Beholder, Ch. 14, NC-17, RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

Jeff drove Jared back to the shelter in silence. Jared knew it was irrational to blame Jeff. He knew that Jeff felt bad about how it had gone down. But Jeff didn’t understand. This betrayal was beyond unforgivable. He felt like a part of him had shriveled up and died.

Still, he tried to apologize as they got out of the car because it wasn’t Jeff’s fault. The only one to blame was himself. “Look, Jeff, what I said …”

“Forget it, Jared. I get that you were upset. We all are upset about this. But it’ll be over tomorrow and everything will be fine.”

No. It won’t, Jared thought. But he just nodded and went in to the shelter.

Misha took one look at Jared and the previous weirdness between them vanished. Jared collapsed in his friend’s arms. Misha looked over Jared’s shoulder at Jeff with a shocked stare.

“The court ordered Jensen to stay in the facility for a twenty-four hour observation. We didn’t have a clue this would happen. Jared, man, I’m sorry.”

Misha started walking Jared toward the back. “I got him. I know you were only trying to help. But you should go, Jeff. I’ll have Jared call you later.”

Jared didn’t remember being dropped into his office chair. His head fell forward and landed on Misha’s shoulder as the other man knelt before him. Tears fell hot and sharp, stinging his eyes and wetting his friend’s shoulders. Misha rubbed his upper back in small circles and made small soothing sounds. When Jared was a senior in high school, their family dog had died. She had to be put down after an illness. He remembered how that felt, taking Molly in their car for a final ride. She’d been very weak by then and they had her on pain medication. She still managed to poke her nose toward the window as she sat on Jared’s lap in the backseat. His parents had tried to get him not to come. His dad said he’d do it. But Jared knew he had to be there.

The trust in Molly’s eyes as she sat with Jared in the waiting area would go with Jared to his grave. That had been the worst day of his life. Until today.

Broken hazel eyes met Misha’s sad gaze. “He … trusted me.”

“You didn’t know. You were both misled.”

Jared twisted out of Misha’s grasp, voice strengthening. “I was worried. I didn’t like it from the start. Neither did Jensen. It’s just that I wanted this for him. Wanted him to get back his life. And now … “ His voice broke as the tears flowed again. “They will never let him out Misha. You know that.”

“I don’t know anything of the sort. You’re not giving Jensen enough credit.”

“This isn’t about Jensen!” Jared shouted. “This is about billions of dollars. That bitch - his so-called cousin - she stands to lose it all if he gets control of his assets. Maybe it got back to her how he is. He told Jim … “ Jared choked again and needed to sit. Misha handed Jared a bottled water out of their little fridge. When he could breathe again he continued. “He told Jim he wanted to help people with the money. What if that … got back to Ackles, Inc.? How do you think they’d feel about the family fortune being given away to semi-starving old women who live in shanties under a bridge and need cataract surgery?”

Misha’s eyes met his and Jared knew that his concerns were shared. He forced his heart to harden. “Okay.” Jared took a few deep breaths. “Jensen hates me now. I can’t change that. Can’t even disagree with it. But that doesn’t - how I’m supposed to live without him isn’t … I have to get him out of there, Misha. Say you’ll help me. I don’t think I can do this alone.”

Misha squeezed his arm. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

“Victoria? She still friends with that court reporter?”

“Yeah. They roomed together in college. Why?”

Jared’s mind was racing. He needed to a plan. Ammunition. He needed his friends. “I need information. I have to get Jensen out”



Jared’s apartment seemed small with so many people filling it but this was the fastest way that Jared knew to jumpstart his plans. Chad, Misha, Victoria, Alison, Jeff, and Joel all stared at each other as if they weren’t quite sure how they’d suddenly ended up in each other’s company.

Joel approached Chad. “You are Mayhem.”

Chad jumped back a step. “Uh. Jared?” Jared looked at Joel who shrugged. Mayhem was Chad’s handle on most online things. It also was his email ID.

Jared smiled. “Joel has a way of seeing things. ‘S not like it’s not true.”

“Yeah. But how did he-“

Jared ignored him. “I asked you all here because, not surprisingly, Jensen’s doctor decided she needed another two weeks to complete her analysis. That’s not acceptable. I’m going to get him out. Ideas?”

Jeff spoke first. “Jared. Countryview is not Detroit County.”

“Nope. Any ideas that don’t include getting him out are not being broached. Jeff. If that’s all you got you might as well leave now.”

