iMatch
iMatch
Klaus Schilling
<schilling.klaus@web.de>
Rating: T
Disclaimer: iDon't Own iCarly or Drake & Josh
Abstract
Fandoms: iCarly, Drake & Josh
Genre: Fluff, Family, Friends
Summary. Carly tries to find a suitable girlfriend for Nevel, making him drop his onslaughts on iCarly
Pairings and People: Megan Parker/Nevel Papperman, Carly Shay, Spencer Shay, Fredward Benson/Samantha Puckett, Joshuah Nichols, Grandpa Shay/Grandma Nichols, Jake Crendle/Drake Parker, Shane/Mindy Crenshaw, Shelby Marx/Corey, Marissa Benson, Lewbert
Timeline: after season II of iCarly and post series Drake & Josh
Table of Contents
Carly's Cousins are coming
"That Nevel Spaz has talked again about slipped kidneys." Sam moaned.
"Dystopia!" Freddie remarked.
Sam shook her head. "Grow up, dork!"
Carly sighed. "Maybe Nevel wouldn't be that bad if he had a girlfriend that could understand him."
"Are you insane?" Sam complained.
Carly shrugged. "Maybe? But if he had, he would spend more time with her instead of sabotaging iCarly."
Freddie nodded solemnly. "And then Carly could spend more time kissing me instead of worrying about Nevel."
"Never!" Sam glared at Freddie.
Spencer arrived in the kitchen. "Carly! I've got some great news!"
"Grandpa moves to Honolulu and won't ever come to control us again?" Carly guessed in a joking manner.
"No, baby!" Spencer corrected his little sister. "Your cousins from San Diego are coming for a visit!"
Carly beamed. "Drake? Megan? Josh too?" Carly smiled. "He's just a step-cousin, but I still love him like a real cousin."
Spencer nodded. "Correct! All three of them?"
Carly jumped up and bounced her hindside off.
At school, Carly spread the news to Freddie and Sam.
"So, they aren't related to Spencer?" Freddie wondered.
Carly nodded. "Spencer is of dad's first wife, while my mom is dad's second wife ..." She shrugged. "Whatever, he has got a relative in San Diego, too. His name is Steve, and he's a psychopath!"
"And so?" Sam replied in a cool manner. "Half of my relatives are psychopaths."
Freddie nodded. "Obviously!" he glared at Sam.
"Hey! I'm perfectly normal!" She boomed at Freddie. "Don't think anything different about me, dorkward!" Sam grabbed Freddie and shook him violently.
"Hey! Who would call Sam insane?" Freddie trembled.
"So ... how are your cousins?" Sam wanted to know,
"Aw, Drake is totally cool. He has got OCa rock band and has already sold some records." Carly announced.
Sam opened her locker. "Such as this guy?" She pointed at a poster of Drake Parker, her favourite Californian rock idol.
Carly was flabbergasted.
"So, I've got this poster in my locker for three years." Sam moaned. "And you've never told me that he's your cousin?" She starred menacingly at Carly. "If you weren't my best friend, I would slap you across the face for that!"
Freddie wasn't exactly into contemporary Californian rock stars, but ... "Drake is interesting!"
Carly nodded. "But his little sister looks a lot like me, so people say." Carly sighed. "Two bad I haven't met her in years ..."
"We'll see!" Sam and Freddie remarked unison.
"But she's a naughty, mischievous genius who cons and pranks Drake and Josh all the time! And she plays the oboe. Totally not like me."
Sam chuckled.
"Carly is all nice and spice!" Freddie grunted.
"And Josh ... well, he's a bit nerdy." Carly remarked. "More than Freddie and Gibby taken together."
"Wedgie time!" Sam beamed.
Arrival
"They are here!" Spencer beamed.
Sam was bathed and had dressed her hair more than ever before in her life - just for Drake.
"I hope they find their way up here ..." Carly wondered.
Drake, Josh, and Megan entered Bushwell Plaza. The first thing they saw was, of course, Lewbert
"Gross!" Megan choked when she saw Lewbert's wart.
Drake nodded solemnly.
"It isn't his fault!" Josh remarked.
Drake shrugged. "And so? Should we pretend it wasn't gross?"
Fortunately, Lewbert was asleep.
Megan snuck up to the bell. She rang it briefly, then she dropped down onto her knees, hiding.
Lewbert woke up. "Eww, people!" He screamed in a disgusting manner.
"Sir, we need to get to the loft of the Shay family ..." Josh asked Lewbert.
Lewbert yelled his instructions at the top of his lungs.
Drake, Josh, and Megan sighed with relief when Lewbert was out of sight.
"You're right!" Josh remarked. "That doorman is the epitome of gross."
Megan grinned.
