Bend around the wind - Chapter 33
Title: Bend around the wind (33/?)
Author scyllaya
Fandom: arvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: G-13 (NC-17 for entire fic)
Pairing(s): oki/Tony Stark
Warning(s): ursing
Spoiler(s) MCU Phase One
Word Count: 4100 (WIP)
Summary: few months after the battle of New York the God Loki appears back on Star Tower under chaotic circumstances. This time however he is on the run. Tony Stark gets caught up in the crossfire and is taken along with the Aesir. Can the two of them ever make truce in order to get away? And even if they do, how does one escape from such a dark corner of the universe, when they are so very far away from the Nine Realms, that not even Loki knows the way back home. But first, they need to survive.
New to the story? >>> Chapter One
Chapter Thirty-Three
House Arrest
Tony woke up to a loud thud coming from somewhere in the room. He was thankfully pain-free and relatively well-rested even if he was jolted awake by the sudden noise. He sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes to take a look around. He was in Loki’s bed, the table had food on it and Loki himself was standing by the closed door. Even before taking a closer look Tony noticed the tense line of his shoulders.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked. His voice was rough and scratchy from sleep, he should drink some water.
‘The door is locked,’ Loki said in an irritated tone and that made Tony a lot more aware immediately.
‘How on Earth could be the door locked?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, that was me,’ sounded from the intercom. Tony raised both his eyebrows in surprise, but he did not actually start to worry just yet.
‘Juyu…’ Loki uttered the name in warning.
‘Relax, we’re not doing anything… devious… well, nothing bad,’ she answered.
‘Juyu, open this door right now,’ Loki ordered.
‘Juyu, what’s going on?’ Tony asked instead.
‘Who cares?’ Loki asked glancing back at Tony angrily. ‘Open the door!’
‘Yeah, okay no… remember what we talked about yesterday?’ she asked. After a moment Tony was sure that the question was directed at Loki. ‘About how you should stay in the same place until you get too bored to be angry?’
‘You have got to be joking,’ Loki answered, both angry and exasperated.
‘Not really,’ Juyu answered.
‘You open this door now, and I will consider not strangling you!’ Loki told her.
‘No!’ she said. ‘No, you will stay there and talk or something until the tension on this ship is not so thick that I can basically cut it! It’s for all our safety.’
Loki literally growled in answer to that and banged a fist to the door again.
‘Juyu…’ he started.
‘No!’ the girl answered right away.
‘I will skin you!’ Loki hissed angrily.
‘Yeah-yeah, we’ll see about that,’ she said and Tony thought that the girl acquired the “how to piss off Loki” skill rather admirably. Hell, she was totally on the master level.
‘You little…’ then Loki cut off abruptly. ‘Bee! Are you there? Open the door,’ he asked.
Juyu actually snorted from the other side. ‘Nice try, big guy, but she’s the one who sneaked in the food while you were sleeping,’ Juyu replied.
Tony managed to stay silent, but he had to bite his lips in order to do so. He had no idea why, but he found the whole thing extremely hilarious. For now at least.
Loki groaned loudly and rested his head on the door.
‘Relax,’ Juyu said again. ‘If there’s any sort of emergency, we’ll let you out,’ she promised. ‘So just have a nice day you two.’
‘Juyu, don't you dare... Juyu!’ Loki yelled after her. ‘I will… Juyu!’
Tony really cracked up this time, he tried to keep quiet, he really did, but he just couldn’t, he had to laugh. Loki turned around right away and his eyes were narrowed and poisonous.
‘I think the kids are getting bull-headed, honey,’ Tony said before he could stop himself. Loki stared at him incredulously for a moment before pointing a finger at his face.
‘You… quiet!’ he walked away from the door then. Crossed his arms and paced the room. His whole body screamed anger.
‘Come on, it’s not so bad,’ Tony said.
‘Not so bad? Did you know about this?’ he asked.
‘No… well, I may have mentioned that I wanted to talk to you yesterday so…’ Loki groaned again. ‘I think they’re just trying to help,’ Tony said and finally got out of the bed. ‘In a spectacularly pain in the ass way.’
‘Why are you so calm? Are you not even a little worried about what they might be doing out there with our ship?!’
‘I think we passed the point of having to worry about betrayal,’ Tony shrugged. He really believed that, even if he knew Loki didn’t. The girls were not good enough actresses to stay with them for so many months while waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Juyu was way too transparent.
‘Why are you not angry?!’ Loki asked, almost yelled.
‘Like I said, I want to speak with you,’ he answered, then shrugged. ‘You can’t walk out on me like this.’
Loki let out that “you’re insufferable” sigh that Tony was so familiar with. It was almost relaxing to see it, when Loki was baffled by his behaviour he was less likely to be actually seriously angry.
‘Look, I’m going to take a shower then we can have breakfast or something,’ he said. ‘I’m pretty sure they had good intentions. Well, and Juyu probably wanted to piss you off so she could have a good laugh.’ Loki narrowed his eyes in annoyance again. ‘I’m starting to think that’s how she shows affection.’
Loki’s face told him enough about what he thought of that theory.