The room got quiet as a showdown was sensed. Jeff raised his hands in a backing away gesture. “I already told you I’m willing to help in any way you need.”

Jared nodded. Tori spoke up next. “I’m going to research Samantha Ferris. See if she’s got any skeletons in her closet.”

Misha volunteered to help his wife.

Alison looked pointedly at Jeff. “Jared? May I speak freely?”

“Jeff?”

“ ‘S all right. I’m not here as a cop.”

“Okay then … well, I might be able to … um … access some computer files … um, you know, at Countryview. If … if you wish.”

Jared beamed. “Yes. I do wish. Find out what they’re giving him. How drugged up he is.”

Joel stepped away from his brother. “I can get in.”

“What?”

“I know a few of the doctors who work there. I can get an appointment. Get inside. Maybe even get him a message.”

“Joel. No. That’s nuts,” Jeff spoke up.

Joel laughed. “That’s kinda the point. Helps.”

Jared faced Joel. “God, man, if I could just find out how he is.”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“Okay. In the interim, I’m gonna file a writ for habeas corpus on his behalf,” Jared added.

Chad ran a hand through his short hair. “Can I help you with that?”

Jared looked at him surprised. “Yeah. You can. Thanks, man.”

“It won’t work,” Jeff said softly.

Jared spun toward the officer. “Maybe not. But I have to try.”

Jeff sighed. “I’m going to talk to Jim and Katie and urge them to keep pushing. Countryview won’t hurt him. But I do understand how you feel.” Jeff’s eyes moved toward his brother at this. “Hell, I drove Jensen there. I know what they did was bullshit.”

Jared’s eyes softened and he took his friend in a hug. For the first time since this nightmare began he started to have a sliver of hope.


Turns out the California-based lawyer, Katie, had been quite busy. She’d hired some private investigators and they’d dug up as much as they could about Jensen’s past, including some new information from after he’d gone missing.

Jared paled when Jim read him the report. Jeff put his arm on his shoulder, squeezing once. “That’s why they’re not letting him out yet.”

“Are you sure?”

Jim nodded. “I don’t know how she got these because medical records are sealed but, yeah. There were at least two suicide attempts during his stay at Detroit County. Last one, he tried to hang himself.”

Jared shuddered. “But … they were abusing him. He told me this himself. Heinous things were going on there. I don’t know that I’d believe anything they had in their records.”

Jeff pulled the documents from Jim’s hand and read some more. “Given this, betcha he’s under a suicide watch. Probably standard procedure.”

“What? Now?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

Jared couldn’t stand this. If Jensen wanted to die it was because they’d put him back in a world he hated. One he feared above all else. Sure, Countryview wasn’t like the facility in Detroit. But Jensen didn’t know this. A white coat and a needle and a smiling doctor speaking the same doublespeak. And someone he trusted … betraying him.

More paper rustling and suddenly Jim let out a “Huh.”

Jared moved around the conference table to lean over Jim’s shoulder. “What?”

“Seems like the night Jensen disappeared there was a party in his home. The PI tracked down some guests. One was an old boyfriend.” Jim turned then and gave Jared a deeply appraising stare causing Jared’s cheeks to heat up. Clearly Jeff hadn’t told Jim about his and Jensen’s … well, whatever it was.

“What he have to say?” Jeff asked, breaking the sudden weird silence.

“Not much. Said they argued that night. That Jensen’d been drinking. The boyfriend said he left the party early and never saw Jensen again after that.”

“So Jensen ran away because he was heartbroken?”

Jim looked up at Jared. “According to this guy, Welling, they fought a lot. He claims Jensen was fooling around behind his back all the time and that the relationship was virtually over by the time of the party.” He paused and said, “huh” again.

“What?” Jeff and Jared asked simultaneously, meeting each other’s eyes with a small grin.

“He’s a chiropractor now. Lives in Philadelphia.”

Jeff looked over at Jared. “ ‘S not too far.”



Tom Welling was gorgeous. Of course, given how hot Jensen would have been then and was now, this really shouldn’t have been surprising. Still, Jared felt incredibly inadequate when faced with Tom’s perfect smile and not-a-hair-out- of-place demeanor. He stood nearly as tall as Jared with dark brown hair and large blue eyes. He was fit and tan and Jared couldn’t help the image of how perfect he and Jensen must have looked together. Like models out of a billboard coming to life.

