Missing - Merlin/Arthur fanfic
So last year, about a month before my friend Mako's birthday, I decided I was going to make her an Arthur/Merlin music video as a gift. As her birthday drew nearer, I realized that I wasn't going to manage the video. So instead, I wrote her a story. The video was supposed to be a story vid to Missing by Evanescence, and the fanfic is based on that idea I had. I finished the first chapter the day before her birthday last year and gave the rest of the story to her as soon as I finished it afterward.
Anyway, I decided to post the story on her birthday this year so that everyone else could read it too, but NaNoWriMo was happening at the time and I was a bit busy, so now it's 12/2/10 instead of 11/21/10, but I'm getting it up - finally.
This story takes place in a divergent universe at the end of Season 2 in which Morgana never went with Morgause but the dragon still attacked Camelot.
I'm gonna do this a bit different from The Sword in the Stone and post the parts one at a time.
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Missing
When Arthur is fatally wounded, Merlin makes a deal with a powerful sorceress: Arthur's life in exchange for everyone's memories of Merlin.
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Chapter One - Forgetting
Merlin stumbled out of the boat and onto the mossy stone floor of the Isle of the Blessed. His chest felt constricted and it was hard to breathe, but he had to get to the altar. He just had to. Nimueh was dead, but she couldn't have been the only keeper of the old religion. There had to be someone else here!
He had barely stumbled into view of the altar where so many lives had been toyed with when suddenly, in a brief flash of light, a woman stood by the altar, waiting. She had golden blonde hair down to the middle of her back and crystal clear forest green eyes that seemed to shine with an iridescent glow. She wore a simple green dress with almost see-through sleeves down to her elbows and a thin silver chain necklace.
"Emrys," she greeted, and her voice sounded like it was something from a dream, something not entirely there. Her tone held a bit of awe to it. "I never believed I would meet such a destiny so soon."
Something about her manner told Merlin all he needed to know. Still gasping for breath, he said, "You know why I am here."
She inclined her head a bit in agreement and gave a tiny frown. "The one you care for most lies dying in Camelot, the crowned Prince Arthur. The ban King Uther has placed on magic kept you from being able to stop the beast from wounding Arthur, and now he is beyond normal healing."
Merlin nodded shakily. "The last time Arthur was hurt, by the Questing Beast, I came here and offered my life for Arthur's. I don't want any tricks this time. I don't want to sacrifice anyone else, just myself. I need to save him."
The woman gave him an appraising look. "Would you give anything for his safety, Emrys?" Before Merlin could speak, she continued, "Anything of your own self?"
Merlin nodded fervently. "Anything of me. I would." He hoped the wording meant that his mother and village would be safe as well.
She donned an almost evanescent frown and faced the altar, but her voice was no softer facing away than it was when she stared directly at Merlin. "I will make you a deal I have waited a century to make." When she faced Merlin again, the frown was still barely there and a small crystal clear orb the size of a baby's fist sat in the palm of her left hand. "Arthur's life will be saved. No magic has decided his fate as of yet except your own," she explained, looking into Merlin's eyes with an almost forlorn aura. "This wound can be healed by powerful magic." Merlin felt the relief flood through him and he could breathe freely again. "But in exchange I will remove every memory of you from existence. No one, not even your own mother, will remember you ever existed."
Merlin wilted. "What?" he asked, his voice as airy as the sorceress's. No one would remember him? Not even Arthur? She tilted her head a bit and brought her perfect eyebrows together like she was already sorry for him.
"Memories are full of power. They are the essence of life, Merlin," she began, using his actual name this time. "A person will never truly exist if no one ever knows them. So by extracting the memories of you from the world, I essentially take your life. I will collect these memories and hide them away."
Merlin looked at the ground, suddenly unable to breathe once more. No one would remember him. His mother, the people of Ealdor, Gaius, Gwen, Morgana, Uther, Arthur….they would all forget him. He lifted his head and stared directly into her eyes. "I accept," he said with no hint of uncertainty. "I'll do it. Now please, save Arthur."
She nodded and closed her eyes before she waved her hand over the orb. Without a sound coming from her lips, an eerie silver mist eased its way out of the orb and then shot out into the sky and vanished like it had never existed. She opened her eyes and nodded again to Merlin. "You have one day to say goodbye to them. Then you must be gone from Camelot, and Ealdor, and never return."
Merlin nodded and rushed back to his boat. It took most of a day to get here going as fast as he could on horseback. He had no time to lose. He wouldn't be able to say goodbye to his mother, she was too far away, but he could bid Gaius, Gwen, Morgana, and Arthur goodbye. He'd just have to settle for that.
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He jumped from the horse once he was back in Camelot and hurried into Gaius's rooms. Gaius wasn't there, so Merlin guessed he was checking up on Arthur. Maybe he'd already healed and he was checking on the miraculous recovery. Merlin quickly gathered his things and set them on the left side of his bed where Gaius wouldn't see them, and then took a few nic nacs from around the room that he wasn't taking with him and hurriedly left again.