‘Riiight… shower,’ he said and went to the bathroom. He was still very amused when he stepped into the stall, but then he remembered what exactly he wanted to speak to Loki about and his mood darkened a little. This was not going to be a joyride, not for either of them.
Tony had enough time to think, the first few hours after the argument, then the night afterwards, and yesterday as well. He tried not to think about Loki first, because this was Tony’s shit mostly, he had to sort it out on his own. For himself, not for Loki. He may have been the one to trigger it, but it was time for Tony to take a good hard look at his life anyway. It was not just about Pepper, even if she was at the forefront of his thoughts, it was about everything. How would people react to him when he got back after so many years? How can he fit back into that life after all this? He pictured himself in his workshop at home, JARVIS assisting him, DUM-E making a mess, Pepper persisting him about contracts he needed to sign and meetings he had to attend, Rhodey dropping by just to see if he was alive. He imagined his fully packed bar and the immense amount of coffee he inhaled every day. He imagined putting on his suit for publicity and only fighting when some psycho decided to make a mess. He imagined press conferences and giving autographs, posing for photos…
It all seemed so distant and most of it silly, especially the publicity events. Here he had his new makeshift workshop of alien tech and Loki’s sharp mind and even sharper tongue accompanying his work. Loki doing engraving sitting not that far away from him, his long hair tied up or even braided sometimes. He thought about the super-healthy super-tasteless food they mostly ate and Tony got used to by now. Holy hell he did not even drink a sip of alcohol in what had to be almost two years. That did not happen since before MIT. He put on his suit to not get killed or maimed by reptilian aliens, he fought to get by, to save his own skin and Loki’s. He had a ship to control and crazy space villains somewhere out there still looking for him. He thought about how carrying a gun became a necessary rule. Instead of his firm, many houses and fancy cars he had the IronMage. He was Commander Stark - if anyone official asked - and he wore alyndor armour engraved with phoenixes instead of his red and gold titanium suit. He had the God of Chaos and two shapeshifting Skrull girls as back-up, not Rhodney, not the Avengers, not SHIELD. How was he supposed to slip back into the role of Tony Stark, billionaire superhero when he got back?
They had new maps now, but reaching the Milky Way was not the end of the road. It was a big galaxy, so he still did not know how long this journey would take. How much more was he going to change till then? How many things would change on Earth? He did not even think about how SHIELD would react when he finally got home.
One thing he knew for sure, things irreversibly changed. There was no going back to that life. Not really. Even if he did get back his firm and suits and everything, it would be different. Tony would know about the Mad Titan and The Other, he would know about the Skrull Empire and everything else that became his life. Tony had the All-speak and advanced DNI and piezoelectric technology at his disposal, he used energy guns and forged alyndor armours. He would know the vastness of space and all the worlds and galaxies and those who inhabited it. How was he supposed to look at things the same way as before? How was anyone on Earth supposed to understand all that Tony had already seen and went through? How was anyone supposed to understand that right now Loki was the one he trusted more than anyone in the whole universe?
And Pepper… how was she supposed to take him back? Did Tony want her to? Did he want her to mourn and suffer for years and then accept Tony back like nothing happened? How could he expect that of her? Loki was cruel with his words, the truth had been spat in his face harshly, but it did not make it any less true. He was not the same man he was before. What worked with Pepper then may not work again. She would not know him as well as she did in the past, there would be too many things that Tony would be unable to explain.
He knew that, he knew all that. One question remained. Even if he knew all that, was it possible to let go? To stop clinging to the memory of his past-life, the life he focused on getting back to? Could he let go? Was he capable of that? There was a different future waiting for him now, he knew, but accepting it was a whole other thing.
He stepped out of the shower, dried up and put on some clothes and walked back to the room while towelling his hair. Loki was sitting by the table sullenly munching on some food. At least he was not full-out furious anymore.
‘I want to tell you about Pepper,’ Tony said. Loki looked up at him and did not seem to be delighted by the idea.
What started as an explanation of Pepper and who she was in Tony’s life, turned into a story about Tony’s life before Afghanistan. Because it was not possible to explain Pepper’s impact, if you did not know about how much of a careless, heartless asshole Tony was before. Of course he had to mention Rhodey too and after a while things inevitably turned towards Obadiah. That was when Tony ran out of words, because talking about that was a whole different can of worms he did not feel like opening just yet.
Loki did not interrupt him, which was strange because Tony talked for what felt like hours. First he looked irritated, agitated even, but the more words spilled out of Tony the calmer he seemed. Tony took that as a good sign. Maybe he finally got what it meant that Pepper was not just some girlfriend.
‘Alright, alright stop,’ Loki said finally. ‘I did not have to listen to something so disgustingly romantic in centuries. So first of all never subject me to something like this again. And secondly, I get it, the picture is clear, the message is received, I understand, she’s your one true love, your heart forever given away etcetera etcetera… can we move on now? Maybe we could start with convincing our unruly Skrulls that we’re wonderful friends again, so that they let us out of this room.’
‘No, you don’t get it. It’s like you have selected hearing. Do you like only pay attention to the worst parts when someone’s talking to you?’ That would explain a few things.