Jared dragged a hand through his own unruly locks. They flopped back down anyway. “I appreciate your meeting with me,” Jared began.

The other man released his grip and they each took a seat on opposite sides of a booth.

“What’s going on? Why is everyone asking me questions about Jensen Ackles all of a sudden?” The other man got straight to the point.

“I … I guess there’s no easy way to say this. Jensen is alive.”

Tom’s eyes grew big. “Wh-at?”

“I … well, he and I met and I got to know him and realized he was missing some time in his life. He can’t remember anything from before ten years ago. He didn’t remember his last name. So, with the help of a friend of mine who is also a police officer, we took fingerprints and did a little digging … and, well, it didn’t take long after that.”

Tom stared at him like he was crazy. “You’re telling me Jensen is alive?”

“Yes.”

“Where’s he been all this time? He had, what? Amnesia?”

“Well, partial. You know how they found his motorcycle and assumed he was in an accident? I think he hurt his head and it caused the memory lapse. He only knew his first name. He wandered around. When I met him … he was … homeless.”

Tom’s eyes widened even further.

Jared continued. “I’m trying to piece together certain things. To help. I know you spoke to the private investigator and years ago to the police. Would you mind … can you tell me what happened the last time you saw Jensen?”

Tom met his eyes with an iron grip. “Who are you again?”

“I’m a friend of Jensen’s.” Tom’s stare would not back down. Jared held steady. “I … care about him. A lot. He … they’ve got him under psychiatric observation. I need to help him. To find out what happened.”

“You mean before he disappeared?”

“I think it might help.”

Tom seemed to consider. He picked up his coffee cup and took a swallow before meeting Jared’s eyes again. “It was a nasty night all around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jensen … There’s not a good way to phrase this. Jensen was a selfish prick.” Jared blinked in surprise at the malice in the other man’s stare. “I know he can give you that huge green stare and suck you in with that ‘little boy who is too lonely for this planet’ look … but, it’s all an act. I got caught up for a while.”

Jared didn’t argue. Wanted to let Tom tell his tale in his own way. “I … you told the PI that Jensen cheated on you,” he prompted when the silence lasted too long.

Tom snorted. “Yeah. With anything hot that breathed. Guys, girls - he didn’t give a damn. If they were pretty he was all over it.” Tom’s eyes narrowed a little taking in Jared. “Not much has changed, eh?”

Jared reddened. “We … we’re just friends.”

Tom broke out into a knowing grin. “Right. Look, I’ve been there alright? Jensen and I met shortly after he’d moved to Los Angeles. We were both barely eighteen. I pretty much grew up in L.A., so I’d run into my share of assholes. Still, I thought Jensen was different. Friends warned me he was a player, but one look at that innocent face and I was gone.” Tom stopped to take a drink of his coffee.

“An orphan. Holed up in that huge house all alone. Drawing for hours. Fuck, I was so gone over him I couldn’t see reality staring me in the face. Nothing was real. It was all as fake as those fantasy pictures he spit out like confetti.” His face twisted into a grimace. “ After the first one he apologized so sweetly. Said it was just one of those things, that he’d been high. That the girl didn’t mean anything. That it wouldn’t happen again. He said he loved me.”

Jared finally looked away. This wasn’t what he’d expected. Not that he knew what to expect. Just. Not this.

Tom continued, voice bitter. “I know how this sounds, like I’m a jealous boyfriend or something. And yeah, I admit I was jealous. But I got it, too, you know? It hadda hurt losing his parents like that, not that he ever said a word about it. He never, ever talked about his folks. But sometimes, he’d wake up crying. He’d blow it off right quick. And disappear back up into his room, lock the door. He never let anyone in there. Folks would joke it was his fucking tower. I got a peek once and the room was covered in those drawings of his. Castles and forests and dragons and fairies. Didn’t take a genius to see he wanted to escape.

“But he had some friends. People who cared about him. Hell, I cared. But you’ve got to have a heart to be able to care back. Maybe his died with his parents, who knows? All I know is that he was a cold son of a bitch who didn’t give a crap who he hurt. I hung in for nearly three years. Wanting to think it would get better. But there was nothing to get better. Jensen was nothing but a pretty façade and an ugly center.” Tom sucked in a deep breath. “Hell, that witch called it.”

Jared jumped. “What?”

Tom looked at him questioningly.

“You mentioned a witch?”

