Fic: "Both"
Both
By: caia
Prompt: Al Araaf
Setting: S7
Characters: Buffy, Giles, Spike
Word count: 649
Standard disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, just the story.
Feedback: Yes.
"Where do you go? If you're neither good or bad?"
It's been a long time since she brought him any but the most perfunctory of questions -- How do I kill it? Is there any pizza left? -- and a very, very long time since she'd asked him anything big -- Does it get easy?
Sitting at the kitchen island, watching Giles fuss with making tea in her American kitchen, she felt an echo of the warm affection she used to feel for him. Forgot, for a second, that while they are Slayer and Watcher, the possessive pronouns that once linked them are gone.
She shifts on her feet, suddenly aware of the awkwardness. Presses on, because it's what Slayers do.
"You know -- when you die."
Giles blinks at her, as if he's not quite sure he's heard her right. His eyes have been as inscrutable as stones all year, but they soften a bit now. "Buffy, I'm sure you -- "
"Not -- not me." She's not worrying about that anymore. Not like in her darkness last year, when she was afraid her Spike-punchability, disconnection, and dirty sex life were signs that she was evil.
If she dies again -- when she dies again -- she'll almost certainly go out fighting evil. Again. Fighting as she's been fighting since she was fifteen.
If that's not good enough to buy her a ticket back into heaven, the Powers That Be could go screw.
"Ah, well. There are various theories. Some believe that decedents who were neither very good nor very bad go to an intermediate dimension. One without punishment, but also without reward."
"But what if you've been both. Very good and very bad."
She's been wondering since the night before. Spike, with the bleary intense gaze of the sleepwalker, was insisting on his damnation.
Not knowing what he was hearing and seeing, she reminded him of the good he'd done. She tried to convince him that if he kept trying, he might not be bound for hell.
All she accomplished was to convince him that she was the First Evil. Once he started shouting at her, she fled.
Yes, he is a murderer. A demon. But he sought his soul. And even before that, endured torture for her sister. He's trying to be good. His sacrifices have to count for something, right?
Giles, for once, doesn't explode at the reference to Spike. His tone stays mild. "Some cosmologies allow for a purgatory, where sins are expunged before entrance to heaven. Others maintain that we go through a cycle, birth and rebirth, until our souls achieve their perfection." Giles pushes his glasses up and gives her the ghost of a reassuring smile. "But we needn't get ahead of ourselves. If history is any guide, Willow will have every opportunity to make up for her misdeeds in this lifetime."
Willow? She didn't say anything, but Giles must have seen her startle. His face closes off. His eyes are stones again.
"But why would you be thinking about Willow?" He turns his back.
She's been dismissed. Teetering between guilt and fury, Buffy hesitates. Then, defiantly, she heads to the refrigerator and retrieves some blood for Spike, pours it into a mug, shoves it in the microwave.
As she stares at it rotating on the tray, she thinks bitterly that Willow has Giles to help her. Had him all summer, in fact. In Willow's case, murder and mayhem won Giles's help. In Buffy's, overwhelmed desperation was only enough for guilt money and a goodbye.
When the microwave beeps, she grabs the mug and heads for the door to the basement. Pauses, back to her former mentor. Says, to him and to herself, "People change."
By: caia
Prompt: Al Araaf
Setting: S7
Characters: Buffy, Giles, Spike
Word count: 649
Standard disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, just the story.
Feedback: Yes.
"Where do you go? If you're neither good or bad?"
It's been a long time since she brought him any but the most perfunctory of questions -- How do I kill it? Is there any pizza left? -- and a very, very long time since she'd asked him anything big -- Does it get easy?
Sitting at the kitchen island, watching Giles fuss with making tea in her American kitchen, she felt an echo of the warm affection she used to feel for him. Forgot, for a second, that while they are Slayer and Watcher, the possessive pronouns that once linked them are gone.
She shifts on her feet, suddenly aware of the awkwardness. Presses on, because it's what Slayers do.
"You know -- when you die."
Giles blinks at her, as if he's not quite sure he's heard her right. His eyes have been as inscrutable as stones all year, but they soften a bit now. "Buffy, I'm sure you -- "
"Not -- not me." She's not worrying about that anymore. Not like in her darkness last year, when she was afraid her Spike-punchability, disconnection, and dirty sex life were signs that she was evil.
If she dies again -- when she dies again -- she'll almost certainly go out fighting evil. Again. Fighting as she's been fighting since she was fifteen.
If that's not good enough to buy her a ticket back into heaven, the Powers That Be could go screw.
"Ah, well. There are various theories. Some believe that decedents who were neither very good nor very bad go to an intermediate dimension. One without punishment, but also without reward."
"But what if you've been both. Very good and very bad."
She's been wondering since the night before. Spike, with the bleary intense gaze of the sleepwalker, was insisting on his damnation.
Not knowing what he was hearing and seeing, she reminded him of the good he'd done. She tried to convince him that if he kept trying, he might not be bound for hell.
All she accomplished was to convince him that she was the First Evil. Once he started shouting at her, she fled.
Yes, he is a murderer. A demon. But he sought his soul. And even before that, endured torture for her sister. He's trying to be good. His sacrifices have to count for something, right?
Giles, for once, doesn't explode at the reference to Spike. His tone stays mild. "Some cosmologies allow for a purgatory, where sins are expunged before entrance to heaven. Others maintain that we go through a cycle, birth and rebirth, until our souls achieve their perfection." Giles pushes his glasses up and gives her the ghost of a reassuring smile. "But we needn't get ahead of ourselves. If history is any guide, Willow will have every opportunity to make up for her misdeeds in this lifetime."
Willow? She didn't say anything, but Giles must have seen her startle. His face closes off. His eyes are stones again.
"But why would you be thinking about Willow?" He turns his back.
She's been dismissed. Teetering between guilt and fury, Buffy hesitates. Then, defiantly, she heads to the refrigerator and retrieves some blood for Spike, pours it into a mug, shoves it in the microwave.
As she stares at it rotating on the tray, she thinks bitterly that Willow has Giles to help her. Had him all summer, in fact. In Willow's case, murder and mayhem won Giles's help. In Buffy's, overwhelmed desperation was only enough for guilt money and a goodbye.
When the microwave beeps, she grabs the mug and heads for the door to the basement. Pauses, back to her former mentor. Says, to him and to herself, "People change."