2013 Yule Challenge - Little E. - a story of healing and reconciliation Part I
Title: Little E
author: scotianova
beta: Carol38
disclaimer: it's fanfiction, it's for fun only
AN: Thank you tldreamer for your efforts!
♥♥♥ Syl, you are missed ♥♥♥
Warning: not really - maybe this: The story might be focused on Reid - but of course it's about Luke too!
summary:
The title migth give a hint! It's dedicated to the wonderful Carol38 (aka pin on LRO) who happens to be my beta-reader and wise friend.
It’s vaguely inspired by the adorable little movie: “Big Eden”. It’s not a crossover but the location and characters reminded me of a unique landscape in France - Le plateau de l’Aubrac. So there will be some innuendos. And there is a special campaign I find utterly adorable so that I had a perfect model picturing Paul Rivers. For those who want to know who I’m talking about, here’s the link, the others might simply ignore it :)
http://colin.se/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/MOP_Campaign_FW13_Jeff-Bridges_Diary_title.jpg
Pre-note:
“Old homo (general practitioner, surgeon and neurologist) urgently needs vacation replacement.
Where? In Hicksville, Montana, it’s a Godforsaken spot - but that’s a good thing. People around - tolerable, the landscape - utterly gorgeous, salary - ridiculously opulent. Interested? Contact: …”
Reading the ad Reid Oliver chuckled genuinely, without his usual sarcastic undertone for the first time in weeks. He liked bluntness, honesty and braveness, placing such an advertisement took guts - and he had nowhere else to go anyway.
Astonishingly enough he wasn’t the only one to contact the unique colleague looking for a temporary replacement. But when he finally held the check in his hands - and it actually had a ridiculously high sum on it, he asked Dr. Paul Rivers why he’d chosen him.
“People from here don’t need idiots, adventurers, false romantics or medical tourists. And I would never let breeders lay their hands on my fine practice anyway! ”
Meeting Paul Rivers Reid had had a good feeling; he instantly liked the old man with his vivid blue eyes, his gray long hair and his blatant grumpiness. But when he stood in front of the isolated wooden house placed in nowhere he doubted his mental sanity…
Little E
December 2012
Humans are strange creatures and sometimes they are just a mystery.
Look at him for example - the first time he’d done that it almost killed him, his heart stopped beating literally, and his bronchia burnt like hell so that he held his breath wondering if he was supposed to start breathing ever again.
But eventually his survival instinct had kicked in and he surfaced and gasped for air like crazy.
He shook like a wet dog, and started swimming with strong strokes. Today he stayed in the icecold just a few minutes and then turned back to the shore where Barney was waiting for him. The dutiful furry companion Barney didn’t join him in the cold water but he sat tight on the bridge of the wooden boat although even his thick winter-fur couldn’t protect him from shivering with cold. Climbing the boat bridge the naked swimmer shivered with cold too. Holy crap, it was extremely cold this morning. He grabbed his shoes and soggy clothes and ran up to the house in his birthday suit.
Waterdrops still dripped from his wet curls and his skin was red from the cold when he and Barney hurriedly entered the house.
“Morning, Weirdo!”
With that and the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee, fried eggs with bacon and baked beans on toasted farmhouse bread, Paul greeted him from across the kitchen-diner.
“Shut up, old man!”
“Shut up yourself, Squirt! Watch it - or else your dick is going to shrivel away.”
The redhead chuckled in response to the grayhead’s remark and disappeared into the bathroom to have a hot shower.
“What are your plans today?” He asked his roommate after returning shortly afterwards rubbing his curls dry with a towel.
“Why?” Paul asked warily without looking up from the paper.
“You could come with me, you know; I could use some assistance today.”
“Nah, my favorite arthrosis is bugging me and later in the day the guys will stop by.” The grayhead retorted. The guys were Paul’s band members.
“Just saying…a flu epidemic is starting to roll.” Reid tried again sitting down, eying the modest yet delicious breakfast table: His favorite eggs, the still warm bread, butter, homemade blueberry jam and hot strong coffee. Wonderful!
“You can do this all alone!” Paul ‘encouraged’ his fellow doctor and slurped his coffee - only barely hiding a grin.