Tom took another mouthful of coffee. He looked a little nervous now. “There was this old woman who worked the garden. Jensen fooled around with her granddaughter.” He paused and shifted his eyes away from Jared’s. “Look, I didn’t tell the cops this. I was still trying to protect him, I guess.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The woman came up to Jensen during the party. That night we … he and I were already fighting then … she came out of nowhere and started yelling. The girl, her granddaughter, tried to kill herself the night before. Nearly died but she was found in time. Jensen said he barely remembered the girl and didn’t remember if he’d fucked her or not. I figured he probably did. But who the fuck knows?”

For the first time Tom purposely avoided Jared’s eyes. He looked down. “The grandmother was furious. Said the girl was in love with Jensen. Blamed Jensen for everything. Now I don’t know about that. I’d seen her around but she was just another girl hanging around Jensen - thinking she could be the one or whatever. One of many. Boys and girls. But that grandmother was a piece of work. She always wore all black, like she was in mourning, with this billowy shawl, no matter how hot it was. Weird ass old bird. All she needed was a pointy hat … Anyway, Jensen had her kicked out. And then later, Mike and I saw him making out with Katie - Mike’s fucking wife, man. That was it. I told him we were through, not that he gave a shit. I left. He fucking laughed at me. Anyway, later, I’d heard he’d crashed that damn motorcycle, and vanished. Sometimes I wondered … ” Tom’s voice trailed off.

Jared nearly choked getting out his next words. “Did … she curse him?”

“Huh?”

“The grandmother. The old woman. Did she curse Jensen? Tell him he was ugly. A beast?”

Tom’s eyes widened at that. “How’d you know that? Jensen remembered that? The old bat was nuts.”

Yeah. Jensen remembered that. Jared swallowed hard. “Tom. I understand that the man … the boy … you knew wasn’t always … didn’t behave as he should. And he hurt you. And others. And I feel bad about that. But he’s changed. And deserves a second chance. He’s paid for his mistakes.” God, has he paid. “Thanks for sharing what you did. You’ve been generous with your time. Just a few more minutes, please. Do you know the old woman’s name?”

“Nah. But she worked on the estate, so her name is probably on some payroll record somewhere.”


Jared was quiet on the drive home. Jeff had driven him and waited so he could speak privately to Tom. Now he listened as Jared relayed what he’d learned.

“And you think this grandmother is the witch Jensen believes cursed him?”

“Welling confirmed it.”

“I guess. Okay, Katie can access the records and see if we can turn up someone working at the mansion who fits the age. Then I’ll take her name and run it through … see what we get.”

“Thanks, Jeff.” Jared hesitated. “Anything new from Jim about getting Jensen out?” The silence told Jared all he needed. “Dammit.”

“They are concerned for his welfare, Jay. That hospital is one of the best in the-“

“Spare it. I know. Only he’s not … They have it all wrong. He doesn’t belong there.”

Jeff huffed in frustration. “Jesus, if I had a dollar for every time Seth told me that about Joel. Only eventually even he saw the truth. I get that you care about him. But that’s all the more reason to let him get the help he needs.”

Jared sighed. Jeff meant well. But Jeff didn’t get it. Jared needed to see Joel. Needed the brother that would understand.

They pulled into a parking spot and Jared jumped out to go back to work. Misha and Alison had taken over a lot of Jared’s coverage at the shelter and Jared was very grateful. And even more grateful for how his friends were standing squarely in Jensen and Jared’s corner.

Jared sat as his desk quietly as Misha filled him in on what he and Victoria had unearthed about Samantha.

“Samantha Ferris inherited all of the Ackles estate when Jensen was declared dead three years ago. Before that it seems like she had almost no contact with Jensen.”

“But she was his only family.”

Misha nodded sadly. “Yeah.”

Jared felt like he was floating in puzzle pieces. Only they didn’t yet make a complete picture. Who are you, Jensen? he asked himself. Are you the rotten, spoiled rich kid who didn’t care about anyone but yourself? Did you lead that poor girl on until she practically killed herself over you? Did you believe the witch because she spoke the truth?

Misha stayed up front and Jared grabbed some leashes to take the dogs for a walk.

A couple of hours later Jared had just finished slipping the dogs back into their kennels when he heard excited voices from the front. He ran to investigate.

“Joel. Seth. What? Has something happened?” Jared’s heart pounded.

Joel approached him quick. “No. I mean, it’s good. Seth … “ Joel turned toward the shorter man with clear adoration. “… figured it out.”

