In my mind, in my soul
Title: In my mind, in my soul (3/8)
Author:
scyllaya
Artist:
kraehi
Beta:
beatlemaniac9
Rating: NC-17
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Gabriel/Dean, (one-sided Castiel/Gabriel)
Warning(s): cursing, graphic violence (torture, blood), graphic sexual content (slash, non-con from the metaphysical kind, forced orgasm)
Spoiler(s): S6 finale (written before the season 7 Premier)
Word Count: ~ 21 700
Summary: Gabriel awakens at the side of a brother who is nothing like the angel he remembered. Castiel wants his loyalty, for him to become the one he can trust among all the betrayal he suffered. Dean wants to get the archangel out of the grasp of the new god and for him to help save his lost friend.
Author's Notes: Sending a very huge thank you for my artist
kraehi, as she did an amazing job! I cannot thank you enough for making this many and this quality art for my story. Only the text dividers were made by me. My deepest thank you goes for my beta
beatlemaniac9, you are awesomesauce and did an amazing job pointing out my Master Yoda style sentences. I thank my twitter followers in general for not blocking me when I rant and curse about my muse or writing in general. Haha.
Title is from: Paradise Lost - Mouth [You can listen to the song at the end of the fic]
Written for the 2011
debriel_mini
<<< Part 2 <<<
Part 3
Weeks passed and Sam and Dean didn't see Gabriel again. Sam was not eager to call for him and Dean went along with that out in the open, but he couldn't help wondering out loud sometimes where the archangel could've been. He didn't know whether Gabriel heard him or not. He still had those sigils on his ribs after all, and the angel's name was so common among humans that he doubted that he listened every time someone spoke it out loud. Still he wondered, and Sam, trying to urge him to go back to their previous idea, finding monsters who might have some usable knowledge for them, was not helping. Dean firmly believed that they had to follow a different route; he was tired of talking about it with Sam thought; his brother asking 'why' and questioning him over and over again.
The only time when he was not doing it was when he was too tired to argue. He was tired a lot of times as he couldn't rest well, nightmares constantly ruining his nights. Dean knew how it was to deal with such memories, even if Sam technically spent way more time down there than he did, so he knew there was nothing to do to help, just allow Sam to catch the few hours or sometimes minutes of sleep he was able to get. It broke Dean’s heart to see him suffering like this and his own inability to help was also frustrating to no end.
One afternoon when Sam fell asleep on the couch of Bobby's study Dean closed the book he was going over and got up to get himself a beer from the kitchen. The older hunter was inside making some sort of a dinner for them. They stood in silence for long moments, but it didn't last.
'Y'know... I'm kinda surprised,' Bobby started.
'How so?' Dean asked.
'That archangel... the trickster... no reason to believe a word that comes out of his mouth.'
'I believe it,' Dean replied immediately.
'That's what I'm surprised about... so how come?' he didn't look at Dean and it made the question less heavy, he probably knew that if Dean had to look at him while talking about this he may have shook it off without answering. He also didn't want to say anything that would've given away Gabriel for the chance Cas was keeping an ear open.
'I just do,' he answered lamely, but there was nothing else to say. He had no proof, he had no real reasons he could tell, not to Sam and nor to Bobby.
'Well, I ain't gonna argue with ya', but... that sounds like an awful lot of faith coming from your mouth,' the older hunter told him and finally looked at him too. Dean sighed because he couldn't deny it, and couldn't explain it either.
'Yeah I guess...' he answered, as honestly as he was capable. Bobby kept looking at him for another moment before he turned back to the pot on the stove.
'And you're supposed to be easy to figure out,' he snorted with a shake of his head.
'Just trust me on this, Bobby,' he asked.
'If I didn’t, I would've kicked yer ass out of here to go back hunting those damn dragons a long time ago,' he answered.
'Thanks for that,' Dean told him before he left the kitchen. Bobby asking questions meant that they were really starting to run out of ideas again, but Gabriel didn't give them any more clues on where to start their search. So he had to talk with him again, because the standstill was almost driving him crazy at this point.
That night Dean waited until Bobby went to sleep and Sam passed out too into a restless slumber after hours of crouching over books. He then walked out to the yard, far enough from the house so that he didn't wake up either of the other hunters. As he stood in the silent darkness among the rusty old cars he remembered other nights when he called, sometimes desperately, for a different angel, it left him cold just thinking about it.
