[csi] Look
Yes, I'm weak. Very much. I gave up about two weeks ago and wrote this. In one sitting, because I knew that if I was to stand up, well, there would be no end to this story. It would gather dust in my HD. And it still has.
The thing is, this is my very first story in this fandom, and I'm very much scared. This is all about Grissom, who is the hardest person to read, at best, so... *shrugs* Anyway. It's here. It's out there.
Title: Look
Author: M. F. Luder
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Grissom/Nick, though it's mostly pre-slash
Rating: PG-13.
Author's note: My very first story in the fandom. I'm scared.
Edit: Already betad by darling, beautiful and amazing syrenslure *hugs* Thanks sweetie.
Look
Grissom parks his Denali, turning off the engine, and he can't quite see the crime scene from there. He lets go of the steering wheel and stares at his hands for a moment.
What are you really doing there?
He shakes his head, turns around to eye the file on the passenger seat and then picks it up, before what little resolve he has slips through his fingers.
He opens the door and puts on his sunglasses. It's too early in the day for him to still be working, or too late -- either way. Gil makes his way down the street and toward the crime scene. There are two police officers standing by the side of their patrol, talking quietly. They glance up at Grissom as he approaches and he nods in greeting. The nearest officer nods back and turns back to their conversation.
Grissom realizes that his teeth are clenched tightly, his jaw tensed, and he tells himself to breathe, to relax. He's coming to see Catherine, to talk to her, nothing else. No one else.
The DB is long gone, as Catherine is kneeling down by the side of the car, printing the door and handle. She looks over her shoulder as Grissom approaches, and stands with a frown. She places the tape lift inside her kit before facing him.
"Grissom." She tilts her head. "I didn't think I'd find you here."
He shrugs casually, glancing to the left, toward the front lawn of the house. He doesn't know much about this case -- deceased male found by his car, gunshot to the chest. That's enough, for a case that isn't his.
Then he sees him.
Nick walks out of the house, turning around the front door and starts dusting for prints. Nick doesn't notice Grissom's presence, but still causes Grissom's breath to catch in his throat, and his heart to race for a second. He has to force himself to look away from the chopped hair and lean body that draws his focus to look at Catherine.
Catherine already has her head tilted and an eyebrow raised and he gives her a tight smile. He hands her the file that is in his hands. "I was told you needed this, thought I'd drop it by."
Catherine's still frowning as she opens the report and scans it. "Family information." She looks up at Grissom, confused.
He takes a small breath, trying to look as inscrutable as possible. He can feel heat rising in his cheeks and he scratches an eyebrow before removing the sunglasses. He holds them in his hand, his palms starting to sweat.
His composure seems to be slipping away and he can feel the tightness in his lips as they press into a thin line. His gaze shifts once again, over Catherine's shoulder and towards Nick, kneeling by the doorframe, evidence kit by his side. Grissom fights down the grin that threatens to appear. When he turns around to look at Catherine, she's smiling at him, nodding as she does so.
He bites down the inside of his cheek and the lightness in his mood, the smile tugging at his lips is gone. He hasn't fooled her, probably never will, and she's indulging him.
He doesn't need to be indulged.
"You could have let a police officer bring me this." There's that smile again, that twinkle in her eye. "Or I could have picked it up when I arrived to the lab."
He shrugs, casually, taking a step back and resting his sunglasses on top of the hood of the car. "It's on my way to see a victim's family. I thought I could detour."
"Of course," she says, casually, but there's more to that tone. They both know it.
He gives her a small, tight smile, and that does nothing to erase her knowing smirk.
"I have to go." He's already backing away as they say their goodbyes. He leaves quickly, making his way to the car and only looking back once.
Nick's walking towards Catherine, looking over to Grissom. Nick nods at Gil in greeting, and Grissom does the same before turning around. God, he thinks, I'm an idiot.
He gets into the driver seat of the Denali and closes his eyes, leaning his head forward, and pinching the bridge of his nose. He groans, shaking his head. He' an idiot. Really. Had he actually thought that he could fool Catherine? Did he think that she would believe that he had come all the way over here, only to hand her a file that wasn't urgent. An officer could have done it. They could have called her with the information.
But when he had seen the file and heard the secretary mentioning Catherine's name, "out in the field with CSI Stokes, she'll pick up the file when she gets back," Grissom had found an opportunity.
He could take the file to her, see Nick and be on his way to his victim's parents and no one would be the wiser. He would be able to see Nick, if only for a brief moment -- because it had been two days since he last saw him, four days since he last talked to him and nine days since he last heard his laughter.
He shakes his head, and groans. He wonders if, at his age, he could die of embarrassment. Or shock, as a knock on his window makes him jump. He turns to see Nick's frowning face on the other side of his window.
