fic: whiskey
Title: Whiskey
Fandom: ST (Reboot)
Rating: PG
Pairings: Scotty/Uhura; Kirk/Spock (all established)
Word Count: 2350
Summary: There's talk of puppies and toastmasters between retirees.
Notes: Part of
waldorph's puppies series because she said if I wanted more puppy fic, I'd have to write it myself. Here we are. (AO3)
"You won't believe this!" Scotty yells through the house.
"I'm skeptically raising my eyebrows at you!" Uhura yells back.
"The captain and Spock got another pup!"
"God, really?" Uhura asks as she leaves her room. They walk towards each other and meet just outside the guest bedroom, and they kiss briefly, murmuring hellos against each other's mouths. "Are they like, actually birthing them now or still --" and she includes the airquotes, "'finding' them on 'walks'?"
"You know, I hadn't even considered they could be euphemisms until just now," he muses. "Thanks! Now I'll never look them in the eye again!"
"You said that every time you caught them in the engine room, in the transporter room, in the mess hall, in your room --"
"Wait, when did I --"
"Oh. Maybe you didn't."
Their eyes meet and Uhura tries not to laugh at Scotty trying to discern whether she's fucking with him or not (she's not, but he doesn't need to know.)
"I'll let you have that one," he says as he wanders towards the synthesizer for his traditional post-Kirk-and-Spock/pre-hah-actually-maybe-going-to-work-on-that-textbook beer. "Only because, well."
Uhura tilts her head a little and watches him take his beer and sip from the glass with his eyes fixed on her, almost -- worried. Almost -- puppy-like.
"You didn't," she says matter-of-factly.
"Oh, but I did," he replies just as matter-of-factly. He takes his beer back into the foyer and nudges a box on the floor further into the house with his foot.
Something is inside the box, yelping and pushing up against the top that has its flaps tucked into each other.
"Scotty," she begins.
"I'll be careful with this one," he says. "I mean, am I really going to discover some new transport equation at my age?"
"One of you is getting thrown out of the house, Scotty," she says, smiling, "so it may as well be in the pursuit of science."
The puppy bursts its head out of the box, tongue hanging out of its mouth, and tries to struggle the rest of the way out.
It can't. Its legs are too short. So it yelps until Scotty bends down (beer still in one hand because in however many years, Uhura still hasn't discovered what's going to get that first evening beer out of his hand -- this coming from the woman who, yes, went down on him with the result that he came and his fingers tightened around the glass) and pops the top open with one hand.
The puppy yelps more, tips its box over, and runs headfirst into Uhura's ankles.
"Cute," she says dryly, and the puppy shows no sign of giving a fuck whether she's sneering at him a little.
"He likes you!" Scotty says cheerfully. "Jim thought he might!"
Oh. Jim.
*
She calls Kirk the next day, the screen activating on a gag-inducing domestic scene -- Kirk at one end of the table, glasses on the edge of his nose as he reads a PADD, orange juice and breakfast in front of him, and Spock sitting to his left, buttering a toast point because the synthesizers can't do that to his specifications. (She may have just shuddered through a flashback, or maybe it's just chilly in their kitchen.)
"Morning, beautiful. What's happening?" he asks, eyes still on the PADD.
"Good morning, Nyota," Spock says with a nod towards the screen.
"Morning, boys," she says. "Now: why did I wake up this morning to my husband on his back and a two-pound fluffball sleeping on his chest?"
"You should really get him his own bed, it's --"
"Oh, Scotty's not being rewarded for this with his own bed."
'"I meant the dog, but now I know what to get you for this year's Federation winter holiday," Kirk laughs.
"You get us marriage counseling again, I'll give you a kid," she threatens. "I have a uterus and I have McCoy, who really wants a humanoid godchild. Don't make me use it against you."
"Don't make me call your bluff," Kirk replies. "You're looking kind of fertile this morning."
"What kind of puppy is it, anyway?" she asks them.
"ADORABLE," Scotty calls out behind her.
"That's --" she sighs and looks at the screen. "I blame you two. You're training our dog."
"That's the ticket!" Scotty yells. "I'm not even housebroken."
"He's not," Uhura agrees.
Kirk sighs and looks over his glasses at Spock, who is still buttering his toast and probably will be until the toast collapses into a black hole.