'Gabriel!' he spoke out loud. 'If you can hear me... I really need to talk to you! C'mon man! Gabriel!'
There was no answer, for a very long time. Dean asked, shouted, cursed and even pleaded with the bastard to show up for fuck's sake. He didn't even know whether he was ignored or the angel didn't hear him, or maybe couldn't get to him whether he wanted to or not.
'I really shouldn't be here,' said the familiar voice and Dean looked up immediately, relief loosening his tense muscles. Gabriel's forced quiet demeanor felt so unnatural that it put Dean on edge again just looking over him. No relaxed, nonchalant pose, no theatrical gestures and words, it was unnerving.
'Can we talk freely?' Dean asked him. Gabriel glanced away for a moment before his eyes settled on Dean again.
'Yeah, I guess,' he nodded.
'Okay, listen. I got what you meant about searching for something else than the dragons or other monsters, but we really don't have a clue where to--'
'Dean, no,' Gabriel interrupted him.
'What?'
'I can't help you.' Dean frowned immediately.
'But you said--'
'I know what I said, Dean and I meant it, but... I can't.
'I know Cas keeps you on a short leash--'
'Well, that's an understatement,' Gabriel snorted, the first traces of his usual behavior showing on him, it made Dean less edgy.
'That's why you have to help us, dammit! That's how you can get out of this,' Dean told him sternly.
'I'm not going to betray him,' Gabriel answered just as sternly.
'What?' Dean asked in confusion.
'You heard me,' the archangel replied.
'How is this being on our side then, huh?' Dean snapped and Gabriel's face hardened in anger in a blink of an eye.
'Didn't you listen? He brought me back!' he started as he took a few steps closer, he was shorter than Dean, but his presence was dark and enormous and Dean had to force himself not to step back when every instinct in him told him to do so. 'If not for him I would be scattered grace and rotten flesh, gone and forgotten! And what? Am I supposed to pay him back with betrayal?'
'Are you trying to convince me or yourself?' Dean asked.
'Fuck you!' Gabriel snarled angrily. 'I don't owe you anything.'
'No,' Dean admitted, if anything it was the other way around... or they were even, hell if he knew. 'But you could maybe show your “gratitude” by helping me save him.'
'Save him...' Gabriel repeated quietly.
'You can't tell me that it's all good the way he is now, this whole souls business... that much power... do you actually have any idea what went down in the past two years since you were gone?'
'I know enough.'
'Oh really?'
'I know that my brother Raphael is fucking paint on a wall and I see what is happening to all of my brothers who fought alongside of him! I know what's going on right now, that everything has gone to shit, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory... everything but your precious Earth! And that you're fucking asking me to die all over again and you know it, and you're still fucking asking me, you selfish little prick!' Gabriel was breathing a tad harder than he did before when he fell silent, his amber eyes vivid and heated even in the darkness and Dean had no words to reply with for a moment.
'I'm asking you to give me... something... anything to help, before things turn even worse, before he destroys himself, before there's nothing left to save.'
'I don't think there's anything left to save,' Gabriel said quietly, and the words made something clench in Dean's chest painfully. He let out an almost trembling breath before he spoke again.
'There has to be, he can't be gone completely,' he insisted. 'Just tell me where to start looking for... anything that might help... please!' There was silence for a very long time, only the sound of the night and their breathing was audible in the cool air.
'Think of souls... as waterdrops,' the archangel said. 'All around the air, too many in one place and they become a stormcloud... but you add a little pressure, the drops become too heavy, gravity does the rest of the work. Just a little shove and it will rain down from the skies... no more thunder.'
'Wha--' the question died on Dean's lips as the archangel was gone in the next blink without another word. Fucking great. This was the most cryptic answer he ever got in his life and he had a fair share of those. And it was so unlike Gabriel, or well maybe not; he never was straight-forward with certain things. At least it was something; maybe if Bobby and Sam put their heads together they would be able to make sense of it.
The second Gabriel took off from Singer Salvage he could feel the pull. Castiel's power and presence filling all of his senses. He could recognize it now just all too well. He had no choice but to let himself be summoned as he knew there was no hope fighting it. It's been unthinkably long ago since he had to be “obedient” towards anyone and it was impossibly hard to force himself back into the role, most of the time he didn't really succeed. Answering to Dean's curses and pleads was really pushing his luck, he knew it. If he was honest with himself he also already knew with almost absolute certainty that the little annoying bastard will get him killed... again.
