The culmination of an obsession.
Okay, so for a while I was thinking that this is pretty self-indulgent and maybe I'd be better off not even posting it, but what the heck. My Post-Series Haruhi Suzumiya University fanfic, let me show you it. Oh, and there's sex at the end, so... I mean, I guess it's NSFW, but really you can just scroll to a different part of the post and... do people really read fanfic at work? I don't.
...
I'm a little out of it today.
MAYBE SOMEDAY
PART ONE
Si les grands yeux de mon Dieu
Ne me gardaient pas,
Je te volerais.
-Kate Bush
The joke of it is that it was Haruhi's suggestion they become roommates.
It came around around October of last year while the three of them were hanging out together in the common room of Haruhi's dorm, and Haruhi was cutting Koizumi's hair. This is one of the ways university taught them to economize: Haruhi has learned to cut hair, and like most of the things she tries, she excels at it.
This was the time just after she had stopped wearing ribbons and gotten a pixie cut. Her jeans and sweatshirt that day were a far cry from the sailor uniform of North High; she looked almost boyish. She was layering Koizumi's hair with unusual patience, completely unconcerned with the stares of her dormmates.
"You sure you don't want me to dye it? Maybe red?"
"A trim is fine, thank you." Koizumi's look hadn't changed very much since high school.
Haruhi sighed. "Your loss." And then, without even an acknowledgement that she was changing the subject, "You know what would be fun? You and Kyon should move in together."
Of course Kyon hadn't really been paying attention up until that point, but he spluttered indignantly when he actually registered the conversation. "No way! What? Of course that's not going to happen!"
"And then we could all have parties together-" continued Haruhi without even really listening to him, "and of course we need a new consolidated base of operations." He was pretty sure she wasn't even using the word 'consolidated' right. "And Kyon, you need to leave the nest. It's inconvinient for you to come all this way just to get to school every morning."
Koizumi chuckled - somewhat nervously, he thought. "Haruhi-san, my room is too small for two."
"Don't tilt your head that way! I'll make a mistake!"
"Ah, I'm sorry. Is that better?"
But Haruhi couldn't be distracted from the subject at hand. "So find a new place! Koizumi, I don't know, but you seem to be pretty loaded, right? So you can pay key money. It should be easy to find an apartment for students near here. I can even call in some favours!"
Kyon could only heave a sigh. "What if we don't want to share a room?"
"Why not? You're friends, right? What's the big deal?"
"Haruhi-san," said Koizumi politely, "it's not nesissarily that simple." He winced as the scissors got a little too close to his ears. "Uh, please don't make it too short."
Haruhi shook her head. "You worry too much. It'll look good!" She turned to Kyon. "Hey, go get a broom from the janitor's closet. We need to clean up the hair."
"Why me?"
"Well, you're not doing anything else, are you?"
"...Fine." Anything to help Haruhi forget her stupid ideas.
But he hadn't expected it to be that easy, and it wasn't. Every so often after that Haruhi would bring it up. Eventually, sick of her nagging, Kyon asked Koizumi if it would bother him, and Koizumi said not really.
So now they live together in a 16 jo room. It sucks. Neither of them can cook, and although neither Kyon nor Koizumi are naturally messy people, they just don't seem to have the time to clean up after themselves, so the floor is often impossible to navigate.
But despite all of this, it's cheap, and Koizumi is a good roommate. He doesn't bring people home or make much noise or take too long in the shower. And they get along okay; he's still a frustrating guy, but Kyon's dealt with him for so long that it's not hard to handle.
Over the years since the foundation of the SOS Brigade, incidents of closed space and giants have gotten less and less frequent. In fact Kyon isn't sure of the last time one happened. But when he asked Koizumi whether Haruhi really still needs monitoring, he just shook his head and smiled.
"Well, my superiors believe it's better to be safe than sorry. Some members of the Agency don't trust that the decrease in incidents is permenant."
"Do you?"
Koizumi shrugged his shoulders. "I couldn't say. It all depends on the reason for the change."
Maybe it's just that Haruhi is growing up. She's just as weird as she's always been, but a lot less listless. University is more her intelectual level. And she's gotten better about getting along with people, even if she complains that they're just dull humans and she still really wants to meet a time traveller, ecetera.
"The fact that closed spaces continue to appear, however infrequently, indicates that she's still dissatisfied in some way. Although I personally think it won't be long."
Kyon could only sigh. "And I guess you're not going to tell me why you think that, are you."