‘What are you talking about?’ Loki asked.
‘What I’m trying to say is that she has been one of the most important people in my life and she always will be, she’s a lot more than just my girlfriend. And I know that I won’t lose her completely, no matter how long I’m away, but I won’t be able to just bounce back into that relationship. Into her life sure, but I won’t be able to be with her.’
‘Oh… Oh!’ Loki leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. ‘I’m listening.’
‘Selfish bastard,’ Tony shook his head. It figured that Loki would start paying more attention once the conversation was slightly turning back towards him and his interests.
‘I feel like I’m repeating myself, but… Have you met me?’ Tony had to smile at that.
‘So yeah, that’s the thing,’ Tony continued. ‘I don’t want her to be miserable. I don’t want her to wait for me for so long. I want her to be happy, even if I’m not there. I just… for the longest time it felt like that if I could make it work with someone, it would be her. That nobody else would ever be able to put up with all my bullshit the way she did. It’s not easy to let go of that, to accept that it’s… over. Hell, it’s been over for a long time now, I just didn’t want to think about it.’
‘Because you always thought that it’s either her or being alone?’
‘Well, “alone” is not the best word, cause I always had chicks hanging off of me left and right, if you know what I mean.’
Loki rolled his eyes, ‘Yes, Astrild. I know what you mean.’ Tony wanted to ask who the hell Astrild was, but he felt they would go off-topic if he did, so he let it go.
‘So, it was more like a feeling, that if I couldn’t make it with her, I won’t be able to make it with anyone.’
‘And now you don’t think that you can make it with her?’ Loki asked.
‘I think I’ve changed. I think there’s too much she would not be able to understand, she would not be able to look at things the way I do now. The whole “Iron Man” thing was almost too much for her. This…’ he trailed off, he did not even know how to name any of this.
‘Yes, what fair maiden would want some bloody space pirate?’ Loki asked and Tony started laughing immediately.
‘We’re not fucking pirates,’ he said. Loki grinned sharply.
‘I don’t know about that, we keep stealing, cheating and shooting things.’
‘I’ll have you know that I was perfectly willing to negotiate or bargain like a good boy, it’s your chaos vibes that keep attracting danger.’
‘I do not have chaos vibes!’
‘I don’t believe that!’ Tony answered, even if there was a grin trying to take over his face. Loki looked amused and indignant at the same time. ‘Every time we set a foot out of the ship someone tries to kill us… or eat us!’ Tony did not forget the space dinosaur that took a bite out of him.
‘That’s because you’re always reckless!’ Loki argued.
‘Nope, chaos god attracts chaos! I am almost one hundred percent convinced of that!’
Loki huffed and crossed his arms over his chest like he was deeply insulted. It was such a “princely” thing to do that Tony almost found it cute.
‘So, back to our main topic,’ Tony said after a bit of silence.
‘You do want her to move on and be happy, but you are having a hard time accepting that you do not belong to each other anymore,’ Loki summarized.
‘Pretty much,’ Tony agreed. ‘Accepting that is like accepting that I’m giving up on the person I used to be before, accepting that I’m someone different now. It’s difficult, don’t you… you’re different too… I mean…’
Loki looked down at his hands before speaking, like he was observing his fingers or his nails.
‘I… don’t have anything to let go of, since I did not have anything to begin with, nor do I have anyone’s happiness to be concerned about,’ he said finally. ‘And there are some things that I am unable to change, so I cannot let go of them, not even if I want to.’
Tony looked at him for a while, how his expression became sombre. Tony really wanted to know what was going through his head, but Loki just kept staring at his hand. Maybe he was thinking about all the things he did before, the blood he spilled. Maybe something else.
‘Do you want to be fair?’ he asked. Loki looked up at him, his eyebrow raised questioningly. ‘I kinda poured out my heart here and it was… painful and awkward and I don’t want to do it ever again, so… how about you tell me something to make me feel better?’
‘I did not have anyone like your Pepper,’ Loki answered.
‘Someone else? I’m going to make a wild guess here and assume that you don’t want to talk about your brother.’
‘He’s not my brother,’ Loki said, but at least it was not said angrily. It was more… resigned.
‘I’m not going to press the family topic, because believe me, there is nothing I hate to talk about more than family. But really, give me something.’
Loki stayed silent for a while, but at least he looked like he was thinking. Tony waited, because it was hard for him to talk, he knew it was even harder for Loki.
‘It was not intentional,’ Loki said finally.
‘What?’
‘Dragging you into this, as you said. I did not do it intentionally,’ he said. ‘It is a recurring theme with me,’ he added. ‘Causing damage unintentionally, destructive, chaotic things,’ he huffed out a tired laugh. ‘There might be some truth in your chaos vibes theory after all, because the way things always get out of control with me… it’s almost ridiculous. I always have plans, but they just…’
‘Explode?’ Tony guess.
Loki chuckled quietly. ‘Dramatically.’
‘So how did you end up on my tower?’ Tony asked.
