can spare a few hours for a friend. He sighs.
‘Stop being so fucking melodramatic. You know they love their Uncle Jimmy. We’ll be there - just tell us where and when.’
As expected Jim brightens at this and grins widely. Then unexpectedly, he hugs Hikaru - a big tackle hug that almost knocks him off his chair.
‘Oof,’ Hikaru protests. ‘Knock it off! People are gonna think I agreed to marry you or something!’
‘Hikaaaru!’
Hikaru shoves Jim off him. Pavel sounds terrified - this is more than general anxiety and Hikaru is gripped by fear that something awful has happened to one of the children.
‘What? What’s wrong?’
‘It’s Tosha!’
They’re always saying that one day that boy is going to put himself in hospital. Hikaru grabs Pavel’s arm. His hands are shaking. Oh please he thinks. Please let it just be Pavel over-reacting. Please. ‘What? Baby, please - what?'
'He has his head stuck in the stairs!'
It takes a second for this to register. 'He has his what stuck where?'
'The railings! Of the staircase! Oh, Hikaru! He is so scared! We have to go back now!'
Hikaru laughs with relief. Jim chuckles behind him. Pavel glares at them. 'Is not funny!' he says. 'My poor baby.'
Hikaru releases his grip on Pavel and slings an arm around his shoulders. 'Alright, let’s go,' he says. His mind conjures up images of everyone at home panicking and shrieking, and everyone offering opinions and suggestions at the top of their voices. He isn’t sure whether he should be more amused or alarmed.
'I'll call you!' Jim yells after them as they leave and Hikaru nods and waves.
'What is that about?' Pavel asks biting at his thumbnail, the way he does when he's scared.
'I'll tell you once we've got Tosha's head back,' says Hikaru. 'Why did he put it there in the first place?'
'How should I know?' asks Pavel. 'He is five. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time!'
'I think I know who will know,' mutters Hikaru and calls his sister. 'Haruka? Let me talk to Demora for a minute -'
*
Hiroki has two volumes. Loud and Oh-dear-god-who's-murdering-that-child?
Right now, he wants his spider shoes, and he won’t leave without them.
'No!' he shouts, pushing away the red ones that Hikaru offers him instead. 'No! Daddy, thpider! Spider!'
Hikaru winces. 'Come on Hiro, be a good boy. Don't you want to see Uncle Jimmy?'
Hiro sniffles. 'Spider?'
'I will find your spider shoes as soon as we get back,' Hikaru promises.
'Naaaaaaaaaaooo!' wails Hiro. 'Daddy! Spider!'
Hikaru had thought that he might have managed to get away without any clothes related tantrums when he suggested the children wear their Starfleet “uniforms”.
They aren't real uniforms. Just little ones they've replicated for them, but they all love them anyway. They like to play Starfleet Officers, and Hikaru is a little embarrassed over how often he finds himself with a lump in his throat when he sees them marching about all dressed in Command Gold.
But of course, Hiroki wants his Spider shoes and they haven't unpacked properly yet.
Pavel is trying to get Jamie to leave her ukulele at home. She takes the thing everywhere, even to bed, and when she has a bath they have to put it somewhere she can see it or she'll cry until she has it back.
'Let her keep it, Pavel,' Hikaru says. 'Stop shouting, Hiro! Quiet!'
Hiro puts a finger to his lips and looks up at Hikaru with big wide eyes, the picture of innocence. 'Spider!' he whispers.
'Here!' Hikaru's younger sister walks in and throws the shoes at Hikaru's head.
'We found them Daddy! Auntie Haruka helped!' Demi says triumphantly.
'How?' says Pavel. 'Did you remember which suitcase it was - oh Demi, you didn't!'
'It was the quickest way,' Haruka says. 'Oh and you guys better get back before Mom sees the mess in her room. She won't be happy.'
'Haruka,' says Hikaru holding his head as Hiro cheers and runs around waving his shoes in the air. 'Please tell me you did not empty out all the suitcases on the floor in Mom and Dad's room?'
