Four Firsts (1/1)
Title: Four Firsts (1/1)
Author: mildly_obsessed
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sam/Kurt
Word Count: ~6100
Summary: Four firsts for Sam and Kurt - the evolution of their relationship as they become closer over time.
Warnings: Swearing, boy's love.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and am in no way affiliated with the show or its creators.
Author's Note: This is sort of a sequel to Glory Fades, though you don't have to read that one to understand what's going on here. It would give some nice backstory, however, so I definitely recommend reading it before moving on to this one.
You'll have to figure out what the "firsts" are for yourself, because saying them at the beginning of each part will give everything away, and I'd really rather not spoil them. The "firsts" should all be fairly obvious, but if you don't understand one, just let me know. ^_^
I'll also probably go back and edit some of this later, but I really just wanted to go ahead and get it posted. So here you are, I hope it's okay!
1.
It was cold outside, the sky cloudy, winter clinging to the air even though it was March… That was why he'd ordered hot chocolate in the first place. In the end, however, he never could bring himself to drink it. And anyway, he no longer needed its warmth.
As they walked out of Lucky's, Sam felt like he was new. There was something growing in him now, something not quite tangible but still there all the same; whatever it was, it was full and warm and making him feel steady, as if he were finally getting his sea legs aboard a rocky ship.
He knew the source of this new thing, and as they stopped by Kurt's Navigator he was possessed to show just how relieved he was, how free and good he felt. The trials ahead of him were on a bright path that burned hot with threats to consume him, but his guard and guide was standing before him and it seemed, for the moment, that things wouldn't be so bad after all.
With the swell of calm spreading through him, there also cam a rip-tide of emotion - the nerves were settled but the power of 'I have someone on my side' was like some sort of aphrodisiac, and before he knew it, he had Kurt in his arms, was breathing in his scent - something light and clean and male - and telling him "Thank you for wanting to be my friend."
He'd wanted to hold on longer, to feel Kurt pressed against him, to share the feelings he held inside by physically connecting himself Kurt, but he didn't want to make Kurt uncomfortable. This boy was offering him friendship, and Sam would take it up. He would learn how to be with Kurt, and relearn how to relax and let his walls down. So in an effort to start things off comfortably, when Kurt pulled away, Sam let him go.
Besides, he knew this would be only the first of many more hugs down the road.
2.
It was 8:30 P.M. on a mid-summer Saturday, and Kurt was coming into the game room with a bowl full of popcorn and two bottles of diet coke. Kurt had often lamented the loss of his massive basement room, which had gone away when they'd moved to a bigger house to have space for Finn, but the four bedroom two story they had at least allowed for the teenagers to have a private space to watch T.V. or play video games.
Kurt and Sam were getting ready to watch How to Train Your Dragon... It was a compromise, like just about everything else in their relationship.
Sam eyed the bowl as Kurt took a seat next to him on the couch, and Kurt rolled his eyes as he put it down on the table in front of them.
"Sam, I know your popcorn order by now. No butter and lightly salted. No need to look at it as if it's a demon ready to possess your abs and turn them into fat rolls."
Sam shrugged and patted his stomach as if to check for himself that he was still solid before reaching out to the bowl and grabbing a handful.
"I don't get abs like the dudes in 300 from sitting on my ass eating butter," Sam said, idly throwing a piece of popcorn at Kurt, who gave a pointed look at the offending kernel before throwing it back at Sam.
"No, you get them from the million sit-ups you insist on doing every night before bed," Kurt said, picking up the Xbox controller and making the movie play. "And also from crying because I continue to own your soul at Marvel vs. Capcom."
Sam playfully shrugged his shoulder into Kurt, knocking him to the side.
"Oh please, you're just pissed because you have yet to win a single Magic game. How long have you been playing now?"
Kurt crossed his arms over his chest and turned a glare onto a smiling Sam.
"That's okay," he said, glare turning into a wicked grin, "We'll just see what happens next time you and I go shopping. There are a few more places in Columbus that I'd like to check out which should have some items that-"
"Wait wait wait," Sam said, suddenly looking panicked. "You never said anything about Columbus and I don't think I ever said I'd go with you on another one of your-"
Kurt held up a hand.
"Friendship card," he said, face serious, and Sam groaned heavily.
"You can't do that to me, Kurt!"
Kurt let out an evil little laugh, uncrossing his arms and turning on the couch to face Sam.
"I think I just did," he said, smug. "Besides, you used one of yours to get me to go to that comic convention thing, which was the worst culture shock I've ever experienced in my existence. Not to mention you made me dress up with you."
"Oh come on, you had a great time! And you made an awesome Joker."
Kurt put a hand up to cover half of his face and looked away from Sam, mortified, a blush blooming on his cheeks.
"I swear to god if you ever show anyone those pictures I will string you up a flag pole by your unmentionables," Kurt looked up at Sam, whose eyes were full of laughter. "And I'll burn all of your clothes and force you to come shopping with me for new ones. And you will buy and wear everything that I pick out."
"You know those pictures are locked away, so no need to freak on me," Sam said, tossing another piece of popcorn at Kurt. "But if you really wanna use a friendship card for a simple shopping trip, fine by me…" Sam said, trailing off musically.
"Fine," Kurt said, sighing and waving a hand, "We'll go to Laughing Ogre and Comic Town as well. Deal?"
"Deal," Sam replied, happy with this new addition to their trip. "Now restart the movie, we missed some of it."
"It's only been ten minutes, we couldn't have missed that much…" Kurt mumbled, but picked up the controller and restarted the movie anyway.
