Clean Slate (PG)
Title Clean Slate
Rating PG
Words 610
Setting post-series
Prompt: memory wipe [also my trope bingo fill for mind control]
Warnings OMG Angst! Woobie!Spike! Lack of resolution of plottiness in fic. Be warned!
Spike can't even remember that this isn't the first time this has happened.
Buffy can.
She can remember their Randy and Joan days, so long ago (one day, and only three years ago, technically, but she has aged, okay?). A few hours when they didn't know who they were, and they could find out what they would have been if Vampire/Slayer labels hadn't been the first thing they'd ever known about each other. It was light, it was even fun for a little while. Kissing Spike at the Bronze, later, that hadn't all been about forgetting. There had been a little bit of wistful missing of the never-might-have-been option.
Of course, Spike had to cope with Buffy's meltdown not so long after. So maybe this is fair turnabout. That was evil nerds messing with her brain, and her brain creating an alternate reality. This is evil something-to-be-determined messing with Spike's brain, and wiping it out.
Except. No. It's not the same thing. Buffy tried to kill everyone, which Spike could understand, always. Just another Slayer doing her fatal Slayer thing. Now, Spike doesn't remember anyone or anything enough to even punch them, which is so completely un-Spike that Buffy can't bear to talk to him for more than an hour at a time.
It was bad enough getting through to him the first time. The time before they realised that whoever is doing this has Spike's brain completely under their control. They can wipe it clean again, like a kid bored with an Etch a Sketch, zap, gone. No more Spike.
The first time they went through all the routines. Your name is William. Or Spike. Yes, really.
I'm your girlfriend. (Which is kind of true but not entirely, but serves the purpose, and Buffy can't bear to call it anything else, not when it still could be true, if they both want it badly enough.)
You've lost your memory. (Not: someone has taken it, which would be truer.)
You're a vampire. Yes, see? Cross, sunlight (yes, flames, that would be why I brought the extinguisher in, be calm.) No you in the mirror. Now do you believe? (It's okay. You're not a bad vampire. And never: not anymore. Once, you were among the worst.)
Yes, you can see a picture of yourself. That's us together, you can see. Yes, it's really you. (Yes, the hair.) Yes.
We're going to get you well again. You're a hero. We're not going to leave you alone here. You matter. (Not: we don't know. We hope so. You're a complicated man, with a lot of enemies, and too many people could be doing this. And it's so, so hard to talk to you like this.)
But then, again. And again. The third time was frustration. The fifteenth was like being flayed. Now she's up to maybe thirty repetitions, Buffy's kind of used to the situation. But she doesn’t want to be used to it. She wants her Spike back. The kind of assholish, kind of amazing guy that died for them all and came back and who she loves and finds incredibly irritating, and who knows her better than anyone else, and who she needs to have back in her world. She's still not ready for him not to be here.
What Buffy noticed, round about the sixteenth time - what keeps her hoping, and won't let her go - is that there's always always this connection between them. Spike doesn't know her, nowadays. But he likes her when they meet. That spark, that Randy and Joan have potential, that recognition that the fit. That's always there.
It keeps her hoping.
***
Rating PG
Words 610
Setting post-series
Prompt: memory wipe [also my trope bingo fill for mind control]
Warnings OMG Angst! Woobie!Spike! Lack of resolution of plottiness in fic. Be warned!
Spike can't even remember that this isn't the first time this has happened.
Buffy can.
She can remember their Randy and Joan days, so long ago (one day, and only three years ago, technically, but she has aged, okay?). A few hours when they didn't know who they were, and they could find out what they would have been if Vampire/Slayer labels hadn't been the first thing they'd ever known about each other. It was light, it was even fun for a little while. Kissing Spike at the Bronze, later, that hadn't all been about forgetting. There had been a little bit of wistful missing of the never-might-have-been option.
Of course, Spike had to cope with Buffy's meltdown not so long after. So maybe this is fair turnabout. That was evil nerds messing with her brain, and her brain creating an alternate reality. This is evil something-to-be-determined messing with Spike's brain, and wiping it out.
Except. No. It's not the same thing. Buffy tried to kill everyone, which Spike could understand, always. Just another Slayer doing her fatal Slayer thing. Now, Spike doesn't remember anyone or anything enough to even punch them, which is so completely un-Spike that Buffy can't bear to talk to him for more than an hour at a time.
It was bad enough getting through to him the first time. The time before they realised that whoever is doing this has Spike's brain completely under their control. They can wipe it clean again, like a kid bored with an Etch a Sketch, zap, gone. No more Spike.
The first time they went through all the routines. Your name is William. Or Spike. Yes, really.
I'm your girlfriend. (Which is kind of true but not entirely, but serves the purpose, and Buffy can't bear to call it anything else, not when it still could be true, if they both want it badly enough.)
You've lost your memory. (Not: someone has taken it, which would be truer.)
You're a vampire. Yes, see? Cross, sunlight (yes, flames, that would be why I brought the extinguisher in, be calm.) No you in the mirror. Now do you believe? (It's okay. You're not a bad vampire. And never: not anymore. Once, you were among the worst.)
Yes, you can see a picture of yourself. That's us together, you can see. Yes, it's really you. (Yes, the hair.) Yes.
We're going to get you well again. You're a hero. We're not going to leave you alone here. You matter. (Not: we don't know. We hope so. You're a complicated man, with a lot of enemies, and too many people could be doing this. And it's so, so hard to talk to you like this.)
But then, again. And again. The third time was frustration. The fifteenth was like being flayed. Now she's up to maybe thirty repetitions, Buffy's kind of used to the situation. But she doesn’t want to be used to it. She wants her Spike back. The kind of assholish, kind of amazing guy that died for them all and came back and who she loves and finds incredibly irritating, and who knows her better than anyone else, and who she needs to have back in her world. She's still not ready for him not to be here.
What Buffy noticed, round about the sixteenth time - what keeps her hoping, and won't let her go - is that there's always always this connection between them. Spike doesn't know her, nowadays. But he likes her when they meet. That spark, that Randy and Joan have potential, that recognition that the fit. That's always there.
It keeps her hoping.
***