'Don't be ridiculous, Nii-Nii,' says Haruka smirking. 'We found them in the third one we tried.'
The twins and Kimmi run in. Misha holds out his bunnybot happily. 'Papa, look! We didn't leave them on the ship!'
Tosha's neck is bruised and sore looking. His own bunnybot is tucked under his arm and his thumb is in his mouth. He stumbles over to Pavel and snuggles up to his side sleepily. He didn't get much sleep last night with all the excitement.
'Don't go to sleep!' Pavel says giving him a little shake. ‘We have to go now!’
Kimmi and Demi have caught Hiro and are swinging him between them. 'Hiro flying!' he shouts gleefully. 'Super Hiro!'
Jamie tugs on Hikaru's pants. He picks her up, ukulele and all, and kisses her forehead. 'How's my good girl?' he asks. 'You're the only sane one here, Jamie!'
Jamie giggles and then offers her cheek to be kissed as well.
It's only when they've actually left the house that she chooses to tell them that somehow someone's managed to spill baby shampoo all over the pile of clothes and toys in his mother's bedroom.
*
As far as first impressions go, it’s a bit of a disaster.
Hikaru wishes that Jim had mentioned he’d be picking David up at his mother’s lab and he would have explained just how bad an idea that would be. Jim has gone overboard as usual and has borrowed Jarock for the day. Jim also appears to have fed him a box full of sugar as a bribe to get him there, so he’s as dizzy as bug on a rope.
He’s backed David into a corner when they arrive and is chattering loudly about the plot of the last movie the children saw. ‘-and then astrogoons kidnap Jellicles , who you may recall is Tabitha’s pet sehlat and she realizes her previous misconceptions were an error and she goes to Errol to apologise. I wanted to have a sehlat but we couldn’t keep him on the ship so my Mommy bought me a toy one. This one. His name is Sir Ichabod Euphrates Cuddlypants the Third. Do you have a - ‘ Jarock catches sight of them, his face lights up and he bounces over.
Jim really should have known better than to give Jarock sugar.
‘Did you know Uncle Jimmy had a son?’ Jarock says loudly, without any sort of greeting. ‘I did not know.’
‘Not before today,’ says Demi. ‘Is that him?’
‘Why are we in a lab?’ Misha asks ‘I thought we weren’t allowed in labs. Those are the rules.’
‘Guidelines!’ mumbles Tosha from where he’s falling asleep over Pavel’s shoulder. He puts his thumb in his mouth.
Dr Marcus is looking at the bruises on Tosha’s neck with a frown. Pavel practically snarls at her. ‘He got his head stuck in the stairs! I do not choke my children!’
‘He doesn’t talk!’ Jarock is telling the other children. ‘I don’t think that he can.’
David is about Kimmi’s age and looks like Jim, blonde and blue eyed; the sort of boy who is going to grow up and break a million hearts, but he has none of the Captain’s brazen confidence. He’s slunk behind his mother and looking warily at Hikaru’s noisy bunch, but he looks slightly indignant at Jarock’s last comment.
‘Was he grown in the lab?’ Kimmi asks in a stage whisper. ‘Maybe that’s why he can’t talk.’
Demi snorts. ‘Maybe. Uncle Jimmy, why did you have to get them to make you a little boy in a lab? Why didn’t you get one the normal way?’
‘What’s the normal way?’
‘Daddy put his dingle dangle into -‘
That’s enough, Demora!’ says Hikaru, wishing he had a free hand to rub his forehead; he feels like he has a headache coming on. But he’s carrying both Jamie and Hiro and he doesn’t especially want to drop either.
Demi has recently become acquainted with the facts of life - she’d started asking awkward question until finally Pavel sat her down and explained. Being Pavel he did so with flowcharts and intensively labelled diagrams, but somehow Demi has managed to get to the gist of things with surprising efficiency. She also seems to think it’s her duty to tell everybody.
‘But Daddy - ‘
‘It is enough!’ Pavel snaps. He’s still glaring at Dr Marcus. Oh crap.
