pokémon -- shooting stars, rush(ing to smell the roses)
title: shooting stars
wordcount: 526
rating: G
summary: It would be nice to lie here forever and trace patterns in the skies.
( All of a sudden, you can't breathe: it feels like there's no air. )
wordcount: 526
rating: G
summary: It would be nice to lie here forever and trace patterns in the skies.
( All of a sudden, you can't breathe: it feels like there's no air. )
Comments 6
I'm very impressed by your characterization, too; I've been writing Pokemon for a few months now and Silver still gives me trouble, but you capture him effortlessly here. The little details are also great.
You already know that you write really long sentences, evidently, so I won't harp on it. But occasionally it does get a little dizzying.
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The second one is also really good! I was laughing throughout, and your matter-of-fact way of expressing the hilarious situations was not only very funny, it also really sounded like Barry.
Concrit:
The italicization of "frisson" works really well, but all of the other non-spoken italics seem superfluous. Would your writing would be a lot smoother to read if you changed those italics back into normal text? You have to be careful not to overuse it, I think.
...be it disgruntled, no-longer-so-dignified Gentleman -- "Gentlemen ( ... )
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I'm glad you liked them, especially Shooting Stars: I have never seriously tried to write Silver before - the only experience I have of writing him is in one crackfic which was frankly horribly half-arsed - so I'm thrilled to bits to know I'm doing it right, heee~
The long sentences are a bane of my writing style, I swear. It's just an unconcious instinct to stick in commas and semicolons as I go, and before I know it, my sentences are entire paragraphs long. I'll try to make them shorter next time, though!
Ah, yes. I'll fix that pronto! (: And at first it was only meant to be one Gentleman, and for some reason it became 'Aroma Ladies' and 'Roughnecks'. Gotta be more careful with my plurals and whatnot next time.
Haha, I'm actually quite keen to write about it in future installments - the adventures of Jun and his Junmobile! Cough.
Really, thanks for all the concrit (: I appreciate it. And, pshaw, it's a wonderful community! I'm glad to be a part of it. ♥
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I like how you used italics for dialogue... it really worked!
And the second one was too cute. ♥ I love Hikari and Jun so much. Haha. You've captured them perfectly. He would be so scary on a bicycle! The end was so cute. It was sweet to picture.
Your writing style, like I said, is really amazing! I read these both twice.
...in almost every sense of the term, until she giggles and upends you headfirst into a pile of snow.
The way you've written their friendship here is just so cute!
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Haha, second-person and present tense has become part and parcel of my writing style lately x) I'm glad you like them, though! Seriously, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that my characterisation is reasonably on par and up to standard. */////*
D'aww, they're such adorable characters, it's hard not to write about them! Haha, although we never see him in-game on one, it really makes you wonder what kind of road-terror-speed-demon-ruffian he would be, tearing around Sinnoh on his (presumably) bright orange bike.
asdfghj; Thank you thank you thank youuuu! ♥♥♥♥ -parade of hearts-
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