As someone who was born in and still lives in Vancouver, you are bang on. I know this is going to sound like I'm making excuses for people, but mull it over for a while and you'll see my point.
As a city, Vancouver has no cultural identity that makes it stand out on its own. It has no opera house, no amazing bridges, no Empire State building, and no giant pineapple. It spends most of its time trying to look and act like other cities, but falls short. Its population is mostly derived of people from elsewhere, so there is little that connects them. The public events and freedoms which used to drive the community have been cut back drastically since the 70's, quite frankly because a few bad apples have proven that the people in power have no freaking clue. Combine that with a laid-back West Coast personality, and you have a city full of people who have little or no sense of attachment to each other.
So if the majority of the people you interact with here behave apathetically, I think you can see why - *and* why they themselves can
( ... )
I've had a similar theory whereby because Vancouver has SO MUCH going for it as a city (livable climate, not-too-big geographically, beach in your front yard and mountains in your back yard, being Canadian, etc), no one has any shared traumas to bond over. Furthermore, we're not forced to be inside with each other for MONTHS at a time because our winters are so mild, so people never learn to work their shit out. They don't have to. They can just leave or find new flaky people. If you always have an "out" and there are no "real problems" for people to endure people end up spoiled and unaware.
I've often lamented how life gets in the way of socializing. There are a lot of people here that I want to hang out with, but there isn't enough time to do everything. So I've accepted that I will see people once every three months or 6 months or a year and that's all it can be. You're right; there IS a lot of "lets hang out" with no follow-through. I've done it with lots of people, and then feel bad when I don't call them to do it. OTOH, they don't call me either. Life gets in the way. I understand calling and trying and getting no repsonse is frustrating; I've been in that boat too. I think your plan of not calling anyone is a good one. The people that call you are the ones that want to hang out with you, and you will have better friendships with them. (I had to make myself do that in my relationships with men. That's where Michael came from :)
You're right, life does get in the way. However, people respond faster to their closer friends or "inner circle" or however you want to respond to it. Which is to be expected, BUT when people make it habit of it and consistently mention they want to hang out with you more and then don't, it's frustrating!
Yeah I think it's a good social experiment. It will be really hard for me because I've always been the contact maker, and always the organizer of stuff.
I have one person, that I thought was very close, whom I still have their birthday gift from last year because she can't be bothered to get together with me no matter how many times I phone or email.
That's REALLY shitty and yet totally not uncommon.
There are things friends have lent me from YEARS ago and I keep contacting them to get their stuff back to them and they can't even be bothered to respond to me.
It makes me sad to have to feel like with most people it's not worth it though. Especially if it's been years in the making.
I don't know anything whatsoever about what its like to live in Vancouver, but from what i have read from your posts, these people you are spending so much time and heart ache on, they are not your friends, that sounds harsh but its true and hounding them to respond and be your friend wont change that
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The sad fact of the matter is though, very very few people do respond, and as I mentioned above, it's not always for lack of interest, it's that people here have learned that a certain kind of behaviour is okay and permissable and even when told not to do it, they don't want to break their habits.
You are right though, I should focus on the few people that are worth it to me. And you are also right, the more I let go of the useless ones, the more room I have for the awesome people to step up! :D
"a connection just anything they would either ignore your every word or dump you because you change."
Right. And now imagine how irritating this would be to experience with adults aged 25-45 (the majority age range of my friends). Would make you want to punch things, no?
Yeah I do just need to accept that it's not worth my stress and to just drop them. It hurts to have to let go of the concept of their friendship but I have to remember that it's only the concept that I am hanging on to and not the reality
( ... )
Comments 18
As a city, Vancouver has no cultural identity that makes it stand out on its own. It has no opera house, no amazing bridges, no Empire State building, and no giant pineapple. It spends most of its time trying to look and act like other cities, but falls short. Its population is mostly derived of people from elsewhere, so there is little that connects them. The public events and freedoms which used to drive the community have been cut back drastically since the 70's, quite frankly because a few bad apples have proven that the people in power have no freaking clue. Combine that with a laid-back West Coast personality, and you have a city full of people who have little or no sense of attachment to each other.
So if the majority of the people you interact with here behave apathetically, I think you can see why - *and* why they themselves can ( ... )
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I've had a similar theory whereby because Vancouver has SO MUCH going for it as a city (livable climate, not-too-big geographically, beach in your front yard and mountains in your back yard, being Canadian, etc), no one has any shared traumas to bond over. Furthermore, we're not forced to be inside with each other for MONTHS at a time because our winters are so mild, so people never learn to work their shit out. They don't have to. They can just leave or find new flaky people. If you always have an "out" and there are no "real problems" for people to endure people end up spoiled and unaware.
Reply
I understand calling and trying and getting no repsonse is frustrating; I've been in that boat too. I think your plan of not calling anyone is a good one. The people that call you are the ones that want to hang out with you, and you will have better friendships with them. (I had to make myself do that in my relationships with men. That's where Michael came from :)
Reply
However, people respond faster to their closer friends or "inner circle" or however you want to respond to it. Which is to be expected, BUT when people make it habit of it and consistently mention they want to hang out with you more and then don't, it's frustrating!
Yeah I think it's a good social experiment. It will be really hard for me because I've always been the contact maker, and always the organizer of stuff.
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
That's REALLY shitty and yet totally not uncommon.
There are things friends have lent me from YEARS ago and I keep contacting them to get their stuff back to them and they can't even be bothered to respond to me.
It makes me sad to have to feel like with most people it's not worth it though. Especially if it's been years in the making.
Reply
Reply
The sad fact of the matter is though, very very few people do respond, and as I mentioned above, it's not always for lack of interest, it's that people here have learned that a certain kind of behaviour is okay and permissable and even when told not to do it, they don't want to break their habits.
You are right though, I should focus on the few people that are worth it to me. And you are also right, the more I let go of the useless ones, the more room I have for the awesome people to step up! :D
Thanks for the advice. ♥
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Right. And now imagine how irritating this would be to experience with adults aged 25-45 (the majority age range of my friends). Would make you want to punch things, no?
Yeah I do just need to accept that it's not worth my stress and to just drop them. It hurts to have to let go of the concept of their friendship but I have to remember that it's only the concept that I am hanging on to and not the reality ( ... )
Reply
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