Seth handed him a large, hardcover book. Jared touched the red leather cover and fingered the gold-edged pages gingerly before he opened it and flipped pages. It was a highly illustrated children’s book. Filled with fairy tales. Jared’s eyebrow cocked as he looked at the author’s name, it meant nothing to him.

“Don’t you see … It took me a little while but the style. So similar. And then when I saw the name - Nona D. Elacks.”

Jared flipped a few more pages but still didn’t understand.

“It’s an anagram,” Misha said leaning over.

Seth beamed. “Yes. Jensen’s mother. She was a children’s book illustrator using a pseudonym. This … “ Seth pointed to the book in Jared’s hand, “is a special edition compilation of her best known works. Classic fairytales. They published it after she died. I’ve owned it for years just … it didn’t click until now.”

“Oh my … “ Jared’s eyes opened wide. “This … Jensen’s illustrations … all fairytales. And then he’s cursed right before he sustains a head injury. It all gets jumbled together.” He paused before meeting his friends’ eyes again. “I found the witch.”

Misha looked surprised. Jared debated a moment and then shared with Misha and Joel and Seth what Tom had told him about the old woman. He ended by saying that Jeff was checking on her whereabouts.

“Jared, I saw Jensen.”

At Joel’s quiet words Jared almost lost his balance. “Wh-at? When?”

“When you and my brother went to see that chiropractor. I made an appointment with a doctor at Countryview. I got there a little early.” He looked down sheepishly. “Let’s just say I know my way around those places. I was able to get into the common room. He was there, drawing.”

Misha walked over and held Jared’s elbow. “You should sit down.”

Jared let himself be led to the stool behind the high counter. Joel and Seth followed. “Is … he okay? What have they given him?”

“I don’t know. He sounded lucid. Was awake. He had his hood up and was sketching. I asked how he was and he said ‘the same’.”

Jared tried to process this. Same as what? He hesitated but then asked what he had to know. “Did he say anything about me?”

“No, but … when I said you were worried about him … he … well, I guess he’s angry still. He … growled. I left after that. Couldn’t risk it.”

Jared nodded. No real surprise. Jared had led him there and then they didn’t let him leave. It was all Jared’s fault. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven. Jared’s head hung. “If Jeff can find the old woman. Maybe I can get to her - ask her to reverse the curse. But if she still blames Jensen for what happened with her granddaughter, what if she won’t-”

Joel chirped in. “Jared. You don’t understand … you have everything you need right now. You can break the curse.”

Jared stared at Joel. “I’m the last person-“

Joel interrupted, pulling the book from Jared’s hands. He flipped pages quickly. “Here, see. The prince is cursed and will remain a Beast for all time … unless he falls in love and is loved in return. I can get you in. Just tell him you love him.” Joel stared at him. “You do, don’t you?”

Jared ignored the question and glanced at the fanciful pictures in Jensen’s mother’s book. “We both have to say it.”

Joel and Seth both looked at him as if he was missing something apparent. But they were the ones not seeing the obvious. “Fine. I love him. And let’s say you do get me in somehow and I see him and tell him. So? It’s not enough. He’s got to say it back. And, really, do you think that’s going to happen given what I did to him?”



In the end, it was Alison that helped clinch it. She’d hacked into the Countryview computers and looked at Jensen’s medical files. “Jay … he’s on a mild anti-anxiety and an antidepressant. No antipsychotics at all. And they scheduled a bunch of imaging for him. They show some tissue scarring on his frontal lobe.”

“I fucking knew it.”

Alison continued. “They have a speech therapist working with him. The notes seem to indicate they aren’t exactly clear on what to do about the Beast delusion. So far they’ve settled on talk therapy.”

He looked at his friend. Alison believed in science and fact. She was the greatest skeptic in their group. “Ally, what do you think?”

“About you strolling into Countryview and breaking the curse? Well, if you’d asked me a couple of months ago I’d say you were going to marry Sandy and have a bunch of floppy-haired, tall children and maybe even give up all this … “ her hands moved dramatically to take in their not-so-exclusive environment. “ … to move into a house in the suburbs and get the ‘normal’ job she always wanted for you.”

“And now?” he coaxed.

“Now this strange man entered our lives and we’ve all changed. I know it shouldn’t work this way. That there is no such thing as a curse. But Jensen. He’s … “

She never completed her thought but Jared knew exactly what she meant. Jensen defied all explanation.


artwork by apieceofcake

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