FOX Interview Translation
Has anyone questioned how Dick Cheney is feeling?
Yeah, i couldn't stop myself.
A translation of this interview. Step by step. Completely factual, I guarantee it.
Comes straight from the gubbernment itself.
*peers behind the FBI's firewalls to look at the dossier that was just opened on her*
***
(From an actual Fox news broadcast, starring Neil Cavuto and Ron Christie)
CAVUTO: This is a Fox News alert. The lawyer accidentally hit by Vice President Dick Cheney suffering a mild heart attack this morning. Doctors say he’s doing just fine and could be released in a week.
Translation: The lawyer is really not fine, actually, he’s currently sporting the latest in fashion toe tags, but it’s taking a while to find a body double for the man to appropriate the best cover up since the government (didn’t) shoot JFK.
Meanwhile, the White House press corps again beating a dead horse as it tries to find out why they were not told right away about the Vice President’s hunting accident.
Translation: We’re diverting attention from the fact that the VP actually shot (and killed?) a man by focusing on non-important details such as ‘how long did it take the press to be notified of the accident which may or may not have grieveously injured a man?’ and ‘what did the lawyer have for breakfast that could have altered his body odor, thus actually creating a plausible theory on which to pin the blame.’
Not one person bothering to ask, in the meantime, how Dick Cheney’s feeling about all this. After all, he’s a human being and injuring someone else in an accident can take a huge toll.
Translation: Dick Cheney is not at fault. It is the *&@@(*&#@ *&%^ing video game makers creating realistic ‘shoot the laywer dead!’ games. We repeat: Dick Cheney is not to blame. He is an innocent bystander in the wake of such a grandiose scheme by PETA. We have sources which say that there was a member of PETA on the grassy knoll taking out any hunters. We, the American people, should count ourselves lucky that it was not the VP who was injured.
With us now someone who knows the Vice President pretty well. Ron Christie is a former Cheney advisor and author of Black in the White House. Good to have you back my friend.
Translation: With us now is someone that knows absolutely nothing about the VP except what has been presented by the media (which comes straight from the government itself the media only checks for spelling and grammatical errors, never to edit content, cause that would be wrong), to which you can expect a regurtitation of everything you have heard before. We have brought him to the show to reinforce that the country is not run by powerful, wealthy old white men, but there are actually (one) black men (men, gender, not mankind) in the (white) White House. Good to see you again, I was afraid my kinks might have run you off last night. I got a little wild, my apologies.
Vice President Cheney remains in our thoughts and prayers.
Translation: We must reaffirm that VP Cheney is the victim here.
CHRISTIE: Hey Neil. Good to see you again buddy.
Translation: Last night was great. I hope that wasn’t a one night stand, care for a drink after this?
CAVUTO: You know Dick Cheney pretty well. What’s going through his mind?
Translation: You were once Dick Cheney’s lover, well, before you found me. Is he going to shoot me too in a jealous rage and ‘get rid of the new guy’?
CHRISTIE: Dick Cheney is a very nice man, a very warm individual.
Translation: You are a dead man, and he owns the FBI, so no witness protection for you.
From the opportunity, and as I talk about it in my book Neil, the opportunity to work on his staff you get to work with him very closely and get to see what sort of person he is.
Translation: And what a work out it was. The guy’s old, you know, and that was before Viagra.
He’s a very caring person.
Translation: I can see the red laser sight on your forehead. He will make your death quick and painless.
Obviously one of his friends was involved in a rather unfortunate accident this past weekend.
Translation: He took out a hit on the lawyer; unfortunately the ‘accident’ didn’t kill him and the cover-up didn’t work. Cheney’s amazing when it comes to preserving/laundering/saving money, he’ll be getting his money back on that one, I can guarantee it.
I’m quite certain that the vice president is very concerned and you have seen the statement that was released earlier today that the vice president continues to call his friend and to check up on his condition and right after the accident the vice president went to the hospital.
Translation: He keeps calling the nurses station to make sure the lawyer is still unconscious. So long as the man is near-dead, he cannot tell the world of Cheney’s ‘indescritions.’