"Got enough butter on that, buddy?" Kirk asks.
"Mr. Scott should accompany us to obedience lessons," Spock says. Uhura, Kirk, and Scotty from their various places watch Spock put his knife down, take a careful bite of the toast point, chew four times, then pick up another toast point to begin the same process on the next piece.
Kirk sighs deeply and looks to the screen. Uhura looks over her shoulder and sees Scotty sipping from a mug of coffee. He snorts and chokes when Uhura looks at him, and turns to the sink to spit out the coffee he didn't inhale. She'll deal with him later.
"So what do you say? Double date to obedience school?" Kirk asks.
"You boys have fun," she replies. "I'm going to work, if the toastmaster ever comes by to pick me up."
Kirk grabs the toast point out of Spock's hand and shoves it into his mouth whole.
"Go get Uhura," Kirk says. Uhura can see the crumbs flying out of his mouth -- mostly because Spock has to dab his face with a napkin and give Kirk a death glare.
"Perhaps the doctor will get his godchild today after all," Spock says.
"I love you?" Kirk says. His mouth is still full of toast and Uhura looks behind her again to see what Scotty's doing.
The puppy is on the kitchen counter, sharing her husband's omelet. As in, Scotty eats half with a fork and the puppy begins on the other half.
"Oh my God, how are you a genius?!" she shrieks.
"Look, I'll buy him food later --"
"You can't synthesize dog food?!"
"You can at our house," Kirk says. "Damn, Scotty, I thought you were on top of things."
"Thank you, wives, that's enough," Scotty says. He keeps eating the omelet, though, and Uhura looks back to the screen. Spock stands at the table, buttoning his admiral's jacket while Kirk stares shamelessly.
"Ahem," she interrupts.
"Why are you still here? We're having a moment!"
"I have a class," Spock corrects. "You are having a moment. Take the dog to obedience school."
"Wait, you're not coming with me?"
"Shawn has remarkable control for a dog his age; I am bringing him with me to the Academy."
"That's a bad idea."
"Enjoy your time with Cory and Mr. Scott and his as-to-yet-unnamed canine companion."
"His name is Whiskey," Scotty says. Whiskey yelps and skitters on the counter to Scotty's side of the plate, but he swats Whiskey away with his hand. "No. Mine."
"Why," Uhura asks him. "Why --"
"Scotty, we'll meet at the park, 1300 hours?"
"Sounds fine, Captain. Toodles!"
"Bye, Uhura," Kirk sings.
She rolls her eyes as the screen flickers off and then turns to confront Scotty and… Whiskey.
"Just think of it," Scotty says as he drinks his orange juice, the omelet abandoned to Whiskey now. "Come and get it, Whiskey! Nyota, have you seen Whiskey? Where's my Whiskey!"
"So, basically, business as usual," she says.
"Exactly! You're the cleverest of them all, I tell everyone that all the time, people claiming I'm the genius but no, I tell them, absolutely not, it's my wife who -- oh, also." He has to stop and laugh, and laughs so hard he's about to piss himself on the floor like their dog.
"You," he says, and he won't stop wheezing. "And the toastmaster. You and he used to -- oh I -- I can't --" He buries his face in his hands and laughs. Whiskey licks his hands and yelps because Scotty's making inhuman sounds now that probably irritate the puppy as much as they irritate Uhura. "Oh, do me harder, toastmaster!"
"Talented hands, though," Uhura muses. "Did you see all that attention he paid to that one piece of toast? Just imagine that on your body. All that… attention. Care and gentle handling, just the right amount of pressure and stimulation…"
"The captain's a lucky man," Scotty grins, and he dodges her playful slap and runs into his study. "Got to work on the book, dear, but you have fun with your colleague, will you?"
"And you take that dog to obedience school!"
"Yes, dear."
*
She comes home after her afternoon classes and finds Scotty sitting on the floor of the living room, beer in one hand, puppy flopped on his legs getting his head scratched.
"How was obedience school?" she asks after pressing a kiss against his temple.
"Oh, terrible," he says. "Did you know Whiskey was a girl dog?"
"I didn't, but I'm glad you groped me more than your dog yesterday. Small wonders, I suppose."
