Fic: Newcomers: Soldier (SGA, OCs, PG)

[scherryzade]

Title: Newcomers: Soldier
Rating: PG
Character: OCs, Lorne, Parrish (Lorne/Parrish, also)
Disclaimer: The context isn't mine (AR-27 are), no harm meant.
Summary: Bad decisions. Close calls. Unknown enemies. Uncertain friends. Welcome to Pegasus.
A/N: Sequel to Medic, part 2 of 5. This took longer than I intended :/

Comments

[julia_here]

Lots of conflicting realities, here, so many crossing lines that sooner or later the friction is going to catch something afire.

(also, last line of the second section, it's "dissipates")

Julia, sitting with folded hands patiently awaiting the next bit like a good girl.

[scherryzade]

Ack! You're right! *fixes* See, I've read it too often to actually see it...

I'm tangling them up in plot ;)

[jesslin]

I had to read a couple times to figure out everything that's *not* being said, and slotting the things that are said into place between that. I think this is a piece that will make more sense once I can read all the bits together.

This is not intended to imply badness - quite the contrary! I love the fact that you say just as much as you need and don't spend paragraphs hitting us with obvious-sticks. It means I can't just skim through, and that's actually pretty awesome :)

[scherryzade]

Thanks! For once, leaving things out is intentional (although that's partly because I do always write the bits where people say what they mean, and then have to cut them out because it ends up like Greek theatre, the chorus describing all the action that's happening off-stage);

...of course, now I have to make sure all the bits do fit together in the end...

[samjohnsson]

It really feels like that second when the fuse-light travels into the barrel, just before the boom. And oh, there will be a boom. No one booms quite like a paramedic.

I think the reason it's so insensible is two reasons. One, your main narrator, who's ptsd, has just had her trauma thrown in her face, shoved in a combat medical situation, has to defend her patient, then confronted with a situation that makes no sense to her culturally. Two, the narrative focus is drifting, from Tom to Nate to Janel, twice, to Nate to Janel to Mark - it feels a little jarring and confusing. For post-operation, pre-explosion? Perfect. Compared to the rest of the single-focused narrative? Jarring.

As a lit ABD? A rough edge or two, but not underwhelming at all.

[scherryzade]

It really feels like that second when the fuse-light travels into the barrel, just before the boom.

That sounds about right ;) Except I'm not sure where the barrel is aimed...

[gelbes_gilatier]

Jeez, I finally got around to read this one. God, I love to see Anna in kick-ass mood. I just hope her team will be there when the infirmary staff descends on her :S

BTW, amount of slash is still tolerable... and I just love your writing too much to let the slash put me off for long ;)