fivebyfiction: Taking the Lead

[saruzake]

Title: Taking the Lead [Untitled, 2/5]
Fandom: Saiyuki
Claim: Hakkai/Yaone
Set: #8
Prompt: Enemies
Word Count: 779
Rating: PG
Summary: "Hakkai realized he wasn't fighting against Yaone. They were dancing."

Comments

[moon_wing]

Beautiful.

[oozaru_angel]

“We got some weird enemies, huh?” Gojyo marveled, leaning back against his Shakujou. “They’re s’posed to be tryin’ to kill us, yet they keep tellin’ us to take care.”

And thus Gojyo sums up the Kou-taichi's problem with ease: They suck at being evil. I mean, most people have to try to be good while they can't even seriously injure somebody without giving themselves a pep talk first. XD I love it.

Oh, and I love the image of Yaone and Hakkai dancing. I always have. It's so lovely. *wishes she was good enough at pose to draw it- and then realises she might be able to...* It's beautiful. Good job.

[redbrunja]

"I mean, most people have to try to be good while they can't even seriously injure somebody without giving themselves a pep talk first. XD I love it."

Agreed. However, I have to admit that I would like Kou a lot more it he were a bit more of a bad ass - everyone else seems fairly equally balanced. Yaone holds her own with Hakkai, and if she can't beat him, it takes Goku sans limiter to sort-of do that, and Gojyo and Doku are both badass, but Kou... I really need to see him smack Goku around a little bit more than he does. And also, be a bit more evil. Then I'd have a bit more respect for him.

[oozaru_angel]

He tries, bless 'im, he tries. But whenever he actually does try to be all evil and ruthless he screws it up. Plus, the reason he's on the baddie's side in the first place? To save his Mum and keep his sister safe. It must be really really hard to be evil with motivations like that.

[redbrunja]

Very true. However, from a story telling perspective, making him a little stronger would add drama nicely to the fight scenes. Imagining how much fun it would be if when the ikkou and the tachi had there spats, you were never sure who would end up getting their ass handed to them?

I just always know Kou is going to lose, which annoys me.

Also, I like that icon. Nice use of the double negative.

[redbrunja]

I loved this! The dancing metaphor was great, and I love the part where Hakkai dips her.

" Yaone offered sheepishly, “We both would have been injured in that case.”"

Hee! That made me giggle.

"They were frozen in place in the middle of a battlefield, looking as though they were waiting for music that would start any second."

I really like this line, and I'm very, very curious as to how you're going to take them past this not-quite enemies point.

[saruzake]

I have the order for the prompts picked out, if nothing else. Next in line is "Friends," so we continue our long, slow transition. ^^

Unfortunately, the plotkappas (my Gojyo muses) greatly outnumber any of my other muses, so whenever they give me a break, I'll gladly continue on with the rest of my stories (gen, het, non-Saiyuki *gasp*).

[redbrunja]

Nice. I can't wait.

*gasp* non-saiyuki? I have kind of the same situation myself.