(no subject)
The time has come
16 hours and 32 minutes. 32 minutes and 15 seconds… I rolled onto my side away from the clock. I should stop counting. It’s not like counting sheep you don’t fall asleep, instead you watch the hands pass by the numbers until collectively it all becomes a blur. Soon you feel your heart beating in time with them and it becomes an extention of yourself.
2 days. 2 days is what she’d given me. I turned back again to look at the clock and I counted; I have 31 hours and 26 minutes left…
The sound of my cell phone brought me back, seems I had fallen asleep after all. I turned from the ceiling to the wall where it was hanging still on its back its hands taking the same merry rout around the face. They had moved quite a bit. I realised my phone was still ringing and I sat up and reached over for it on my bed side.
“Gil?”
“We got a body…”
I wouldn’t expect anything else, what else would he say?
“Ok, I’m on my way!”
He wouldn’t expect anything else from me either. I gathered my stuff together quickly, my kit already in the car. As I stepped out I looked once more - 26 hours and 14 minutes. I had no answer.
I hadn’t expected her to be there, Sofia I mean. I think she caught me looking at my watch, chances are she would I was doing it every few minutes. Nobody else would notice that, they wouldn’t pay attention like she was now. Evident in our silence more than ever was the tension between us. She new this, I on the other hand was only just starting to accept it.
This part of our job was done and I packed away the last of the evidence, stern and somewhat ignorant I said nothing and started toward my car.
“Sara?”
I paused and considered how best to react.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going for a few drinks with the guy’s after shift, to err celebrate my last few days! You’re welcome to join us.”
I bit my lip.
“Ok… thanks!”
My hesitations probably stood for a lot more than my answer. I finished packing things into my car, hands slightly week and shaky I hoped to get away quickly. As I turned the key in my escape a hand knocked on my window. I wound the window down…
“I forgot to tell you…” she looked at her watch “My shift ends in 2 hours”.
I nodded and she stepped away. I already knew this. She knew I already knew, her point in telling me was for another reason and she made it obvious by looking at her watch. I drove home thinking about this, even counting how long the red light took before changing to green; approximately 25 seconds.
She was the one who’d told me no pressure, no expectations, but she had to expect something? A smile, a laugh a simple glance, they all mean so much more when you like someone. You see everything in colour, every moment is analysed and noted whether it’s countable or not, and then if you are like me you wait and play these moments again and again just in case maybe you missed something important.
I never missed a second. I pulled into the car park knowing she would be here shortly too, I rushed myself into a panic carrying everything under arms over shoulders and balancing palms. Nobody noticed.
I hid for as long as I could in an empty lab sifting through debre from the crime scene, I couldn’t let anything go a miss simply because I wasn’t as focused as normal. In fact the time passed quicker now, and soon enough her head poked around the lab door.
“Hey…”
I looked up at her pulling the plastic goggles away from my eyes.
“Hi!”
Actually I noticed my voice was cheerful, and of a higher pitch than I would’ve expected from myself. We both seemed in agreement to this, she seemed happy too.
“We’re off now, are you ready?”
“I just need to err… cross my T’s and dot my I’s.”
We both new this meant that I would probably not go. Not because I didn’t want to be around her… just not while I was trying to find an answer to her question.
“Ok.”
She sounded unenthused now and I thought that maybe I’d made some indent on her good mood. She went to leave…
“Sofia?”
“Huh?”
“Give me 10 minutes.”
This was confirmation now. She smiled and I thought to myself then of how I will have to play this moment back again later.
15 minutes and 32 seconds. That’s 5 minutes and 28 seconds late, and I know she will notice this. It will be played in techno-colour and surround sound when she thinks back at this moment. Me falling out of my car in the hope I could keep to at least one promise, but in a similar panic to running away from her a few hours ago I now find myself running to her.
I stop in the street… realising that everything I have been asking my self has been answered already. For a few desperate seconds I freeze and ask myself what to do, I don’t have to see her if I don’t want to, she doesn’t expect anything right?
10 seconds passed and I started to walk again. 16 minutes and 15 seconds late, I see them by them bar. Only she notices me walking in.
“Hey!”
“Sorry I’m a bit late!”
“About 5 minutes!” she throws a hand forward as if to say it’s nothing and not to worry. “What would you like?” she offers to buy me a drink.
“Nothing strong, I will have to get back to the lab after!”
She nods and gets me a juice.
20 minutes pass and we haven’t mentioned it. 1 minute later and I do. I place my glass down and her laugh fades as we both forget what it was we found so funny. I watch her brow raise and she asks the question.
“What?”
She plays with the lable on her bottle bud but in keeping eye contact begs an answer to the look I am giving her.
“Nobody else notices things quite like you do...”
She looks down at the bottle and the paper now sticking to her finger tips. She looks at the others before looking back at me “I try to control it, sorry…”
I quickly dismiss any doubt she has by shaking my head. I don’t say anything as I pick up my drink and take a sip before saying “To think I had no idea that I…”
“Lady’s another one?” Greg offeres to get the next round, interrupting us though eye contact remains constant and intense.
“No thanks… I err have to get back.” I tell him without looking up.