Lately the old doctor had been stepping down from daily doctor’s duties with increasing frequency and Reid wondered if he was okay and tried to coax him into coming with him at least twice a week. But with ‘the guys’ stopping by he knew he could leave the still grieving man alone in the house. And Paul had every right to slow down - he’d worked days and night for 35 years to keep ‘his family’ safe and healthy. And probably he would have done it until his last breath but Leon’s death had sucked his strength out of him. And who could blame him for that? They’d lived together for 50 years. 50 years.
“Bette called while you were on your beauty-run.” Paul interrupted Reid’s thoughts.
“Which one?”
“Little one. Her kid is coughing like crazy.”
“Okay, I’ll look in on them first.” Reid knit his brow while studying his schedule for the day, which Paul had written neatly down, and shoved another sippet dripping with thick tomato sauce in his mouth. Reid was crazy about Paul’s homemade baked beans. Long forgotten was the canned version. Paul’s way to cook was simple, no fancy food included, and since Reid was a meat-and-potatoes-man, they were a perfect match - food-wise - and he had never been in better shape; the huge amount of fresh air, his daily morning runs and swimming, the absence of distraction. Yes, that simple and well-structured life he led for the last two years - all this was good for him. And that there was someone in the house when he came home every day didn’t hurt either. Paul wasn’t a talker, so sometimes they shared time not-talking, with one of them reading medical journals and the other one playing the guitar or the bandoneon, reading a book or drawing. The first time they’d met Reid wouldn’t have imagined that the gruff old guy had such a creative vein but Paul did and Reid benefited from it. He liked listening to Paul’s deep, husky voice, more speaking than singing his country-song-like chants. And he died of laughter every once in a while because of Paul’s funny cartoons characterizing the Little E’s inhabitants.
Sometimes they watched a movie together with Barney joining them on the couch. A few years ago Reid would have called someone predicting him living a life in the remoteness of a rural surrounding - and not only being okay with it but even liking it - insane. But Reid had gone a long way, had been catapulted out of his well acquainted life, and untypically jumped into an adventure with an unknown outcome and come down to earth with a bang. And now he was here, initially he’d planned to stay a few months at most - as long he and Paul needed to get back on track, but his urge to leave again wasn’t an issue anymore. Reid raised his eyes and laid them on Paul who stood up with difficulty. His knees plagued him especially sadistically in wintertime.
“You’re sure about being alone all day long?”
“I’m sure!” Paul grunted. Paul surely wasn’t the easiest guy to deal with and Reid wondered silently how the grayhead and his beloved Leon had put up with each other for 50 years. People around here had told him that Leon had been a soul of a human being, a charming man with an easy smile and a huge heart whereas Paul was an excellent doctor and a grouch.
Although Paul left most work to Reid he wanted to hear a report every now and then. And there were still patients who wanted to be treated by him exclusively - like Widow Mayer who refused to “let a red-haired kid near her body”.
“I’ll do the big round today.” Reid informed Paul to make clear he wouldn’t be back before late at night and that Barney would be with him. Then he cleared the table before he got ready to leave.
Barney always joined Reid on the big tours, knowing exactly to which patients he was welcome and would mooch a good bite and when he was supposed to wait outside or even in the car. It wasn’t many who were able to resist him though. There was little Bette and her hyper-allergic son, Martin, who would have given anything to play with Barney but it just couldn’t happen, because - honestly - Barney refused to be the trigger of one of Martin’s asthma attacks so he patiently waited for Human Reid returning from Martin’s examination in front of the patio door. And then there was the pitifully thin ‘Real Bette’, suffering from thyroid hyperfunction and her 32 cats - so that Barney freely chose to have a nap in the car and Reid always left some goodies with him anyway to make waiting time comfortable.
Shortly after Reid was ready for a long workday, hiding his smile while he examined his packed lunch, Paul had placed beside his doctor’s bag. Two enormous sandwiches, apple- and orange-slices, two chocolate bars and the battered Thermos with that strong coffee that managed to keep even a sedated man alert, it was Paul’s way to thank Reid for leaving him alone today without asking too many questions.
“And please stop by at Bocuse’s. My orders must have arrived today.“ Paul shouted from his room. Paul had that well familiar habit to give people names, Bocuse’s real name was Bromley, but since the grocer had a thing for French cuisine Paul called him after the famous French chef, ‘Little Bette’ reminded him of a young Bette Midler and ‘Real Bette’ of Bette Davis and so on and on.