Castiel was in his favorite Heaven as usual. Gabriel was glad for some reason that he didn't take up residence in the Garden itself even if he knew that it's been a very long time ago since his Father's presence last filled up that place. It was also strange to be in Heaven after so many years of being absent. Not like any of the angels actually acknowledged his presence in any form. He was rather sure that the reason for that was either Castiel's apparent kindliness towards him or the fact that he was gone for so long, leaving them all behind. There were angels who fought alongside the new “god” in the recent civil war, but so far their only reward was not being crushed down and obliterated like Raphael's followers. Castiel was not done with them yet even after the time that passed, but it was not like they could run. There has never been so much death in Heaven.
Castiel's favorite Heaven was stormy today. It shouldn't have changed from the never ending sunny afternoon, but this time there were gray clouds on the sky and the wind was sweeping through the trees violently. Gabriel didn't need more signs to know what kind of a mood Castiel was in. It made him cautious, but he tried to make himself look as calm as possible. He was good at keeping up an act, so he had no trouble with that.
Gabriel felt the lingering presence of burnt grace and it made his own divine light twist within him unpleasantly. Castiel killed a few of their brothers again. When he spoke up, Gabriel's voice was calm and nonchalant.
'You rang?' he asked. Castiel was silent and didn't even look at him or acknowledged his presence in any way for long moments. Gabriel tried to squash down the unease within that threatened to rise to the surface.
'I was under the impression... that we had an understanding, Gabriel,' the creature spoke. Gabriel may have bowed down to the higher power, but he would not call him 'God'.
'Yes, of course,' Gabriel replied.
'And yet... you seem to be going against my wishes,' Castiel said.
'What? Of course not, why would I--' He fell silent when Castiel was suddenly right in-front of him, the movement too fast even for the angel to follow. Gabriel stood still even if - like always - everything within him screamed to back away and flee. Castiel gripped his chin with his thumb and forefinger and tilted his head up to force eye-contact.
'Do. Not. Lie. To me. Gabriel, ' he said in a deep even tone.
'I wasn't--'
'Leather, gun-powder, dirt and rust... a scent I know well. It would've betrayed you even if I didn't know already where you have been,' Castiel explained to him slowly.
'I told him no... I just went to tell him no,' Gabriel insisted, his grace coiling within him in actual fear, and he had to fight down the urge to try and get free again. Castiel's presence was overwhelming and it shook him to the core when he felt the edge of anger from the swirling billions of souls in his proximity.
There was silence again for a very long time. Castiel did not let go of him so Gabriel stood still and waited, trying hard not to shift away his eyes from the cold blue ones locked on him.
'Gabriel,' the wind quieted down around them. 'Have I ever harmed you?' Castiel asked.
'No,' the archangel replied.
'Then why the fear? Why would you dread me so much?' It sounded like an honest question even if Gabriel had no idea what was expected of him as an answer.
'You need to learn, Castiel,' he started after licking his lips. 'That if you are powerful, you will be feared. That's just how things are.' Castiel hummed in a considering manner before he finally let go of Gabriel's chin. The archangel stood still and silent.
'I see and know, even from my own experience, were you are standing right now and I'd rather you didn't go down that path,' Castiel continued as he walked a bit further away. Gabriel remained silent. 'Especially not because of the Winchesters.'
This was not good, this was anything but good. Gabriel's mind raced to come up with the right words to say, having no clue how big a trouble he was in because of his quick visit to Dean. He knew he shouldn't have answered, he knew it.
'I will not punish you... or threaten you,' Castiel spoke again. Apparently keeping his mouth shut was the best course of action, so he listened. 'But I will not watch you become a tool in Dean Winchester's hand.' That made Gabriel frown a bit. 'Don't look so surprised, I know all too well how he speaks and yells and curses. Tells you how his is the righteous path to walk on, with all the right words. That's how I fell from grace,' he turned and locked his blue eyes on Gabriel. 'That's how you died.' There was a small distant smile on his face again, Gabriel did not like it; it was never reassuring to see it from what experience he had in dealing with Castiel since he was brought back.
