very nice work. i think you meshed it really well with my drabble (and dude, i'm so honoured that you wrote this in response!)
I absolutely LOVE the imagery of her curling up around his pillow and trying to lose herself in his scent. its such a beautiful and sad expression of her emotions, and so real. I can see Zoe as having been a fairly dark soul in the time between the war and falling in love with Wash. I don't think everyone would see it in her, but he would have.
my only critique would be the number of times you used the word light in these few sentences:
The room was covered in darkness, the occasional blinking light against the wall lightening the small room. But she took no noticed of the lights, nor any sounds that penetrated her tomb. She curled herself around his pillow. His scent still lingered on the light material.All of these could, of course, be very easily changed. in reference to the fabric, try pale or soft, or thin perhaps. also, "lightening" isnt quite the right word, technically - it should be "lighting" (
( ... )
**grins** I'm glad you liked this. Your Zoe drabble has been playing around in my head since I read it, and I wanted to go a little darker, see how far gone she went before taking the steps to recover and eventually heal.
I completely agree about "lightening". I hate how chopping it seems in the sentence, but I just couldn't think of another word to replace it at the time. I really like "illuminating" better, so I think I might change it to that. Hmm, pale would work just as well. And thanks for the concrit, as it's always helpful. ^_^
This is really lovely. I nearly cried at the part where she acknowledged that his scent would eventually fade away forever. Ah ... so sad! ;_; But well done. =)
Thank you! I nearly cried writing this. I hate to think about Wash dying, and I didn't think I could write something without him in the 'verse--let alone, something dealing with his death.
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I absolutely LOVE the imagery of her curling up around his pillow and trying to lose herself in his scent. its such a beautiful and sad expression of her emotions, and so real. I can see Zoe as having been a fairly dark soul in the time between the war and falling in love with Wash. I don't think everyone would see it in her, but he would have.
my only critique would be the number of times you used the word light in these few sentences:
The room was covered in darkness, the occasional blinking light against the wall lightening the small room. But she took no noticed of the lights, nor any sounds that penetrated her tomb. She curled herself around his pillow. His scent still lingered on the light material.All of these could, of course, be very easily changed. in reference to the fabric, try pale or soft, or thin perhaps. also, "lightening" isnt quite the right word, technically - it should be "lighting" ( ( ... )
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I completely agree about "lightening". I hate how chopping it seems in the sentence, but I just couldn't think of another word to replace it at the time. I really like "illuminating" better, so I think I might change it to that. Hmm, pale would work just as well. And thanks for the concrit, as it's always helpful. ^_^
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