After a long march, they reached the correct floor. They saw Mrs. Benson leave her apartment.
"Ma'm ..."Josh twitched. "We're looking for the apartment of the Shay family."
"You call them a family?" Marissa shrugged. "Since my Freddie hangs out with them, he has turned more and more cheeky and rebellish!" Then she pointed them the appropriate door.
Drake rang the bell.
Carly opened for the visitors from San Diego. "Drake!" She huggled her cousin insensate.
Mrs. Benson yelled. "Freddie! Tick lotion!"
"Later!" Freddie boomed back from inside Carly's loft.
Mrs. Benson grumbled and disappeared.
Carly also hugged Josh and Megan.
Sam approached the visitors. "Wow, you do look similar!"
Spencer grinned triumphantly.
Freddie shook the hands of Drake, Josh, and Megan. "Fredward Benson, but you may call me Freddie!"
"Or better Dorkward ..." Sam remarked.
Freddie pouted.
Megan jumped into Spencer's strong arms. "Carry me!"
Spencer shrugged and carried Megan to the couch. "How was your trip?"
"Nice ..." Megan remarked. "Barring the presence of the boobs ..." Megan namecalled Drake and Josh her boobs.
Sam flirted recklessly with Drake, but she didn't get too far. "Do you know that I've got a poster of you in my locker?"
Megan sighed. "That doorman is a pest!"
Spencer nodded solemnly.
"Drake, now that you're here in Seattle, ..." Carly asked. "Would you like to play something in our web show?"
Freddie and Sam agreed enthusiastically.
Drake shrugged. "Sure! Why not?"
At the same time, Sam snuck up from behind Josh and gave him a wedgie.
Josh twitched and squealed.
"Wow!" Sam beamed. "That's more fun than with Freddie or Gibby! Way more fun!"
Megan chuckled. "Cool!"
Freddie approached Drake. "I'm the tech producer of the web show. Would you like to perform an accoustic check?"
Drake nodded.
Freddie and Drake entered the attic.
"Am I the first live rock star?" Drake asked.
Freddie shook his head. "Nopes. The first was some Jake Crendle, a wannabe from our school. I had to patch his voice with my software ..."
"You can do that?" Drake beamed.
Freddie nodded.
"Well, I need a demo tape for my next record contract ..." Drake sighed. "Could you help me?"
Freddie beamed. "Sure!"
Spencer sighed. "OK, We could see a movie tonight."
"What movie?" Carly asked.
"Zebo on Ice, baby!"Spencer screamed. "With Amber Tate!"
Sam chuckled.
"Yeah!" Josh cheered. "Amber was recently at the cinema I'm working for, for some premiere party. I had to hold her naughty dog ... I've got myself covered with vomit - all over!"
"Gross!"Sam remarked, chuckling crazily.
"Watch what you want ..." Megan moaned. "I'm going to stay here and practise with my oboe!"
"OK! ..." Carly shrugged. "Let's ask Freddie and Drake ..."
The guys were about coming back and agreed on the movie that Spencer had suggested. The movie was scheduled for 7 p.m. to 8.30 p.m.
Suddenly, Carly had a vicious idea. She walked into her closet and got her cellular phone ready. She typed some numbers. "Nevel! This is Carly Shay ... maybe I rue the day ... OK, last time you've tried to sabotage iCarly, you've left something in my apartment, a needle for your tie or so ... you may catch me tonight at 7 in my apartment and retrieve it! ... and then you may make me rue the day ... OK, until later!" She terminated the connection.
Megan was left alone at the loft upon the others' departure for the cinema.
The door bell rang.
Megan looked and opened the door. It was Nevel Papperman whom she didn't know yet. "Yeah?"
"Carly!" Nevel boomed. "Do you rue the day?"
"What day?" Megan shrugged. "And I'm not Carly!"
Nevel looked astounded, but then he saw Megan's oboe. "Right. Carly has got such a bad taste for music, she would not play an oboe!"
Megan shrugged. "Carly is my cousin, and she has left for cinema. So ... who are you?"
"I'm Nevel!" He thundered. "Nevel Papperman!"
"OK ..." Megan shrugged. "What do you want from Carly?"
"She has called me to this place because she wanted to render some needle unto me ..." Nevel explained.
Megan shrugged. "I don't know of any needle."
"Carly is so going to rue it! Until dystopia will she rue the day!"
"Wow! I like that line!" Megan beamed and removed the chain, allowing for Nevel to enter. "My boobs are going to rue the day they're born, too!"
"Boobs?" Nevel was puzzled.
"Drake and Josh ..." Megan grinned. "My worthless dummy brothers." She took her oboe.
"A Smithson?" Nevel asked.
Megan nodded. "You are familiar with oboes?"