He takes a deep breath, finding the strength to present himself as calm and controlled, as usual, even if he's felling anything but. He rolls the window all the way down, giving Nick a small smile.
"Nick." His voice isn't thick and it doesn't tremble and he's very proud of that.
"Something wrong?"
Grissom shakes his head. Of course not. You're here. "Migraine."
"Oh."
"It's nothing."
Nick tilts his head to the side for a moment and then there's a big smile on his lips. His eyes are shining and Grissom's breath catches in his throat for a moment, until he remembers how to breathe.
Oh, he had almost forgotten that. Almost, but not quite, forgotten the effect one of Nick's bright smiles had on him. It's one of the many reasons he misses having the young man on his shift, where he can actually have conversations with him, however brief, and work together on cases.
"It was a surprise seeing you here."
Grissom nods as Nick shifts, his hand reaching out to lean against the door of the car.
"Catherine said you brought by some papers."
Yes, yes, the papers. He wonders if Nick actually bought that. Grissom's gaze shifts from Nick's eyes to his jaw and to his lips and back to his eyes, and there's nothing in his expression that leads Grissom to think he hasn't. Maybe Nick had just brushed it off as one of the many weird traits of his boss. Grissom doesn't grimace at the thought. Ex-boss, actually.
"Hmm." Hesitation doesn't suit him, and Nick frowns once again. "Yes, I thought I would bring it by on my way."
God, Gil, the least you could have done is find a more believable lie, don't you think? Too late for that.
"It feels like I haven't seen you around the lab in years."
Grissom smiles, ducking his head slightly as he feels a blush going to his cheeks. It's another thing that's not him. "Yes, we seem to have been missing each other."
The silence between them is awkward and as much as Grissom wants to sit here all day and watch Nick, just watch him, he doesn't think he can do that with Nick looking at him the way he is -- like he's done something wrong and Nick has a pretty good idea of what exactly that is.
The thought is enough to let him know his quota of the week has been filled and he better leave now before Nick thinks about how he has no idea why Grissom would want to make the extra half-hour drive from the lab to hand Catherine a file. However, Grissom's need to see him, to feel his heart speed up a bit, before pausing all together, would probably never occur to Nick.
"Well, I'd better go," Grissom says, knowing that'll be enough for Nick to take the hint and step away.
Leave while you still can, Grissom. Leave with your innocence intact, in a way, or Nicky here will find out and then you probably will die of shame.
"Oh, yeah. Right." Nick takes a step back, looks down at his hands and then steps forward again as Grissom inserts the key into the ignition. "I almost forgot." Nick chuckles nervously, making Grissom turn around to look at him and the corner of his lips to curl upwards against his own will. Nick hands him his sunglasses through the window and Grissom looks at them, wondering when exactly he took them off.
"You left them on the hood of the car," Nick says, explaining. He shrugs.
Oh. Right. Of course. "Thank you." Grissom nods once in Nick's direction, the engine roaring. He can't help but give Nick one last glance, another smile. "I'll see you around the lab, Nicky."
Nick turns around, surprise evident on his face and Grissom has no idea where he has left his controlled demeanor. It's been years since he last used the endearment, years since he has let himself even think about it, let alone pronounce it.
Nick nods, stiffly, still smiling and Grissom's hands tighten on the wheel as he pulls out into the street.
He's done more than enough to embarrass himself. At least he won't be seeing Nick tomorrow night, or probably even the night after that. Enough time would pass for Nick to forget about this incident, to think nothing of it -- or so Grissom hopes.
Looking in the rearview mirror, Grissom can still see Nick standing where he had been for another moment before turning around and returning to the crime scene. Grissom lets out a sigh of relief that he hadn't known he'd been holding.
Well, so much for being smooth about that, right?
It's okay. It's not like he can't get used to this, to seeing Nicky only every other day. Talking to him the few times they run into each other in the lab, saying nothing more than a few pleasantries and questions about current cases will be enough.
He had gotten used to working with Nicky over the years, hadn't he? He was used to always having Nick closer than needed, spending most of the night working together. The dull ache had receded to, or accustomed to, excitement at moments and desolation at others. Grissom had gotten used to all that. It had taken time, but then, time is all he has now.
He berates himself for doing something as impulsive as this, concluding that this is the last time he pretends that running errands is part of his job.
Working with Nicky and not having him, he's gotten used to that. Now, all he has to do is get used to not working with him. Easy.
Grissom sighs, focuses on the road ahead and thinks about the lab, about going back after this interview. He still has some paperwork to get done, his inbox to try and go through. And then, maybe, if he times it right, he might run into Nick as he's processing the evidence. He can't stop the grin on his lips as he thinks, he could even help Nick with the case.