"Me and my little lady -- why I'd never!" He looks down at the puppy and says, "Who is my tiniest little lady? Who is the tiniest and --"
"Your, apparently, biggest lady is off to shower and vomit."
And she's out of the living and in the kitchen when he calls, "By the way, if anyone asks, yes I was arrested and bailed out solely via the captain's charm earlier today."
"Wait, the captain's charm both got you arrested and bailed out? Wait, you were arrested?"
"Oh, just a wee thing, hardly worth mentioning."
"Except that you mentioned it."
"Why would I do that," Scotty wonders aloud. "Anyway, not a huge thing -- there was this woman in the park --"
Uhura walks back to the living room and reminds herself it can't be that horrific because he's here on the floor, puppy and beer in hand, so -- it can't be that bad.
Right?
"-- and her little boy had a box of pups and what a coincidence, I thought, and thought I should get you one!"
"No, you shouldn't," she says. "Ever."
"What about on your birthday? Spousal Appreciation Day?"
(Spousal Appreciation Day was, coincidentally, their anniversary -- about ten years earlier, the cultural studies academic community had a renewed interest in traditional marriage rituals and book after book was published on the rituals between spouses in pre-Federation civilizations. Point being, the Federation then declared a very, very short-lived [except to Uhura, Scotty, and everyone they loved] holiday, Spousal Appreciation Day, or SAD, as it took everyone two seconds to realize. And the Federation public relations agency happened to choose the anniversary of the first night Uhura and Scotty slept together as the day to appreciate spouses. They were probably the only household in the Federation to hold yearly SAD dinner parties.)
"Not. Even. Then."
"The point is, the woman overreacted when I walked up to her and said, I want a puppy or your son, CHOOSE NOW. And apparently that was cause enough to call the authorities."
"Oh, no."
"Then I tell her." Scotty sat up for this part, disturbing Whiskey but not his beer which, really: priorities. "Listen here, woman!"
"Objectifying, very nice way to start winning her over."
"I said, listen here, woman! Call Starfleet all you want: I'm Captain Montgomery Scott, and I am Starfleet. So how's about a puppy?"
"Did you see the point where you had me, Captain Montgomery Scott? And then you lost me?"
"You woulda been so proud."
"Mmm, like I am now?"
"Hush, lass. Anyway, that's about when the captain shows up, tells the authorities there's been a misunderstanding --"
"So you weren't actually arrested?"
"They put the loops on but no actual brig, no."
"Now that I'm proud of you for -- you've done so many other things to be arrested over! It would be a shame to ruin your lucky streak of avoiding detainment like this."
"And that right there is why they call me the Miracle Worker," Scotty finishes smugly.
"No one," Uhura begins, "Never, in your puñetera -- in your fucking life, has anyone called you the Miracle Worker."
"I've got time," Scotty says. "It can catch on."
Uhura sighs and heads back into the kitchen towards the bathroom, and then stops so she can turn back towards the living room yet again.
"You never got to obedience school, did you?"
"Not as such," he replies. He sips from his beer and says, "Oh! School! How was were the little ones? How was the toastmaster? Tell me what his attentive and stimulating hands got up to today."
"Shut up," she laughs. "Well, actually. He came by my office to pick me up --"
"Sexy, do continue," he grins.
"-- and we got there just in time to find Shawn about to eat through the third most important book in Vulcan literature."
"No," Scotty gasps. "Not… that one. With all the Vulcan."
"The very same."
Scotty finishes his beer, nudges Whiskey off his legs, stands up, and leans in to kiss Uhura on the forehead.
"So you didn't get me a puppy," she says to confirm.
"'Course not. If I did, you'd also make me turn the metaphorical doghouse into a literal one for me and Whiskey and me and Whiskey aren't used to these frigid San Francisco spring nights --"
"I'm showering," Uhura announces. "You can join me, or you can. I don't know. Not write your textbook, have another beer, play with the pup --"
"You know, I've done all of those things already," Scotty says. "Might as well join you, yeah?"
She sighs and heads off towards the bathroom while Scotty moans about how unworthy of her he is, how he'll never be equal to the toastmaster in his adoration of her but enthusiasm, that's key.
She laughs, nearly trips on Whiskey, and they laugh some more, which is really the language both of them speak best.