"Not too much ..." Nevel admitted. "I play the piano, and a piano/oboe combo may be wonderful, so ..."
Megan's eyes bugged out. "You're a pianist?"
"I try to be ..." Nevel grinned.
Megan smiled. "Would you like to play something with me? I'm going to be in Seattle for the next week."
Nevel beamed. "Of course! What do you like to play?"
Megan picked her oboe and played a tune from Mozart's Requiem, making Nevel hum along.
Dies Irae, Dies Illa
Solvet Sæclum in favilla
Teste David cum Sibylla
Quantus tremor est futurus
Quando iudex est venturus
Cuncta stricte discussurus[ 1]
Nevel beamed. "I like this tune. It's so ... soul soothing."
Megan nodded solemnly. "It reminds me of the days when the boobs will get what theydeserve."
Nevel agreed wholeheartedly.
"So ... what exactly has Carly done to you?" Megan asked.
Nevel sighed and told a long story. "I've met Carly in order to write critics for her webshow. I've shown her a kiss that I've seen in a cool theatre play. Then, instead of kissing me back, she suddenly palmed my face with tapenade and was all upset."
"Instead of kissing you back, such like this?" Megan kissed Nevel soundly on the cheeks.
Nevel blushed and beamed. "Er ... yeah ..."
Megan shrugged. "True. Carly has got a very poor taste." She sighed with disappointment.
"Unlike her cousin ..." Nevel beamed.
Then they started talking about Nevel's plans for his own haberdashery.
"Oh, I like collecting ancient things, too ..." Megan admitted after Nevel had told her about his collection of traditional ornations for uniforms and stuff that he had been gathering for quite a few years. "Especially those that annoy the boobs ..."
"Cool!" Nevel smiled.
Time went by pretty fast. Finally, the gang returned from cinema.
Sam opened the door to the loft with a curved wire. "Oops!"
"Don't bother ..." Nevel announced. "I'm already on my way out!"
"Tomorrow at ten a.m. at yours!" Megan asked.
Nevel nodded solemnly. "Sure, I'll have to tune my piano first ..." He waved and was gone.
Carly grinned mischievously.
"Why was Nevel here?" clueless Sam asked sternly.
Carly whistled innocently. "Oh, that is a long story!" She grinned triumphantly.
Drake shrugged. "If Megan hangs out with Nevel, she can't bother us as much ..."
Josh smiled, agreeing wholeheartedly.
"That's cool, for I'm going to bother you instead!" Sam gave Josh another wedgie, making him twitch. She grinned insanely.
[ 1] Day of wrath, that special day when the earth gets obliterated, according to David's witness via Sibyl. A lot of trembling is ahead when judgement comes down in order to examine stuff sternly.
The Next Days
The web cast had been a plain success, drawing more viewers than ever before during the summer break. Not only had Drake given a demo of one of his potential songs, but also Josh had performed one of his crazy dances, swinging Sam across the attic.
Freddie smiled when he saw the first reactions on their splashface accounts.
Drake clenched his fists. "Now for the demo tape ..." he sighed. "I could use some background guitarist. Do you know one, here in Seattle?"
"Sure!" Carly smiled. "Jake Crendle, he ..."
Drake remembered. "Oh yeah, that was your first live music guest, right?"
Carly nodded solemnly.
Freddie didn't really like Jake, but he preferred not to contradict Carly.
Megan returned from Nevel's home. "Hi! We've practised Verdi's Nabucco for eight hours straight."
Sam's eyes bugged out. "Freaks!"
Megan glared angrily at Sam.
Drake sighed. "OK, I've talked to mom on the phone ..." he announced unto Megan. "She said that you may stay here in Seattle, provided that either Spencer or that annoying witch across the hall ..."
Freddie didn't exactly approve of Drake's way of talking about his mom. He kicked Drake's knees.
"Ouch ..." Drake whimpered. "so, if either of them is ready to assume guardianship over Megan ..."
Megan smiled.
"Please do that!" Carly begged Spencer.
"OK ..." Spencer sighed. "But don't forget that you're going to live in my apartment, obeying to my rules ..."
Carly chuckled.
Megan nodded. "Whatever ..."
The door bell rang.
Carly opened. "Jake!" She beamed.
Jake threw one arm around Carly, then he bounded in. "Hi! I'm Jake Crendle ... this is Drake parker?"
Drake nodded. "Yeah, that'd be me!"
Jake sighed when he shook Drake's hand. "Girls here in Seattle call me a good kisser, but they say that Drake kisses so much better ..."
Drake's eyes bugged out. "Wow! I've been here for less than a week, and ..."
Jake smiled. "Well, they have started the rumours like 4 years ago ..."