"That would spoil the surprise." Koizumi turned back to his Philosophy textbook, a signal that the conversation was officially over and he would ignore anything else Kyon wanted to say. Sometimes he thinks having a roommate is almost worse for Koizumi than it is for him.
xxx
"I don't know which she would prefer."
"Well, I guess I could ask her..."
"But she would likely realize what we have in mind."
Kyon and Yuki are sitting in one of the many coffee shops on campus, tentatively planning Haruhi's twenty-first birthday party.
Yesterday Koizumi had said that he might show up if his schedule worked out. But the way he said it indicated that it probably wouldn't, and now it's just the two of them.
Yuki is planning on going with Haruhi into the Engineering program. The ways in which she has changed since she and Kyon first met have been subtle as they have taken place, but taken together, they are nothing short of remarkable.
In the last few years she has grown taller and her formerly cute face is now mature looking. Her hair is longer, always kept in a high, neat ponytail. Her taste in clothing is expensive but not flashy. But her appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. Her style of speaking is more casual, she is able to understand jokes, and occasionally laugh at them. And her smile is uncommon but not unheard of.
Kyon isn't really sure if Yuki has developed human emotions or just gotten better at mimicing them. Maybe for her, there is no difference between the two.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," he says, and takes another drink of coffee. The current discussion is about whether to have the party at a restaurant or a bar. Either way they'll probably be heading to a bar afterwards, so it doesn't matter, but neither of them have much experience planning parties and the pressure is making Kyon, at least, indecisive.
Yuki looks down at her notebook. "We can return to that subject later. Now. On the subject of birthday presents-"
"She told me she wants either the Hubble Telescope or a tank. I can ask her what she wants within the realm of possibility, but she'll probably stick to her guns on this one. Maybe just money."
"Well." Yuki takes a breath that for any other person would be a sigh. "I suppose if she had said anything else, it wouldn't be Haruhi."
Kyon heaves a sigh. "Yeah, that's our girl."
They sit in companionable silence for a while. Even in high school, when she was at her most alien, he felt very comfortable around Yuki. So what if she's part of the Sentinent Integrated Data Being? She's interesting to talk to, and she always seems to have some kind of answer, no matter how weird it is. And something about the fact that she can plan things like birthday parties makes him proud and happy.
"What book are you reading, by the way?"
"Ah, that?" Yuki looks down at her open bookbag. "It's 'Archaelogy of Knowledge.' Koizumi-kun lent it to me."
The thing which exists between Yuki and Koizumi is a sort of weird, guarded friendship. Apparently they hang out together pretty often even without Kyon and Haruhi; Kyon has no idea what they talk about at these times. When it's the four of them, they seem to enjoy complex ethical and philosophical debates which Haruhi sometimes joins.
Kyon sometimes wonders about them. Their personalities seem to have converged over time. Or maybe that's the wrong word: since Yuki has gotten more impatient, and Koizumi has gotten more inscrutable, it now sometimes seems like he's the less human one. And yet sometimes when he sees the two of them discussing something, there is an expression on Koizumi's face which suggests sadness, or anger, or frustration - in other words, emotions Koizumi conceals from everyone else in his life. He's a weird guy, that's for sure.
As he is lost in his thoughts, Yuki is looking expressionlessly at the book cover. The hint of a shadow crosses her face. "Kyon. How is Koizumi-kun doing?"
"I don't really know." Kyon shrugs. "Same as always, I guess. You know how he is. He just smiles and it's impossible to tell what's going on in there." In fact, he has noticed that Koizumi is a little bit withdrawn lately, but he has always been that way sometimes.
Possibly he's concerned with work. Kyon doesn't feel comfortable asking him about these things, especially since he has the feeling he's not supposed to notice Koizumi's moods at all. "Why?"
"No reason in particular." Yuki stands up abruptly. "I need to go to class now. Tell him to be careful, please."
"Be careful with what?" asks Kyon, but it's too late - having said her piece, she is already dropping her coffee cup off at the counter and walking out the door of the cafe.
It's not that he forgets, but there isn't really time for it that afternoon, and in the evening when he sees Koizumi he seems a bit out of sorts.
"You're not going out tonight?"
"No. Why?"
"Nevermind." And of course, Koizumi smiles. "By the way, Haruhi-san called for you."
The message is just Haruhi asking if he wants to hang out sometime. He deletes it, makes a mental note to call her in the morning. He never ends up giving Koizumi that message.
xxx
Haruhi takes him out the next night.
They go to the movies, as they often do when they hang out together. It's some horror movie that got terrible reviews. Haruhi is usually fascinated by bad movies, but tonight she seems bored, and they end up leaving halfway through.
"I'm hungry," says Haruhi, "let's go for ramen," so they do.
