challenge #5

[sundialing]

Title: Where Knowledge Takes Us
Author: vogueanthem
Challenge: #5, loneliness for sasunaru100
Style: Fic.
Word Count: 845.
Rating/Warnings: Violent content. PG-13. Spoilers up through chapter 309, for safety's sake.
Notes: Eh heh. Don't know what the hell to call this. Wrote itself. Would appreciate any critical feedback.

( Ne, ne, 'baa-chan. It's all falling out,

Comments

[ronsard]

I like it a lot.

From structure to style to the seemingly effortless flow of language. The emotion that comes across is raw and painful and burning, which is only natural because it's tied in with the pain and the whole thing is just one huge metaphor. I love the idea of the map: them starting at different ends and coming together in the center, the cyclical structure, coming full circle.

Language-wise, this is my favorite bit:

his skin is aware enough to get past the pain and partake in its mutilation and the sun melts the excess water from their bodies just like his skin is excess and melting

[sundialing]

I'm glad I managed to convey the "rawness" properly, because that's what I kept thinking when I read the four-tails chapters. And the map was purely out of the blue, I wasn't even sure if it fit well ^^;; Thank you so much for reading =3

[yura_slash]

wow. this is just wonderful prose. i tip my hat at you, that's for sure.