*****
Well, there it is. *takes deep breath*
Now, after dipping my toes into another fandom, I'm back to where my muses feel more comfortable: hurting Ryan. *nods*
The thing is, this is my very first story in this fandom, and I'm very much scared. This is all about Grissom, who is the hardest person to read, at best, so... *shrugs* Anyway. It's here. It's out there.
Title: Look
Author: M. F. Luder
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Grissom/Nick, though it's mostly pre-slash
Rating: PG-13.
Author's note: My very first story in the fandom. I'm scared.
Edit: Already betad by darling, beautiful and amazing syrenslure *hugs* Thanks sweetie.
Look
Grissom parks his Denali, turning off the engine, and he can't quite see the crime scene from there. He lets go of the steering wheel and stares at his hands for a moment.
What are you really doing there?
He shakes his head, turns around to eye the file on the passenger seat and then picks it up, before what little resolve he has slips through his fingers.
He opens the door and puts on his sunglasses. It's too early in the day for him to still be working, or too late -- either way. Gil makes his way down the street and toward the crime scene. There are two police officers standing by the side of their patrol, talking quietly. They glance up at Grissom as he approaches and he nods in greeting. The nearest officer nods back and turns back to their conversation.
Grissom realizes that his teeth are clenched tightly, his jaw tensed, and he tells himself to breathe, to relax. He's coming to see Catherine, to talk to her, nothing else. No one else.
The DB is long gone, as Catherine is kneeling down by the side of the car, printing the door and handle. She looks over her shoulder as Grissom approaches, and stands with a frown. She places the tape lift inside her kit before facing him.
"Grissom." She tilts her head. "I didn't think I'd find you here."
He shrugs casually, glancing to the left, toward the front lawn of the house. He doesn't know much about this case -- deceased male found by his car, gunshot to the chest. That's enough, for a case that isn't his.
Then he sees him.
Nick walks out of the house, turning around the front door and starts dusting for prints. Nick doesn't notice Grissom's presence, but still causes Grissom's breath to catch in his throat, and his heart to race for a second. He has to force himself to look away from the chopped hair and lean body that draws his focus to look at Catherine.
Catherine already has her head tilted and an eyebrow raised and he gives her a tight smile. He hands her the file that is in his hands. "I was told you needed this, thought I'd drop it by."
Catherine's still frowning as she opens the report and scans it. "Family information." She looks up at Grissom, confused.
He takes a small breath, trying to look as inscrutable as possible. He can feel heat rising in his cheeks and he scratches an eyebrow before removing the sunglasses. He holds them in his hand, his palms starting to sweat.
His composure seems to be slipping away and he can feel the tightness in his lips as they press into a thin line. His gaze shifts once again, over Catherine's shoulder and towards Nick, kneeling by the doorframe, evidence kit by his side. Grissom fights down the grin that threatens to appear. When he turns around to look at Catherine, she's smiling at him, nodding as she does so.
He bites down the inside of his cheek and the lightness in his mood, the smile tugging at his lips is gone. He hasn't fooled her, probably never will, and she's indulging him.
He doesn't need to be indulged.
"You could have let a police officer bring me this." There's that smile again, that twinkle in her eye. "Or I could have picked it up when I arrived to the lab."
He shrugs, casually, taking a step back and resting his sunglasses on top of the hood of the car. "It's on my way to see a victim's family. I thought I could detour."
"Of course," she says, casually, but there's more to that tone. They both know it.
He gives her a small, tight smile, and that does nothing to erase her knowing smirk.
"I have to go." He's already backing away as they say their goodbyes. He leaves quickly, making his way to the car and only looking back once.
Nick's walking towards Catherine, looking over to Grissom. Nick nods at Gil in greeting, and Grissom does the same before turning around. God, he thinks, I'm an idiot.
He gets into the driver seat of the Denali and closes his eyes, leaning his head forward, and pinching the bridge of his nose. He groans, shaking his head. He' an idiot. Really. Had he actually thought that he could fool Catherine? Did he think that she would believe that he had come all the way over here, only to hand her a file that wasn't urgent. An officer could have done it. They could have called her with the information.
But when he had seen the file and heard the secretary mentioning Catherine's name, "out in the field with CSI Stokes, she'll pick up the file when she gets back," Grissom had found an opportunity.
He could take the file to her, see Nick and be on his way to his victim's parents and no one would be the wiser. He would be able to see Nick, if only for a brief moment -- because it had been two days since he last saw him, four days since he last talked to him and nine days since he last heard his laughter.
He shakes his head, and groans. He wonders if, at his age, he could die of embarrassment. Or shock, as a knock on his window makes him jump. He turns to see Nick's frowning face on the other side of his window.
He takes a deep breath, finding the strength to present himself as calm and controlled, as usual, even if he's felling anything but. He rolls the window all the way down, giving Nick a small smile.