‘Get down now!’ says Jamie. Hikaru winces, if she wants to get down Hiro will too. But he puts both of them down anyway, because Jamie’s started to squirm. Hiro doesn’t seem too interested in moving off at the moment. He reaches up to grip Hikaru’s finger pressing close to his legs.
‘I just thought that if there were other kids he might feel less - you know - weird about the whole thing,’ says Jim to Dr Marcus desperately. ‘They’re good kids, usually.’
‘They are being good now ,’ Pavel interrupts. Tosha whimpers and Pavel steadies his head, stroking his hair to soothe him. ‘What sort of place is this for children? You did not say we would be coming to this laboratory - ‘ he says to Jim, and then he turns to Dr Marcus. ‘Also your calculations are all wrong.’ He waves at a nearby screen. ‘You failed to include the probability of solar flares.’
Dr Marcus looks furious and a little puzzled, as if wondering when exactly it was that Pavel had time to look at her calculations.
‘The laboratory is perfectly safe for a well behaved child,’ she says. She hasn’t said anything about Pavel’s observation. Probably means that he’s right.
Pavel sniffs disdainfully. ‘You remind me of my mother,’ he says. ‘She also thinks that children should be seen and not heard. Of course, I left when I was fourteen. I could not wait to get away from -‘
‘Lieutenant Chekov!’ says Jim. ‘One moment please.’
‘Papa doesn’t like you,’ Demi tells Dr Marcus as Pavel goes over to talk to Jim, looking mutinous.
‘I don’t think she likes Papa either,’ Kimmi says. ‘Or us.’
‘I’m sure that isn’t true,’ says Hikaru, though he’s sure of no such thing. ‘Papa likes her just fine Demi - he’s just - um - in one of his moods.’
‘Bleh!’ says Demi. ‘I don’t like this lab.’
‘Can we play Wild Things?’ says Kimmi. ‘If we go outside?’
‘What’s Wild Things?’ asks Jarock excitedly. ‘Is it a new game?’
‘I get to be the King of the Wild Things!’ shouts Misha. ‘I said it first!’
Tosha wakes up at this and struggles to be put down. Pavel lets him go and continues to talk to Jim. Hikaru can’t hear what Pavel’s saying, but he’s gesturing rather wildly so it can’t be good.
‘We should have a Wild Rumpus!’ Tosha says.
‘What’s a Rumpus?’
‘No rumpus!’ says Hikaru. ‘This is not the place for rumpuses. Ugh, okay - you don’t have an empty room, do you?’ he asks Dr Marcus. ‘Like a conference room or something?’
She doesn’t look very happy. ‘Can’t you take them outside?’
‘I’m not letting them go outside on their -‘
Hiro lifts his arms up. ‘Super-Hiro!’ he says. He wants to be swung around. Hikaru picks him up, swoops him in the air once and then puts him back down. ‘There’s got to be somewhere that isn’t filled with delicate equipment,’ says Hikaru.
Jamie starts to sing strumming away on her ukulele. Jamie doesn’t really pay much attention to the words. She just sings ‘La la la,’ until she gets to the chorus which she does know, and which is the cue for the other five to join in, and even little Hiro claps his hands and babbles along with them.
Dr Marcus looks mollified and even David looks less apprehensive and a little wistful. Like this is something he’s looking in at from the outside. In a way, Hikaru supposes, he is. Pavel and Jim stop their arguing to watch them, and Hikaru watches Pavel look at David’s face and melt.
Perhaps he recognizes something of himself in the boy. Hikaru remembers Pavel telling him about how lonely he’d been as a child, and his heart goes out to that little boy of twenty years ago and the other little boy who is standing in front of him.
With all the kerfuffle and the calm that follows, he’s forgotten to keep a firm grip on Hiro. He only realizes when a strange eerie music starts to come from the corner of the room and they turn to notice Hiro waving his arms near what looks like a box with a couple of antennas sticking out of it.
‘Hiro!’ Pavel shouts. ‘What are you doing? Come here!’
‘Super-Hiro!’ Hiro shouts back gleefully and moves his hands again. The other children stop their singing and playing to watch him and the music coming from the box gradually stops being random noise and turns into the old familiar song.