About half an hour into the movie Kurt started stealthily dropping popcorn on top of Sam's head. It wasn't that he was bored or anything, but it was a game he liked to play sometimes just to get on Sam's nerves. He'd gotten five pieces so far, and Sam still hadn't noticed anything.
Kurt was reaching for the bowl to go for piece number six when Sam swished his bangs out of his eyes, sending popcorn flying everywhere. He looked bewildered for a moment, before,
"Dammit Kurt!"
Kurt's eyes widened, but he was laughing as he leapt from the couch, Sam's attempted tackle meeting nothing but air as Kurt scurried away.
Kurt was fast, but Sam was faster and more calculated, so it didn't take long before Sam had literally picked Kurt up over his shoulder and tossed him down on the couch. Kurt was laughing hysterically at this point, and Sam was trying and failing to hide his own amusement as he went in for the kill.
He grabbed Kurt's wrists and lifted them up over his head, an evil gleam in his eyes as Kurt suddenly realized what exactly was about to happen.
"Sam Evans, don't you dare even think about it! I will dye your hair pink in your sleep if you so much as lay a hand on-"
"Too late!"
Sam held both of Kurt's wrists in one hand as the other mercilessly tickled his sides. Sam's fingers danced lightly over the skin, no pressure, just dusting and tickling and oh god, Kurt was going to explode if he didn't stop!
"Sto-ahaha! Oh, god, please, Sam-pl-hahaha! Stoooop!" Kurt screeched, finally managing to free one of his hands to grab at Sam's and force his hand away. Kurt continued laughing as he tried to catch his breath, watching Sam as he grinned down at him with shining green eyes.
They stayed like that for a moment, but then the atmosphere around them was shifting and morphing into something else entirely. There was still the undercurrent of breathless laughter as they smiled at each other, but the adrenaline in both of them was starting to push them to a line they hadn't dared approach.
It seemed easy, at that moment, however, as Sam's face hovered over Kurt's. Sam felt nerves blossom in his stomach, but the fuel burning in him at the possibility of more shut down everything else.
He let his eyes drift closed and pressed his lips lightly onto Kurt's.
They were still for a moment, both too surprised and suddenly nervous to move at all, but then Kurt sighed and Sam let go of his reservations and moved his lips gently against Kurt's. He felt warmth flood through him from the contact, and that warmth began to heat uncontrollably as Kurt angled his face and kissed him back.
Sam's hand holding Kurt's wrist moved up, and he laced their fingers together as he traced his tongue against Kurt's lower lip. When Kurt opened his mouth, their tongues touched, and it was more electric than anything Sam had ever felt before.
Sam didn't want to end the kiss, because when the kiss ended the questions would come flooding through him, making him second guess himself and Kurt and their relationship and how everything would be from here on out. So it was with reluctance that he pulled away, opening his eyes to see Kurt's flushed face and red lips, his blue eyes still closed.
When Kurt's eyes fluttered open, the two boys took a moment just to look at each other, barely breathing as they waited for the nerves and the fear set in. But as they each drank in the sight of the other, all they could really do was smile, and Kurt gave a soft laugh.
"Well aren't you gonna kiss me again?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
Sam grinned, nodded, and leaned in.
3.
Kurt's phone buzzed from his bed behind him, pulling him back to reality. He sighed and turned away from his computer where he'd been drooling over Gucci's latest line, and picked up his phone. The caller I.D. told him it was Sam, and the corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile as be unlocked his phone to answer it.
"Hey," he greeted. The other line was silent for a beat. "Sam?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me. Sorry," he said, sounding breathless and shaken, breathing somewhat heavy. Kurt's brow creased and he frowned.
"Are you okay? You sound like you just ran a mile."
"I did. I'm…" there was a significant pause, and just as Kurt was about to say something, Sam spoke up again, "Can I come over?"
"Of course," Kurt replied, tensing the grip on his phone, suddenly anxious. "But are you sure you can drive? You sound upset. I'm... worried."
"I can't drive right now."
Kurt bit his lip, trying to piece everything together. Sam wasn't giving him any information, but he was obviously upset. Kurt wasn't sure if he should press, however, considering how withdrawn and out of it Sam was acting.
"I can come get you if need me to," Kurt said quickly, standing up from his seat and moving toward the door to his room. "I'll leave right now. Are you at home?"
"No," Sam said, and there was another brief pause, "I'm at Hickory Dickory."
Kurt blinked, surprised.
"The park? What are you doing there?"
"I ran here," he said, giving a heavy sigh on the other line, "I went on a run and I ended up here."
"Okay," Kurt said, hitting the stairs and resisting the urge to run down. "Just stay where you are. I'll be there in ten minutes. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?"
"I don't know."
"We're staying on the phone, then."
Kurt grabbed his keys from the front hall table and nearly ran to his Navigator, mind frantic to the point where he didn't even notice the bite of the late September air or the storm clouds rolling in. Sam sounded like he was in shock, and Kurt had no idea what could have caused it. He was worried like hell, but he also knew that if Sam didn't want to talk about it yet then pushing him too far wasn't a good idea either.
Kurt had learned that, with Sam, sometimes pressing him to open up had just the opposite effect, making Sam simply shut down.
So, instead, Kurt opted for normal conversation.
"Mercedes called late last night, after you left," he said, quickly pulling his car out of the driveway and speeding down the road. He was trying to keep his tone light and push down the instinct to panic over Sam. "Apparently she snuck out of her house at midnight for a rendezvous with her date from last week. She said he took her out to a public dock at the lake, where they proceeded to talk for an our while freezing to death under a shared blanket," Kurt gave a short, forced laugh. "But they gave up on any sort of romantic, by-the-dock lovey-dovey insanity and drove back into town. She'll have to give you the details about the drop-off, however, because that secret isn't mine to tell."