‘I was taken from my cell in Asgard by being yanked over to the secret paths. I could not get out of my cell, but they could obviously get in, I know not how. It’s easy to get lost in the void when you walk those paths, so the fight that broke out between us was a dangerous one. I tried to get away from them over and over again until I could finally do so. The struggle tired me out, but I had a clear path to Midgard. It was the closest realms, obviously since they had to get out of the Nine Realms to the physical plane. You must understand that walking between the worlds like this is like using a beaten path. The Bifrost and the Tesseract are the exact opposite, they build a road and do not use an existing one.’
‘So you can only walk on paths that were previously built by one of them?’ Tony asked.
‘Or by some other powerful force,’ Loki nodded. ‘When the Bifrost or the Tesseract opens up, it carves out a road and a gateway between to places. There are a limited amount of suitable gateways on Midgard.’
‘There’s one on the top of my tower, because the portal was opened there during the invasion,’ Tony concluded.
‘Yes. There’s a second one in the desert where Thor landed,’ Loki continued. ‘A third up in North… Norway it is called nowadays I believe, and a fourth in the park where Thor and I left.’
‘Okay, so Norway, New Mexico, Central Park or my tower,’ Tony said. ‘And you picked my tower?’
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that,’ Loki said. ‘Stepping off the path requires a great deal of concentration and something that can be used as a gate.’
‘Mirror,’ Tony said. Remembering the huge mirror in his bedroom, how its surface shifted and shivered then darkened before Loki appeared in it.
‘A reflective surface, yes. Calm water works, ice is better, mirrors are the best.’
‘And there’s no ice or water in the desert or in Central park,’ Tony said.
‘There used to be a SHIELD establishment at the Bifrost site, it had plenty of mirrors, but it is no longer there.’
‘And you did not want to go to Norway?’
‘Unknown territory, I have not been there in a long time. I had no way to know what to expect there or if I would have be able to run or hide. But I have been in your tower before and the city of New York is large and full of people, it is easier to vanish in a crowd.’
‘Only that plan did not work out.’
‘Yes, as I just said, it is a recurring theme with me,’ he shook his head. ‘I assumed that in case you were in the tower you would maybe attack the intruders and I could use the diversion to run away, but I did not plan to lead them there and get you captured. I did not really think about whether you would be there or not, you were but a fleeting thought. It was not like I had any other gateway to use, so it did not matter. I believed I had more time, but they were too close and well… you know the rest.’
‘I do not blame you, you know,’ Tony told him.
‘That’s foolish of you.’
‘No, it’s… their fault. The Other and the Mad Titan and all their bastard henchmen, they captured me and took me, not you.’
‘I lead them there,’ Loki said.
‘You were running away, and yes, that was what ultimately dragged me into it, but if they wouldn’t have taken you from Asgard, it wouldn’t have happened. I’m angry at them and not at you. And they would have come after me anyway sooner or later, Mr. Death-lover wants big Earth-bombs, remember?’
‘You would not have been locked up with me though,’ Loki pointed it out.
‘Then it’s better that it went down like this,’ Tony said. ‘I don’t want to think about what would have happened to me if I would’ve been on my own. I would be long dead or worse.’
‘I would be dead,’ Loki said. ‘No question.’ The way he looked up at Tony and how he said it, showed that he really thought that. That he was absolutely convinced that he would’ve died without Tony. But it was not strange, because Tony felt the same way, he would’ve died without Loki by his side, he knew.
‘Yeah, we’re a really good team,’ Tony told him, looking back at him.
‘We are,’ Loki agreed with a small smile.
‘You wanted to kiss me…’ he said before he could think about it.
‘I did.’
‘Do you still want to?’
‘I do.’
Not even a moment of hesitation and Tony had to swallow hard. He did not know, he… wanted it. Fuck, but he wanted it. He knew that. But was he ready? Was he ready to let go and turn towards a new future? Was he ready to jump even deeper into the flames, into chaos and danger? He was not sure, but his mind lost the battle. His heart was beating in his chest wildly and he did not want to think. He felt like he could get lost in the too-old gaze of the god. Eyes, that only ever softened when they were locked on his face, for him, just for him, like right now.
‘Okay,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m… okay.’
Loki slid down from his chair, smoothly, gracefully and completely silent. In a blink he was in front of him already, but down on the floor between Tony’s legs, half on his knees maybe. Loki’s long slender fingers slid up his thighs and the god pulled himself up a bit, leaning in, tilting his head back. His face, his lips only a few inches away from Tony, but he did not move, did not close that small distance between them, he did not say a word, just waited. Waited for Tony to make the final step.
Tony closed his eyes and did it. Leaped into the unknown, stepped onto the new path, sealed his lips on the inviting mouth. They both stayed still for a second or two, then Loki’s hands slid further up and to his hips and waist, and Tony’s fingers found their way into Loki’s obsidian hair to pull him closer.
He could not decide whether he was drowning or breathing freely for the very first time.
<<< Previous Chapter || Next Chapter >>>
Fanart b secretlyadragon!
Check it ou on Tumblr!
__________________________
Author's Notes: know... FINALLY! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧.*:・ﾟ✧.*:・ﾟ✧.
I would also like to announce that this was the last chapter that took place in the Andromeda Galaxy, we are moving on to a new place, yay! \o/
That means less reptiles, lol.
