He waits for the greater silence...

[scatterbrain]

Thoughts and dreams of Zach are slowly killing me. I try to wake myself up from these “nightmares” but to no avail. I don’t know why I keep having them. I want to kill off the part of my brain that’s so stuck on remembering Zach; the wonderful moments we shared-no matter how tainted-were so beautiful

Comments

[ballroom]

you'll get through this. it may not seem like it now, but think of what you've been through already.. you may be a notch in his bed post, but in time he won't be much more than a blip on your radar.

[scatterbrain]

A big part of me wants to be friends with him, but I think it’s far too early for that, and I obviously still have feelings for him. I’ll wait a few weeks and see what happens. As pathetic as it sounds, I’d like to be in a relationship before I even attempt to be friends with him. I feel like that’s the only way I’ll truly get over him.

[ballroom]

and I think that you depend entirely too much on relationships/men/other people to get you through your own life.

but what does my opinion matter.

[scatterbrain]

I look at it like this: I haven't offed myself yet. Nine times out of ten I feel alone even when I am with someone; I live inside my head. Always.

I'm miserable whether alone or in a relationship, so I don't think I rely on other people for happiness, because even other people can't truly make me happy. I've learned to be okay with my physical and mental solitude. We're always alone.

[scatterbrain]

"one day I'll look back at this entry and laugh." Finally, I have reached that day where I'm looking at this entire ordeal and laughing at how incredibly naive I was. My inner child is laughing hysterically.