Morgana was the first person he ran into, or, found. She was pacing in her room, obviously worried for Arthur, when Merlin knocked once and entered without waiting for permission. She probably would've gotten mad at him for it, but everyone was used to him doing that sort of thing so they just let it pass.
"Merlin," she gasped. "Have you heard how Arthur is doing?"
Merlin frowned and shook his head. "No. I was on my way there when I thought I'd come and give you something." From inside his jacket he pulled a flower Gwen had given him the day before, when Arthur had first been injured. "Gwen gave it to me to try and make me feel better, but I think it'd help you more than it'd help me," he admitted softly. After all, logic stated that boys don't like flowers as much as girls do, so she wouldn't question it.
In truth, he'd been a bit frightened when she gave it to him. It was a Cyclamen; a flower that meant resignation and was a symbol for goodbyes. But now, instead of meaning Arthur would die, it would mean Merlin was leaving so Arthur could live.
Morgana accepted the pretty pink flower delicately and smiled at him. "Why thank you, Merlin. That was very kind of you." A tear fell from her eye and she hurriedly wiped it away. "Um…could you go see how Arthur is doing? I think Gwen's there too so…."
Merlin smiled the best he could. "Sure." He hurried along the hallway towards Arthur's room and ran headlong into Gwen on the way there. "Oh! Gwen!" he gasped.
"Merlin!" she beamed. "It's a miracle! Arthur's wound is healed!" she said gleefully. Then she frowned a bit. "Of course Uther thinks the healing is due to some sort of magic, but does it really matter? Arthur's been healed!"
"That's great!" Merlin agreed with a big grin. At least Arthur was ok…
"Uther thinks all magic is evil, but how can it be when it saves his own son's life, right?" Gwen asked almost uncertainly.
Merlin nodded enthusiastically. "Right. That's exactly it. Uther just can't see things that way…but maybe Arthur will, when he is king."
Merlin was suddenly hit with a realization. All that he'd taught Arthur, almost indirectly, about magic…all that Arthur had learned to make him a better person…would that all go away? Would he go back to being the magic hating prat he used to be?
No. The memories of Merlin would leave, but the sorceress (who Merlin realized he had never even learned the name of) had said nothing about him losing the experiences he'd had. Even without Merlin there, everything Arthur had done was possible. He would be alright.
"Anyways, I should go see to Arthur," Merlin said with a gentle smile. "He's probably got a load of work for me to do now that he's better." He shook his head amiably and then pulled Gwen into a tight hug.
"Oh!" she gasped, but then smiled and hugged him back. She attributed the action to him being relieved about Arthur being safe now. Really, he was so devoted to Arthur it was cute.
When Merlin pulled back he was blushing. Then he remembered why he was looking for Gwen in the first place and pulled out a perfectly carved bird made of wood. He'd been practicing with his magic and this was the only quality piece he'd managed to create.
"Oh my goodness," Gwen breathed out. "Merlin, it's beautiful….I…Are you giving it to me?" she asked incredulously. Merlin nodded. She frowned gently. "Merlin, I couldn't. It looks like it took a lot of work."
"It did," Merlin assured her with a smile before gently forcing it into her hands. "But I want you to have it."
Before she could argue, he'd already rushed off to Arthur's room. He passed Gaius on the way, but only said that he'd talk to him about it later and then he was in Arthur's room and faced with a grim but healthy Arthur sitting up in bed with a tray of food on his lap. He looked up when Merlin came in.
"Ah," he let out. "And where have you been? You look terrible."
Merlin shrugged. "Worrying, mostly," he said truthfully. "Trying to find a cure for an incurable disease," he admitted offhandedly.
Arthur snorted. "Well, there was no need. I'm fine." But as soon as he said it, the smile left his face and he gave Merlin a curious look. After a moment he shook his head. "You've been slacking on your duties while I've been ill," he accused lightly, looking back to his food. He was being picky about what he ate again.
"Sorry," Merlin apologized. "Before I get to that, can I say something?"
"Go ahead, Merlin. You will even if I tell you not to," Arthur acquiesced.
Merlin noted the smile on Arthur's downturned face and smiled in return, except his was sad. "At times like these…when you get hurt…I can't help but feel the way I did when you were hurt by the Questing Beast." He knew Arthur remembered that time. Arthur looked up at him now, totally ignoring his food. "I meant every word I said…You know…I…," it was hard to speak. He was comforted only by knowing that Arthur would never remember this. Tears blurred his vision but he didn't let them fall. "I really don't know what I would do if you died."
Arthur looked at something to his right and said, barely above a murmur, "You'd move on."
Merlin shook his head. "No, I really don't think I would," he said at the same level. Arthur's eyes snapped back to Merlin's. "That's why….Arthur, before I go, I need to tell you something really important, and you can't call the guards. It wouldn't do any good by tomorrow morning."
"Merlin, what are you on about?" Arthur asked, moving on to the 'act like you think Merlin is being stupid' attempt to get over his confusion.
"Alright…," Merlin murmured to himself before his eyes flashed gold, staring straight at Arthur so he would have no problem seeing it.