Author scyllaya
Fandom: arvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: G-13 (NC-17 for entire fic)
Pairing(s): oki/Tony Stark
Warning(s): ursing
Spoiler(s) MCU Phase One
Word Count: 4100 (WIP)
Summary: few months after the battle of New York the God Loki appears back on Star Tower under chaotic circumstances. This time however he is on the run. Tony Stark gets caught up in the crossfire and is taken along with the Aesir. Can the two of them ever make truce in order to get away? And even if they do, how does one escape from such a dark corner of the universe, when they are so very far away from the Nine Realms, that not even Loki knows the way back home. But first, they need to survive.
New to the story? >>> Chapter One
Chapter Thirty-Three
House Arrest
Tony woke up to a loud thud coming from somewhere in the room. He was thankfully pain-free and relatively well-rested even if he was jolted awake by the sudden noise. He sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes to take a look around. He was in Loki’s bed, the table had food on it and Loki himself was standing by the closed door. Even before taking a closer look Tony noticed the tense line of his shoulders.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked. His voice was rough and scratchy from sleep, he should drink some water.
‘The door is locked,’ Loki said in an irritated tone and that made Tony a lot more aware immediately.
‘How on Earth could be the door locked?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, that was me,’ sounded from the intercom. Tony raised both his eyebrows in surprise, but he did not actually start to worry just yet.
‘Juyu…’ Loki uttered the name in warning.
‘Relax, we’re not doing anything… devious… well, nothing bad,’ she answered.
‘Juyu, open this door right now,’ Loki ordered.
‘Juyu, what’s going on?’ Tony asked instead.
‘Who cares?’ Loki asked glancing back at Tony angrily. ‘Open the door!’
‘Yeah, okay no… remember what we talked about yesterday?’ she asked. After a moment Tony was sure that the question was directed at Loki. ‘About how you should stay in the same place until you get too bored to be angry?’
‘You have got to be joking,’ Loki answered, both angry and exasperated.
‘Not really,’ Juyu answered.
‘You open this door now, and I will consider not strangling you!’ Loki told her.
‘No!’ she said. ‘No, you will stay there and talk or something until the tension on this ship is not so thick that I can basically cut it! It’s for all our safety.’
Loki literally growled in answer to that and banged a fist to the door again.
‘Juyu…’ he started.
‘No!’ the girl answered right away.
‘I will skin you!’ Loki hissed angrily.
‘Yeah-yeah, we’ll see about that,’ she said and Tony thought that the girl acquired the “how to piss off Loki” skill rather admirably. Hell, she was totally on the master level.
‘You little…’ then Loki cut off abruptly. ‘Bee! Are you there? Open the door,’ he asked.
Juyu actually snorted from the other side. ‘Nice try, big guy, but she’s the one who sneaked in the food while you were sleeping,’ Juyu replied.
Tony managed to stay silent, but he had to bite his lips in order to do so. He had no idea why, but he found the whole thing extremely hilarious. For now at least.
Loki groaned loudly and rested his head on the door.
‘Relax,’ Juyu said again. ‘If there’s any sort of emergency, we’ll let you out,’ she promised. ‘So just have a nice day you two.’
‘Juyu, don't you dare... Juyu!’ Loki yelled after her. ‘I will… Juyu!’
Tony really cracked up this time, he tried to keep quiet, he really did, but he just couldn’t, he had to laugh. Loki turned around right away and his eyes were narrowed and poisonous.
‘I think the kids are getting bull-headed, honey,’ Tony said before he could stop himself. Loki stared at him incredulously for a moment before pointing a finger at his face.
‘You… quiet!’ he walked away from the door then. Crossed his arms and paced the room. His whole body screamed anger.
‘Come on, it’s not so bad,’ Tony said.
‘Not so bad? Did you know about this?’ he asked.
‘No… well, I may have mentioned that I wanted to talk to you yesterday so…’ Loki groaned again. ‘I think they’re just trying to help,’ Tony said and finally got out of the bed. ‘In a spectacularly pain in the ass way.’
‘Why are you so calm? Are you not even a little worried about what they might be doing out there with our ship?!’
‘I think we passed the point of having to worry about betrayal,’ Tony shrugged. He really believed that, even if he knew Loki didn’t. The girls were not good enough actresses to stay with them for so many months while waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Juyu was way too transparent.
‘Why are you not angry?!’ Loki asked, almost yelled.
‘Like I said, I want to speak with you,’ he answered, then shrugged. ‘You can’t walk out on me like this.’
Loki let out that “you’re insufferable” sigh that Tony was so familiar with. It was almost relaxing to see it, when Loki was baffled by his behaviour he was less likely to be actually seriously angry.
‘Look, I’m going to take a shower then we can have breakfast or something,’ he said. ‘I’m pretty sure they had good intentions. Well, and Juyu probably wanted to piss you off so she could have a good laugh.’ Loki narrowed his eyes in annoyance again. ‘I’m starting to think that’s how she shows affection.’
Loki’s face told him enough about what he thought of that theory.