‘What is that?’ Hikaru whispers.
‘It’s a theramin,’ Pavel says. At Hikaru’s incredulous look he adds, ‘It was invented in Russia.’
Dr Marcus shakes her head. ‘It belongs to my assistant,’ she says. ‘He must have left it here. Your boy is as good as anyone I’ve seen play it. When did you start him on it?’
Hikaru and Pavel look at each other and say nothing for a minute. Pavel recovers quicker. ‘Is the first time he has seen one,’ he brags. ‘He is a genius, obviously. Just like his Papa!’
Hikaru rolls his eyes but he’s always found Pavel’s boasting adorable and he puts an arm around him.
Dr Marcus turns to Hikaru with a smile. ‘So you’re a genius, are you?’
Pavel makes an angry choked noise and Hikaru snickers. ‘He’s their Papa. I’m Daddy.’
Hiro finishes the song and crows triumphantly, thrusting his little fists in the air. He really is like his Papa. Everyone claps and Pavel rushes forward to make a fuss of him.
Hikaru sees Jim and Dr Marcus exchange a little smile - the first Jim has smiled throughout all of this. ‘I suppose we should talk,’ Dr Marcus says. ‘About David. So you know what to expect for the next couple of months.’
‘Alright you monsters,’ says Pavel. ‘I and Hikaru will take you outside and then you can play your game until we go.’
‘We aren’t monsters,’ says Kimmi. ‘We’re Wild Things!’ She turns towards David. ‘Do you want to come?’
David glances at his parents a little uncertainly and then he nods.
‘I get to be king!’ Misha’s shouting as Hikaru starts to herd them out. Pavel hands Hiro into his arms and smiles at Hikaru in the way that suggests he’s thinking of child number seven. Hikaru isn’t sure about that but they can talk about it later. If Pavel’s made his mind up, he doesn’t expect to stand a chance, but maybe it is time for another.
‘Hiro good boy?’
‘Very good,’ says Hikaru. ‘Genius, apparently.’
‘What chenius, Daddy?’
‘Super Hiro,’ Hikaru explains, putting it in a way he can understand.
Hiro grins, showing his teeth - all four of them. ‘SUPER-HIRO!’ he shouts and Hikaru winces. Sometimes he wishes that Hiro came with a mute button.
‘I called king first!’ Misha’s saying.
‘I was asleeping’ says Tosha. ‘It doesn’t count!’
‘You can’t call king!’ David says suddenly. ‘You have to win it!’
It’s the first words he’s said since they’ve arrived. Demi turns to look at him appraisingly. ‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘We have to stare into each other’s eyes and the one who doesn’t blink is king.’
Hikaru looks over his shoulder at Jim and winks. Yeah, David’s going to fit in around here just fine.
Optimus George
George is the first child to be born on Earth since the twins. It happened when they were back in San Francisco for Hikaru’s brother’s wedding.
Hikaru was vaguely surprised and more than a little touched that Hideki asked him to be his best man. Now they’ve grown up they’re nowhere as agonistic towards each other as they used to be but they’re not exactly close.
Even though it was two weeks before the wedding and they’d all known when Pavel was due - George was a week late - Hideki still insisted that he should get to pick the name because Hikaru had upstaged his big day.
Of course, they didn’t go with the name that Hideki picked because: no. Just no.
Unfortunately he said it in front of the other children, who thought it was a great idea, especially Hiro, and they adopted it as his ‘official’ nickname. Soon everyone was using it, even Pavel. They’ve gotten to the point now where the only person who calls the boy George is Hikaru.
Hikaru has a son called Optimus. If ever the phrase ‘fuck my life’ was appropriate, it’s now.
*
There are three things that everyone assumes about Hikaru’s children. One: they will be smart; two: they will be trouble; and three: they will discover some sort of musical talent before their second birthday.
Pavel tells him the betting pool on what instrument Optimus will end up playing currently stands at 1500 Standard credits and that it includes things like the glass harp, the terpsitone and vegetables.