Slurping her bowl of noodles, Haruhi looks generally dissatisfied. "It's not as good as usual," she says. "You wanna finish them?"
Typical Haruhi, expecting him to take her leftovers. "I'll pass."
"Suit yourself," and Haruhi just keeps eating them anyway. "So what are you going to go into next year? You'll need to decide soon, right?"
Kyon shrugs his shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine. Probably business or something."
"Oh, you idiot, don't do that, that's *boring.*" Haruhi looks displeased with him. "Kyon, I thought you had better taste than that! If you don't know what you want to do then you should do something fun! I mean, do you think Koizumi is going to get anywhere with a degree in Philosophy? No, but he's taking it anyway! That takes guts!"
"I don't think Koizumi would appreciate hearing you say that about his degree."
Haruhi dismisses this comment outright. "Well, he should know that it's true. But that's okay. Koizumi will probably end up as some sort of secret agent or something anyhow."
If only she knew, thinks Kyon. Then he wonders briefly what Koizumi is actually planning on doing with his life before remembering that he really shouldn't care.
"Oh, hey!" Haruhi's fist hits the counter. "I thought of something good! So I've decided we should all get together and make another movie. It's time we capitalized on the success of the shaky-cam horror movie genre. I know you love to use tripods, Kyon, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good..."
Kyon shakes his head somewhat dispairingly. "The tripod isn't really the problem. We don't even have a camera."
"Oh, something will come up. We can't let ourselves get bogged down by the small details. Just think! It's so perfect! Koizumi can be the hero who is maybe secretly the killer, and Yuki will be the mysterious psychic girl, and of course the innocent heroine will be..."
She stops abruptly.
"Haruhi," says Kyon, and moves his hand like maybe he's going to pat her shoulder.
But Haruhi shakes her head. "No," she says quickly, "it's fine. I'm fine." She grins, but it's pretty clear she's just putting it on for him. "I can't believe I'm still doing that."
"It's okay, you know." He wants to let her know that it bothers him too, that it bothers all of them. But Haruhi has always been awkward about these things and there's probably nothing to say.
"Yeah, I know." Haruhi looks down at her empty bowl. "I'm going home."
Sometimes after they go out together Haruhi will demand his company on her way back to the dorm, giving the evening a disturbingly date-like feeling. But tonight they say goodbye and part ways on the street. She probably just wants to be alone right now.
So does he.
Kyon is at school with Haruhi, Yuki, and Koizumi. They are even going to school at the same campus until next year. Tsuraya is at Waseda, and she calls him sometimes, although he doesn't really see her. Taniguchi didn't get into Toudai this year either. But he lives near Kyon, and they hang out quite a lot. So really he's kept most of his classmates from North High.
But it's not enough to make him satisfied.
Mikuru stuck around after she graduated - she was working at the supermarket for that year. She would always drop by the school after classes to make sure everyone was alright. Sometimes for old time's sakes she would even wear the maid costume. But Kyon began to get the feeling that she was getting nervous. And the day Haruhi graduated, she disappeared.
They didn't have a chance to say goodbye. She showed up after the ceremony and gave everyone a hug - Kyon remembers how annoyed he felt when she had to stand on her tiptoes to put her arms around Koizumi, and he remembers the feeling of her soft breasts pressed against him for the last time.
When it was Haruhi's turn she kissed her on the cheek. And Haruhi, for all her times stuffing her into shameless costumes, actually turned red.
"Congragulations, everyone," Mikuru said, beaming. "I'm so happy for all of you, you know, I really..." Then, with a little sniffle, she turned and walked away. Nobody has ever seen her again.
There are times when Kyon feels as though a piece of his heart is missing. What he felt for Mikuru probably wasn't real love. But it was something important. And with Mikuru went the SOS Brigade, and with that those things about high school that you never fully appreciate until they disappear: a sort of bubble-wrap of security, a sense of balance that is gone now.
Kyon wants nothing less than to idealize that time of his life. It was frustrating and most often he hated it. But even so...
When he finally gets home it's around eleven o'clock at night. Koizumi is sitting slumped against the wall, a can of beer held loosely in one hand, a sixpack sitting beside him with a few cans already missing. He takes another drink before he even looks at Kyon.
"Hey," he says, and maybe's it's just Kyon reading too much into it, but he sounds intensely depressed. "What's up."
"Not much," says Kyon, and takes a seat beside him. "I went out with Haruhi."
"I thought so."