Sam gave a little laugh, though it sounded a bit hysterical to Kurt. "She better be glad she didn't get caught, cause you know her dad would have killed that guy."
'Good,' Kurt thought, 'I just have to keep distracting him.'
"All he would have had to do was throw a look at the boy to make him spontaneously combust in fear. The man is bigger than a Titanothere on steroids and twice as intimidating," Kurt said, trying to put some music in his tone to keep the conversation light. He was hauling ass, but keeping a look out for cops. He knew he was being dangerous, half-running stop signs and hitting the gas when the one light that was on his way to the park turned yellow, but all he could think about was getting to Sam.
"Dude, I don't think I've ever even seen him smile," Sam said, some warmth coming back into his voice. "He looks the-freaking-same in all their pictures, for god's sake."
"Ugh, Sam, what have I said about calling me dude? I swear you have selective hearing. And yeah, you'd think he'd at least drop the silent treatment with as many times as I've been over there. He knows it's not like I'm after his daughter's chastity."
"I don't have selective hearing," Sam replied, giving a light laugh, "I just think it's funny when you get all pissy about it."
Kurt's uneasiness was lifting a little as he got Sam talking.
"I do not get pissy," he huffed, taking the sharp turn that would take him to the street the park was on. "Just indignant."
"You're being pissy right now," Sam said. "And you know indignant is just another word for pissy."
Kurt heard a low beeping tone.
"Is someone trying to call in on your phone? I heard a noise."
Silence again.
"Sam?"
Nothing.
Kurt nearly flipped the damn car with how fast he turned into the park. He slowed down, getting a parking space, and saw Sam sitting on a bench about forty feet away. He threw it into park and cut the engine, yanking his keys from the ignition while pulling off his seat belt. He burst through the door, slamming it shut behind him as he ran over to where Sam sat, staring at his phone, oblivious to the world around him.
Kurt stopped in front of him, kneeling down to catch Sam's eye.
"Sam?"
Sam seemed to snap out of it, and looked over at Kurt.
"Hey," he said, eyes glazed over as if he were in a trance. Kurt reached out a hand and rested it gently against the side of Sam's face. He leaned into the touch and let out a gentle sigh, his eyes closing briefly before snapping open again, his face morphing into a pained expression.
"Sam, what's wrong?" Kurt asked, voice soft, thumb stroking Sam's cheek. He pulled away from the touch before dropping his phone on the ground and putting his face in his hands.
"Kurt, I don't know what to do," he said, voice shaking with emotion.
Kurt stood from his kneeling position and settled next to Sam on the bench, putting a hand on Sam's back and moving it in slow circles the way he did when Sam would lie across his lap to talk.
"I need you to tell me what has you upset," Kurt said, deciding he'd have to push a little if he ever wanted to know what was going on.
Sam's hands wiped down his face as he pulled his head up, his eyes flickering back and forth as he looked, unseeing, at the world around him. He took a deep breath and held it for a moment.
"I came out to my parents," he breathed, and Kurt's hand stopped moving, freezing for a moment in shock. When he came back to his senses, he started with the slow circles again. "It was an accident… I was… I was sitting in the kitchen eating lunch with mom and dad, and they asked how you were since you hadn't been over in a while, and dad said how good it was that I was your friend since you're one of the few gay people out in Lima and it must be lonely, and I just… I told him that I was gay too, just blurted it out like an asshole and couldn't even say anything after that."
Sam's face contorted into anguish, his eyes shutting tight against the tears that Kurt could see building in his eyes.
"And what did they say?" Kurt pressed, voice quiet and gentle.
Sam put the heels of his hands against his eyes, quivering in withheld sobs.
"They…" Sam started, but choked on his voice. He swallowed before he tried again, "They didn't say anything at first. They didn't say a goddamn word and then mom looked at dad and they just sat there for so long before mom said that dad and her needed to talk about it. So I just got up and sat in my room and then I couldn't take it anymore and knew I just needed a run so I grabbed my shit and I went and I ran and now I'm here and… Oh god, what the fuck did I do?"
At some point during his outburst Sam had lifted his head and looked at Kurt with desperate eyes. Kurt was still save for the hand that continued rubbing Sam's back, but then he sighed, still looking into Sam's eyes, and moved his hand back up to rest again against Sam's face.
"It's okay, Sam," he said, trying to stay calm and be strong. He hated to see Sam upset; it made him upset, but he had to get it together if he was going to keep him from falling apart. "What's done is done. You'll just have to face it now," Kurt forced himself to hold Sam's gaze, to meet those watering eyes with kindness. "It's not easy, but they're your parents, and you have to go back to them and straighten this out," Kurt turned away, picking up Sam's phone from the ground (it was thankfully still intact) and activated the screen. There were five missed calls, all From: Mom. "They've been calling," he said, handing the phone to Sam. "They're worried about you."
Sam looked away from Kurt again, and the his hand dropped to Sam's shoulder.
"I can't answer," he said, watching his right hand as he turned the phone over and over. "What if they're just calling to say they hate me? What if they just want to say they're kicking me out and I have an hour to pack my shit? What do I do then? What can I do?"
Kurt sighed, but his tone was firm as he said, "Sam, look at me." He looked up, and Kurt continued. "I know your parents. I've talked to them a thousand times. They love me, and they love you. They're worried about you, that's why they're calling," Kurt squeezed Sam's shoulder. "You need to call your parents and tell them that you're okay, that you're on your way home."
Sam exhaled sharply.
"Yeah," he said, raising his phone. "Yeah, you're right," he barked out a half laugh. "It's all I can do right now, isn't it?"