‘His name is George!’ Hikaru says. ‘And how the hell do you play a vegetable, anyway?’
Pavel smirks at him. ‘I think Optimus is cute,’ he says. ‘And how should I know how to play a vegetable?’
‘It was probably invented in Russia,’ Hikaru retorts.
‘We are not so crazy,’ Pavel tells him. ‘Japan though, I bet they invent such things there.’
‘Blergh!’ says George.
‘Thank you,’ Hikaru says. ‘Vegetable instruments were not invented in Japan. George says so.’
‘He is a baby,’ says Pavel picking him up. ‘What does he know? You don’t know anything? Do you?’
‘Bah!’ says George and tugs on Pavel’s ear. ‘Quantum!’
‘Maybe you know some things,’ Pavel concedes. He nuzzles the little boy’s nose with his own. ‘Are you going to grow up to be a physicist like your Papa?’
‘Da!’ says George.
Demi and Tosha taught George to say quantum a couple of weeks ago and it’s quickly becoming his favourite word. Mainly because it makes Pavel grin like crazy.
‘He might grow up to be a botanist,’ Hikaru says. ‘Have you seen my badge?’
‘I am not a house-wife,’ says Pavel. ‘Where did you leave it last?’
Hikaru stiffens. Pavel always gets tetchy when Hikaru goes on potentially hostile away missions, ever since that incident with the Krytonian tiger. Hikaru’s had a couple of other narrow escapes after that, which hasn’t helped matters.
Hikaru finds his badge stuffed down between two sofa cushions. He holds it up to Pavel accusingly. Pavel shrugs. ‘I wonder how it got there,’ he says defiantly.
‘I’ll be back, Pavel,’ Hikaru says. ‘Come on baby, you know Jim wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.’
‘You are not the only person on this ship trained in combat,’ Pavel says. ‘Here - ‘ he holds out George like he’s a basketball; the baby giggles and swings his legs. ‘You should kiss your son goodbye. What if he never sees you again?’
‘You’re hot when you’re being dramatic,’ Hikaru deadpans, but he takes George and kisses his cheek anyway.
‘Drama!’ says George.
Hikaru sighs against his son’s forehead. ‘You take care of your Papa now,’ he says. ‘You know how fragile he is.’
‘I am not fragile!’ Pavel says, taking George back. ‘I am not the one who comes back with broken bones and his skin cut open and his insides hanging out.’
Hikaru tries to kiss him but Pavel turns his face away and stares at George’s head looking moody.
Hikaru has to go, so he doesn’t push it. He promises himself that he’ll make it up to Pavel when he gets back. ‘I will be back, you know,’ he says pausing at the door. ‘I promise.’
It isn’t until he’s almost at the transporter room that Hikaru realizes that Pavel has followed him there with George in his arms. He refuses to look at Hikaru and simply sweeps past him through the door as if he isn’t there. Hikaru wonders where the other children are.
As the door to the transporter room slides open, he hears the babble of excited young voices and groans. When Pavel wants to guilt trip him, he goes all the way.
‘When are you coming back, Daddy?’ Demi asks, her eyes wide and anxious, like Pavel’s can get sometimes. She’s eight now - nearly nine, and is beginning to understand about the permanence of death. Hikaru hates how quickly she’s growing up.
Jim looks uncomfortable when he sees all the children there. ‘You organize a see-off party, Checkers?’ he asks.
‘You, do not speak to me,’ Pavel says. ‘If my children are all orphaned because their father is captured and tortured then it will be your fault.’
‘Actually,’ Jim says peevishly, ‘even if Hicks dies they still wouldn’t be orphaned. They’ll have you, right?’
‘You think I would live without him?’ Pavel asks. ‘I will die of grief before long. It will be very tragic. You can explain to them as they are weeping over my lifeless body how you had to send your pilot when you have a full staff of security who are there for this thing.’
Demi looks terrified and clutches at Hikaru’s arm. ‘Don’t go, Daddy!’ she says. Kimmi is usually unfazed by Pavel’s histrionics but she’s beginning to look distinctly uneasy. Jamie and the twins have started to sniffle.
