Defrag me.

[sariel_t]

A part of me really hates the Internet right now. I can still check on Rafi, and I can't bring myself to leave it alone. I keep picking at the scab... no, the raw gaping wound, and picking at it with salt-covered fingers

Comments

Out of sight, out of mind.

[nefarious_kinky]

My first piece of advice would be to take him off your friend lists, where you can, to make it more difficult for you to check on him.

I kone it's harsh, andit might send a message that's not the best, but if it's something YOU NEED to do to heal, then do it, and worry about the consequences when you've had the time to let the scab become a scar.

Re: Out of sight, out of mind.

[sariel_t]

He and I have completed that, between the two of us. But he has LJ, so I'll check for public posts. He has MySpace. He has OKC. I ... I just still want to check on him.

Re: Out of sight, out of mind.

[nefarious_kinky]

I know you want to but...DON'T. If it comes to it, I'd say give somebody else your laptop, or put your desktop in a closet, and get it out only at certain times of day to check e-mail/do the necessaries - because being able to check on all that stuff is NOT HELPFUL. At least, that's my experience :/

Re: Out of sight, out of mind.

[sariel_t]

*sigh* Thank you for listening. I'll take your advice.

[sinboy]

Mostly by having other things to do instead. Make plans to not be in front of computers a lot unless you're doing something planned. And go see friends as often as you can. Get lots of hugs.

[sariel_t]

Thank you honey.

[dncingmalkavian]

nefarious_kinky is absolutely right. You MUST NOT do this to yourself.

Sanford is right about the defrag thing. That's something I've said on occasion myself. And you're right about the process. Again, I'm thinking of Dave - I had to compartmentalize (and that is, by the way, a psychological term) those memories so they wouldn't cause me pain every time I remembered something. It took all my strength not to call him after I left for few days, but I forced myself to say in my mind, "You need this. You need life without him for awhile." I did call him once, briefly, to let him know that I had arrived safely in Charlottesville - but that was it, I did it because he'd asked me to do it, and you are in no such situation. You need life without Rafi (and plausibly without any Rafi-substitutes).

You were with Rafi for quite a long while. It's going to take time. Trust yourself. Know yourself. Don't be afraid of your own mind. Trust your own intuition. Healing will come.

[sariel_t]

*hug* Thanks for listening and helping Muse.

[dncingmalkavian]

Hey, I try. I don't always succeed, but I try. *hugs back*

[sariel_t]

You've succeeded pretty damn frequently in my case.

[cos]

Partly, just letting a bit of time pass.

But also, I think sometimes you just reach a point where you decide: okay, I'm going to be happier if I think this way instead of that way, and you do.

[sariel_t]

*nod* Working on it, thank you. See you Saturday!

[owben]

Having just gone through a breakup of a long term relationship myself, I have a fresh perspective on the hurt.

I don't really have any idea on how to defrag a person - but I do find the analogy interesting. As you said, you don't want to lose the memories; you want to order them so they can be accessed without damaging. I have many happy and not-so-happy memories that have shaped me over the past two years and I can't imaging wiping them out with a clean install...

Many huggles for all. I hope you (and I) feel better soon. And if you need a laugh, go watch Mr. Snaffleburger. He brought a smile to my face.

[sariel_t]

*hug* I hope the same for us as well. Jeez, just the icon brought a smile to my face. Thanks chico.

[owben]

"My brmm brmm car stopped working."

"Then let's go and buy you a new one. All your troubles can be solved through shopping."

[sariel_t]

*giggle* Thanks hon.