The fire sparked into being, the dishes left from the last breakfast Arthur had eaten before the attack cleaned themselves, the curtains closed for the night, the plate with Arthur's food lifted so the covers could be smoothed and tucked in then it sat back down, and Arthur suddenly felt as clean as if he'd just had the best bath in his life.
Arthur wasn't breathing it seemed, so Merlin took the initiative and kept talking. "I'm a sorcerer, Arthur. I was born with magic and I think it was given to me so I could serve you, protect you, help you. I know you think I'm an idiot, but I'm trying real hard to use magic to help without getting caught and it's harder than it seems," he explained in a quiet rush. He took a deep breath. "I've got a lot of power, but I can't use it all yet….so when you got hurt and nothing I did would heal you…I went to a place called the Isle of the Blessed, a place filled with the magic of the Old Religion, and made a deal with a sorceress there to save you. And it worked. You're alright now."
Another few moments went by and Merlin could feel the day draining away. If Arthur didn't say something soon, Merlin would have to leave without ever knowing what Arthur thought of his magic. Please, Arthur. Please say something, he pleaded in his mind. He never let his eyes stray from Arthur's.
"You made a deal with a powerful sorceress," Arthur began. "My wound was healed by magic." Merlin nodded shortly. "Merlin," Arthur said, "What did you give up?"
"I-"
"You said you made a deal, which means something was given up for me to get healed. I want to know what it was and you'll tell me immediately or I'll have you thrown in jail for a month," he threatened darkly.
Merlin closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. He didn't want to say it aloud. That would only make it real too soon. He heard Arthur growl low in his throat, a warning of his impatience. "I…" The tears slipped past his defenses and down his cheeks in two small, slow running rivers. "Just tell me, what do you think of me? Now that you know, what do you think of me?" He kept his voice as steady as possible under the circumstances.
Arthur bristled. "Does that really matter, Merlin? I want to know what the deal was. Tell me or-"
"I don't have a month, Arthur! I need to know what you think!" Merlin suddenly yelled, hoping it wasn't loud enough to draw the attention of the guards no doubt posted nearby in case of a sorcery attack. His eyes were still closed and now he lowered his head a bit.
Arthur's voice came out quiet, something Merlin had never expected, but held the same rough tone Arthur's voice always held. "I told you. It doesn't matter. You've drunk poison for me, Merlin, and faced my father for me, and followed me no matter where I go so you could save Camelot with me. You've fought monsters, sorcerers, trolls, and dragons with me. You told me you would be my servant until the day you died. I think that's enough to absolve you of the crime of sorcery, don't you?" He gave a little smirk, something akin to his usual blinding grins or teasing smiles.
Merlin managed to open his eyes and smile at Arthur for a brief moment and then he couldn't keep his eyes open for all the water in them as he cried a tiny bit harder. Arthur had accepted his magic. He accepted it and now he would forget all about it.
He heard the frown in Arthur's voice when he next spoke. "Merlin?" There was a pause and then, "Oh god. You didn't bargain your life, did you, Merlin? Tell me you weren't that stup-"
"I gave everything but, Arthur."
And then he fled the room like a dog with its tail between its legs and ran like his life depended on it to Gaius's chambers. He heard no following yells from Arthur or guards, so he figured Arthur had heard what he wanted and that was all. Now all he had to do was deal with Gaius. Merlin stopped outside the door to Gaius's chambers and wiped his face and tried to make it seem as if he had not just been crying, then he opened the door.
"Merlin!" Gaius greeted, sounding like he'd been sitting and waiting forever. "What happened?"
Merlin smiled at him. "I met a sorceress on the Isle of the Blessed who agreed to use her magic to heal Arthur. She said it wasn't like the Questing Beast, whose victims were chosen by fate and must die, so she could heal him. And she did."
"That's it?" Gaius asked incredulously as Merlin meandered across the room to where he sat on a stool at the table.
Merlin shrugged. "That's it. He's healed, and nobody's dead. Now if you've got nothing for me to do….I'd really like to just fall down and go to sleep. I've been riding all day," he complained lightly, hoping it would fool Gaius. He hadn't lied. No one was dead. That didn't make him feel any better.
Gaius gave him a suspicious look for a few moments, and Merlin kept up his gentle smile. Then Gaius waved Merlin off. "Off to bed with you, then. Arthur'll want you up bright and early to do your chores tomorrow." He smiled goodnaturedly at Merlin and Merlin smiled back before he moved to his bedroom door, where Gaius called out to him again. "Uh, Merlin?"
"Yes?" Merlin asked, turning to face him.
Gaius raised an eyebrow at him. "You're sure everything's alright?"
Merlin nodded. "Yea." He almost turned to leave and then turned back again to his mentor and father-figure. "Gaius… thanks for everything."
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Merlin waited what felt like a lifetime, but was probably about three hours, before grabbing his bags, stuffing his sheets and pillow inside, and sneaking out of Gaius's chambers. He didn't know when the spell would take effect and he'd be forgotten, but he knew it would be before sunrise and he didn't want to wake a Gaius that thought he was some sort of burglar.
He was out of Camelot, with a flare of golden eyes to distract the guards, in a mere ten minutes.
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Chapter Two - Hoping