It’s a very warm, very caring guy. He’s doing exactly what I would expect he would be doing.
Translation: Cheney isn’t even human, which is ultimately what the government is trying to cover up. Doesn’t matter, he’s still acting the way I would expect him to - he’s removing all evidence, covering his tracks and playing the victim as any good sociopath would do.
CAVUTO: Do you think he should be talking more about this? Should he have come out himself and said something?
Translation: Remember, Cheney is the victim. Would now be a good time to remind everyone of his heart problems, for that extra sympathy vote?
CHRISTIE: No, I don’t. Why?
Translation: *defensive* I don’t want to be connected to him in any shape or form. Stop asking me these questions. Do I look like I want to have a hit out on me as well?
I mean, his office has already released a statement.
Translation: Back the hell off! Talk to the (white) White House if you want to know anything factual. I am just a black man trying to earn enough to feed my kids.
The vice president had the opportunity to speak with the owner of the ranch.
Translation: Well, okay. Off the record? This is how it played out. Dick Cheney started by attempting to bribe the owner of the ranch.
The sheriff was on site who was also there to make sure that nothing improper had happened, which, of course, it didn’t.
Translation: The sheriff was on site as well, so he bribed the sheriff to cover any improprieties that may have happened. Which didn’t happen, I mean. No improprieties happened. Don’t be putting words in my mouth.
The vice president is a very forth coming guy but this was a private accident.
Translation: Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian!
This was a private event.
Translation: I repeat P.R.I.V.A.T.E. No one was supposed to find out about this ‘accident’ but the stupid owner of the ranch failed to take the bribe. She’s a dead woman.
I think there is a tempest and a teapot going on in Washington right now.
Translation: There will be punch and cookies following the lawyer’s funeral. I mean, wait, did I have a point?
CAVUTO: I know you have written about his own experience having dealt with physical illness, having had heart attacks, that sort of thing.
Translation: And now, a caveat. Dick Cheney is the victim! I will continue to reinforce the notion that may be construed as a tangent because at this point in time, I do not even remember why we are having this discussion. He has physical illnesses. Heart attacks. That sort of thing. Remember? He couldn’t hunt. He’s physically incapable. Anyone can sit at a desk and raise taxes, but go out on a ranch? That’s ridiculous! Preposterous. It is all a lie, I tell you!
That kind of thing certainly humbles you.
Translation: Empathy. Walk in his shoes, for a change. See how courageous this man is! Dear god, the man deserves a medal, doesn’t he!?
Did those experiences humble him?
Translation: I want to reinforce how utterly humane this man is, and so I will ask a ‘yes’ question, which will no doubt result in a positive response.
CHRISTIE: I think so.
Translation: Um….trick question?
You are looking at a man who experienced a number of heart ailments over the years.
Translation: Shit, I goofed in my answer. Now time to cover up the faux paux by reestablishing the fact that the man is the victim. Gun shots are like heart attacks, really. Pain, and I hear you can die from them. Heart attacks I mean. This is why we’re here today, to discuss heart attacks and the VP and did you know Dick Cheney has a heart condition? He lacks one. I mean, he lacks a good heart. I mean, he lacks a fully functioning heart.
I think it makes you recognize your own mortality but, again, Dick Cheney is a very nice guy, Neil.
Translation: I am a dead man. I can see my death. I bet that red laser target is on my forehead now. I don’t see it on Neil’s head any more. Dick Cheney is really a nice guy, honest! Seriously! Do I need to write it in blood? Do I need to write another book? For the love of GOD just tell me what I need to say!!
You have had the opportunity to visit with him and my having worked with him and I discussed it in Black in the White House.
Translation: Buy my book! You will learn everything the government wants you to know in the book, ‘Black Homie in the (white) White House,’ which will be followed up with the sequel, ‘Goin’ Black to the (white) White House’.
Very down to earth man, very personable person, and not the person who’s often demonized in the media.
Translation: The media had better stop making him out to look like a bad man, otherwise there’s going to be hell to pay.