Fandom: ST (Reboot)
Rating: PG
Pairings: Scotty/Uhura; Kirk/Spock (all established)
Word Count: 2350
Summary: There's talk of puppies and toastmasters between retirees.
Notes: Part of
waldorph's puppies series because she said if I wanted more puppy fic, I'd have to write it myself. Here we are. (AO3)
"You won't believe this!" Scotty yells through the house.
"I'm skeptically raising my eyebrows at you!" Uhura yells back.
"The captain and Spock got another pup!"
"God, really?" Uhura asks as she leaves her room. They walk towards each other and meet just outside the guest bedroom, and they kiss briefly, murmuring hellos against each other's mouths. "Are they like, actually birthing them now or still --" and she includes the airquotes, "'finding' them on 'walks'?"
"You know, I hadn't even considered they could be euphemisms until just now," he muses. "Thanks! Now I'll never look them in the eye again!"
"You said that every time you caught them in the engine room, in the transporter room, in the mess hall, in your room --"
"Wait, when did I --"
"Oh. Maybe you didn't."
Their eyes meet and Uhura tries not to laugh at Scotty trying to discern whether she's fucking with him or not (she's not, but he doesn't need to know.)
"I'll let you have that one," he says as he wanders towards the synthesizer for his traditional post-Kirk-and-Spock/pre-hah-actually-maybe-going-to-work-on-that-textbook beer. "Only because, well."
Uhura tilts her head a little and watches him take his beer and sip from the glass with his eyes fixed on her, almost -- worried. Almost -- puppy-like.
"You didn't," she says matter-of-factly.
"Oh, but I did," he replies just as matter-of-factly. He takes his beer back into the foyer and nudges a box on the floor further into the house with his foot.
Something is inside the box, yelping and pushing up against the top that has its flaps tucked into each other.
"Scotty," she begins.
"I'll be careful with this one," he says. "I mean, am I really going to discover some new transport equation at my age?"
"One of you is getting thrown out of the house, Scotty," she says, smiling, "so it may as well be in the pursuit of science."
The puppy bursts its head out of the box, tongue hanging out of its mouth, and tries to struggle the rest of the way out.
It can't. Its legs are too short. So it yelps until Scotty bends down (beer still in one hand because in however many years, Uhura still hasn't discovered what's going to get that first evening beer out of his hand -- this coming from the woman who, yes, went down on him with the result that he came and his fingers tightened around the glass) and pops the top open with one hand.
The puppy yelps more, tips its box over, and runs headfirst into Uhura's ankles.
"Cute," she says dryly, and the puppy shows no sign of giving a fuck whether she's sneering at him a little.
"He likes you!" Scotty says cheerfully. "Jim thought he might!"
Oh. Jim.
*
She calls Kirk the next day, the screen activating on a gag-inducing domestic scene -- Kirk at one end of the table, glasses on the edge of his nose as he reads a PADD, orange juice and breakfast in front of him, and Spock sitting to his left, buttering a toast point because the synthesizers can't do that to his specifications. (She may have just shuddered through a flashback, or maybe it's just chilly in their kitchen.)
"Morning, beautiful. What's happening?" he asks, eyes still on the PADD.
"Good morning, Nyota," Spock says with a nod towards the screen.
"Morning, boys," she says. "Now: why did I wake up this morning to my husband on his back and a two-pound fluffball sleeping on his chest?"
"You should really get him his own bed, it's --"
"Oh, Scotty's not being rewarded for this with his own bed."
'"I meant the dog, but now I know what to get you for this year's Federation winter holiday," Kirk laughs.
"You get us marriage counseling again, I'll give you a kid," she threatens. "I have a uterus and I have McCoy, who really wants a humanoid godchild. Don't make me use it against you."
"Don't make me call your bluff," Kirk replies. "You're looking kind of fertile this morning."
"What kind of puppy is it, anyway?" she asks them.
"ADORABLE," Scotty calls out behind her.
"That's --" she sighs and looks at the screen. "I blame you two. You're training our dog."
"That's the ticket!" Scotty yells. "I'm not even housebroken."
"He's not," Uhura agrees.
Kirk sighs and looks over his glasses at Spock, who is still buttering his toast and probably will be until the toast collapses into a black hole.