'Now that I see clearer than ever, it is quite amusing to see how he plays the fool with jokes and games, while he oh so cleverly only speaks of things you need to hear in order to follow his truth and his alone.'
'Aren't you giving him too much credit there?' Gabriel asked as casually as possible.
'No,' Castiel replied immediately. 'He played you like an instrument and he will do it again,' he stated calmly, with absolute certainty. He walked closer to Gabriel again, but did not stop in front of him, but by his side. 'Or do you think they spared a thought to your sacrifice after they got what they wanted? Did they raise a glass of liquor like they did for their fallen fellow hunters? No.'
'You don't make such choices just because you want your name to be praised,' Gabriel told him. He shouldn't argue, he knew that, but he had to speak, his own silence was driving him crazy.
'Of course not,' Castiel agreed.
'And I made the right choice then,' Gabriel stated, because even if this being was nothing like the brother he remembered, it was the fight against Lucifer and later against Raphael that got him here, so that he had to understand even now.
'You did. But what is Dean demanding from you now? Is the world burning? Am I destroying mindlessly? Spreading chaos and destruction and death in all worlds?' He fell silent and Gabriel could feel his gaze on him even if he didn't turn to look.
'No,' he answered silently.
'I am only punishing those who sought destruction and fought against me. Angels.' He was standing right next to Gabriel again, his presence towering on him like a heavy rainstorm. 'Oddly, he did not mind me killing angels when I did it for him.'
Gabriel swallowed down whatever words wanted to come out of his mouth when Castiel got even closer.
'I know you care,' Castiel said. 'He knows it too, once your mask has fallen off it is not that hard to read you. So what did he tell you this time? Why is your help needed? Let me guess... to save me?' Gabriel kept his gaze straight ahead deliberately even if he felt Castiel's presence by his side so very closely. 'Save me how? Strip me of my powers? Put me down like I'm some rabid dog?'
'Dean doesn't want to kill you,' Gabriel said.
'Or so he says, but he would if he could. The second he thinks there is no other option he will be willing to destroy me, like the great hunter he is.'
'No, he doesn't... you're his friend, or used to be... he wants that back.'
'He told me I was like a brother to him,' Castiel continued as he didn't even hear him. 'That should mean a lot to me, after all, we both know to what lengths Dean is willing to go for his brother. Do you really think he will be that devoted or loyal to me? He wouldn't be able to kill his own brother, not even if the sake of his world depended on it... but trust me Gabriel, despite all that I have done for him, for Sam, for humanity and with all I am still doing to preserve peace... he would still be willing to kill if he saw it as... his last resort.'
Gabriel wanted to argue, but he probably would not be able to find the right words to do so. He had no real proof that this was not the case.
'You know he would. And that is me, the one who got him out of Hell, who sacrificed and gave everything to him. My loyalty, my grace, my life... I who fell for him from Heaven, who trusted and followed him and fought by his side for years, playing the angel on his shoulder. And he would kill me. No doubt about it. I am that sort of a “brother” to him.' There was a few moments of silence after and the archangel didn't know whether he was supposed to speak or not, but he didn't really know what to say anyways.
'Tell me something Gabriel. Knowing all this, what do you think... how much is your worth in his eyes? If he gets the answers he's demanding from you, would he care about how you may be punished for giving them? I know he never cared about that when demanding my help.'
Gabriel went very still after those words, frozen in place. This was all something he had never had to deal with. He was never so weak in someone's presence that they could intimidate him like this. Even another archangel couldn't just toss him around and his Father was never angry with him.
'I won't punish you,' Castiel told him quietly, but somehow the statement didn't make Gabriel relax. 'I know your worth, that's why bringing you back was one of the first things I did.'
'This is your home,' Castiel continued after a breath of silence. 'And I am who cares for you. Not him.'
The silence this time was a loaded one - Gabriel could tell - so he answered the only way he possibly could.
'I know that, Castiel.'
'Of course you do,' he replied and leaned just that bit closer to put his hand on the back of Gabriel's neck and a very light kiss on his temple. 'I just don't want you to forget about it.'
'I won't,' Gabriel said, putting as much conviction into his voice as he was capable of. It seemed like Castiel was satisfied by his answer as he vanished in the next moment. Gabriel could finally just take a deep breath he didn't actually need as the all-consuming presence lifted off of him.