Without asking permission, Kyon reaches across Koizumi's lap and grabs a beer. They've been out of the fridge long enough to be warm. Koizumi never used to drink much, but lately he's been keeping six-packs around the apartment, and Kyon has actually seen him drunk a couple of times. Not that it's much different from when he's sober.
"Thanks," he says.
For a while they sit in silence. And Kyon wonders if this is it; he doesn't want to be out with Haruhi, but he doesn't want to be here either. In fact at this moment he can't think of a single place he wants to be at all.
At some point Koizumi turns to him.
"You don't trust me, do you?"
"No," says Kyon frankly.
Koizumi smiles an oddly sly smile.
"Good."
Steadily Kyon drinks himself into a bit of a daze. At some point he feels like they should maybe be playing a board game, but there are none in the apartment. The streetlight outside the window buzzes louder and louder as the night goes on. Koizumi sitting next to him becomes a comforting presence: not in the same way as Yuki, of course, but all the same. They reach anequilibrium, sharing the beer wordlessly, as though sharing a secret.
At some point he falls asleep. When he wakes up it's been maybe an hour, maybe less; he still feels slightly lightheaded from drinking, although not precisely drunk. At first thinks he's dreaming because Koizumi is sucking his cock.
But no.
Koizumi runs his tongue around the head a couple times, his teeth almost scraping against the shaft, than carefully takes the whole thing into his thoat. His cheeks hollow as he sucks.
It feels amazing. Obviously he's done this before. But Kyon doesn't want to think about that, in fact doesn't want to think at all, just wants to close his eyes and fuck Koizumi's mouth.
He opens his eyes again when Koizumi pulls away, only to see that he is reaching down to unzip his jeans. He pulls them down off his skinny hips and casts his eyes around the room searching for something. When he gets up Kyon almost wants to protest, but in a moment he is kneeling in front of Kyon again with a jar of Vaseline in his hands.
With one smooth motion, Koizumi slicks his fingers and reaches around to press them inside himself. For a moment he winces, and Kyon realizes through a haze of confusion that the Vaseline must burn. But he keeps going, rocking his hips tentatively into the motion of his hand.
And then somehow Koizumi's cock is hard without him even touching it, and he bites his lip in a certain way that makes Kyon wonder if he's going crazy, because he should never find Koizumi sexy...
They haven't even showered, he thinks. And then he stops thinking altogether.
The feeling of Koizumi lowering himself onto his cock is so good it makes Kyon naseous. Koizumi draws one long, hoarse, terrible breath. He takes a moment to steady himself. Then, slowly at first but gradually picking up speed, he begins to move, impaling himself on Kyon over and over again.
Kyon knows instinctually he isn't allowed to react to any of this. So he closes his eyes and grits his teeth, just letting Koizumi ride him, trying not to make a sound.
But it's hard to stay still when his cock is engulfed by that tight heat and there's this little wet noise every time Koizumi slides back onto him. Eventually he bucks into it as well, thrusting up so hard Koizumi has to choke off a cry. By this time they are both panting for breath. Kyon's hands are fisted at his sides so he won't be tempted to touch anywhere.
And then he opens his eyes just in time to see Koizumi's face twist in an expression so intense it's impossible to categorize as simply pain or pleasure, and it sends a bolt of lighting from the base of his spine to his cock.
He barely registers that Koizumi has just splattered his stomach with come. He knows that he's supposed to pull out now. But the moment he tries it's already too late, and he shoots deep inside Koizumi in what is maybe, and he doesn't want to be thinking this, the best orgasm he's ever had.
There is no moment of relaxation afterwards.
As Koizumi rolls off of him and gets up, Kyon thinks that he should maybe say something, but he is too comfortable on the floor and too willing to forget everything that just happened. Before he knows it, he has fallen asleep again.
Sometime in the night he feels a breath light on his cheek. Or maybe it's a dream.
xxx
The next time Kyon wakes up is the first time in his life he's ever wished for a hangover. That would be an excuse. But he feels fine, if groggy. The light streaming through the shutters tells him it's morning. Someone has picked up the beer cans that were strewn around the room, and toweled the semen off his abdomen; it doesn't take a genius to recognize who that someone was. The room itself seems strangely empy. Only after Kyon sits up, though, can he see why.
Every last bit of Koizumi's stuff has - of course - been moved out of the apartment. He is gone.
TO BE CONTINUED
So I usually write fanfiction that I feel could sort of happen with in the world of the story in question, but most of the stuff in this story is not what I think would happen after the series ends. It does, however, fufill certain... uh... needs I had. So I'm pleased with it despite the overall ridiculousness. And I hope it is at least somewhat entertaining! (For a while I felt pretentious putting song quote at the top, but you know what? If I'm going to do this I might as well go the whole nine yards.)