I don’t know what Greg said or did after that, the only thing I could see is her. Everything stops; time stood still and I thought then that if I were to lean in right now to kiss her nobody would notice… and as I lent forward…
"Sofia?"
Greg still stood waiting for her to answer, she shook her head and as he turned to leave I felt her hand settle on my knee “Wait… Not here” her hand squeezed slightly before letting go. I simply nod.
Minutes pass, to quick for me to count and still we haven't spoke, we just look into our glasses and then at each other only to look away when it gets to intense. I take the last sip and place the glass down, catching her attention.
“So, it’s back to the lab?”
“Back to the lab” I tell her.
I thought she might’ve asked me then, might’ve made it easier for me to say it. But she let me walk away. I could feel her eye’s burning into my back and I looked back once before walking out of the door.
Time slowed down again as soon as I left. But now things have changed, I only wait to see her to tell her. The moment comes when I am sat in my car in the parking lot. It had been hours now, and there isn't a second that I thought of anything or anyone else but her.
17 hours and 43 minutes left. I had my answer, I had it from the beginning, the real question I was asking myself was can I accept it. This question had been answered a few hours ago and now I needed to stop, to stop counting. A hand knocks against the passenger window and makes me jump. I let her in…
“Hi…”
“Hey!”
We both pause.
“I’m sorry about earlier…” I tell her
“Sara….”
“I shouldn’t off gone…”
“Don’t…”
“I realised though…”
We both pause again…
“What?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you…”
We pause again. I watch her lips part, she wets them before speaking.
“I can’t wait another 17 hours, thinking about whether you will pass me on my way out, or be sitting in the staff room when I’m on my way in or, if I should just ignore you…” I take a breath “I tried that…”
“I know” there's a heartbeat. “Tell me you want me to stay.”
I check myself now, this is what I want right? “It didn’t work you know”
“What?”
“Ignoring it, I mean you, us. I can’t let you go. If you go I will go crazy.”
She smiles. “Can you wait for a few days? I will have to apply for a job here!”
“Can I wait, you wouldn’t ask me that if you new how I’ve been counting the seconds.”
She suppresses a smile, but she knows very well.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush” I tell her.
“No?” she seems surprised, ok so maybe I had seen her blush come to think of it.
I shook my head toward her. She had given me 2 days, 2 days to decide to change my whole life, that is what will happen! 2 day's and then she'd be of to Border city for good, and now she was going to stay, for me…
“Shut up and kiss me!” She leans forward taking her hand to the back of my neck and pulling me forward toward her mouth, and then we kiss; time is lost forever!
16 hours and 32 minutes. 32 minutes and 15 seconds… I rolled onto my side away from the clock. I should stop counting. It’s not like counting sheep you don’t fall asleep, instead you watch the hands pass by the numbers until collectively it all becomes a blur. Soon you feel your heart beating in time with them and it becomes an extention of yourself.
2 days. 2 days is what she’d given me. I turned back again to look at the clock and I counted; I have 31 hours and 26 minutes left…
The sound of my cell phone brought me back, seems I had fallen asleep after all. I turned from the ceiling to the wall where it was hanging still on its back its hands taking the same merry rout around the face. They had moved quite a bit. I realised my phone was still ringing and I sat up and reached over for it on my bed side.
“Gil?”
“We got a body…”
I wouldn’t expect anything else, what else would he say?
“Ok, I’m on my way!”
He wouldn’t expect anything else from me either. I gathered my stuff together quickly, my kit already in the car. As I stepped out I looked once more - 26 hours and 14 minutes. I had no answer.
I hadn’t expected her to be there, Sofia I mean. I think she caught me looking at my watch, chances are she would I was doing it every few minutes. Nobody else would notice that, they wouldn’t pay attention like she was now. Evident in our silence more than ever was the tension between us. She new this, I on the other hand was only just starting to accept it.
This part of our job was done and I packed away the last of the evidence, stern and somewhat ignorant I said nothing and started toward my car.
“Sara?”
I paused and considered how best to react.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going for a few drinks with the guy’s after shift, to err celebrate my last few days! You’re welcome to join us.”
I bit my lip.
“Ok… thanks!”
My hesitations probably stood for a lot more than my answer. I finished packing things into my car, hands slightly week and shaky I hoped to get away quickly. As I turned the key in my escape a hand knocked on my window. I wound the window down…
“I forgot to tell you…” she looked at her watch “My shift ends in 2 hours”.
I nodded and she stepped away. I already knew this. She knew I already knew, her point in telling me was for another reason and she made it obvious by looking at her watch. I drove home thinking about this, even counting how long the red light took before changing to green; approximately 25 seconds.
She was the one who’d told me no pressure, no expectations, but she had to expect something? A smile, a laugh a simple glance, they all mean so much more when you like someone. You see everything in colour, every moment is analysed and noted whether it’s countable or not, and then if you are like me you wait and play these moments again and again just in case maybe you missed something important.
I never missed a second. I pulled into the car park knowing she would be here shortly too, I rushed myself into a panic carrying everything under arms over shoulders and balancing palms. Nobody noticed.
