Once Upon A Land Before Time (or The Chosen Triceratops and her Obnoxious T-Rex)
Title: Once Upon A Land Before Time
Rating: G
Prompt: The dinosaur picture; 1000 words; thanks to quinara for the actual inspiration. :)
Summary: There is no summary. This is crack!fic. And it was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE.
Once upon a land before time, a Chosen Triceratops was born to every generation to protect the herbivores from the evil, flesh-eating tyrannosaurus rexes. Most Chosen Triceratops lived short, sad lives, goring as many t-rexes through the heart with their horns as they could before succumbing to their enemies’ fangs.
One Triceratops stood out from the metaphorical herd, though. She was clever and brave, not to mention as perky and vivacious as they come, and she had a wise daddy triceratops who trained her and stegosaurus and brontosaurus friends who helped her fight. The Triceratops kicked t-rex ass, usually with a terrible pun at hand (“Sorry for horning in on your party, boys, but I’m goreing to slay you!”), and for a few months after she was Chosen, all was well in her sunny dale.
Unsurprisingly, it was a t-rex that cocked things up, but this one was not so easily disposed of. Many years ago he had been the evilest, most feared t-rex of them all, until visiting aliens (whose spaceship would return many generations later, crash in the southern hemisphere, and cause the extinction of our heroes’ descendants) cursed him with flat teeth; he was no longer a threat, and indeed, he offered to help the Triceratops slay his own kind. Soon, the Triceratops fell in love with the cursed t-rex.
Alas, a moment of bungled passion ended his curse, and within hours he resumed killing poor defenseless herbivores. Though the stegosaurus friend was eventually able to steal some of the aliens’ magic and defang the t-rex again, it was too late: the Triceratops’s heart was broken, and she no longer trusted in love. The t-rex left the sunny dale to find his own valley, where he hoped to brood in peace and, if he found time, atone for his voracious appetite.
Now, there is one other important part to this interlude: while the cursed t-rex was, well, not so cursed, a second T-Rex, an annoying, resilient, somewhat-attractive-for-a-t-rex enemy who had eaten two Chosen Triceratops before, helped the Triceratops battle her former parama-saur. He had his fangs and was perfectly evil thanks very much, but he had a bone to pick with the curseless t-rex and was willing to work with his enemy. Afterward he left the dale with a promise never to return, and the Triceratops thought she had seen the last of him.
If the T-Rex had kept his promise, our story would have turned out very differently, but fortunately for us, he was not yet a dinosaur of his word. He returned several times to fight the Triceratops, who gladly beat him up but never gored him, because while she thought him obnoxious, she didn’t think he was particularly threatening. He was a thorn in her foot, but the kind of thorn that just won’t go away and so you grow used to after a while.
Things changed the third time the T-Rex returned, though: an alien sect captured him to experiment on. The T-Rex escaped, but not before they cast a spell on him that wouldn’t let him bite other dinosaurs. In a state of abject misery the likes of which the cursed t-rex would have envied, and with nowhere else to go, the T-Rex asked the Triceratops for help.
Her friends said she should just gore him, but the Triceratops was not a killer by nature, and so she let the now harmless creature live. Besides, though she would never admit it, he provided a well-needed laugh now and then.
For a few months life was as normal as it could be in the sunny dale; they dealt with t-rexes, various other carnivores, and occasional pesky alien spells. The T-Rex was still obnoxious and still annoying, but he also helped sometimes, and no one minded him as much as they said they did. The Triceratops’s little sister triceratops even had a crush on him. And then a terrible thing happened.
The T-Rex fell in love with the Triceratops.
The Triceratops was appalled. Naturally, this ended any pretense of friendship between them because after all, he was evil and would go back to eating herbivores as soon as he broke the aliens’ spell. The T-Rex insisted he had changed, but the idea of his love was too frightening and bewildering for the Triceratops to contemplate. She didn’t trust love anymore; and besides, it was impossible for a t-rex to change its nature.
Soon after, life in the sunny dale turned ugly. The Triceratops died, and though her stegosaurus friend was able to resurrect her (she was getting pretty good at stealing the aliens’ magic), the Triceratops wasn’t the same. Her friends had drifted; daddy triceratops was never around when she needed him; and she missed her peaceful rest.