The best part is that doing all the Little Mermaid translations, this fic is really in-character by comparison. Rock on!
...
I'm a little out of it today.
MAYBE SOMEDAY
PART ONE
Si les grands yeux de mon Dieu
Ne me gardaient pas,
Je te volerais.
-Kate Bush
The joke of it is that it was Haruhi's suggestion they become roommates.
It came around around October of last year while the three of them were hanging out together in the common room of Haruhi's dorm, and Haruhi was cutting Koizumi's hair. This is one of the ways university taught them to economize: Haruhi has learned to cut hair, and like most of the things she tries, she excels at it.
This was the time just after she had stopped wearing ribbons and gotten a pixie cut. Her jeans and sweatshirt that day were a far cry from the sailor uniform of North High; she looked almost boyish. She was layering Koizumi's hair with unusual patience, completely unconcerned with the stares of her dormmates.
"You sure you don't want me to dye it? Maybe red?"
"A trim is fine, thank you." Koizumi's look hadn't changed very much since high school.
Haruhi sighed. "Your loss." And then, without even an acknowledgement that she was changing the subject, "You know what would be fun? You and Kyon should move in together."
Of course Kyon hadn't really been paying attention up until that point, but he spluttered indignantly when he actually registered the conversation. "No way! What? Of course that's not going to happen!"
"And then we could all have parties together-" continued Haruhi without even really listening to him, "and of course we need a new consolidated base of operations." He was pretty sure she wasn't even using the word 'consolidated' right. "And Kyon, you need to leave the nest. It's inconvinient for you to come all this way just to get to school every morning."
Koizumi chuckled - somewhat nervously, he thought. "Haruhi-san, my room is too small for two."
"Don't tilt your head that way! I'll make a mistake!"
"Ah, I'm sorry. Is that better?"
But Haruhi couldn't be distracted from the subject at hand. "So find a new place! Koizumi, I don't know, but you seem to be pretty loaded, right? So you can pay key money. It should be easy to find an apartment for students near here. I can even call in some favours!"
Kyon could only heave a sigh. "What if we don't want to share a room?"
"Why not? You're friends, right? What's the big deal?"
"Haruhi-san," said Koizumi politely, "it's not nesissarily that simple." He winced as the scissors got a little too close to his ears. "Uh, please don't make it too short."
Haruhi shook her head. "You worry too much. It'll look good!" She turned to Kyon. "Hey, go get a broom from the janitor's closet. We need to clean up the hair."
"Why me?"
"Well, you're not doing anything else, are you?"
"...Fine." Anything to help Haruhi forget her stupid ideas.
But he hadn't expected it to be that easy, and it wasn't. Every so often after that Haruhi would bring it up. Eventually, sick of her nagging, Kyon asked Koizumi if it would bother him, and Koizumi said not really.
So now they live together in a 16 jo room. It sucks. Neither of them can cook, and although neither Kyon nor Koizumi are naturally messy people, they just don't seem to have the time to clean up after themselves, so the floor is often impossible to navigate.
But despite all of this, it's cheap, and Koizumi is a good roommate. He doesn't bring people home or make much noise or take too long in the shower. And they get along okay; he's still a frustrating guy, but Kyon's dealt with him for so long that it's not hard to handle.
Over the years since the foundation of the SOS Brigade, incidents of closed space and giants have gotten less and less frequent. In fact Kyon isn't sure of the last time one happened. But when he asked Koizumi whether Haruhi really still needs monitoring, he just shook his head and smiled.
"Well, my superiors believe it's better to be safe than sorry. Some members of the Agency don't trust that the decrease in incidents is permenant."
"Do you?"
Koizumi shrugged his shoulders. "I couldn't say. It all depends on the reason for the change."
Maybe it's just that Haruhi is growing up. She's just as weird as she's always been, but a lot less listless. University is more her intelectual level. And she's gotten better about getting along with people, even if she complains that they're just dull humans and she still really wants to meet a time traveller, ecetera.
"The fact that closed spaces continue to appear, however infrequently, indicates that she's still dissatisfied in some way. Although I personally think it won't be long."
Kyon could only sigh. "And I guess you're not going to tell me why you think that, are you."
"That would spoil the surprise." Koizumi turned back to his Philosophy textbook, a signal that the conversation was officially over and he would ignore anything else Kyon wanted to say. Sometimes he thinks having a roommate is almost worse for Koizumi than it is for him.
xxx
"I don't know which she would prefer."
"Well, I guess I could ask her..."