Kurt watched as Sam unlocked his phone and tapped on his mom's contact listing.
"Exactly," Kurt said as Sam raised his phone to his ear. "It's all you can do."
Kurt sat quietly and listened, hearing the dial tone before someone on the other line picked up.
"Hey mom," Sam said, and then Kurt could hear a frantic female voice coming from the speaker. "No, I'm fine," a pause, "I'm at Hickory Dickory." A voice with a lower register spoke this time, "No, Kurt's here. He's gonna give me a ride home," another pause. "I'll see you in a few minutes," and then the voice spoke again, very briefly. Sam's mouth twitched up into a smile, his whole body visibly relaxing. "Yeah. I love you, too."
He moved the phone away from his ear and ended the call, breathing out heavily and taking a moment to gather himself before he stood up, turning to Kurt and reaching out a hand. The Kurt smiled, accepting the offered hand and standing.
He was yanked into a powerful hug, Sam's arms nearly crushing him as they pulled him tightly against Sam's body.
"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for always being here for me."
Kurt raised his arms and wrapped them around Sam's middle, not noticing that rain was starting to sprinkle around them.
"Of course I'm here," he said, lost in the warmth and high on the adrenaline that had been coursing through his system since Sam had called him. "I love you."
They both stilled for a moment, and a flush ran up from Kurt's chest to the tips of his ears as his mind replayed what he'd just said. He tightened his hold on Sam, willing him to somehow not have heard what he said or to magically forget it, but Sam was pulling away from Kurt and he had to let go. He squeezed his eyes shut and loosened his grip, his heart thundering in his chest.
But Sam was touching his face in the same comforting way that Kurt had touched his only moments ago, and when Kurt opened his eyes it was to a surprised but gentle face.
"Say it again," Sam said, voice calm, his eyes searching Kurt's.
Kurt swallowed, afraid - nervous. But it was already out, wasn't it? He should practice what he preached… If he'd told Sam to face his parents, then Kurt would have to face this.
"I love you," he said quietly. The world fell away as he watched Sam's expression shift into a smile, his green eyes shining.
"You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear you say that," Sam said. They stood there for a moment, the rain picking up a little.
Kurt exhaled and looked away, not even knowing how to feel at the moment. There was joy, because Sam had wanted to hear Kurt say it, but fear and anxiety and sadness because Sam hadn't said it back.
"We should get to the car before it starts to really pour," Kurt said, taking Sam's hand from his face and turning to walk away.
He made it three steps before Sam whirled him around and hugged him again, a hold that made Kurt's heart flutter and nearly stop. He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that this meant what he thought it meant. They'd hugged and kissed countless times before - they were together, even if it mostly went unsaid - but this simple hug had more power behind it than any of the other intimacies they'd shared. Kurt's mind raced with touches and kisses and everything in between, everything that had passed between them, and nothing compared to this breathless press of body against body.
"I've wanted to hear you say that," Sam said, "And if you didn't soon, I was gonna say it first."
Kurt breathed in Sam's scent, rain tinting the familiar feel of it.
"Then say it," he said.
"I love you," Sam replied, voice quiet in Kurt's ear. "I've loved you since you started dropping popcorn on my head."
Kurt smiled and laughed a bit, and a feeling like the unexplainable joy and rush of a roller coaster free fall overwhelmed him suddenly, hitting hard and ringing louder in his head than the thunder clap that threatened them from the sky.
They pulled away from each other as the rain started to fall in earnest, smiling and laughing as they ran to Kurt's car. They got in, not drenched, but definitely wet, and were both breathless as Kurt pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street.
Sam rested his hand on Kurt's thigh, and Kurt glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. Sam just shrugged, smiling, and they were quiet as Kurt drove the few minutes to Sam's house.
When they pulled into the driveway, Sam stiffened a bit, squeezing Kurt's thigh.
"It'll be okay," Kurt said, and Sam gave a nervous sort of smile, breathing in and out slowly.
"Yeah," he said. "It will be."
Sam unbuckled his seat belt and started to open the door.
"Call me if you need me," Kurt said, and Sam nodded.
"I will. Thank you, Kurt."
"I'm always here if you need me."
Sam looked at him, smiling softly.
"I know. That's one of the reasons I love you."
And with that, he opened the door and was out of the car and jogging up to his house.
Kurt sat back, closing his eyes and grinning like an idiot. It felt unreal, but there it was.
And this shift, this new part of them and their relationship, the way that everything was evolving…
It felt right.
4.
It was a beautiful spring day, the middle of April, warm and pretty outside.
They were walking out of Bella, Kurt's favorite salon and spa, and on to other shops in the strip mall when it happened.
A grey pick up truck honked as it approached them, speeding through the parking lot as a boy leaned out the passenger side window and threw a full can of coke toward the two boys.
"Get the fuck out of here, faggots!" the boy yelled, horn blaring as cheers echoed from the vehicle.
The can practically exploded in front of Sam's feet, brown liquid bursting out and spraying him up to his t-shirt before he came to his senses and kicked the thing away.
Sam looked down at himself, inspecting the damage, and Kurt stood beside him, quiet.
"Fuck," Sam muttered, "This shirt was brand new…" he looked up at Kurt, eyes angry as he shook his head. "Fuck those guys. Assholes. Who the hell gets off on shit like this?"
"Neandrathals," Kurt said, but none of the expected venom or sarcasm was in his voice. He didn't look at Sam as he started walking away. "I think it's best if we call it a day. I've lost the urge to dig through Lima's horrendous male clothing selection."
Sam watched Kurt walk, noticing the stiff way he was carrying himself. His nose was still up, but there was something distinctly wrong about the atmosphere around him. Sam jogged a bit to catch up with Kurt, who was walking at a fast pace toward where Sam's car was parked.