“Yes, Sir! Aye-aye, Sir!” Reid retorted but couldn’t hide a grin hearing the answer: ”Idiot!” Well, that was Paul all over - the way Reid liked him - and how could he not since looking at the old man it sometimes seemed as though he was looking at himself decades ahead. Coming to Little E. it had taken Reid exactly one single hour to realize he’d met a soul mate- except for Paul having been in a long-term committed relationship they had a lot in common.
Born in New York, early certified as a musical prodigy Paul’s mother dragged him into performing tours around the world until he refused to make public appearances anymore and ran off to live with his father Jacques, a French dreamer, who’d dropped out after fighting with Paul’s mother for years and lived in an isolated place somewhere in France earning his living making cheese. Paul was 12 years old then. And after almost letting three policemen rip Paul from his father’s arms, his mother caved in and allowed him to stay with his dad. From then on Paul attended a correspondence school and only had to sit for an examination twice a year. When Reid asked about that time Paul shortly answered: “For me - it was what people would call ‘Paradise’.”
Paul was 18 when he met Leon, an exchange student of geology from Chicago, who wrote his thesis about “Le Plateau de l’Aubrac”. In the meantime Reid knew it had been love at first sight.
“I had no choice; I had to go with him! I just had to.” Paul told Reid one night when they shared some time together at the fireplace. So 18 year old Paul Rivers followed 25 year old Leon Blackval to Chicago and attended Medical School, because it was what he was interested in other than Music.
Saying goodbye to his father was the hardest thing to do, but since the elder man had taught him to follow his heart, he was okay with his son’s decision and Paul and Leon spent their yearly holidays at Jacques’ place anyway. Since then Paul and Leon had never been apart from each other for more than a few days - until the unthinkable happened and Leon died.
Grabbing his bag and jacket Reid and Barney left the house to start the domiciliary visits.
First they would look in on Martin. Poor kid! His mother had moved here from New York hoping that tons of fresh air, less pollution, change of living circumstances would help her boy. And Martin actually was better than before but he still had to be careful and wasn’t allowed to be close to fur bearing animals and birds. Reid actually brought Barney with him to Martin so that the boy could at least watch him through the window. He remembered all too well the times when he was a boy himself wanting something so bad yet couldn’t have it.
“You know, he likes you, even if you can’t pet him.” Reid tried to soothe Martin’s pain.
“Really?”
“Really! Dogs have an excellent sensor, you know. And they feel if somebody likes them or not.”
Reid continued while auscultating the boy’s lungs.
“He isn’t febrile…so it’s probably an allergic episode.” He looked up at Martin’s mother with a mixture of relief and concern.
What had caused this? Was his unspoken question.
“I visited with Mr. Jack’s horses yesterday.” Martin finally admitted.
Reid only raised his brows in response.
“I won’t do it again.”
“Good!”
The doctor smiled now and packed his devices a way.
“I know it’s hard to stay away from them, but there is no other way to make you better.”
Martin nodded and Reid felt like a killjoy - like so many times before.
Sometimes his job wasn’t fun at all. But better to suffer from multiple allergies than from fatal diseases - like Annie. Even after all those years thinking about her hurt.
The next patient was Mr. Denner, who suffered from advanced dementia. He had good days and very bad days and on bad days Reid worried more about his daughter caring for him.
After that Mrs. Salomon and her arthritis waited for Reid to have a look. Mrs. Salomon was Barney’s highlight of the day since she always saved some special dog chew bones for him.
On a day like today Reid treated various little aches and pains as well as huge and untreatable ones. Naïve people might think that at a place like Little E. people were healthier, but even surrounded by a beautiful, almost untouched nature people got sick.
Reid did house calls once a week, three and a half days he ran Paul’s practice and once a week he drove to Missoula and operated on sick people’s brains.
And he actually was off duty one and a half day a week, because this enchanted area had a very well-functioning on-call service system with 12 doctors taking part. Life wasn’t that easy at this remote place so that people aided each other. It was crazy that Reid had more free time here than he had in Dallas with its countless doctors. And it seemed even crazier that he enjoyed his spare time. He would sleep in, run 10 miles, take a swim and a long shower afterwards and then he and Paul would have an extended breakfast. Thinking about the changes in his life Reid would say, it slowed down - it was an unexpected and previously unimaginable change but it actually happened.
When he got home at 7:30 pm he already smelled his favorite meal when entering the house.
Paul cooked ‘aligot’, lamb chops and green beans. Reid could sit in the huge pot filled with mashed potatoes, blended with crumbled cheese ‘Tomme d’Auvergne’ and lick it out.
