Is that a light at the end of the tunnel, in between all the frustration and the back-and-forths? I really like how realistic this feels, like there are no easy fixes, you know?
Um? This is the half-way point. But things are starting to change and Jared is starting to realize some truths. I hope you continue to enjoy his journey. Please write again when you can!
“Who I am?! Who am I, Rachel? Who the fuck am I? They tell me I’m an actor but I don’t know how to act. They tell me I’m a singer and a musician but I can’t play a note. I’ll tell you who I am. I’m fucking useless - that’s what. When my parents look at me they’re always hiding tears. Hell, my brother won’t even look at me. Mac’s the only one who can stand being around me without speaking at me like I’m retarded. And Jared …” Poor poor Jensen. I'm glad he has a therapist to point out that his skills are not who he is. And I'm glad that even at the state where he is here, he's still thinking about Jared.
The scene where Jensen is getting sick and Jared know it's about him and the incest-but-not and offers to move out of his own house -- glugh. So powerful and touching.
"Sam and Dean were part of his life fifteen hours a day for four years and those memories are there fighting for attention with all the rest.”Seriously. If you totaled up how he spent his waking hours, I bet he spent more
( ... )
Thanks again. I'm eating up these comments like candy :) You pulled out one of my favorite bit in the whole thing ... Jensen's 'who am I?' chat with Rachel. It's true about how hard they work and how many hours they put in. He does spend a lot of his time on that character. It's what inspired the idea.
There are a lot of ups and downs to come because this kind of injury is not a straight ride. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Thanks so much! The 'Am I dead?' is one of my favorite passages in the entire story. Choked me up as I was writing it which doesn't happen often. But it very much is all of Jensen's story in a nutshell. Not that this is really Jensen's story even though he is the one that has overcome injury. The journey was always more Jared's to me. And his discovery of what it means to love unconditionally.
You are so good at writing the hurt, and anger, and helplessness that both Jensen and Jared feel, making it palpable. Last chapter about ripped my heart out for Jared and now there’s Jensen. Short-term memory loss for anyone has got to be so frustrating and embarrassing, especially for someone so young. But it’s not just the memory loss that Jensen has to deal with.
You put it perfectly with this, showing the torment and sense of loss Jensen feels:
So there was no girl and no love story and no breakup. Nothing was real. Every memory evaporated into the ether and he thought one of these mornings he’d wake up and look down and see nothing and then maybe it would all finally begin to make sense.
When Jensen is talking with Rachel, asking her who he really is because he doesn’t honestly know is heartbreaking and it kills me every time I read it, but this time it’s this line that really stood out to me:
“… Mac’s the only one who can stand being around me without speaking at me like I’m retarded.”
Thanks hon. I'm touched that the story moves you. The part where Jensen asks if he's 'dead' is seminal to the story. It's the point where their worlds intersect again. Jared wanting a memory and Jensen trying to find himself again. It's also among the saddest things I've ever written. I'm glad you thought it effective.
Your taking the time to leave such lovely feedback upon a reread is very special. Thanks so much.
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“Who I am?! Who am I, Rachel? Who the fuck am I? They tell me I’m an actor but I don’t know how to act. They tell me I’m a singer and a musician but I can’t play a note. I’ll tell you who I am. I’m fucking useless - that’s what. When my parents look at me they’re always hiding tears. Hell, my brother won’t even look at me. Mac’s the only one who can stand being around me without speaking at me like I’m retarded. And Jared …”
Poor poor Jensen. I'm glad he has a therapist to point out that his skills are not who he is. And I'm glad that even at the state where he is here, he's still thinking about Jared.
The scene where Jensen is getting sick and Jared know it's about him and the incest-but-not and offers to move out of his own house -- glugh. So powerful and touching.
"Sam and Dean were part of his life fifteen hours a day for four years and those memories are there fighting for attention with all the rest.”Seriously. If you totaled up how he spent his waking hours, I bet he spent more ( ... )
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There are a lot of ups and downs to come because this kind of injury is not a straight ride. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
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You put it perfectly with this, showing the torment and sense of loss Jensen feels:
So there was no girl and no love story and no breakup. Nothing was real. Every memory evaporated into the ether and he thought one of these mornings he’d wake up and look down and see nothing and then maybe it would all finally begin to make sense.
When Jensen is talking with Rachel, asking her who he really is because he doesn’t honestly know is heartbreaking and it kills me every time I read it, but this time it’s this line that really stood out to me:
“… Mac’s the only one who can stand being around me without speaking at me like I’m retarded.”
‘Speaking at me.’ Something people ( ... )
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Your taking the time to leave such lovely feedback upon a reread is very special. Thanks so much.
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