Yeah, i couldn't stop myself.
A translation of this interview. Step by step. Completely factual, I guarantee it.
Comes straight from the gubbernment itself.
*peers behind the FBI's firewalls to look at the dossier that was just opened on her*
***
(From an actual Fox news broadcast, starring Neil Cavuto and Ron Christie)
CAVUTO: This is a Fox News alert. The lawyer accidentally hit by Vice President Dick Cheney suffering a mild heart attack this morning. Doctors say he’s doing just fine and could be released in a week.
Translation: The lawyer is really not fine, actually, he’s currently sporting the latest in fashion toe tags, but it’s taking a while to find a body double for the man to appropriate the best cover up since the government (didn’t) shoot JFK.
Meanwhile, the White House press corps again beating a dead horse as it tries to find out why they were not told right away about the Vice President’s hunting accident.
Translation: We’re diverting attention from the fact that the VP actually shot (and killed?) a man by focusing on non-important details such as ‘how long did it take the press to be notified of the accident which may or may not have grieveously injured a man?’ and ‘what did the lawyer have for breakfast that could have altered his body odor, thus actually creating a plausible theory on which to pin the blame.’
Not one person bothering to ask, in the meantime, how Dick Cheney’s feeling about all this. After all, he’s a human being and injuring someone else in an accident can take a huge toll.
Translation: Dick Cheney is not at fault. It is the *&@@(*&#@ *&%^ing video game makers creating realistic ‘shoot the laywer dead!’ games. We repeat: Dick Cheney is not to blame. He is an innocent bystander in the wake of such a grandiose scheme by PETA. We have sources which say that there was a member of PETA on the grassy knoll taking out any hunters. We, the American people, should count ourselves lucky that it was not the VP who was injured.
With us now someone who knows the Vice President pretty well. Ron Christie is a former Cheney advisor and author of Black in the White House. Good to have you back my friend.
Translation: With us now is someone that knows absolutely nothing about the VP except what has been presented by the media (which comes straight from the government itself the media only checks for spelling and grammatical errors, never to edit content, cause that would be wrong), to which you can expect a regurtitation of everything you have heard before. We have brought him to the show to reinforce that the country is not run by powerful, wealthy old white men, but there are actually (one) black men (men, gender, not mankind) in the (white) White House. Good to see you again, I was afraid my kinks might have run you off last night. I got a little wild, my apologies.
Vice President Cheney remains in our thoughts and prayers.
Translation: We must reaffirm that VP Cheney is the victim here.
CHRISTIE: Hey Neil. Good to see you again buddy.
Translation: Last night was great. I hope that wasn’t a one night stand, care for a drink after this?
CAVUTO: You know Dick Cheney pretty well. What’s going through his mind?
Translation: You were once Dick Cheney’s lover, well, before you found me. Is he going to shoot me too in a jealous rage and ‘get rid of the new guy’?
CHRISTIE: Dick Cheney is a very nice man, a very warm individual.
Translation: You are a dead man, and he owns the FBI, so no witness protection for you.
From the opportunity, and as I talk about it in my book Neil, the opportunity to work on his staff you get to work with him very closely and get to see what sort of person he is.
Translation: And what a work out it was. The guy’s old, you know, and that was before Viagra.
He’s a very caring person.
Translation: I can see the red laser sight on your forehead. He will make your death quick and painless.
Obviously one of his friends was involved in a rather unfortunate accident this past weekend.
Translation: He took out a hit on the lawyer; unfortunately the ‘accident’ didn’t kill him and the cover-up didn’t work. Cheney’s amazing when it comes to preserving/laundering/saving money, he’ll be getting his money back on that one, I can guarantee it.
I’m quite certain that the vice president is very concerned and you have seen the statement that was released earlier today that the vice president continues to call his friend and to check up on his condition and right after the accident the vice president went to the hospital.
Translation: He keeps calling the nurses station to make sure the lawyer is still unconscious. So long as the man is near-dead, he cannot tell the world of Cheney’s ‘indescritions.’