They would have a good time, enjoying Paul’s excellent cooking, Reid telling Paul about the patients laughing at the older doctor’s comments and Barney waiting for some leftovers. And afterwards they would sit at the fireplace and Reid would probably stare into the flames because he was bone-tired today. So he would fall into bed and have one of those amazing dreamless sleeps from which he woke up in the morning and felt simply good.
Sure he still thought about him but it didn’t hurt anymore - or not so bad at least. Sometimes he actually wondered where the pain had gone. It had been his only purpose to get rid of the omnipresent pain he’d endured for so long that he was stunned now that it was fading.
It had been a mystery for Reid how people could let their feelings impact their life until he’d done that himself.
“What had been wrong with Dallas?” Paul had asked him after Reid told him how he had gotten to Oakdale.
“Nothing! It was perfectly fine, I had my own prosperous practice, a yearlong patient’s waiting list, a nice condo, and I had a good life there!”
“Bullshit!”
“What? Have you been there to watch?”
“No, but you wouldn’t have left a good life in a big city, and let a boy ‘blackmail’ and drag you into that town unless you didn’t want to stay in Dallas. There would have been other options than playing the victim…you’re not that guy, Reid. As far as I see the blackmail-thing was just an excuse to leave a life that no longer gave you what you wanted and needed!”
“Wow! I haven’t noticed before that you’re a Freud-adept!”
Reid objected and pretended to be offended but he knew Paul had a point here. Since listening to that voice on the phone for the first time, Reid Oliver had acted totally out of character, ending up in Montana since he’d sold his practice and condo in Dallas and couldn’t stay in Oakdale either.
Watching Paul do the rituals of thoroughly stirring the thick cheese-potato-puree with never ending patience Reid’s stomach grumbled obscenely and he hurried to get ready setting the table.
“It’s a very fine cheese this time.” Paul mumbled. What A Château Latour 1961 meant to a wine expert cheese meant to Paul. Reid didn’t taste the subtle differences, and while Paul got in a raving mood over the spiciness, texture, smoothness of his favorite cheese Reid happily listened to the older man’s praises (or damnations) and silently shoved bite after bite into his grateful mouth.
Paul was a slow eater carefully avoiding getting his full beard greasy - a feat that was almost impossible in Reid’s opinion. And when an accident happened Paul used to carefully dab off the stains. It was a gesture that always did something to Reid, because it was so unlike Paul’s usual behavior.
On the face of it Paul wouldn’t strike anyone as putting emphasis on etiquette, he had his principles though. But of course Reid was aware he’d only come to know just a part of his uncommon housemate. He knew the important parts such as Paul didn’t intend to get back to regular work ever again - although they’d never talked about it. Paul would continue treating those few patients who only accepted him and leave the rest to Reid and Reid was okay with it. His life had taken an unexpected turn and it seemed it had been a good turn. Patting Barney’s soft furry head, he nodded to himself. Yes he didn’t live the life he’d planned or wanted in the first place but he was at peace with himself.
Internal peace - something that had never been on his radar until he finally found it, unasked and not even knowing that he was looking for it.
“Did you never consider working in a bigger town, a prestigious clinic - why here? Why did you choose living in Montana of all places?”
“It wasn’t my choice actually. Leon wanted to move here because of his job so I went with him. If he’d chosen to move to the South Pole I would also have gone with him - maybe treating penguins.” Noticing Reid’s look of astonishment Paul continued: ”Don’t look so shocked. He would have done the same for me. I wasn’t his lap dog, don’t worry. We just were it for each other. I don’t think I would have worked with anyone else.”
“…and you never had the hots for anyone else?”
Paul wrinkled his forehead and pondered his answer.
“Actually I had. Both of us. A few times. But in the end it’s a simple equation. It’s about getting and giving what you need. As for me it was ‘peace’. Meeting Leon for the first time my socks weren’t knocked off or anything. If I was honest, I found him hot but a bit boring with him constantly talking about stones and rock formations and endangered nature. But there was something about him that made me feel calm and safe - yeah as cheesy it might sound maybe- we gave each other peace.”
“So you have never cheated on each other?”
“No! And now stop grilling me! What’s all this about anyway?”
“Just thinking.”
“About whom? That boy?”
“He isn’t a boy actually. He’s 26 - it’s not that I was after a minor!”