"But she would likely realize what we have in mind."
Kyon and Yuki are sitting in one of the many coffee shops on campus, tentatively planning Haruhi's twenty-first birthday party.
Yesterday Koizumi had said that he might show up if his schedule worked out. But the way he said it indicated that it probably wouldn't, and now it's just the two of them.
Yuki is planning on going with Haruhi into the Engineering program. The ways in which she has changed since she and Kyon first met have been subtle as they have taken place, but taken together, they are nothing short of remarkable.
In the last few years she has grown taller and her formerly cute face is now mature looking. Her hair is longer, always kept in a high, neat ponytail. Her taste in clothing is expensive but not flashy. But her appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. Her style of speaking is more casual, she is able to understand jokes, and occasionally laugh at them. And her smile is uncommon but not unheard of.
Kyon isn't really sure if Yuki has developed human emotions or just gotten better at mimicing them. Maybe for her, there is no difference between the two.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," he says, and takes another drink of coffee. The current discussion is about whether to have the party at a restaurant or a bar. Either way they'll probably be heading to a bar afterwards, so it doesn't matter, but neither of them have much experience planning parties and the pressure is making Kyon, at least, indecisive.
Yuki looks down at her notebook. "We can return to that subject later. Now. On the subject of birthday presents-"
"She told me she wants either the Hubble Telescope or a tank. I can ask her what she wants within the realm of possibility, but she'll probably stick to her guns on this one. Maybe just money."
"Well." Yuki takes a breath that for any other person would be a sigh. "I suppose if she had said anything else, it wouldn't be Haruhi."
Kyon heaves a sigh. "Yeah, that's our girl."
They sit in companionable silence for a while. Even in high school, when she was at her most alien, he felt very comfortable around Yuki. So what if she's part of the Sentinent Integrated Data Being? She's interesting to talk to, and she always seems to have some kind of answer, no matter how weird it is. And something about the fact that she can plan things like birthday parties makes him proud and happy.
"What book are you reading, by the way?"
"Ah, that?" Yuki looks down at her open bookbag. "It's 'Archaelogy of Knowledge.' Koizumi-kun lent it to me."
The thing which exists between Yuki and Koizumi is a sort of weird, guarded friendship. Apparently they hang out together pretty often even without Kyon and Haruhi; Kyon has no idea what they talk about at these times. When it's the four of them, they seem to enjoy complex ethical and philosophical debates which Haruhi sometimes joins.
Kyon sometimes wonders about them. Their personalities seem to have converged over time. Or maybe that's the wrong word: since Yuki has gotten more impatient, and Koizumi has gotten more inscrutable, it now sometimes seems like he's the less human one. And yet sometimes when he sees the two of them discussing something, there is an expression on Koizumi's face which suggests sadness, or anger, or frustration - in other words, emotions Koizumi conceals from everyone else in his life. He's a weird guy, that's for sure.
As he is lost in his thoughts, Yuki is looking expressionlessly at the book cover. The hint of a shadow crosses her face. "Kyon. How is Koizumi-kun doing?"
"I don't really know." Kyon shrugs. "Same as always, I guess. You know how he is. He just smiles and it's impossible to tell what's going on in there." In fact, he has noticed that Koizumi is a little bit withdrawn lately, but he has always been that way sometimes.
Possibly he's concerned with work. Kyon doesn't feel comfortable asking him about these things, especially since he has the feeling he's not supposed to notice Koizumi's moods at all. "Why?"
"No reason in particular." Yuki stands up abruptly. "I need to go to class now. Tell him to be careful, please."
"Be careful with what?" asks Kyon, but it's too late - having said her piece, she is already dropping her coffee cup off at the counter and walking out the door of the cafe.
It's not that he forgets, but there isn't really time for it that afternoon, and in the evening when he sees Koizumi he seems a bit out of sorts.
"You're not going out tonight?"
"No. Why?"
"Nevermind." And of course, Koizumi smiles. "By the way, Haruhi-san called for you."
The message is just Haruhi asking if he wants to hang out sometime. He deletes it, makes a mental note to call her in the morning. He never ends up giving Koizumi that message.
xxx
Haruhi takes him out the next night.
They go to the movies, as they often do when they hang out together. It's some horror movie that got terrible reviews. Haruhi is usually fascinated by bad movies, but tonight she seems bored, and they end up leaving halfway through.
"I'm hungry," says Haruhi, "let's go for ramen," so they do.
Slurping her bowl of noodles, Haruhi looks generally dissatisfied. "It's not as good as usual," she says. "You wanna finish them?"