"Got enough butter on that, buddy?" Kirk asks.
"Mr. Scott should accompany us to obedience lessons," Spock says. Uhura, Kirk, and Scotty from their various places watch Spock put his knife down, take a careful bite of the toast point, chew four times, then pick up another toast point to begin the same process on the next piece.
Kirk sighs deeply and looks to the screen. Uhura looks over her shoulder and sees Scotty sipping from a mug of coffee. He snorts and chokes when Uhura looks at him, and turns to the sink to spit out the coffee he didn't inhale. She'll deal with him later.
"So what do you say? Double date to obedience school?" Kirk asks.
"You boys have fun," she replies. "I'm going to work, if the toastmaster ever comes by to pick me up."
Kirk grabs the toast point out of Spock's hand and shoves it into his mouth whole.
"Go get Uhura," Kirk says. Uhura can see the crumbs flying out of his mouth -- mostly because Spock has to dab his face with a napkin and give Kirk a death glare.
"Perhaps the doctor will get his godchild today after all," Spock says.
"I love you?" Kirk says. His mouth is still full of toast and Uhura looks behind her again to see what Scotty's doing.
The puppy is on the kitchen counter, sharing her husband's omelet. As in, Scotty eats half with a fork and the puppy begins on the other half.
"Oh my God, how are you a genius?!" she shrieks.
"Look, I'll buy him food later --"
"You can't synthesize dog food?!"
"You can at our house," Kirk says. "Damn, Scotty, I thought you were on top of things."
"Thank you, wives, that's enough," Scotty says. He keeps eating the omelet, though, and Uhura looks back to the screen. Spock stands at the table, buttoning his admiral's jacket while Kirk stares shamelessly.
"Ahem," she interrupts.
"Why are you still here? We're having a moment!"
"I have a class," Spock corrects. "You are having a moment. Take the dog to obedience school."
"Wait, you're not coming with me?"
"Shawn has remarkable control for a dog his age; I am bringing him with me to the Academy."
"That's a bad idea."
"Enjoy your time with Cory and Mr. Scott and his as-to-yet-unnamed canine companion."
"His name is Whiskey," Scotty says. Whiskey yelps and skitters on the counter to Scotty's side of the plate, but he swats Whiskey away with his hand. "No. Mine."
"Why," Uhura asks him. "Why --"
"Scotty, we'll meet at the park, 1300 hours?"
"Sounds fine, Captain. Toodles!"
"Bye, Uhura," Kirk sings.
She rolls her eyes as the screen flickers off and then turns to confront Scotty and… Whiskey.
"Just think of it," Scotty says as he drinks his orange juice, the omelet abandoned to Whiskey now. "Come and get it, Whiskey! Nyota, have you seen Whiskey? Where's my Whiskey!"
"So, basically, business as usual," she says.
"Exactly! You're the cleverest of them all, I tell everyone that all the time, people claiming I'm the genius but no, I tell them, absolutely not, it's my wife who -- oh, also." He has to stop and laugh, and laughs so hard he's about to piss himself on the floor like their dog.
"You," he says, and he won't stop wheezing. "And the toastmaster. You and he used to -- oh I -- I can't --" He buries his face in his hands and laughs. Whiskey licks his hands and yelps because Scotty's making inhuman sounds now that probably irritate the puppy as much as they irritate Uhura. "Oh, do me harder, toastmaster!"
"Talented hands, though," Uhura muses. "Did you see all that attention he paid to that one piece of toast? Just imagine that on your body. All that… attention. Care and gentle handling, just the right amount of pressure and stimulation…"
"The captain's a lucky man," Scotty grins, and he dodges her playful slap and runs into his study. "Got to work on the book, dear, but you have fun with your colleague, will you?"
"And you take that dog to obedience school!"
"Yes, dear."
*
She comes home after her afternoon classes and finds Scotty sitting on the floor of the living room, beer in one hand, puppy flopped on his legs getting his head scratched.
"How was obedience school?" she asks after pressing a kiss against his temple.
"Oh, terrible," he says. "Did you know Whiskey was a girl dog?"
"I didn't, but I'm glad you groped me more than your dog yesterday. Small wonders, I suppose."
