Video.
[bang! who's this handsome young lad on the screen of your forge, sort of like a frog with an afro? why, it's Nathan Young, and he's looking rather chirpy for a new arrival.]
Right, well this is a load of wank, then, innit? If I'd ever wondered what sort of freaky-deaky-arse storm gives regular pricks superpowers, my question has been answered. I mean, will you look at those clouds? Those clouds are some serious shit. I'm half expecting some dead mentor to form in them and give me some paternal advice. And I'm given to understand this place is crawling with people who can do weird shit.
So which one of you put me under, then? You'd think I'd be used to waking up in strange places due to a lifetime, an absolute lifetime of poor drinking decisions. But once I realized I still had both my kidneys, I managed to climb out from behind the settee and get it together. Still, suspicious blank in the memory usually means invasive surgery. ... Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my cock's a little bigger.
[his groin is below the camera's frame, but there's the sound of a fly unzipping and he looks down, sucking his lower lip contemplatively.]
I dunno. It's hard to tell unless you get a chub, and I don't do amateur porn. [beat; a correction:] I don't do free amateur porn.
[a shit-eating grin] But if any lovely ladies want to come 'round and welcome me to freaksville, bring a measuring-tape and we'll make a game of it, eh? [he winks; blows a kiss; the feed cuts out.]
Right, well this is a load of wank, then, innit? If I'd ever wondered what sort of freaky-deaky-arse storm gives regular pricks superpowers, my question has been answered. I mean, will you look at those clouds? Those clouds are some serious shit. I'm half expecting some dead mentor to form in them and give me some paternal advice. And I'm given to understand this place is crawling with people who can do weird shit.
So which one of you put me under, then? You'd think I'd be used to waking up in strange places due to a lifetime, an absolute lifetime of poor drinking decisions. But once I realized I still had both my kidneys, I managed to climb out from behind the settee and get it together. Still, suspicious blank in the memory usually means invasive surgery. ... Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my cock's a little bigger.
[his groin is below the camera's frame, but there's the sound of a fly unzipping and he looks down, sucking his lower lip contemplatively.]
I dunno. It's hard to tell unless you get a chub, and I don't do amateur porn. [beat; a correction:] I don't do free amateur porn.
[a shit-eating grin] But if any lovely ladies want to come 'round and welcome me to freaksville, bring a measuring-tape and we'll make a game of it, eh? [he winks; blows a kiss; the feed cuts out.]