It’s a very warm, very caring guy. He’s doing exactly what I would expect he would be doing.
Translation: Cheney isn’t even human, which is ultimately what the government is trying to cover up. Doesn’t matter, he’s still acting the way I would expect him to - he’s removing all evidence, covering his tracks and playing the victim as any good sociopath would do.
CAVUTO: Do you think he should be talking more about this? Should he have come out himself and said something?
Translation: Remember, Cheney is the victim. Would now be a good time to remind everyone of his heart problems, for that extra sympathy vote?
CHRISTIE: No, I don’t. Why?
Translation: *defensive* I don’t want to be connected to him in any shape or form. Stop asking me these questions. Do I look like I want to have a hit out on me as well?
I mean, his office has already released a statement.
Translation: Back the hell off! Talk to the (white) White House if you want to know anything factual. I am just a black man trying to earn enough to feed my kids.
The vice president had the opportunity to speak with the owner of the ranch.
Translation: Well, okay. Off the record? This is how it played out. Dick Cheney started by attempting to bribe the owner of the ranch.
The sheriff was on site who was also there to make sure that nothing improper had happened, which, of course, it didn’t.
Translation: The sheriff was on site as well, so he bribed the sheriff to cover any improprieties that may have happened. Which didn’t happen, I mean. No improprieties happened. Don’t be putting words in my mouth.
The vice president is a very forth coming guy but this was a private accident.
Translation: Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian!
This was a private event.
Translation: I repeat P.R.I.V.A.T.E. No one was supposed to find out about this ‘accident’ but the stupid owner of the ranch failed to take the bribe. She’s a dead woman.
I think there is a tempest and a teapot going on in Washington right now.
Translation: There will be punch and cookies following the lawyer’s funeral. I mean, wait, did I have a point?
CAVUTO: I know you have written about his own experience having dealt with physical illness, having had heart attacks, that sort of thing.
Translation: And now, a caveat. Dick Cheney is the victim! I will continue to reinforce the notion that may be construed as a tangent because at this point in time, I do not even remember why we are having this discussion. He has physical illnesses. Heart attacks. That sort of thing. Remember? He couldn’t hunt. He’s physically incapable. Anyone can sit at a desk and raise taxes, but go out on a ranch? That’s ridiculous! Preposterous. It is all a lie, I tell you!
That kind of thing certainly humbles you.
Translation: Empathy. Walk in his shoes, for a change. See how courageous this man is! Dear god, the man deserves a medal, doesn’t he!?
Did those experiences humble him?
Translation: I want to reinforce how utterly humane this man is, and so I will ask a ‘yes’ question, which will no doubt result in a positive response.
CHRISTIE: I think so.
Translation: Um….trick question?
You are looking at a man who experienced a number of heart ailments over the years.
Translation: Shit, I goofed in my answer. Now time to cover up the faux paux by reestablishing the fact that the man is the victim. Gun shots are like heart attacks, really. Pain, and I hear you can die from them. Heart attacks I mean. This is why we’re here today, to discuss heart attacks and the VP and did you know Dick Cheney has a heart condition? He lacks one. I mean, he lacks a good heart. I mean, he lacks a fully functioning heart.
I think it makes you recognize your own mortality but, again, Dick Cheney is a very nice guy, Neil.
Translation: I am a dead man. I can see my death. I bet that red laser target is on my forehead now. I don’t see it on Neil’s head any more. Dick Cheney is really a nice guy, honest! Seriously! Do I need to write it in blood? Do I need to write another book? For the love of GOD just tell me what I need to say!!
You have had the opportunity to visit with him and my having worked with him and I discussed it in Black in the White House.
Translation: Buy my book! You will learn everything the government wants you to know in the book, ‘Black Homie in the (white) White House,’ which will be followed up with the sequel, ‘Goin’ Black to the (white) White House’.
Very down to earth man, very personable person, and not the person who’s often demonized in the media.
Translation: The media had better stop making him out to look like a bad man, otherwise there’s going to be hell to pay.