"Me and my little lady -- why I'd never!" He looks down at the puppy and says, "Who is my tiniest little lady? Who is the tiniest and --"
"Your, apparently, biggest lady is off to shower and vomit."
And she's out of the living and in the kitchen when he calls, "By the way, if anyone asks, yes I was arrested and bailed out solely via the captain's charm earlier today."
"Wait, the captain's charm both got you arrested and bailed out? Wait, you were arrested?"
"Oh, just a wee thing, hardly worth mentioning."
"Except that you mentioned it."
"Why would I do that," Scotty wonders aloud. "Anyway, not a huge thing -- there was this woman in the park --"
Uhura walks back to the living room and reminds herself it can't be that horrific because he's here on the floor, puppy and beer in hand, so -- it can't be that bad.
Right?
"-- and her little boy had a box of pups and what a coincidence, I thought, and thought I should get you one!"
"No, you shouldn't," she says. "Ever."
"What about on your birthday? Spousal Appreciation Day?"
(Spousal Appreciation Day was, coincidentally, their anniversary -- about ten years earlier, the cultural studies academic community had a renewed interest in traditional marriage rituals and book after book was published on the rituals between spouses in pre-Federation civilizations. Point being, the Federation then declared a very, very short-lived [except to Uhura, Scotty, and everyone they loved] holiday, Spousal Appreciation Day, or SAD, as it took everyone two seconds to realize. And the Federation public relations agency happened to choose the anniversary of the first night Uhura and Scotty slept together as the day to appreciate spouses. They were probably the only household in the Federation to hold yearly SAD dinner parties.)
"Not. Even. Then."
"The point is, the woman overreacted when I walked up to her and said, I want a puppy or your son, CHOOSE NOW. And apparently that was cause enough to call the authorities."
"Oh, no."
"Then I tell her." Scotty sat up for this part, disturbing Whiskey but not his beer which, really: priorities. "Listen here, woman!"
"Objectifying, very nice way to start winning her over."
"I said, listen here, woman! Call Starfleet all you want: I'm Captain Montgomery Scott, and I am Starfleet. So how's about a puppy?"
"Did you see the point where you had me, Captain Montgomery Scott? And then you lost me?"
"You woulda been so proud."
"Mmm, like I am now?"
"Hush, lass. Anyway, that's about when the captain shows up, tells the authorities there's been a misunderstanding --"
"So you weren't actually arrested?"
"They put the loops on but no actual brig, no."
"Now that I'm proud of you for -- you've done so many other things to be arrested over! It would be a shame to ruin your lucky streak of avoiding detainment like this."
"And that right there is why they call me the Miracle Worker," Scotty finishes smugly.
"No one," Uhura begins, "Never, in your puñetera -- in your fucking life, has anyone called you the Miracle Worker."
"I've got time," Scotty says. "It can catch on."
Uhura sighs and heads back into the kitchen towards the bathroom, and then stops so she can turn back towards the living room yet again.
"You never got to obedience school, did you?"
"Not as such," he replies. He sips from his beer and says, "Oh! School! How was were the little ones? How was the toastmaster? Tell me what his attentive and stimulating hands got up to today."
"Shut up," she laughs. "Well, actually. He came by my office to pick me up --"
"Sexy, do continue," he grins.
"-- and we got there just in time to find Shawn about to eat through the third most important book in Vulcan literature."
"No," Scotty gasps. "Not… that one. With all the Vulcan."
"The very same."
Scotty finishes his beer, nudges Whiskey off his legs, stands up, and leans in to kiss Uhura on the forehead.
"So you didn't get me a puppy," she says to confirm.
"'Course not. If I did, you'd also make me turn the metaphorical doghouse into a literal one for me and Whiskey and me and Whiskey aren't used to these frigid San Francisco spring nights --"
"I'm showering," Uhura announces. "You can join me, or you can. I don't know. Not write your textbook, have another beer, play with the pup --"
"You know, I've done all of those things already," Scotty says. "Might as well join you, yeah?"
She sighs and heads off towards the bathroom while Scotty moans about how unworthy of her he is, how he'll never be equal to the toastmaster in his adoration of her but enthusiasm, that's key.
She laughs, nearly trips on Whiskey, and they laugh some more, which is really the language both of them speak best.