Everyone was puzzled.
Jake strummed his guitar. "OK, ready for the demo tape?"
Drake nodded.
Freddie went upstairs with the artists in order to record the demo session.
"I better don't take the elevator!" Jake remarked. "I don't trust those things anymore, not in this loft, ever!"
"OK ..." Drake, too, decided to walk.
Spencer smiled. "Oh ... did I already tell you that Grandpa has submitted a video to the Dating 66 site?"
"The matchmaker site for older people?" Carly's eyes bugged out.
Spencer nodded.
"Josh's grandma is single!" Megan remarked.
"And so?" Carly shrugged.
Freddie and Sam nodded at each other. "Maybe they don't need the site ..." Freddie and Sam declared unison. "That's a job for Carly!"
"For me?" Carly squealed.
"You're really good at that!" Spencer remarked.
Carly sighed. "OK, I'll see what I can do ..."
"Somehow, Seattle gives me the creeps ..." Josh twitched. "my ex-girlfriend Mindy has left me when I've performed too many silly dances. Now she's dating a crippled guy from Seattle whom she had met two years ago at the National Science Fair. They had been sharp rivals until his accident." he sighed. "The poor guy must have been pushed down an elevator shaft."
Spencer sighed. "It must be the weather here in Seattle." He shrugged.
The door bell rang one more time.
Carly shrugged helplessly and opened the door. She saw Shane, sitting in a wheelchair. He was pushed around by some girl around twenty years. "Shane?"
Shane nodded. He was still bandaged all over, one year after the tragic accident caused by Sam's and Carly's insane crush.
"Mindy Crenshaw!" The girl introduced herself. "Youngest graduate from UCLA Law School. I'm representing Shane's interests."
Shane smiled sweetly at Mindy, indicating that she was more than just his lawyer ...
Josh recognised the voice of the girl and hid under the couch.
"We're going to sue Ms. Samantha Puckett and Ms. Carly Shay for ..." Mindy announced in a dry manner.
Carly closed the door as fast as possible. She jumped into Spencer's arms. "Good that you've been at law school for three days ..."
Megan giggled. "Be careful! Mindy is a very cunning shark! And if she figures that Drake and you are related ..."
Freddie, Drake, and Jake came back from the attic.
"Have I just heard the voice of a Creature?" Drake wondered. In seeing Josh hidden under the couch, he felt his assumption confirmed.
Jake shrugged. "OK, I think I accept your offer and sign up for your band."
"Thanks!" Drake huggled Jake. "You won't regret it. You fit very nicely with us."
Jake smiled and waved a good night at Drake, Carly, and the rest of the gang.
Conclusions
Spencer and Mindy were going to agree fast on a compromise: Sam and Carly had hurt Shane severely, but, as Spencer had proven conclusively, he wouldn't have met Mindy again without that accident, and Mindy's love has healed Shane's wounds faster than any sum of money could have done. Thus they were apparently even.
Megan stayed in Bushwell with Carly and Spencer. She was practising a lot with Nevel, and they started planning for their future haberdashery, not leaving Nevel any time to annoy iCarly again.
Nevel's and Megan's first common public performance was that of the Bridal Chorus from Wagner's opera Lohengrien upon the wedding of Carly's and Spencer's grandfather with Josh's grandmother. Carly had tricked them into spending Thanksgiving in the same hotel in Las Vegas, whereupon everything has fallen neatly in place, as she had planned.
Faithful and true
We lead ye forth
Where love triumphant shall crown ye with joy
Star of renown
Flower of the earth
Blessed be ye both far from all life's annoy
Champion victorious, go thou before!
Maid bright and glorious, go thou before!
Tears rolled down Josh's, Carly's and Spencer's cheeks when Father McCurdy, the world's fattest priest, pronounced the two of them to be lawfully wedded.
After the wedding, the grandparents moved to Las Vegas for good, no longer annoying Spencer and Carly with mensual control visits.
Jake started playing for Drake's band. He was a fantastic improvement, accelerating the sales of Drake's records by a factor of at least three, maybe four.
After the wedding of the old couple, two teenagers booked Nevel and Megan for their wedding:
Shelby Marx, the martial artist that had almost hurt Carly badly after being incited by Nevel, and Corey, Megan's ex-girlfriend who had cheated on him with another girl, and who had beaten up Drake and Josh badly when they had protested. They had met at the junior martial arts championships a few months before the old couple got married.
Alas, upon seeing Carly's tears at the wedding of the grandparents, they had decided to give it a try and book their own wedding, although they were still too young for that. But they already wanted it so much, and nothing was going to stop them anymore.
Sam and Freddie chuckled. "We don't need a matchmaker of any sort!" they declared unison before they kissed for yet another time.