Hiro’s still cheerful. But he’s only three and wants to be a superhero when he grows up. He thinks Hikaru is some sort of ninja-warrior and is trying to get a look at Hikaru’s sword.
‘Pavel,’ Hikaru says warningly. ‘Leave them out of this.’
‘Don’t look at me like -‘
Scotty walks in at that moment, interrupting them, and Hikaru silently thanks anything that might be behind this because he has a feeling they were headed in a nasty direction.
Then he double takes because Scotty is not only wearing a kilt, he’s also carrying bagpipes. Pavel gawks.
‘What? Is it St George’s day? Did I miss a memo?’ Jim asks Scotty bemused.
‘St. Andrew’s day and no, Captain. I thought I might give ye a proper send off. The wee bairns are convinced it’s the last we’ll see of ye. Some might say good riddance to ye, but seein’ as you’re the Captain the least I could do is play ye a little song.’
‘Aww crap,’ Jim mutters but the children have started to giggle.
‘Why are you wearing a skirt, Uncle Scotty?’ asks Tosha.
‘It’s nae a skirt, it’s a kilt, laddy! Very manly. Only the manliest of men are allowed to wear ‘em. That’s why you’ll never see either of your daddies in one.’
Pavel huffs but his lips twitch slightly.
‘For my first number, I shall play Auld Lang Syne,’ Scotty announces.
‘What?’ says Jim. ‘How is that appropriate?’
‘Would ye rather it be Amazing Grace?’
‘Carry on!’
The children squeal and clap their hands over their ears as he starts to play. It isn’t that Scotty plays badly. It’s just very loud.
Hikaru slips over to Pavel’s side and swings him round to face him. ‘I promise I’ll be back,’ he says, loudly over the noise. ‘I swear it, baby. I’m not leaving you, okay?’
‘After this, we have to talk,’ Pavel says. ‘Please, Hikaru. I cannot do this on my own.’
Hikaru nods. ‘Okay,’ he says. ‘Okay. We’ll talk.’
George looks up at them. ‘Okay?’ he says.
Pavel smiles. It’s a wan, tired smile but a smile nonetheless. ‘Yes Optimus,’ he says. ‘We’re okay.’ But he’s looking at Hikaru when he says it. Hikaru leans down to kiss him, over George’s head.
George gives Hikaru a little push and babbles at him. ‘What’s that?’ Hikaru asks, tilting his head. ‘You telling me to just go already, kiddo?’
George makes a complaining, exasperated noise and then points. ‘Do want!’ he says.
Pavel and Hikaru turn to follow his line of sight.
It’s the bagpipes. Of course. What else?
‘Oh hell, no!’
Polina
Hikaru will never admit it to anyone, but he desperately wanted the last one to be a girl. He likes the idea of having even numbers and none of the other girls look particularly like Pavel.
No one who looks at Polina could ever have any doubt as to who her Papa is. She’s exactly like what Pavel would look like if he were a girl. Her eyes, her hair - Uhura put her in pigtails once and it’s the cutest, most heart wrenching thing that Hikaru has ever seen - her nose, the shape of her mouth - everything is Pavel’s, just smaller and somehow it fits this tiny little girl perfectly.
There’s very little of Hikaru in her, but he doesn’t really care.
Pavel pouts when Hikaru marches him down to see Dr McCoy when Polly is about six months old. ‘But what if we change our mind later?’ he protests.
‘We agreed on eight,’ Hikaru says. ‘Come on, baby, we’re done.’
‘It’s about time,’ McCoy mutters. ‘This is a Starship, not a maternity ward.’
He’s had to deliver three children this year. Lieutenants Tomlinson and Martine’s first baby; Uhura and Spock’s second child, called Amanda, after her grandmother; and Polly.
Pavel cries once the procedure’s reversed. ‘I know I’m being stupid,’ he tells Hikaru. ‘I just feel sad.’