“Son, it’s no judgment here - I left my home when I was 18 to follow my man. But after everything you’ve told me about the whole thing … I don’t know, neither of you acted like grown men.”
“Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the most mature phase of my life.” Reid conceded with a grin. “I’ve never acted so irrationally in my entire life…”
“Don’t be too hard to yourself!” Paul smiled good-heartedly. “When it comes to love we all become little girls and boys again wanting to be loved back.”
“Maybe we should really drop the subject.” Reid suggested and got up to get another glass of wine.
Talking of wine...Luke didn’t drink. Luke didn’t do a lot of things; like making clear and unambiguous decisions; or like cutting strings that he ran the risk of getting caught up in.
Reid shook his head - what was wrong with him tonight? It was just a few hours ago that he realized that thinking of Luke didn’t hurt anymore - but obviously that realization was the starting signal to think of him all the time again, seriously?
“Is there anything special you want to eat on Christmas day?”
Reid was glad that Paul changed the subject.
Last year Reid had spent the first Christmas-time with Paul and the question of what to eat that very special day had been a sensitive issue. Since Reid was in a quandary Paul cooked everything that came into his mind, cheese soufflé, turkey stuffed with sweet chestnuts, stuffed vegetables and three different kinds of cheesecake. Even for Reid’s standards it was too much and he ended up like a stuffed turkey himself.
“Maybe just half of what you cooked last year.”
“So be it.” With that Paul raised his glass to his companion.
Last Christmas wasn’t as bad as Reid had expected. He’d dreaded it like hell - given his experiences of the year before. Sitting bodkin amidst the crazed Snyders, feeling like an Alien anyway, suddenly a special guest had been announced and if Reid Oliver felt like an Alien before - compared to the following two hours an Alien was the darling of the public. Realizing he couldn’t even remember feeling more unwelcome and even worse - it didn’t matter at all if he was around or not - he silently disappeared, texting Luke that an emergency came up. If that night hadn’t stirred up a lot of questions and doubts nothing coming from Luke the following day told Reid everything he needed to know.
Noah Mayer had something Reid obviously hadn’t. Noah Mayer was able to make his flaws and shortcomings disappear and it didn’t even take a lot of time, whereas Reid’s imperfectnesses were a permanent issue. It didn’t seem to matter that he actually tried to change, that he showed up at weddings that were cancelled although he was deadly tired after long surgeries, that he patiently waited for their first time until he almost felt castrated, that he held himself back only to make it as easy and good as possible for Luke, that he told Luke that he was an amazing guy, because Noah had done such a number on him...
The day after Christmas - waiting for a sign coming from Luke -Reid realized that even with their lovemaking something was going wrong. The first times had been special, Reid hadn’t lighted countless candles, but he’d placed one single tealight upon his nightstand and Luke had smiled at him as if he’d done the right thing.
The point was, after dating, going to the movies, walking in the park, holding hands in public and having sex for three and a half months Reid wanted to move on to the next level. He wanted ‘normalcy.’ He didn’t want sneaking into the bathroom before dawn to brush his teeth so as to not scare Luke away, he didn’t want to shower three times to prevent himself from having the tiniest hint of odor or to thoroughly consider what to eat at night to minimize the risk of flatulence. And first of all he didn’t want to play nice all the time to keep starry eyed Luke in line.
It wasn’t that Reid refused to offer anything in return, no, au contraire he offered his entire Reid-self,
overeaten stomach, red eyes, morning breath, sweat, grumpiness included but companied by honesty, faithfulness, love and unconditional loyalty.
Well, Reid Oliver was a package but if you dared to put up with his flaws you got lots of good things in return.
Anyway - either Reid had misjudged Luke’s intentions and the depths of his feelings (underrating the ones for Noah and overestimating the ones for him) or Luke hadn’t been ready for settling down. In the end it was pointless and didn’t change the outcome.
Well, that very day Luke had finally shown up at Katie’s at 10 o’clock in the evening remorse written on his face, but astonishingly enough his first question - uttered pretty accusingly - was:
“Why did you leave last night without saying ‘Goodbye?’ and why didn’t you call all day?”
Reid didn’t even bother to answer that but took his forgotten scarf out of Luke’s hand.
Looking Reid in the eye something seemingly happened to Luke, because he visibly shrank.