‘Riiight… shower,’ he said and went to the bathroom. He was still very amused when he stepped into the stall, but then he remembered what exactly he wanted to speak to Loki about and his mood darkened a little. This was not going to be a joyride, not for either of them.
Tony had enough time to think, the first few hours after the argument, then the night afterwards, and yesterday as well. He tried not to think about Loki first, because this was Tony’s shit mostly, he had to sort it out on his own. For himself, not for Loki. He may have been the one to trigger it, but it was time for Tony to take a good hard look at his life anyway. It was not just about Pepper, even if she was at the forefront of his thoughts, it was about everything. How would people react to him when he got back after so many years? How can he fit back into that life after all this? He pictured himself in his workshop at home, JARVIS assisting him, DUM-E making a mess, Pepper persisting him about contracts he needed to sign and meetings he had to attend, Rhodey dropping by just to see if he was alive. He imagined his fully packed bar and the immense amount of coffee he inhaled every day. He imagined putting on his suit for publicity and only fighting when some psycho decided to make a mess. He imagined press conferences and giving autographs, posing for photos…
It all seemed so distant and most of it silly, especially the publicity events. Here he had his new makeshift workshop of alien tech and Loki’s sharp mind and even sharper tongue accompanying his work. Loki doing engraving sitting not that far away from him, his long hair tied up or even braided sometimes. He thought about the super-healthy super-tasteless food they mostly ate and Tony got used to by now. Holy hell he did not even drink a sip of alcohol in what had to be almost two years. That did not happen since before MIT. He put on his suit to not get killed or maimed by reptilian aliens, he fought to get by, to save his own skin and Loki’s. He had a ship to control and crazy space villains somewhere out there still looking for him. He thought about how carrying a gun became a necessary rule. Instead of his firm, many houses and fancy cars he had the IronMage. He was Commander Stark - if anyone official asked - and he wore alyndor armour engraved with phoenixes instead of his red and gold titanium suit. He had the God of Chaos and two shapeshifting Skrull girls as back-up, not Rhodney, not the Avengers, not SHIELD. How was he supposed to slip back into the role of Tony Stark, billionaire superhero when he got back?
They had new maps now, but reaching the Milky Way was not the end of the road. It was a big galaxy, so he still did not know how long this journey would take. How much more was he going to change till then? How many things would change on Earth? He did not even think about how SHIELD would react when he finally got home.
One thing he knew for sure, things irreversibly changed. There was no going back to that life. Not really. Even if he did get back his firm and suits and everything, it would be different. Tony would know about the Mad Titan and The Other, he would know about the Skrull Empire and everything else that became his life. Tony had the All-speak and advanced DNI and piezoelectric technology at his disposal, he used energy guns and forged alyndor armours. He would know the vastness of space and all the worlds and galaxies and those who inhabited it. How was he supposed to look at things the same way as before? How was anyone on Earth supposed to understand all that Tony had already seen and went through? How was anyone supposed to understand that right now Loki was the one he trusted more than anyone in the whole universe?
And Pepper… how was she supposed to take him back? Did Tony want her to? Did he want her to mourn and suffer for years and then accept Tony back like nothing happened? How could he expect that of her? Loki was cruel with his words, the truth had been spat in his face harshly, but it did not make it any less true. He was not the same man he was before. What worked with Pepper then may not work again. She would not know him as well as she did in the past, there would be too many things that Tony would be unable to explain.
He knew that, he knew all that. One question remained. Even if he knew all that, was it possible to let go? To stop clinging to the memory of his past-life, the life he focused on getting back to? Could he let go? Was he capable of that? There was a different future waiting for him now, he knew, but accepting it was a whole other thing.
He stepped out of the shower, dried up and put on some clothes and walked back to the room while towelling his hair. Loki was sitting by the table sullenly munching on some food. At least he was not full-out furious anymore.
‘I want to tell you about Pepper,’ Tony said. Loki looked up at him and did not seem to be delighted by the idea.
What started as an explanation of Pepper and who she was in Tony’s life, turned into a story about Tony’s life before Afghanistan. Because it was not possible to explain Pepper’s impact, if you did not know about how much of a careless, heartless asshole Tony was before. Of course he had to mention Rhodey too and after a while things inevitably turned towards Obadiah. That was when Tony ran out of words, because talking about that was a whole different can of worms he did not feel like opening just yet.
Loki did not interrupt him, which was strange because Tony talked for what felt like hours. First he looked irritated, agitated even, but the more words spilled out of Tony the calmer he seemed. Tony took that as a good sign. Maybe he finally got what it meant that Pepper was not just some girlfriend.
‘Alright, alright stop,’ Loki said finally. ‘I did not have to listen to something so disgustingly romantic in centuries. So first of all never subject me to something like this again. And secondly, I get it, the picture is clear, the message is received, I understand, she’s your one true love, your heart forever given away etcetera etcetera… can we move on now? Maybe we could start with convincing our unruly Skrulls that we’re wonderful friends again, so that they let us out of this room.’
‘No, you don’t get it. It’s like you have selected hearing. Do you like only pay attention to the worst parts when someone’s talking to you?’ That would explain a few things.
‘What are you talking about?’ Loki asked.
