[closed]

[yetsleeping]

Who: Priscilla (yetsleeping) and Isley (swordofthenorth)
When: Wednesday Evening, after this thread.
Where: Priscilla's suite at the Alliance HQ.
Format: Actionsauce.
What: Isley comes by to discuss his issues with Priscilla. Priscilla, meanwhile, just accidentally awakened some of hers.
Warnings: ...Isley is a dick! also, tl;dr setup, geez.

Comments

[swordofthenorth]

[With a turn of the key the door is locked, the white-silver direwolf at bay. Where he is going, Isley doesn't want to be followed. Not by anyone and not by anything

[yetsleeping]

[...really, she should have seen that coming. Should have felt it, at least. And now that she hears him - his voice, and his steps, the force of his presence hits her again, and she drops the device. The impact stops playback just as her own voice tells him to let her go.]

[She isn't afraid. That's not the right word. But she watches him, her gaze wary and and body tense.]

I wasn't really hiding.

[Not this time. In truth, maybe she never had - even in the worst of times he's always managed to draw her out. But there's a story in her head, and at the moment it's quite fresh, and raw, and without all the patchwork justifications she's given herself for letting him near. Again and again. And it makes her wonder, even only for this moment, why she ever invited him back in.]

I did kind of forget that-- well, no, I didn't forget. I just lost track of time.

[swordofthenorth]

You know what I mean.

[He reaches for the claw-shaped clasps fastening his cloak to his shoulders and undoes them. The garment is pulled away, draped over an arm as he shuts the door. He leans against the wall near to it, and never once, not even for a moment, does he take his eyes off Priscilla.]

Time's an easy thing to lose track of sometimes, but it seems it's caught up to you.

[And he has to wonder how many times it's caught up in the past, too. How many times has she reviewed that memory? Are there others? Of course there are...and she's probably stewed over them all.]

That's an interesting little trinket at any rate. Was it costly?

[yetsleeping]

[Unnerved is, perhaps the right word. Yes. Better than afraid, or even guarded. Because she knows his moods well enough - better than anyone, save perhaps Rigaldo. She knows his temper... and his cold rage. Still, she raises her head slightly - no shame, no fear.]

I guess that depends on your perspective. I've had it for some time - it was more expensive than what I actually paid.

[Literal, and metaphorical. Its value is higher than the ivories she spent. But she paid for everything on it, too, in a million different ways. In pain and tears and betrayal. Funny how long ago they felt this morning - like decades ago, past the wasteland of the West and years in the frozen North. Funny, too, how recent they seem now.]

I had it for a reason, though. Some things are worth more than money.

[swordofthenorth]

There were times when I wanted to change, and there were times when I did not. Right now I'm not even certain it is possible short of walking into the Mist, beyond the furthest reaches, in search of a voice that could be just about anywhere.

[He brushes his thumbs below her eyes, wiping away the threat of tears.]

I understand that it is...complicated. It is for me, too. Whether you believe that or not, I leave it up to you. I was not fed lies in the manner you were, but I've had to make adjustments the likes of which I've never had to make before. It was different when you were like me, different even with Raki. Easier.

Because...fragile and priceless don't go hand-in-hand. And as you are now, you are both fragile and priceless to me. As you are now, my actions cost me more than I can afford. And as I am now...I'm not sure that I can continue. You know what it's like to have power and not be able to use it. You know what it's like to to have to suppress the yearning for something more, to live a half-life.

[He can't be

[yetsleeping]

You know. "If you could have felt worse then I could have done worse" isn't very comforting.

[It isn't quite the non-sequitur it could be. It isn't even a late response... at least, not entirely. She looks down, away.]

You want me to let you in? I wouldn't know how even if I tried to. And I don't know why I should. You're still telling me half-truths. Even now.

Or did you think I wouldn't notice?

[Priscilla's eyes meet his again - such strange eyes. Like fire and glass and-- she draws a long breath.]

It was different the first time. But you... and Irene, and Zack, and Deneve and even Helen, all of you. I loved you. ...well, maybe not Deneve, but I respected her. And I trusted her. And all of you. And now, it just. It doesn't matter that I'm not angry anymore. It's not the same.

And you. I still don't understand why you-- and I'm not going to ask why, because it doesn't matter anymore, all that matters is...

Everything you say you want? I tried to give to you before, and you didn't want it. And I can forgive it

[swordofthenorth]

[Fine.]

[They'll do things her way.]

I want you to need me in your life. I want to be needed by you...the way I need you. It goes beyond your potential strength. It goes beyond copulation. I've never wanted this from anyone, never needed it from anyone...the way I need it from you. And I don't know why. I can't tell you why you should or shouldn't let me in. If I tried, it would be empty words. I only know how to show you why. Because without you I have nothing to lose.

[Her eyes, brighter than any winter stars, stare into his own. They're a silvery cold so fragile and so strong, with unfathomable depths...just like her. It saddens and enrages Isley that he can't see the bottom. That maybe one doesn't even exist.]Part of me wanted to discard you before because of that. It makes me feel...weakened. Every time something hurts you, it hurts me too. This isn't a hurt I know how to fix. It's not the same as regrowing a lost limb or closing a bleeding wound. So it continues, and I didn't want you to know that, but now

[yetsleeping]

...Isley!

[Priscilla takes a step forward, says his name, reaches for him, before she thinks of what to say next. And just that quickly, she stops, and her raised hand falls back to her side in a fist.]

I--

[What? Think of words. Think of anything. But everything that comes to mind is... defensive, or accusatiory or... sad. It isn't the same - a defense, or a justification, even if it's true. Because pain is pain, yes, but she's never tried to hurt him. And if she's so important to him then how can be so skilled at making her feel so irrelevant?]

[But that won't help, will it?]

[And neither will looking at that word: need. Or wondering what it means. If she walks away, his heart will still beat. His blood will still rush. He'll still hunger and rage and live and breathe, so what does that mean, to need a person