I wrote a poem yesterday.It was inspired by one of my most precious fictional heroes.Don't laugh,I have fictional heroes.And I am not ashamed of my this character feature.Fictonal heroes have made great good to my life and helped me decide on many many occasions
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ps. 221B Baker Street ;)
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Well, the number of syllables in your strophes is inconsistent.
He sits on a high stool
Comfortably, by the fire
Just looking well, keeping cool
Waits for new ones to hire
You have 6 syllables in your first verse, 8 in your second and 7 in your third and fourth. I think "Waiting for new ones to hire" would have sounded better, so you'd get 8 syllables out of it - the same number as the verse it rhymes with.
He's got fresh deals in his pocket - 8
To consider and ponder - 7
Smokes his pipe and many more - 7
As his friend stares in wonder - 7
"To consider and to ponder" sounds better for some reason. Maybe it's because you can have some sort of pattern in syllables then.
When he finally relaxes - 8
it's to astonish all - 6
Carefree, smiling - 4
He calls it a close-call - 6 ( ... )
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What's wrong with writing about a fictional character,may I ask? :P
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Saying it's free verse is a poor excuse for not respecting rhythm. :P Free verse is supposed to be something special, reserved for those earth shattering revelations I mentioned or some clever dissection of sentiments. If you want to write a poem about a fictional character, respect the rules. :P
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I don't have to respect any rules :P It's my creative territory.Seriously. 8-)
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