"You sure?" he asked, though he already knew that Kurt's mind was made up. "I don't think they'll be coming back."
Kurt sniffed.
"I'm vandalizing that fucking truck if I ever see it again," he sneered, and yeah, there was the anger that had been missing. "But for now, I just want to go home," he paused as they approached Sam's car. "Don't tell my dad about this."
Sam nodded. He understood, because he'd seen first hand how Burt reacted to the negative way his son was treated. Not only did he get up in arms, but it also frustrated him, because it reminded him of all the difficulties his son had to face.
"I won't."
Sam unlocked the doors and they settled into the car, buckling their seat belts as Sam started it up. He looked over to where Kurt was staring out the window and sighed.
"Hey," he said, gently, "Don't let them get to you."
Kurt was silent for a moment, before he turned and stared through the windshield. Sam pulled out of the parking space.
"It's not me I'm worried about," Kurt said, quietly.
Sam frowned.
"What are you talking about?"
Kurt leaned back against the head rest, his face scrunching up in frustration.
"I know it's hard to be out in public with me," he said. "People say and do things that I know you're not ready to deal with, things that you shouldn't have to deal with. It's just… I've come to terms with it, and I know that you haven't, and it's not fair for you to have to put up with this when you're not even out yet."
Sam let this sink in, turning it over in his mind and trying to figure out exactly what Kurt was getting at, but not coming up with any real answers. He went for comforting him.
"Hey, it doesn't matter. Really. It's just a shirt," he said, picking at the garment. "And hey, it's not like they aren't right about me," he joked. He was laughing a bit, trying to lighten the mood; Kurt was not.
Neither of them spoke for a while as Sam drove, though Sam continuously glanced in Kurt's direction, worry building up as he noticed just how tense he was. Kurt was staring out the window, but Sam could see in the reflection that he was upset. Sam's anxiety was rising like an iron weight lodging slowly in his chest - he was afraid that his not understanding Kurt when he was this upset was going to damage them.
They pulled into Kurt's driveway, and Sam stopped Kurt as he made to get out of the car.
"It really is okay," he said softly. "I don't mind putting up with-"
"It's okay when it's just me," Kurt interrupted, and Sam was surprised to see him fighting back tears. "I'm an obvious target, and I always have been, so I know how to handle all of it. But then there's you, and it upsets me on so many different levels… God, I don't even know."
Sam watched Kurt for a moment. Kurt took a deep, steadying breath, letting his shoulders relax a bit.
"Kurt… What really has you so upset?" he asked, going for a direct question.
"I can't even touch you in public," Kurt replied, voice breaking as a few tears escaped. "I'm trying to be patient and let you do this on your own, but then you get humiliated and hurt anyway, and it's like it just doesn't matter at all. They fuck with you just for standing next to me."
Sam was silent, completely lost on what to say. Kurt shook his head.
"Just… I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
And before Sam could stop him, Kurt was gone.
The next day, Sam was anxious as he waited for Kurt to come to the door. He was picking him up; there was some new cheesy romance flick out that they'd been planning to go see since Thursday night, and when Sam had texted Kurt that morning, he'd said he was still up for it.
They had only talked once since Kurt had gotten out of the car the day before, and even that was just Sam texting him asking if they could talk - Kurt had replied that they'd talk about it later, and that was that.
So Sam was fighting off nerves even as Kurt opened the door, smiling. Sam breathed out a sigh, taking in Kurt's outfit.
"Hey," he said, smiling even through his anxiety. "You look awesome."
"Of course I do," Kurt said, stepping out of the house and closing the door behind him. He tossed his head as they started walking to the car. "I am always impeccably dressed."
Sam looked at Kurt's smirking face and chuckled as they got in the car.
There wasn't really an elephant in the room, but even though the atmosphere was mostly light, there was an undercurrent of tension between them.
They chatted about nothing as they drove to the theater, Sam complaining that the movie would be awful and Kurt reminding him that they'd gone to see some sort of alien-zombie movie the previous week and that if Kurt could sit through that, Sam could sit through this.
Bickering like this was second nature to them, and it was easy and comfortable as they made the ride to the theater.
They arrived and parked and got out of the car, and Sam took a breath as he rushed over to Kurt, who was already starting to walk off.
Sam grabbed Kurt's hand, stopping him, and Kurt stiffened, trying to tug his hand away. Sam just held tighter, and when Kurt relaxed his arm Sam laced their fingers together.
"Sam," Kurt started, somewhat breathless and panicked. "What are you doing?!"
Sam rolled his eyes, pushing down the butterflies that were crashing into the walls of his stomach. Fuck butterflies, these things felt like bees.
"I'm holding your hand," he said, starting to walk, pulling Kurt along with him. Kurt blinked, planting his feet and forcing Sam to stop.
"I can see that," he said, face cross, "Why are you doing this? You know how dangerous it is to-"
"Of course I know," Sam said, voice somewhat fierce. "I know that it's dangerous. But I want to anyway. It's not fair for me to have to suffer even if I don't hold your hand… So why not go ahead and touch you if they're going to be assholes anyway?"
Kurt stared at him.
"You know what they'll do, right? Sam, you have to know what you're getting yourself into."
Sam sighed.
"I know what I'm getting myself-"
"No, Sam, you don't," Kurt said sternly. "They'll call us names. They'll give us looks. They'll whisper and cringe away… They'll throw you into lockers, they'll slush you… They'll nail your lawn furniture to your roof. They're horrible, Sam, and you're not ready for-"
"I know what I'm ready for better than you do, Kurt," Sam said, firm but not mean. "And I'm ready for this. It's… It's something I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life anyway, right? Why not start learning how to deal with it now? They can figure it out on their own, but for now, I just wanna hold your hand. Can you let me do that?"