I hid for as long as I could in an empty lab sifting through debre from the crime scene, I couldn’t let anything go a miss simply because I wasn’t as focused as normal. In fact the time passed quicker now, and soon enough her head poked around the lab door.
“Hey…”
I looked up at her pulling the plastic goggles away from my eyes.
“Hi!”
Actually I noticed my voice was cheerful, and of a higher pitch than I would’ve expected from myself. We both seemed in agreement to this, she seemed happy too.
“We’re off now, are you ready?”
“I just need to err… cross my T’s and dot my I’s.”
We both new this meant that I would probably not go. Not because I didn’t want to be around her… just not while I was trying to find an answer to her question.
“Ok.”
She sounded unenthused now and I thought that maybe I’d made some indent on her good mood. She went to leave…
“Sofia?”
“Huh?”
“Give me 10 minutes.”
This was confirmation now. She smiled and I thought to myself then of how I will have to play this moment back again later.
15 minutes and 32 seconds. That’s 5 minutes and 28 seconds late, and I know she will notice this. It will be played in techno-colour and surround sound when she thinks back at this moment. Me falling out of my car in the hope I could keep to at least one promise, but in a similar panic to running away from her a few hours ago I now find myself running to her.
I stop in the street… realising that everything I have been asking my self has been answered already. For a few desperate seconds I freeze and ask myself what to do, I don’t have to see her if I don’t want to, she doesn’t expect anything right?
10 seconds passed and I started to walk again. 16 minutes and 15 seconds late, I see them by them bar. Only she notices me walking in.
“Hey!”
“Sorry I’m a bit late!”
“About 5 minutes!” she throws a hand forward as if to say it’s nothing and not to worry. “What would you like?” she offers to buy me a drink.
“Nothing strong, I will have to get back to the lab after!”
She nods and gets me a juice.
20 minutes pass and we haven’t mentioned it. 1 minute later and I do. I place my glass down and her laugh fades as we both forget what it was we found so funny. I watch her brow raise and she asks the question.
“What?”
She plays with the lable on her bottle bud but in keeping eye contact begs an answer to the look I am giving her.
“Nobody else notices things quite like you do...”
She looks down at the bottle and the paper now sticking to her finger tips. She looks at the others before looking back at me “I try to control it, sorry…”
I quickly dismiss any doubt she has by shaking my head. I don’t say anything as I pick up my drink and take a sip before saying “To think I had no idea that I…”
“Lady’s another one?” Greg offeres to get the next round, interrupting us though eye contact remains constant and intense.
“No thanks… I err have to get back.” I tell him without looking up.
I don’t know what Greg said or did after that, the only thing I could see is her. Everything stops; time stood still and I thought then that if I were to lean in right now to kiss her nobody would notice… and as I lent forward…
"Sofia?"
Greg still stood waiting for her to answer, she shook her head and as he turned to leave I felt her hand settle on my knee “Wait… Not here” her hand squeezed slightly before letting go. I simply nod.
Minutes pass, to quick for me to count and still we haven't spoke, we just look into our glasses and then at each other only to look away when it gets to intense. I take the last sip and place the glass down, catching her attention.
“So, it’s back to the lab?”
“Back to the lab” I tell her.
I thought she might’ve asked me then, might’ve made it easier for me to say it. But she let me walk away. I could feel her eye’s burning into my back and I looked back once before walking out of the door.
Time slowed down again as soon as I left. But now things have changed, I only wait to see her to tell her. The moment comes when I am sat in my car in the parking lot. It had been hours now, and there isn't a second that I thought of anything or anyone else but her.
17 hours and 43 minutes left. I had my answer, I had it from the beginning, the real question I was asking myself was can I accept it. This question had been answered a few hours ago and now I needed to stop, to stop counting. A hand knocks against the passenger window and makes me jump. I let her in…
“Hi…”
“Hey!”
We both pause.
“I’m sorry about earlier…” I tell her
“Sara….”
“I shouldn’t off gone…”
“Don’t…”
“I realised though…”
We both pause again…
“What?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you…”
We pause again. I watch her lips part, she wets them before speaking.
“I can’t wait another 17 hours, thinking about whether you will pass me on my way out, or be sitting in the staff room when I’m on my way in or, if I should just ignore you…” I take a breath “I tried that…”
“I know” there's a heartbeat. “Tell me you want me to stay.”
I check myself now, this is what I want right? “It didn’t work you know”
“What?”
“Ignoring it, I mean you, us. I can’t let you go. If you go I will go crazy.”
She smiles. “Can you wait for a few days? I will have to apply for a job here!”
“Can I wait, you wouldn’t ask me that if you new how I’ve been counting the seconds.”
She suppresses a smile, but she knows very well.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush” I tell her.
“No?” she seems surprised, ok so maybe I had seen her blush come to think of it.
I shook my head toward her. She had given me 2 days, 2 days to decide to change my whole life, that is what will happen! 2 day's and then she'd be of to Border city for good, and now she was going to stay, for me…
“Shut up and kiss me!” She leans forward taking her hand to the back of my neck and pulling me forward toward her mouth, and then we kiss; time is lost forever!