Typical Haruhi, expecting him to take her leftovers. "I'll pass."
"Suit yourself," and Haruhi just keeps eating them anyway. "So what are you going to go into next year? You'll need to decide soon, right?"
Kyon shrugs his shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine. Probably business or something."
"Oh, you idiot, don't do that, that's *boring.*" Haruhi looks displeased with him. "Kyon, I thought you had better taste than that! If you don't know what you want to do then you should do something fun! I mean, do you think Koizumi is going to get anywhere with a degree in Philosophy? No, but he's taking it anyway! That takes guts!"
"I don't think Koizumi would appreciate hearing you say that about his degree."
Haruhi dismisses this comment outright. "Well, he should know that it's true. But that's okay. Koizumi will probably end up as some sort of secret agent or something anyhow."
If only she knew, thinks Kyon. Then he wonders briefly what Koizumi is actually planning on doing with his life before remembering that he really shouldn't care.
"Oh, hey!" Haruhi's fist hits the counter. "I thought of something good! So I've decided we should all get together and make another movie. It's time we capitalized on the success of the shaky-cam horror movie genre. I know you love to use tripods, Kyon, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good..."
Kyon shakes his head somewhat dispairingly. "The tripod isn't really the problem. We don't even have a camera."
"Oh, something will come up. We can't let ourselves get bogged down by the small details. Just think! It's so perfect! Koizumi can be the hero who is maybe secretly the killer, and Yuki will be the mysterious psychic girl, and of course the innocent heroine will be..."
She stops abruptly.
"Haruhi," says Kyon, and moves his hand like maybe he's going to pat her shoulder.
But Haruhi shakes her head. "No," she says quickly, "it's fine. I'm fine." She grins, but it's pretty clear she's just putting it on for him. "I can't believe I'm still doing that."
"It's okay, you know." He wants to let her know that it bothers him too, that it bothers all of them. But Haruhi has always been awkward about these things and there's probably nothing to say.
"Yeah, I know." Haruhi looks down at her empty bowl. "I'm going home."
Sometimes after they go out together Haruhi will demand his company on her way back to the dorm, giving the evening a disturbingly date-like feeling. But tonight they say goodbye and part ways on the street. She probably just wants to be alone right now.
So does he.
Kyon is at school with Haruhi, Yuki, and Koizumi. They are even going to school at the same campus until next year. Tsuraya is at Waseda, and she calls him sometimes, although he doesn't really see her. Taniguchi didn't get into Toudai this year either. But he lives near Kyon, and they hang out quite a lot. So really he's kept most of his classmates from North High.
But it's not enough to make him satisfied.
Mikuru stuck around after she graduated - she was working at the supermarket for that year. She would always drop by the school after classes to make sure everyone was alright. Sometimes for old time's sakes she would even wear the maid costume. But Kyon began to get the feeling that she was getting nervous. And the day Haruhi graduated, she disappeared.
They didn't have a chance to say goodbye. She showed up after the ceremony and gave everyone a hug - Kyon remembers how annoyed he felt when she had to stand on her tiptoes to put her arms around Koizumi, and he remembers the feeling of her soft breasts pressed against him for the last time.
When it was Haruhi's turn she kissed her on the cheek. And Haruhi, for all her times stuffing her into shameless costumes, actually turned red.
"Congragulations, everyone," Mikuru said, beaming. "I'm so happy for all of you, you know, I really..." Then, with a little sniffle, she turned and walked away. Nobody has ever seen her again.
There are times when Kyon feels as though a piece of his heart is missing. What he felt for Mikuru probably wasn't real love. But it was something important. And with Mikuru went the SOS Brigade, and with that those things about high school that you never fully appreciate until they disappear: a sort of bubble-wrap of security, a sense of balance that is gone now.
Kyon wants nothing less than to idealize that time of his life. It was frustrating and most often he hated it. But even so...
When he finally gets home it's around eleven o'clock at night. Koizumi is sitting slumped against the wall, a can of beer held loosely in one hand, a sixpack sitting beside him with a few cans already missing. He takes another drink before he even looks at Kyon.
"Hey," he says, and maybe's it's just Kyon reading too much into it, but he sounds intensely depressed. "What's up."
"Not much," says Kyon, and takes a seat beside him. "I went out with Haruhi."
"I thought so."
Without asking permission, Kyon reaches across Koizumi's lap and grabs a beer. They've been out of the fridge long enough to be warm. Koizumi never used to drink much, but lately he's been keeping six-packs around the apartment, and Kyon has actually seen him drunk a couple of times. Not that it's much different from when he's sober.