>>> Part 4 >>>
Author:
scyllaya
Artist:
kraehi
Beta:
beatlemaniac9
Rating: NC-17
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Gabriel/Dean, (one-sided Castiel/Gabriel)
Warning(s): cursing, graphic violence (torture, blood), graphic sexual content (slash, non-con from the metaphysical kind, forced orgasm)
Spoiler(s): S6 finale (written before the season 7 Premier)
Word Count: ~ 21 700
Summary: Gabriel awakens at the side of a brother who is nothing like the angel he remembered. Castiel wants his loyalty, for him to become the one he can trust among all the betrayal he suffered. Dean wants to get the archangel out of the grasp of the new god and for him to help save his lost friend.
Author's Notes: Sending a very huge thank you for my artist
kraehi, as she did an amazing job! I cannot thank you enough for making this many and this quality art for my story. Only the text dividers were made by me. My deepest thank you goes for my beta
beatlemaniac9, you are awesomesauce and did an amazing job pointing out my Master Yoda style sentences. I thank my twitter followers in general for not blocking me when I rant and curse about my muse or writing in general. Haha.
Title is from: Paradise Lost - Mouth [You can listen to the song at the end of the fic]
Written for the 2011
debriel_mini
<<< Part 2 <<<
Part 3
Weeks passed and Sam and Dean didn't see Gabriel again. Sam was not eager to call for him and Dean went along with that out in the open, but he couldn't help wondering out loud sometimes where the archangel could've been. He didn't know whether Gabriel heard him or not. He still had those sigils on his ribs after all, and the angel's name was so common among humans that he doubted that he listened every time someone spoke it out loud. Still he wondered, and Sam, trying to urge him to go back to their previous idea, finding monsters who might have some usable knowledge for them, was not helping. Dean firmly believed that they had to follow a different route; he was tired of talking about it with Sam thought; his brother asking 'why' and questioning him over and over again.
The only time when he was not doing it was when he was too tired to argue. He was tired a lot of times as he couldn't rest well, nightmares constantly ruining his nights. Dean knew how it was to deal with such memories, even if Sam technically spent way more time down there than he did, so he knew there was nothing to do to help, just allow Sam to catch the few hours or sometimes minutes of sleep he was able to get. It broke Dean’s heart to see him suffering like this and his own inability to help was also frustrating to no end.
One afternoon when Sam fell asleep on the couch of Bobby's study Dean closed the book he was going over and got up to get himself a beer from the kitchen. The older hunter was inside making some sort of a dinner for them. They stood in silence for long moments, but it didn't last.
'Y'know... I'm kinda surprised,' Bobby started.
'How so?' Dean asked.
'That archangel... the trickster... no reason to believe a word that comes out of his mouth.'
'I believe it,' Dean replied immediately.
'That's what I'm surprised about... so how come?' he didn't look at Dean and it made the question less heavy, he probably knew that if Dean had to look at him while talking about this he may have shook it off without answering. He also didn't want to say anything that would've given away Gabriel for the chance Cas was keeping an ear open.
'I just do,' he answered lamely, but there was nothing else to say. He had no proof, he had no real reasons he could tell, not to Sam and nor to Bobby.
'Well, I ain't gonna argue with ya', but... that sounds like an awful lot of faith coming from your mouth,' the older hunter told him and finally looked at him too. Dean sighed because he couldn't deny it, and couldn't explain it either.
'Yeah I guess...' he answered, as honestly as he was capable. Bobby kept looking at him for another moment before he turned back to the pot on the stove.
'And you're supposed to be easy to figure out,' he snorted with a shake of his head.
'Just trust me on this, Bobby,' he asked.
'If I didn’t, I would've kicked yer ass out of here to go back hunting those damn dragons a long time ago,' he answered.
'Thanks for that,' Dean told him before he left the kitchen. Bobby asking questions meant that they were really starting to run out of ideas again, but Gabriel didn't give them any more clues on where to start their search. So he had to talk with him again, because the standstill was almost driving him crazy at this point.
That night Dean waited until Bobby went to sleep and Sam passed out too into a restless slumber after hours of crouching over books. He then walked out to the yard, far enough from the house so that he didn't wake up either of the other hunters. As he stood in the silent darkness among the rusty old cars he remembered other nights when he called, sometimes desperately, for a different angel, it left him cold just thinking about it.