"Nick." His voice isn't thick and it doesn't tremble and he's very proud of that.
"Something wrong?"
Grissom shakes his head. Of course not. You're here. "Migraine."
"Oh."
"It's nothing."
Nick tilts his head to the side for a moment and then there's a big smile on his lips. His eyes are shining and Grissom's breath catches in his throat for a moment, until he remembers how to breathe.
Oh, he had almost forgotten that. Almost, but not quite, forgotten the effect one of Nick's bright smiles had on him. It's one of the many reasons he misses having the young man on his shift, where he can actually have conversations with him, however brief, and work together on cases.
"It was a surprise seeing you here."
Grissom nods as Nick shifts, his hand reaching out to lean against the door of the car.
"Catherine said you brought by some papers."
Yes, yes, the papers. He wonders if Nick actually bought that. Grissom's gaze shifts from Nick's eyes to his jaw and to his lips and back to his eyes, and there's nothing in his expression that leads Grissom to think he hasn't. Maybe Nick had just brushed it off as one of the many weird traits of his boss. Grissom doesn't grimace at the thought. Ex-boss, actually.
"Hmm." Hesitation doesn't suit him, and Nick frowns once again. "Yes, I thought I would bring it by on my way."
God, Gil, the least you could have done is find a more believable lie, don't you think? Too late for that.
"It feels like I haven't seen you around the lab in years."
Grissom smiles, ducking his head slightly as he feels a blush going to his cheeks. It's another thing that's not him. "Yes, we seem to have been missing each other."
The silence between them is awkward and as much as Grissom wants to sit here all day and watch Nick, just watch him, he doesn't think he can do that with Nick looking at him the way he is -- like he's done something wrong and Nick has a pretty good idea of what exactly that is.
The thought is enough to let him know his quota of the week has been filled and he better leave now before Nick thinks about how he has no idea why Grissom would want to make the extra half-hour drive from the lab to hand Catherine a file. However, Grissom's need to see him, to feel his heart speed up a bit, before pausing all together, would probably never occur to Nick.
"Well, I'd better go," Grissom says, knowing that'll be enough for Nick to take the hint and step away.
Leave while you still can, Grissom. Leave with your innocence intact, in a way, or Nicky here will find out and then you probably will die of shame.
"Oh, yeah. Right." Nick takes a step back, looks down at his hands and then steps forward again as Grissom inserts the key into the ignition. "I almost forgot." Nick chuckles nervously, making Grissom turn around to look at him and the corner of his lips to curl upwards against his own will. Nick hands him his sunglasses through the window and Grissom looks at them, wondering when exactly he took them off.
"You left them on the hood of the car," Nick says, explaining. He shrugs.
Oh. Right. Of course. "Thank you." Grissom nods once in Nick's direction, the engine roaring. He can't help but give Nick one last glance, another smile. "I'll see you around the lab, Nicky."
Nick turns around, surprise evident on his face and Grissom has no idea where he has left his controlled demeanor. It's been years since he last used the endearment, years since he has let himself even think about it, let alone pronounce it.
Nick nods, stiffly, still smiling and Grissom's hands tighten on the wheel as he pulls out into the street.
He's done more than enough to embarrass himself. At least he won't be seeing Nick tomorrow night, or probably even the night after that. Enough time would pass for Nick to forget about this incident, to think nothing of it -- or so Grissom hopes.
Looking in the rearview mirror, Grissom can still see Nick standing where he had been for another moment before turning around and returning to the crime scene. Grissom lets out a sigh of relief that he hadn't known he'd been holding.
Well, so much for being smooth about that, right?
It's okay. It's not like he can't get used to this, to seeing Nicky only every other day. Talking to him the few times they run into each other in the lab, saying nothing more than a few pleasantries and questions about current cases will be enough.
He had gotten used to working with Nicky over the years, hadn't he? He was used to always having Nick closer than needed, spending most of the night working together. The dull ache had receded to, or accustomed to, excitement at moments and desolation at others. Grissom had gotten used to all that. It had taken time, but then, time is all he has now.
He berates himself for doing something as impulsive as this, concluding that this is the last time he pretends that running errands is part of his job.
Working with Nicky and not having him, he's gotten used to that. Now, all he has to do is get used to not working with him. Easy.
Grissom sighs, focuses on the road ahead and thinks about the lab, about going back after this interview. He still has some paperwork to get done, his inbox to try and go through. And then, maybe, if he times it right, he might run into Nick as he's processing the evidence. He can't stop the grin on his lips as he thinks, he could even help Nick with the case.
*****
Well, there it is. *takes deep breath*
Now, after dipping my toes into another fandom, I'm back to where my muses feel more comfortable: hurting Ryan. *nods*