Hikaru knows what he feels like. He doesn’t understand the inexplicable sadness - eight is more than enough - but he just holds Pavel while he gets it out of his system and then later, once he’s sobbed himself to sleep, Hikaru sneaks off intending to stare morosely at the walls for a while.
Jim collars him on the way and makes him come to the bar instead. Scotty and Uhura are already there, drinking what looks like whiskey. Uhura tells him she’s left Spock babysitting.
‘All ten of them?’ Sulu asks. ‘On his own?’
‘He’ll manage,’ Uhura says. ‘You know how good he is with the children. I think if I refused to have another one, he would carry it himself.’
‘Just what we need,’ says Scotty. ‘A Vulcan up the duff.’ He grins at Hikaru and raises his glass. ‘Here’s to the last of your litter, lad. And may she bring me as much good fortune as the last one.’
Hikaru thinks Scotty playing the bagpipes in front of Optimus was no accident. Especially since Scotty had gone on to win that betting pool.
‘Awww,’ says Jim. ‘It won’t be the same without always having a Chulu baby around!’
‘A what baby?’
‘Chulu - It’s easier to say than Chekov-Sulu. You should put that on their passports. It’s cute.’
‘It’s terrible,’ says Uhura. ‘But you’re lucky I got to him before he started calling them Sukov babies.’
‘What’s wrong with Sukov?’ asks Scotty.
‘Pavel would beat you within an inch of your life if you called his children that,’ Uhura smirks. ‘It sounds like the Russian word for bitch.’
Hikaru snorts and takes a gulp of his beer. ‘You could have one yourself,’ he says to Jim. ‘I’m sure the Doc’d be down with that.’
‘Ha ha,’ says Jim. ‘Very funny. Can you imagine me... you know?’ He mimes a large pregnant belly in front of himself.
‘Pregnant?’ says Uhura. ‘You can say the word, Jim.’
‘Aye,’ says Scotty. ‘’Snot like it’ll happen by saying it. You see Captain, the way it works is when a daddy puts his dingle dangle into -‘
Sulu groans. He’ll never hear the end of Demora’s sex-ed lesson. ‘Don’t remind me,’ he says. ‘Ugh! The next time one of them starts asking questions, how about I just send them to you? I tried to explain where babies came from to Jamie when we knew we were having Polly and she just looked at me and said, “You’re making this up, aren’t you?” when I’d finished’
Jim looks uncomfortable. ‘Do you think David knows?’
‘Yes,’ they all say, and then laugh at the look of relief that crosses his face.
‘So whaddya think the littlest is going to play?’ asks Jim.
‘What’s the betting pool like?’
‘I think the favourite is the clarinet, but I’ve got my money on the harmonica,’ says Scotty.
‘You run this thing, don’t you?’ says Hikaru.
‘No honey, that would be Cupcake,’ says Uhura.
‘Cupcake?’ says Hikaru. ‘Now there’s a surprise.’
In the end, it doesn’t matter what Polly chooses to play; Hikarus know she’ll be terrific at it. Or maybe she won’t play at all and they’ll have another dancer in the family; Kimmi’s starting to get interested in ballet and the thought of a tiny little girl-Pavel in a tutu brings a smile to Hikaru’s face. Maybe she won’t have any interest in music and want to do sports or fencing instead.
They’ll all be alright. They can do whatever it is they want, go wherever they want, be whoever they want and even though this isn’t the future Hikaru had ever envisioned for himself all those years ago when he first enlisted in Starfleet, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Pavel has the family he’s always wanted, both in terms of their maddening brilliant children and the close-knit crew of the Enterprise. They’ll watch each other’s children grow up, join Starfleet themselves (probably, they’ve spent most of their lives in Space) and if Demora has her way - start a rock-band.
La la, how the life goes on.
*
The final betting pool reached 5000 credits and listed over a hundred different types of musical instrument and yet no-one at all saw the cello coming.
Et Fin
End Notes: Obladi Oblada by the Beatles. I do not own Star Trek, Where the Wild Things Are, Heroes, Spider shoes, Good Omens or anything else you might recognise. I also have no Chulu babies. ;_;