'Gabriel!' he spoke out loud. 'If you can hear me... I really need to talk to you! C'mon man! Gabriel!'
There was no answer, for a very long time. Dean asked, shouted, cursed and even pleaded with the bastard to show up for fuck's sake. He didn't even know whether he was ignored or the angel didn't hear him, or maybe couldn't get to him whether he wanted to or not.
'I really shouldn't be here,' said the familiar voice and Dean looked up immediately, relief loosening his tense muscles. Gabriel's forced quiet demeanor felt so unnatural that it put Dean on edge again just looking over him. No relaxed, nonchalant pose, no theatrical gestures and words, it was unnerving.
'Can we talk freely?' Dean asked him. Gabriel glanced away for a moment before his eyes settled on Dean again.
'Yeah, I guess,' he nodded.
'Okay, listen. I got what you meant about searching for something else than the dragons or other monsters, but we really don't have a clue where to--'
'Dean, no,' Gabriel interrupted him.
'What?'
'I can't help you.' Dean frowned immediately.
'But you said--'
'I know what I said, Dean and I meant it, but... I can't.
'I know Cas keeps you on a short leash--'
'Well, that's an understatement,' Gabriel snorted, the first traces of his usual behavior showing on him, it made Dean less edgy.
'That's why you have to help us, dammit! That's how you can get out of this,' Dean told him sternly.
'I'm not going to betray him,' Gabriel answered just as sternly.
'What?' Dean asked in confusion.
'You heard me,' the archangel replied.
'How is this being on our side then, huh?' Dean snapped and Gabriel's face hardened in anger in a blink of an eye.
'Didn't you listen? He brought me back!' he started as he took a few steps closer, he was shorter than Dean, but his presence was dark and enormous and Dean had to force himself not to step back when every instinct in him told him to do so. 'If not for him I would be scattered grace and rotten flesh, gone and forgotten! And what? Am I supposed to pay him back with betrayal?'
'Are you trying to convince me or yourself?' Dean asked.
'Fuck you!' Gabriel snarled angrily. 'I don't owe you anything.'
'No,' Dean admitted, if anything it was the other way around... or they were even, hell if he knew. 'But you could maybe show your “gratitude” by helping me save him.'
'Save him...' Gabriel repeated quietly.
'You can't tell me that it's all good the way he is now, this whole souls business... that much power... do you actually have any idea what went down in the past two years since you were gone?'
'I know enough.'
'Oh really?'
'I know that my brother Raphael is fucking paint on a wall and I see what is happening to all of my brothers who fought alongside of him! I know what's going on right now, that everything has gone to shit, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory... everything but your precious Earth! And that you're fucking asking me to die all over again and you know it, and you're still fucking asking me, you selfish little prick!' Gabriel was breathing a tad harder than he did before when he fell silent, his amber eyes vivid and heated even in the darkness and Dean had no words to reply with for a moment.
'I'm asking you to give me... something... anything to help, before things turn even worse, before he destroys himself, before there's nothing left to save.'
'I don't think there's anything left to save,' Gabriel said quietly, and the words made something clench in Dean's chest painfully. He let out an almost trembling breath before he spoke again.
'There has to be, he can't be gone completely,' he insisted. 'Just tell me where to start looking for... anything that might help... please!' There was silence for a very long time, only the sound of the night and their breathing was audible in the cool air.
'Think of souls... as waterdrops,' the archangel said. 'All around the air, too many in one place and they become a stormcloud... but you add a little pressure, the drops become too heavy, gravity does the rest of the work. Just a little shove and it will rain down from the skies... no more thunder.'
'Wha--' the question died on Dean's lips as the archangel was gone in the next blink without another word. Fucking great. This was the most cryptic answer he ever got in his life and he had a fair share of those. And it was so unlike Gabriel, or well maybe not; he never was straight-forward with certain things. At least it was something; maybe if Bobby and Sam put their heads together they would be able to make sense of it.
The second Gabriel took off from Singer Salvage he could feel the pull. Castiel's power and presence filling all of his senses. He could recognize it now just all too well. He had no choice but to let himself be summoned as he knew there was no hope fighting it. It's been unthinkably long ago since he had to be “obedient” towards anyone and it was impossibly hard to force himself back into the role, most of the time he didn't really succeed. Answering to Dean's curses and pleads was really pushing his luck, he knew it. If he was honest with himself he also already knew with almost absolute certainty that the little annoying bastard will get him killed... again.