‘What I’m trying to say is that she has been one of the most important people in my life and she always will be, she’s a lot more than just my girlfriend. And I know that I won’t lose her completely, no matter how long I’m away, but I won’t be able to just bounce back into that relationship. Into her life sure, but I won’t be able to be with her.’
‘Oh… Oh!’ Loki leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. ‘I’m listening.’
‘Selfish bastard,’ Tony shook his head. It figured that Loki would start paying more attention once the conversation was slightly turning back towards him and his interests.
‘I feel like I’m repeating myself, but… Have you met me?’ Tony had to smile at that.
‘So yeah, that’s the thing,’ Tony continued. ‘I don’t want her to be miserable. I don’t want her to wait for me for so long. I want her to be happy, even if I’m not there. I just… for the longest time it felt like that if I could make it work with someone, it would be her. That nobody else would ever be able to put up with all my bullshit the way she did. It’s not easy to let go of that, to accept that it’s… over. Hell, it’s been over for a long time now, I just didn’t want to think about it.’
‘Because you always thought that it’s either her or being alone?’
‘Well, “alone” is not the best word, cause I always had chicks hanging off of me left and right, if you know what I mean.’
Loki rolled his eyes, ‘Yes, Astrild. I know what you mean.’ Tony wanted to ask who the hell Astrild was, but he felt they would go off-topic if he did, so he let it go.
‘So, it was more like a feeling, that if I couldn’t make it with her, I won’t be able to make it with anyone.’
‘And now you don’t think that you can make it with her?’ Loki asked.
‘I think I’ve changed. I think there’s too much she would not be able to understand, she would not be able to look at things the way I do now. The whole “Iron Man” thing was almost too much for her. This…’ he trailed off, he did not even know how to name any of this.
‘Yes, what fair maiden would want some bloody space pirate?’ Loki asked and Tony started laughing immediately.
‘We’re not fucking pirates,’ he said. Loki grinned sharply.
‘I don’t know about that, we keep stealing, cheating and shooting things.’
‘I’ll have you know that I was perfectly willing to negotiate or bargain like a good boy, it’s your chaos vibes that keep attracting danger.’
‘I do not have chaos vibes!’
‘I don’t believe that!’ Tony answered, even if there was a grin trying to take over his face. Loki looked amused and indignant at the same time. ‘Every time we set a foot out of the ship someone tries to kill us… or eat us!’ Tony did not forget the space dinosaur that took a bite out of him.
‘That’s because you’re always reckless!’ Loki argued.
‘Nope, chaos god attracts chaos! I am almost one hundred percent convinced of that!’
Loki huffed and crossed his arms over his chest like he was deeply insulted. It was such a “princely” thing to do that Tony almost found it cute.
‘So, back to our main topic,’ Tony said after a bit of silence.
‘You do want her to move on and be happy, but you are having a hard time accepting that you do not belong to each other anymore,’ Loki summarized.
‘Pretty much,’ Tony agreed. ‘Accepting that is like accepting that I’m giving up on the person I used to be before, accepting that I’m someone different now. It’s difficult, don’t you… you’re different too… I mean…’
Loki looked down at his hands before speaking, like he was observing his fingers or his nails.
‘I… don’t have anything to let go of, since I did not have anything to begin with, nor do I have anyone’s happiness to be concerned about,’ he said finally. ‘And there are some things that I am unable to change, so I cannot let go of them, not even if I want to.’
Tony looked at him for a while, how his expression became sombre. Tony really wanted to know what was going through his head, but Loki just kept staring at his hand. Maybe he was thinking about all the things he did before, the blood he spilled. Maybe something else.
‘Do you want to be fair?’ he asked. Loki looked up at him, his eyebrow raised questioningly. ‘I kinda poured out my heart here and it was… painful and awkward and I don’t want to do it ever again, so… how about you tell me something to make me feel better?’
‘I did not have anyone like your Pepper,’ Loki answered.
‘Someone else? I’m going to make a wild guess here and assume that you don’t want to talk about your brother.’
‘He’s not my brother,’ Loki said, but at least it was not said angrily. It was more… resigned.
‘I’m not going to press the family topic, because believe me, there is nothing I hate to talk about more than family. But really, give me something.’
Loki stayed silent for a while, but at least he looked like he was thinking. Tony waited, because it was hard for him to talk, he knew it was even harder for Loki.
‘It was not intentional,’ Loki said finally.
‘What?’
‘Dragging you into this, as you said. I did not do it intentionally,’ he said. ‘It is a recurring theme with me,’ he added. ‘Causing damage unintentionally, destructive, chaotic things,’ he huffed out a tired laugh. ‘There might be some truth in your chaos vibes theory after all, because the way things always get out of control with me… it’s almost ridiculous. I always have plans, but they just…’
‘Explode?’ Tony guess.
Loki chuckled quietly. ‘Dramatically.’
‘So how did you end up on my tower?’ Tony asked.