The only one she felt comfortable with was the T-Rex, who had mourned her like no other and taken care of her sister, because he didn’t expect her to be perky and vivacious. But all too soon this friendship, which was no longer a pretense, took a rocky turn:
Dino-sex.
Despite the sometimes-awkward-and-painful anatomical problems to work through, the sex was great. The relationship wasn’t, though. The Triceratops couldn’t love the T-Rex and was using him; the T-Rex couldn’t stop saying stupid things that made the Triceratops feel worse.
To make a long, painful story short, the affair ended badly, and the T-Rex disappeared. The Triceratops tried to forget him because he had hurt her, but she couldn’t keep from wondering what had happened to him.
You can imagine her shock and wariness when he turned up a few months later. The Triceratops was finally admitting to herself that she would have to gore him when she discovered he had done the impossible:
He had sought out a legendary alien and had his fangs replaced by flat teeth.
Despite her friends’ protests, the Triceratops took him under her protection. She could admit now that his love was real, and as he fought by her side over the next year, quietly, unassumingly, and only sometimes obnoxiously, she realized another impossible thing had happened:
She was falling in love with him too.
Naturally, since this was the sunny dale, the T-Rex promptly died.
It was a heroic death that saved many lives, but it left the Triceratops devastated.
It might have taken her another half decade to open herself to love again if she hadn’t discovered a year later that her infuriating, foolish, wonderfully obnoxious T-Rex had come back to life days after dying.
Raised voices, dino-tears, and more than a few threats of goring ensued, but eventually the Triceratops forgave her T-Rex and took him home to her new valley.
Life wasn’t perfect of course. It took a while to convince the stegosauruses and brontosauruses that he was trustworthy, and daddy triceratops may have tried to push him off a cliff once or twice; the cursed t-rex also visited occasionally to mope and spoil the mood. But in general, the Triceratops and her T-Rex lived as happily as any two dinosaurs sworn to fight the forces of evil could.
They still had occasional anatomical problems though.
Rating: G
Prompt: The dinosaur picture; 1000 words; thanks to quinara for the actual inspiration. :)
Summary: There is no summary. This is crack!fic. And it was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE.
Once upon a land before time, a Chosen Triceratops was born to every generation to protect the herbivores from the evil, flesh-eating tyrannosaurus rexes. Most Chosen Triceratops lived short, sad lives, goring as many t-rexes through the heart with their horns as they could before succumbing to their enemies’ fangs.
One Triceratops stood out from the metaphorical herd, though. She was clever and brave, not to mention as perky and vivacious as they come, and she had a wise daddy triceratops who trained her and stegosaurus and brontosaurus friends who helped her fight. The Triceratops kicked t-rex ass, usually with a terrible pun at hand (“Sorry for horning in on your party, boys, but I’m goreing to slay you!”), and for a few months after she was Chosen, all was well in her sunny dale.
Unsurprisingly, it was a t-rex that cocked things up, but this one was not so easily disposed of. Many years ago he had been the evilest, most feared t-rex of them all, until visiting aliens (whose spaceship would return many generations later, crash in the southern hemisphere, and cause the extinction of our heroes’ descendants) cursed him with flat teeth; he was no longer a threat, and indeed, he offered to help the Triceratops slay his own kind. Soon, the Triceratops fell in love with the cursed t-rex.
Alas, a moment of bungled passion ended his curse, and within hours he resumed killing poor defenseless herbivores. Though the stegosaurus friend was eventually able to steal some of the aliens’ magic and defang the t-rex again, it was too late: the Triceratops’s heart was broken, and she no longer trusted in love. The t-rex left the sunny dale to find his own valley, where he hoped to brood in peace and, if he found time, atone for his voracious appetite.