Kurt's eyes searched Sam's before he released a breath he hadn't known he was holding.
"Yeah. I can do that," he said, looking down before meeting Sam's eyes again. "Are you sure?"
Sam laughed.
"I can't keep running forever, right? I mean… Don't get me wrong, I'm fucking terrified right now. My palms are probably disgusting and sweaty, so I'm sorry for that," Sam scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, "But I can do this. I can get through this."
Kurt looked at him for a moment longer before a smile broke out across his face, and he shook his head.
"You are crazy, Sam Evans. But I'm proud of you. And, of course, I'll be by your side," Kurt gave Sam's hand a squeeze, "Always."
Sam smiled back.
"Good," he said.
They walked hand-in-hand to the theater, and people stared and shied away. And Sam felt their eyes and knew what they were thinking, and he dealt with it.
Just like he would deal with anything else they tossed his way.
Author: mildly_obsessed
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sam/Kurt
Word Count: ~6100
Summary: Four firsts for Sam and Kurt - the evolution of their relationship as they become closer over time.
Warnings: Swearing, boy's love.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and am in no way affiliated with the show or its creators.
Author's Note: This is sort of a sequel to Glory Fades, though you don't have to read that one to understand what's going on here. It would give some nice backstory, however, so I definitely recommend reading it before moving on to this one.
You'll have to figure out what the "firsts" are for yourself, because saying them at the beginning of each part will give everything away, and I'd really rather not spoil them. The "firsts" should all be fairly obvious, but if you don't understand one, just let me know. ^_^
I'll also probably go back and edit some of this later, but I really just wanted to go ahead and get it posted. So here you are, I hope it's okay!
1.
It was cold outside, the sky cloudy, winter clinging to the air even though it was March… That was why he'd ordered hot chocolate in the first place. In the end, however, he never could bring himself to drink it. And anyway, he no longer needed its warmth.
As they walked out of Lucky's, Sam felt like he was new. There was something growing in him now, something not quite tangible but still there all the same; whatever it was, it was full and warm and making him feel steady, as if he were finally getting his sea legs aboard a rocky ship.
He knew the source of this new thing, and as they stopped by Kurt's Navigator he was possessed to show just how relieved he was, how free and good he felt. The trials ahead of him were on a bright path that burned hot with threats to consume him, but his guard and guide was standing before him and it seemed, for the moment, that things wouldn't be so bad after all.
With the swell of calm spreading through him, there also cam a rip-tide of emotion - the nerves were settled but the power of 'I have someone on my side' was like some sort of aphrodisiac, and before he knew it, he had Kurt in his arms, was breathing in his scent - something light and clean and male - and telling him "Thank you for wanting to be my friend."
He'd wanted to hold on longer, to feel Kurt pressed against him, to share the feelings he held inside by physically connecting himself Kurt, but he didn't want to make Kurt uncomfortable. This boy was offering him friendship, and Sam would take it up. He would learn how to be with Kurt, and relearn how to relax and let his walls down. So in an effort to start things off comfortably, when Kurt pulled away, Sam let him go.
Besides, he knew this would be only the first of many more hugs down the road.
2.
It was 8:30 P.M. on a mid-summer Saturday, and Kurt was coming into the game room with a bowl full of popcorn and two bottles of diet coke. Kurt had often lamented the loss of his massive basement room, which had gone away when they'd moved to a bigger house to have space for Finn, but the four bedroom two story they had at least allowed for the teenagers to have a private space to watch T.V. or play video games.
Kurt and Sam were getting ready to watch How to Train Your Dragon... It was a compromise, like just about everything else in their relationship.
Sam eyed the bowl as Kurt took a seat next to him on the couch, and Kurt rolled his eyes as he put it down on the table in front of them.
"Sam, I know your popcorn order by now. No butter and lightly salted. No need to look at it as if it's a demon ready to possess your abs and turn them into fat rolls."
Sam shrugged and patted his stomach as if to check for himself that he was still solid before reaching out to the bowl and grabbing a handful.
"I don't get abs like the dudes in 300 from sitting on my ass eating butter," Sam said, idly throwing a piece of popcorn at Kurt, who gave a pointed look at the offending kernel before throwing it back at Sam.
"No, you get them from the million sit-ups you insist on doing every night before bed," Kurt said, picking up the Xbox controller and making the movie play. "And also from crying because I continue to own your soul at Marvel vs. Capcom."
Sam playfully shrugged his shoulder into Kurt, knocking him to the side.
"Oh please, you're just pissed because you have yet to win a single Magic game. How long have you been playing now?"
Kurt crossed his arms over his chest and turned a glare onto a smiling Sam.
"That's okay," he said, glare turning into a wicked grin, "We'll just see what happens next time you and I go shopping. There are a few more places in Columbus that I'd like to check out which should have some items that-"
"Wait wait wait," Sam said, suddenly looking panicked. "You never said anything about Columbus and I don't think I ever said I'd go with you on another one of your-"
Kurt held up a hand.
"Friendship card," he said, face serious, and Sam groaned heavily.
"You can't do that to me, Kurt!"
Kurt let out an evil little laugh, uncrossing his arms and turning on the couch to face Sam.
"I think I just did," he said, smug. "Besides, you used one of yours to get me to go to that comic convention thing, which was the worst culture shock I've ever experienced in my existence. Not to mention you made me dress up with you."
"Oh come on, you had a great time! And you made an awesome Joker."
Kurt put a hand up to cover half of his face and looked away from Sam, mortified, a blush blooming on his cheeks.
