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[sdlucly]

A little over a month ago, my grandmother fell in her bedroom. When I think back on it, really think back on it, I'm certain we didn't hear her fall. Not the actual fall, just, we were in the living room and suddenly it sounded like a chair had fallen in one of the upper floors of the building and my dad even heard it coming from his right, on the

Comments

[popmusicjunkie]

I am so sorry, J. Over the past few years I've watched my grandma and my grandpa's health steadily decline. It is so hard to cope with and I am so so sorry you are experiencing that right now. If you ever need to talk about it or whatever, you know I am just an email or IM away.

[sdlucly]

This just happened so fast. She fell and then she wasn't herself and she was so fine before, you know, she was great and she just said goodnight and she changed and. Fuck.

Yeah, it sucks but I guess in a way she's not suffering much. I mean, it's only been a month and it's only gotten really bad this past week and a half I guess. Other people are like this months and months and I just. I don't know. I want her to be the one that she used to be but I also want to have the relationship I used to have three years ago with a guy I used to know, and I know that's not gonna happen, so I know things don't ever go the way one wants them to, you know? God, it's so fucked up. It just hurts, you know, and I just. I just wanna be fine and okay and happy and that seems like such a long time ago now.

God, it's so stupid, to be mixing up pain but that's how it feels, you know?

[steve_ski]

So sorry your having to go through this. Went through something similiar with my mom and 6 weeks in the ICU before we had to make the decision to let her go so I know the kinds of thoughts your having. While they are sucky thoughts they are perfectly natural because yeah you do want whats best and sometimes letting go is whats best.

Hoping for the best possible outcome for you and your family

[sdlucly]

Thank you. I just. It feels so selfcentered, that I feel like I was starting to get better, and then this happened and it hurts, for different reasons, but at the same time, it's like it's all mixing up together, one pain and the other and it's so. you know? It just hurts, and at times I don't know if I'm crying because of what's going on with my gran or maybe because I miss miss the asshole and. Fuck. Just, I wanna be on the other side of both things and actually, I'd rather have my gran be the way she used to be, fine and smiling and making fun of me (she did that) than the idiot, you know? I really do. Because she always loved me so much, even now, I tell her I love her and she says, "me too" and it just kinda breaks my heart.

Thanks, though. Really. Thank you.

[l_vera01]

[pr_scatterbrain]

I'm sorry that you are going through this hard time with your Grandmother. I understand what you are going through. My Grandmother suffers from paranoia dementia. It's very difficult when you see someone you love unable to do simple things and enjoy life the way they once did. I wish you & your Grandmother all the best - I'm always here to talk about it if you need someone.