Reid was smiling, crazily enough he was smiling. He didn’t say anything; he just held his scarf under his nose as if narcissistically smelling at his own scent while he nodded a few times, almost imperceptively but Luke noticed it anyway and he also got the meaning. Yet Luke opened his mouth to say something - not knowing what was left to say - but Reid just lifted his hand and stopped him with that wordless gesture - lightly shaking his head this time.
Reid was definitely not in the mood to listen to anything Luke was about to say.
It should have emerged that Reid wasn’t in the mood for anything including Luke Snyder.
He was simply done and it was written all over his posture.
What Luke met in Reid’s face, in his strange calm behavior was nothing but unconditional surrender. Reid had given up on Luke. It was probably the most non-verbal breakup ever.
The following weeks Luke avoided each and every place where he’d run the risk of meeting Noah or Reid.
Needless to say the news spread in no time that Reid Oliver was leaving Oakdale. But Luke didn’t dare go to him, apologize and ask for another chance. Reid had asked him several times if he was sure that he and Noah were through and each and every time the redhead looked so vulnerable and insecure. And finally, finally they were getting somewhere and then Christmas night happened.
When Luke heard the news that a new doctor was acceding to Reid’s position at Memorial and that it had been Reid himself who had recommended her highly the young man cried for hours.
(“Bob, I ran a hospital I would chose her, trust me, she is the best”.
“Even better than you?”
“No, I wouldn’t go that far, but she comes dangerously close”)
Luke didn’t know that Reid had to fight tears too - when Bob Hughes didn’t let go of his hand and eventually hugged him.
And when Reid boarded the plane and turned around to see Katie standing behind the window waving her face drowning in tears and Jacob did his baby-waving opening and closing his chubby little fist he thought he might not be able to get through this.
But of course he did, he was a grown man, used to coping with losses and failures.
He’d put his head above the parapet, danced on unfamiliar ground, left his comfort zone since the day he’d set foot on Oakdale’s ground, drowned the warning voices in his head and finally walked into the trap and fell in love. On top of it he’d believed he’d had a chance with love - but everything had backfired.
What is one supposed to do when things like that happen to them?
Then even successful neurosurgeons feel infinitesimally small, helpless and want to hit their own head against the next wall so they might have another neurosurgeon have a look under their skull and remove that ridiculous, malicious gnome that has talked them into believing a ridiculously romantic, stunning young guy could actually love them back.
The day Reid left Oakdale Luke hid at the farm.
Well, after leaving Oakdale Reid perused all the offers and declined them all. He didn’t run back to Dallas especially since he’d sold his prosperous private practice and his condo two weeks ago. Initially he’d planned to use the money to buy a nice house in Oakdale near Katie’s place and save the rest. But of course he was relieved now that he hadn’t already started to look for places.
So he wasn’t in a rush and if that ultimate disaster of Reid Oliver falling in love with Luke Snyder was good for something it was Reid finally recognizing and accepting that there must be more in life than working 70 hours a week. Therefore he planned to do just nothing for a short time, nothing but analyzing what happened and considering what he wanted to do with his life after it had been turned upside down.
He didn’t burn all bridges behind him though, he stayed in touch with Bob and he and Katie talked every other day. After her first shock she’d absolutely understood his decision - knowing well enough what Luke meant to him. Leaving Oakdale he headed to New York and spent almost two month there before he finally looked up job offers on the internet.
Before that he’d done what no one would have expected him to do: He walked around, sat in the park, read all the books he ever wanted to read but hadn’t had the time, and he even watched a few shows on Broadway.
So he didn’t break down, yet he was surprised by the intensity of pain that was washing over him every now and then.
The first days he constantly wondered what Luke was doing. He knew Luke well enough to be sure the younger man was suffering too; that the blond even possibly wanted Reid ‘to fight for them’.
But that was not who Reid was. What he’d done for the last 11 and a half months had been his way to fight for love. He didn’t know another way and he didn’t want to walk down the ‘fighting for love’- road anyway. What was this supposed to mean anyway? Fighting for love? If you didn’t get it without struggling and fights it was probably a lost cause from the beginning.
Whatever!
He’d tried, he’d failed, pitifully failed, he felt unhappy in a way he almost couldn’t remember- but what?
He chuckled bitterly - what did that grumpy writer say?
“Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that. Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world.” (Samuel Beckett)
Well, the guy was right, right? If he hadn’t felt so miserable he would have had a very good laugh at his own foolishness.
And then one day he’d detected Paul’s ad and his life took an unexpected turn again - for the better this time.
Part II: http://scotianova.livejournal.com/58689.html