Who here is throwing stones?

[sarx_phagos]

Over the past three days I've been commenting on the situation about Hot Italian's recent outing at school. I've also been commenting about his reactions, and his thought processes about this incident. I have also been thinking about the some comments left by others in my LJ and how they relate back to his situation. Much to my surprise, I feel a

Comments

[benchilada]

I apologize if I appeared to be mean, but I don't believe I was. I think that saying that you should not be expected to lie for a relationship is valid. If he chooses to, that's fine...but that is also going to require some lying from whoever he's with.
I understand it's not easy to come out. I understand maybe he didn't want to be outed. But if you're kissing boys on Krannert, you need to prepare for the eventuality that the secret will let ITSELF out, rather than HIM lettiing it out.

I think he sounds like a genuinely nice and fabulous guy. I just don't think you should have to mince words--no pun intended--to protect him at the expense of denying yourself.

Again, I don't think I came across as disrespectful, but if I did, I'm sorry. I just wanted to express how I felt the relationship shouldn't have been treating you.

things

[sarx_phagos]

You did not seem mean at all. It is just this situation really exploded not in the favor of HI. Regarding the truth coming out--on its own--that is a very valid observation. I figured that was one of those situations. I guess no matter how hard we both tried, the truth will always be found out. It must be a universal constant: The harder you try to hide something, the more likely it will be discovered. I guess no one is responsible except the both of us. But...we were foolish.

Anyway, the main purpose of this update was for the comments that I found to be in bad taste. Here is a guy who was just outed, and I think less than half the people I spoke with in real life, and thru the 'net, showed any sympathy. Unlike me in my past, HI has a rudamentary support net of friends to rely on. He just feels that since he is discovered there is no chance of happiness here. That is why he wants to leave.

This situation runs deeper than I can comprehend. But the solution is also as deep. I just want him to realize that.~~Nick

[tedwords]

What really frustrates me about some members of the gay community is the "one size fits all" mentality that so often gets adopted. Everyone has a different comfort level about their sexuality, and for some, it's a dificult thing to stand up and be counted (some would rather stay in that background, some just want to live their lives and be judged on their work, not their sexual orientation). You would think that for a community that has been so misunderstood and so hated, we would have a bigger tent, a more open mind...but as you so eloquently said, how can he feel much confidence coming out if he doesn't see much support from others who should be there to help him along?

[sarx_phagos]

No. It is never easy. But we could have made it easier for him. He gets the idea that we just don't like him because I chose to wait to have sex with him, and he is considering drastic measures to protect his anonymity.

We have all done what he is doing. The only difference between us and him is that he is NOW going through this transition, at the age of 26.

Regardless, I feel that it is the responsability of the gay community to show support for someone in his position, regardless of his circumstances~~Nick