"I swear to god if you ever show anyone those pictures I will string you up a flag pole by your unmentionables," Kurt looked up at Sam, whose eyes were full of laughter. "And I'll burn all of your clothes and force you to come shopping with me for new ones. And you will buy and wear everything that I pick out."
"You know those pictures are locked away, so no need to freak on me," Sam said, tossing another piece of popcorn at Kurt. "But if you really wanna use a friendship card for a simple shopping trip, fine by me…" Sam said, trailing off musically.
"Fine," Kurt said, sighing and waving a hand, "We'll go to Laughing Ogre and Comic Town as well. Deal?"
"Deal," Sam replied, happy with this new addition to their trip. "Now restart the movie, we missed some of it."
"It's only been ten minutes, we couldn't have missed that much…" Kurt mumbled, but picked up the controller and restarted the movie anyway.
About half an hour into the movie Kurt started stealthily dropping popcorn on top of Sam's head. It wasn't that he was bored or anything, but it was a game he liked to play sometimes just to get on Sam's nerves. He'd gotten five pieces so far, and Sam still hadn't noticed anything.
Kurt was reaching for the bowl to go for piece number six when Sam swished his bangs out of his eyes, sending popcorn flying everywhere. He looked bewildered for a moment, before,
"Dammit Kurt!"
Kurt's eyes widened, but he was laughing as he leapt from the couch, Sam's attempted tackle meeting nothing but air as Kurt scurried away.
Kurt was fast, but Sam was faster and more calculated, so it didn't take long before Sam had literally picked Kurt up over his shoulder and tossed him down on the couch. Kurt was laughing hysterically at this point, and Sam was trying and failing to hide his own amusement as he went in for the kill.
He grabbed Kurt's wrists and lifted them up over his head, an evil gleam in his eyes as Kurt suddenly realized what exactly was about to happen.
"Sam Evans, don't you dare even think about it! I will dye your hair pink in your sleep if you so much as lay a hand on-"
"Too late!"
Sam held both of Kurt's wrists in one hand as the other mercilessly tickled his sides. Sam's fingers danced lightly over the skin, no pressure, just dusting and tickling and oh god, Kurt was going to explode if he didn't stop!
"Sto-ahaha! Oh, god, please, Sam-pl-hahaha! Stoooop!" Kurt screeched, finally managing to free one of his hands to grab at Sam's and force his hand away. Kurt continued laughing as he tried to catch his breath, watching Sam as he grinned down at him with shining green eyes.
They stayed like that for a moment, but then the atmosphere around them was shifting and morphing into something else entirely. There was still the undercurrent of breathless laughter as they smiled at each other, but the adrenaline in both of them was starting to push them to a line they hadn't dared approach.
It seemed easy, at that moment, however, as Sam's face hovered over Kurt's. Sam felt nerves blossom in his stomach, but the fuel burning in him at the possibility of more shut down everything else.
He let his eyes drift closed and pressed his lips lightly onto Kurt's.
They were still for a moment, both too surprised and suddenly nervous to move at all, but then Kurt sighed and Sam let go of his reservations and moved his lips gently against Kurt's. He felt warmth flood through him from the contact, and that warmth began to heat uncontrollably as Kurt angled his face and kissed him back.
Sam's hand holding Kurt's wrist moved up, and he laced their fingers together as he traced his tongue against Kurt's lower lip. When Kurt opened his mouth, their tongues touched, and it was more electric than anything Sam had ever felt before.
Sam didn't want to end the kiss, because when the kiss ended the questions would come flooding through him, making him second guess himself and Kurt and their relationship and how everything would be from here on out. So it was with reluctance that he pulled away, opening his eyes to see Kurt's flushed face and red lips, his blue eyes still closed.
When Kurt's eyes fluttered open, the two boys took a moment just to look at each other, barely breathing as they waited for the nerves and the fear set in. But as they each drank in the sight of the other, all they could really do was smile, and Kurt gave a soft laugh.
"Well aren't you gonna kiss me again?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
Sam grinned, nodded, and leaned in.
3.
Kurt's phone buzzed from his bed behind him, pulling him back to reality. He sighed and turned away from his computer where he'd been drooling over Gucci's latest line, and picked up his phone. The caller I.D. told him it was Sam, and the corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile as be unlocked his phone to answer it.
"Hey," he greeted. The other line was silent for a beat. "Sam?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me. Sorry," he said, sounding breathless and shaken, breathing somewhat heavy. Kurt's brow creased and he frowned.
"Are you okay? You sound like you just ran a mile."
"I did. I'm…" there was a significant pause, and just as Kurt was about to say something, Sam spoke up again, "Can I come over?"
"Of course," Kurt replied, tensing the grip on his phone, suddenly anxious. "But are you sure you can drive? You sound upset. I'm... worried."
"I can't drive right now."
Kurt bit his lip, trying to piece everything together. Sam wasn't giving him any information, but he was obviously upset. Kurt wasn't sure if he should press, however, considering how withdrawn and out of it Sam was acting.
"I can come get you if need me to," Kurt said quickly, standing up from his seat and moving toward the door to his room. "I'll leave right now. Are you at home?"
"No," Sam said, and there was another brief pause, "I'm at Hickory Dickory."
Kurt blinked, surprised.
"The park? What are you doing there?"
"I ran here," he said, giving a heavy sigh on the other line, "I went on a run and I ended up here."
"Okay," Kurt said, hitting the stairs and resisting the urge to run down. "Just stay where you are. I'll be there in ten minutes. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?"
"I don't know."
"We're staying on the phone, then."