Now, there is one other important part to this interlude: while the cursed t-rex was, well, not so cursed, a second T-Rex, an annoying, resilient, somewhat-attractive-for-a-t-rex enemy who had eaten two Chosen Triceratops before, helped the Triceratops battle her former parama-saur. He had his fangs and was perfectly evil thanks very much, but he had a bone to pick with the curseless t-rex and was willing to work with his enemy. Afterward he left the dale with a promise never to return, and the Triceratops thought she had seen the last of him.
If the T-Rex had kept his promise, our story would have turned out very differently, but fortunately for us, he was not yet a dinosaur of his word. He returned several times to fight the Triceratops, who gladly beat him up but never gored him, because while she thought him obnoxious, she didn’t think he was particularly threatening. He was a thorn in her foot, but the kind of thorn that just won’t go away and so you grow used to after a while.
Things changed the third time the T-Rex returned, though: an alien sect captured him to experiment on. The T-Rex escaped, but not before they cast a spell on him that wouldn’t let him bite other dinosaurs. In a state of abject misery the likes of which the cursed t-rex would have envied, and with nowhere else to go, the T-Rex asked the Triceratops for help.
Her friends said she should just gore him, but the Triceratops was not a killer by nature, and so she let the now harmless creature live. Besides, though she would never admit it, he provided a well-needed laugh now and then.
For a few months life was as normal as it could be in the sunny dale; they dealt with t-rexes, various other carnivores, and occasional pesky alien spells. The T-Rex was still obnoxious and still annoying, but he also helped sometimes, and no one minded him as much as they said they did. The Triceratops’s little sister triceratops even had a crush on him. And then a terrible thing happened.
The T-Rex fell in love with the Triceratops.
The Triceratops was appalled. Naturally, this ended any pretense of friendship between them because after all, he was evil and would go back to eating herbivores as soon as he broke the aliens’ spell. The T-Rex insisted he had changed, but the idea of his love was too frightening and bewildering for the Triceratops to contemplate. She didn’t trust love anymore; and besides, it was impossible for a t-rex to change its nature.
Soon after, life in the sunny dale turned ugly. The Triceratops died, and though her stegosaurus friend was able to resurrect her (she was getting pretty good at stealing the aliens’ magic), the Triceratops wasn’t the same. Her friends had drifted; daddy triceratops was never around when she needed him; and she missed her peaceful rest.
The only one she felt comfortable with was the T-Rex, who had mourned her like no other and taken care of her sister, because he didn’t expect her to be perky and vivacious. But all too soon this friendship, which was no longer a pretense, took a rocky turn:
Dino-sex.
Despite the sometimes-awkward-and-painful anatomical problems to work through, the sex was great. The relationship wasn’t, though. The Triceratops couldn’t love the T-Rex and was using him; the T-Rex couldn’t stop saying stupid things that made the Triceratops feel worse.
To make a long, painful story short, the affair ended badly, and the T-Rex disappeared. The Triceratops tried to forget him because he had hurt her, but she couldn’t keep from wondering what had happened to him.
You can imagine her shock and wariness when he turned up a few months later. The Triceratops was finally admitting to herself that she would have to gore him when she discovered he had done the impossible:
He had sought out a legendary alien and had his fangs replaced by flat teeth.
Despite her friends’ protests, the Triceratops took him under her protection. She could admit now that his love was real, and as he fought by her side over the next year, quietly, unassumingly, and only sometimes obnoxiously, she realized another impossible thing had happened:
She was falling in love with him too.
Naturally, since this was the sunny dale, the T-Rex promptly died.
It was a heroic death that saved many lives, but it left the Triceratops devastated.
It might have taken her another half decade to open herself to love again if she hadn’t discovered a year later that her infuriating, foolish, wonderfully obnoxious T-Rex had come back to life days after dying.
Raised voices, dino-tears, and more than a few threats of goring ensued, but eventually the Triceratops forgave her T-Rex and took him home to her new valley.
Life wasn’t perfect of course. It took a while to convince the stegosauruses and brontosauruses that he was trustworthy, and daddy triceratops may have tried to push him off a cliff once or twice; the cursed t-rex also visited occasionally to mope and spoil the mood. But in general, the Triceratops and her T-Rex lived as happily as any two dinosaurs sworn to fight the forces of evil could.
They still had occasional anatomical problems though.