Castiel was in his favorite Heaven as usual. Gabriel was glad for some reason that he didn't take up residence in the Garden itself even if he knew that it's been a very long time ago since his Father's presence last filled up that place. It was also strange to be in Heaven after so many years of being absent. Not like any of the angels actually acknowledged his presence in any form. He was rather sure that the reason for that was either Castiel's apparent kindliness towards him or the fact that he was gone for so long, leaving them all behind. There were angels who fought alongside the new “god” in the recent civil war, but so far their only reward was not being crushed down and obliterated like Raphael's followers. Castiel was not done with them yet even after the time that passed, but it was not like they could run. There has never been so much death in Heaven.
Castiel's favorite Heaven was stormy today. It shouldn't have changed from the never ending sunny afternoon, but this time there were gray clouds on the sky and the wind was sweeping through the trees violently. Gabriel didn't need more signs to know what kind of a mood Castiel was in. It made him cautious, but he tried to make himself look as calm as possible. He was good at keeping up an act, so he had no trouble with that.
Gabriel felt the lingering presence of burnt grace and it made his own divine light twist within him unpleasantly. Castiel killed a few of their brothers again. When he spoke up, Gabriel's voice was calm and nonchalant.
'You rang?' he asked. Castiel was silent and didn't even look at him or acknowledged his presence in any way for long moments. Gabriel tried to squash down the unease within that threatened to rise to the surface.
'I was under the impression... that we had an understanding, Gabriel,' the creature spoke. Gabriel may have bowed down to the higher power, but he would not call him 'God'.
'Yes, of course,' Gabriel replied.
'And yet... you seem to be going against my wishes,' Castiel said.
'What? Of course not, why would I--' He fell silent when Castiel was suddenly right in-front of him, the movement too fast even for the angel to follow. Gabriel stood still even if - like always - everything within him screamed to back away and flee. Castiel gripped his chin with his thumb and forefinger and tilted his head up to force eye-contact.
'Do. Not. Lie. To me. Gabriel, ' he said in a deep even tone.
'I wasn't--'
'Leather, gun-powder, dirt and rust... a scent I know well. It would've betrayed you even if I didn't know already where you have been,' Castiel explained to him slowly.
'I told him no... I just went to tell him no,' Gabriel insisted, his grace coiling within him in actual fear, and he had to fight down the urge to try and get free again. Castiel's presence was overwhelming and it shook him to the core when he felt the edge of anger from the swirling billions of souls in his proximity.
There was silence again for a very long time. Castiel did not let go of him so Gabriel stood still and waited, trying hard not to shift away his eyes from the cold blue ones locked on him.
'Gabriel,' the wind quieted down around them. 'Have I ever harmed you?' Castiel asked.
'No,' the archangel replied.
'Then why the fear? Why would you dread me so much?' It sounded like an honest question even if Gabriel had no idea what was expected of him as an answer.
'You need to learn, Castiel,' he started after licking his lips. 'That if you are powerful, you will be feared. That's just how things are.' Castiel hummed in a considering manner before he finally let go of Gabriel's chin. The archangel stood still and silent.
'I see and know, even from my own experience, were you are standing right now and I'd rather you didn't go down that path,' Castiel continued as he walked a bit further away. Gabriel remained silent. 'Especially not because of the Winchesters.'
This was not good, this was anything but good. Gabriel's mind raced to come up with the right words to say, having no clue how big a trouble he was in because of his quick visit to Dean. He knew he shouldn't have answered, he knew it.
'I will not punish you... or threaten you,' Castiel spoke again. Apparently keeping his mouth shut was the best course of action, so he listened. 'But I will not watch you become a tool in Dean Winchester's hand.' That made Gabriel frown a bit. 'Don't look so surprised, I know all too well how he speaks and yells and curses. Tells you how his is the righteous path to walk on, with all the right words. That's how I fell from grace,' he turned and locked his blue eyes on Gabriel. 'That's how you died.' There was a small distant smile on his face again, Gabriel did not like it; it was never reassuring to see it from what experience he had in dealing with Castiel since he was brought back.