"Thanks," he says.
For a while they sit in silence. And Kyon wonders if this is it; he doesn't want to be out with Haruhi, but he doesn't want to be here either. In fact at this moment he can't think of a single place he wants to be at all.
At some point Koizumi turns to him.
"You don't trust me, do you?"
"No," says Kyon frankly.
Koizumi smiles an oddly sly smile.
"Good."
Steadily Kyon drinks himself into a bit of a daze. At some point he feels like they should maybe be playing a board game, but there are none in the apartment. The streetlight outside the window buzzes louder and louder as the night goes on. Koizumi sitting next to him becomes a comforting presence: not in the same way as Yuki, of course, but all the same. They reach anequilibrium, sharing the beer wordlessly, as though sharing a secret.
At some point he falls asleep. When he wakes up it's been maybe an hour, maybe less; he still feels slightly lightheaded from drinking, although not precisely drunk. At first thinks he's dreaming because Koizumi is sucking his cock.
But no.
Koizumi runs his tongue around the head a couple times, his teeth almost scraping against the shaft, than carefully takes the whole thing into his thoat. His cheeks hollow as he sucks.
It feels amazing. Obviously he's done this before. But Kyon doesn't want to think about that, in fact doesn't want to think at all, just wants to close his eyes and fuck Koizumi's mouth.
He opens his eyes again when Koizumi pulls away, only to see that he is reaching down to unzip his jeans. He pulls them down off his skinny hips and casts his eyes around the room searching for something. When he gets up Kyon almost wants to protest, but in a moment he is kneeling in front of Kyon again with a jar of Vaseline in his hands.
With one smooth motion, Koizumi slicks his fingers and reaches around to press them inside himself. For a moment he winces, and Kyon realizes through a haze of confusion that the Vaseline must burn. But he keeps going, rocking his hips tentatively into the motion of his hand.
And then somehow Koizumi's cock is hard without him even touching it, and he bites his lip in a certain way that makes Kyon wonder if he's going crazy, because he should never find Koizumi sexy...
They haven't even showered, he thinks. And then he stops thinking altogether.
The feeling of Koizumi lowering himself onto his cock is so good it makes Kyon naseous. Koizumi draws one long, hoarse, terrible breath. He takes a moment to steady himself. Then, slowly at first but gradually picking up speed, he begins to move, impaling himself on Kyon over and over again.
Kyon knows instinctually he isn't allowed to react to any of this. So he closes his eyes and grits his teeth, just letting Koizumi ride him, trying not to make a sound.
But it's hard to stay still when his cock is engulfed by that tight heat and there's this little wet noise every time Koizumi slides back onto him. Eventually he bucks into it as well, thrusting up so hard Koizumi has to choke off a cry. By this time they are both panting for breath. Kyon's hands are fisted at his sides so he won't be tempted to touch anywhere.
And then he opens his eyes just in time to see Koizumi's face twist in an expression so intense it's impossible to categorize as simply pain or pleasure, and it sends a bolt of lighting from the base of his spine to his cock.
He barely registers that Koizumi has just splattered his stomach with come. He knows that he's supposed to pull out now. But the moment he tries it's already too late, and he shoots deep inside Koizumi in what is maybe, and he doesn't want to be thinking this, the best orgasm he's ever had.
There is no moment of relaxation afterwards.
As Koizumi rolls off of him and gets up, Kyon thinks that he should maybe say something, but he is too comfortable on the floor and too willing to forget everything that just happened. Before he knows it, he has fallen asleep again.
Sometime in the night he feels a breath light on his cheek. Or maybe it's a dream.
xxx
The next time Kyon wakes up is the first time in his life he's ever wished for a hangover. That would be an excuse. But he feels fine, if groggy. The light streaming through the shutters tells him it's morning. Someone has picked up the beer cans that were strewn around the room, and toweled the semen off his abdomen; it doesn't take a genius to recognize who that someone was. The room itself seems strangely empy. Only after Kyon sits up, though, can he see why.
Every last bit of Koizumi's stuff has - of course - been moved out of the apartment. He is gone.
TO BE CONTINUED
So I usually write fanfiction that I feel could sort of happen with in the world of the story in question, but most of the stuff in this story is not what I think would happen after the series ends. It does, however, fufill certain... uh... needs I had. So I'm pleased with it despite the overall ridiculousness. And I hope it is at least somewhat entertaining! (For a while I felt pretentious putting song quote at the top, but you know what? If I'm going to do this I might as well go the whole nine yards.)
The best part is that doing all the Little Mermaid translations, this fic is really in-character by comparison. Rock on!