‘I was taken from my cell in Asgard by being yanked over to the secret paths. I could not get out of my cell, but they could obviously get in, I know not how. It’s easy to get lost in the void when you walk those paths, so the fight that broke out between us was a dangerous one. I tried to get away from them over and over again until I could finally do so. The struggle tired me out, but I had a clear path to Midgard. It was the closest realms, obviously since they had to get out of the Nine Realms to the physical plane. You must understand that walking between the worlds like this is like using a beaten path. The Bifrost and the Tesseract are the exact opposite, they build a road and do not use an existing one.’
‘So you can only walk on paths that were previously built by one of them?’ Tony asked.
‘Or by some other powerful force,’ Loki nodded. ‘When the Bifrost or the Tesseract opens up, it carves out a road and a gateway between to places. There are a limited amount of suitable gateways on Midgard.’
‘There’s one on the top of my tower, because the portal was opened there during the invasion,’ Tony concluded.
‘Yes. There’s a second one in the desert where Thor landed,’ Loki continued. ‘A third up in North… Norway it is called nowadays I believe, and a fourth in the park where Thor and I left.’
‘Okay, so Norway, New Mexico, Central Park or my tower,’ Tony said. ‘And you picked my tower?’
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that,’ Loki said. ‘Stepping off the path requires a great deal of concentration and something that can be used as a gate.’
‘Mirror,’ Tony said. Remembering the huge mirror in his bedroom, how its surface shifted and shivered then darkened before Loki appeared in it.
‘A reflective surface, yes. Calm water works, ice is better, mirrors are the best.’
‘And there’s no ice or water in the desert or in Central park,’ Tony said.
‘There used to be a SHIELD establishment at the Bifrost site, it had plenty of mirrors, but it is no longer there.’
‘And you did not want to go to Norway?’
‘Unknown territory, I have not been there in a long time. I had no way to know what to expect there or if I would have be able to run or hide. But I have been in your tower before and the city of New York is large and full of people, it is easier to vanish in a crowd.’
‘Only that plan did not work out.’
‘Yes, as I just said, it is a recurring theme with me,’ he shook his head. ‘I assumed that in case you were in the tower you would maybe attack the intruders and I could use the diversion to run away, but I did not plan to lead them there and get you captured. I did not really think about whether you would be there or not, you were but a fleeting thought. It was not like I had any other gateway to use, so it did not matter. I believed I had more time, but they were too close and well… you know the rest.’
‘I do not blame you, you know,’ Tony told him.
‘That’s foolish of you.’
‘No, it’s… their fault. The Other and the Mad Titan and all their bastard henchmen, they captured me and took me, not you.’
‘I lead them there,’ Loki said.
‘You were running away, and yes, that was what ultimately dragged me into it, but if they wouldn’t have taken you from Asgard, it wouldn’t have happened. I’m angry at them and not at you. And they would have come after me anyway sooner or later, Mr. Death-lover wants big Earth-bombs, remember?’
‘You would not have been locked up with me though,’ Loki pointed it out.
‘Then it’s better that it went down like this,’ Tony said. ‘I don’t want to think about what would have happened to me if I would’ve been on my own. I would be long dead or worse.’
‘I would be dead,’ Loki said. ‘No question.’ The way he looked up at Tony and how he said it, showed that he really thought that. That he was absolutely convinced that he would’ve died without Tony. But it was not strange, because Tony felt the same way, he would’ve died without Loki by his side, he knew.
‘Yeah, we’re a really good team,’ Tony told him, looking back at him.
‘We are,’ Loki agreed with a small smile.
‘You wanted to kiss me…’ he said before he could think about it.
‘I did.’
‘Do you still want to?’
‘I do.’
Not even a moment of hesitation and Tony had to swallow hard. He did not know, he… wanted it. Fuck, but he wanted it. He knew that. But was he ready? Was he ready to let go and turn towards a new future? Was he ready to jump even deeper into the flames, into chaos and danger? He was not sure, but his mind lost the battle. His heart was beating in his chest wildly and he did not want to think. He felt like he could get lost in the too-old gaze of the god. Eyes, that only ever softened when they were locked on his face, for him, just for him, like right now.
‘Okay,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m… okay.’
Loki slid down from his chair, smoothly, gracefully and completely silent. In a blink he was in front of him already, but down on the floor between Tony’s legs, half on his knees maybe. Loki’s long slender fingers slid up his thighs and the god pulled himself up a bit, leaning in, tilting his head back. His face, his lips only a few inches away from Tony, but he did not move, did not close that small distance between them, he did not say a word, just waited. Waited for Tony to make the final step.
Tony closed his eyes and did it. Leaped into the unknown, stepped onto the new path, sealed his lips on the inviting mouth. They both stayed still for a second or two, then Loki’s hands slid further up and to his hips and waist, and Tony’s fingers found their way into Loki’s obsidian hair to pull him closer.
He could not decide whether he was drowning or breathing freely for the very first time.
<<< Previous Chapter || Next Chapter >>>
Fanart b secretlyadragon!
Check it ou on Tumblr!
__________________________
Author's Notes: know... FINALLY! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧.*:・ﾟ✧.*:・ﾟ✧.
I would also like to announce that this was the last chapter that took place in the Andromeda Galaxy, we are moving on to a new place, yay! \o/
That means less reptiles, lol.