'Now that I see clearer than ever, it is quite amusing to see how he plays the fool with jokes and games, while he oh so cleverly only speaks of things you need to hear in order to follow his truth and his alone.'
'Aren't you giving him too much credit there?' Gabriel asked as casually as possible.
'No,' Castiel replied immediately. 'He played you like an instrument and he will do it again,' he stated calmly, with absolute certainty. He walked closer to Gabriel again, but did not stop in front of him, but by his side. 'Or do you think they spared a thought to your sacrifice after they got what they wanted? Did they raise a glass of liquor like they did for their fallen fellow hunters? No.'
'You don't make such choices just because you want your name to be praised,' Gabriel told him. He shouldn't argue, he knew that, but he had to speak, his own silence was driving him crazy.
'Of course not,' Castiel agreed.
'And I made the right choice then,' Gabriel stated, because even if this being was nothing like the brother he remembered, it was the fight against Lucifer and later against Raphael that got him here, so that he had to understand even now.
'You did. But what is Dean demanding from you now? Is the world burning? Am I destroying mindlessly? Spreading chaos and destruction and death in all worlds?' He fell silent and Gabriel could feel his gaze on him even if he didn't turn to look.
'No,' he answered silently.
'I am only punishing those who sought destruction and fought against me. Angels.' He was standing right next to Gabriel again, his presence towering on him like a heavy rainstorm. 'Oddly, he did not mind me killing angels when I did it for him.'
Gabriel swallowed down whatever words wanted to come out of his mouth when Castiel got even closer.
'I know you care,' Castiel said. 'He knows it too, once your mask has fallen off it is not that hard to read you. So what did he tell you this time? Why is your help needed? Let me guess... to save me?' Gabriel kept his gaze straight ahead deliberately even if he felt Castiel's presence by his side so very closely. 'Save me how? Strip me of my powers? Put me down like I'm some rabid dog?'
'Dean doesn't want to kill you,' Gabriel said.
'Or so he says, but he would if he could. The second he thinks there is no other option he will be willing to destroy me, like the great hunter he is.'
'No, he doesn't... you're his friend, or used to be... he wants that back.'
'He told me I was like a brother to him,' Castiel continued as he didn't even hear him. 'That should mean a lot to me, after all, we both know to what lengths Dean is willing to go for his brother. Do you really think he will be that devoted or loyal to me? He wouldn't be able to kill his own brother, not even if the sake of his world depended on it... but trust me Gabriel, despite all that I have done for him, for Sam, for humanity and with all I am still doing to preserve peace... he would still be willing to kill if he saw it as... his last resort.'
Gabriel wanted to argue, but he probably would not be able to find the right words to do so. He had no real proof that this was not the case.
'You know he would. And that is me, the one who got him out of Hell, who sacrificed and gave everything to him. My loyalty, my grace, my life... I who fell for him from Heaven, who trusted and followed him and fought by his side for years, playing the angel on his shoulder. And he would kill me. No doubt about it. I am that sort of a “brother” to him.' There was a few moments of silence after and the archangel didn't know whether he was supposed to speak or not, but he didn't really know what to say anyways.
'Tell me something Gabriel. Knowing all this, what do you think... how much is your worth in his eyes? If he gets the answers he's demanding from you, would he care about how you may be punished for giving them? I know he never cared about that when demanding my help.'
Gabriel went very still after those words, frozen in place. This was all something he had never had to deal with. He was never so weak in someone's presence that they could intimidate him like this. Even another archangel couldn't just toss him around and his Father was never angry with him.
'I won't punish you,' Castiel told him quietly, but somehow the statement didn't make Gabriel relax. 'I know your worth, that's why bringing you back was one of the first things I did.'
'This is your home,' Castiel continued after a breath of silence. 'And I am who cares for you. Not him.'
The silence this time was a loaded one - Gabriel could tell - so he answered the only way he possibly could.
'I know that, Castiel.'
'Of course you do,' he replied and leaned just that bit closer to put his hand on the back of Gabriel's neck and a very light kiss on his temple. 'I just don't want you to forget about it.'
'I won't,' Gabriel said, putting as much conviction into his voice as he was capable of. It seemed like Castiel was satisfied by his answer as he vanished in the next moment. Gabriel could finally just take a deep breath he didn't actually need as the all-consuming presence lifted off of him.
>>> Part 4 >>>