Kurt grabbed his keys from the front hall table and nearly ran to his Navigator, mind frantic to the point where he didn't even notice the bite of the late September air or the storm clouds rolling in. Sam sounded like he was in shock, and Kurt had no idea what could have caused it. He was worried like hell, but he also knew that if Sam didn't want to talk about it yet then pushing him too far wasn't a good idea either.
Kurt had learned that, with Sam, sometimes pressing him to open up had just the opposite effect, making Sam simply shut down.
So, instead, Kurt opted for normal conversation.
"Mercedes called late last night, after you left," he said, quickly pulling his car out of the driveway and speeding down the road. He was trying to keep his tone light and push down the instinct to panic over Sam. "Apparently she snuck out of her house at midnight for a rendezvous with her date from last week. She said he took her out to a public dock at the lake, where they proceeded to talk for an our while freezing to death under a shared blanket," Kurt gave a short, forced laugh. "But they gave up on any sort of romantic, by-the-dock lovey-dovey insanity and drove back into town. She'll have to give you the details about the drop-off, however, because that secret isn't mine to tell."
Sam gave a little laugh, though it sounded a bit hysterical to Kurt. "She better be glad she didn't get caught, cause you know her dad would have killed that guy."
'Good,' Kurt thought, 'I just have to keep distracting him.'
"All he would have had to do was throw a look at the boy to make him spontaneously combust in fear. The man is bigger than a Titanothere on steroids and twice as intimidating," Kurt said, trying to put some music in his tone to keep the conversation light. He was hauling ass, but keeping a look out for cops. He knew he was being dangerous, half-running stop signs and hitting the gas when the one light that was on his way to the park turned yellow, but all he could think about was getting to Sam.
"Dude, I don't think I've ever even seen him smile," Sam said, some warmth coming back into his voice. "He looks the-freaking-same in all their pictures, for god's sake."
"Ugh, Sam, what have I said about calling me dude? I swear you have selective hearing. And yeah, you'd think he'd at least drop the silent treatment with as many times as I've been over there. He knows it's not like I'm after his daughter's chastity."
"I don't have selective hearing," Sam replied, giving a light laugh, "I just think it's funny when you get all pissy about it."
Kurt's uneasiness was lifting a little as he got Sam talking.
"I do not get pissy," he huffed, taking the sharp turn that would take him to the street the park was on. "Just indignant."
"You're being pissy right now," Sam said. "And you know indignant is just another word for pissy."
Kurt heard a low beeping tone.
"Is someone trying to call in on your phone? I heard a noise."
Silence again.
"Sam?"
Nothing.
Kurt nearly flipped the damn car with how fast he turned into the park. He slowed down, getting a parking space, and saw Sam sitting on a bench about forty feet away. He threw it into park and cut the engine, yanking his keys from the ignition while pulling off his seat belt. He burst through the door, slamming it shut behind him as he ran over to where Sam sat, staring at his phone, oblivious to the world around him.
Kurt stopped in front of him, kneeling down to catch Sam's eye.
"Sam?"
Sam seemed to snap out of it, and looked over at Kurt.
"Hey," he said, eyes glazed over as if he were in a trance. Kurt reached out a hand and rested it gently against the side of Sam's face. He leaned into the touch and let out a gentle sigh, his eyes closing briefly before snapping open again, his face morphing into a pained expression.
"Sam, what's wrong?" Kurt asked, voice soft, thumb stroking Sam's cheek. He pulled away from the touch before dropping his phone on the ground and putting his face in his hands.
"Kurt, I don't know what to do," he said, voice shaking with emotion.
Kurt stood from his kneeling position and settled next to Sam on the bench, putting a hand on Sam's back and moving it in slow circles the way he did when Sam would lie across his lap to talk.
"I need you to tell me what has you upset," Kurt said, deciding he'd have to push a little if he ever wanted to know what was going on.
Sam's hands wiped down his face as he pulled his head up, his eyes flickering back and forth as he looked, unseeing, at the world around him. He took a deep breath and held it for a moment.
"I came out to my parents," he breathed, and Kurt's hand stopped moving, freezing for a moment in shock. When he came back to his senses, he started with the slow circles again. "It was an accident… I was… I was sitting in the kitchen eating lunch with mom and dad, and they asked how you were since you hadn't been over in a while, and dad said how good it was that I was your friend since you're one of the few gay people out in Lima and it must be lonely, and I just… I told him that I was gay too, just blurted it out like an asshole and couldn't even say anything after that."
Sam's face contorted into anguish, his eyes shutting tight against the tears that Kurt could see building in his eyes.
"And what did they say?" Kurt pressed, voice quiet and gentle.
Sam put the heels of his hands against his eyes, quivering in withheld sobs.
"They…" Sam started, but choked on his voice. He swallowed before he tried again, "They didn't say anything at first. They didn't say a goddamn word and then mom looked at dad and they just sat there for so long before mom said that dad and her needed to talk about it. So I just got up and sat in my room and then I couldn't take it anymore and knew I just needed a run so I grabbed my shit and I went and I ran and now I'm here and… Oh god, what the fuck did I do?"
At some point during his outburst Sam had lifted his head and looked at Kurt with desperate eyes. Kurt was still save for the hand that continued rubbing Sam's back, but then he sighed, still looking into Sam's eyes, and moved his hand back up to rest again against Sam's face.
"It's okay, Sam," he said, trying to stay calm and be strong. He hated to see Sam upset; it made him upset, but he had to get it together if he was going to keep him from falling apart. "What's done is done. You'll just have to face it now," Kurt forced himself to hold Sam's gaze, to meet those watering eyes with kindness. "It's not easy, but they're your parents, and you have to go back to them and straighten this out," Kurt turned away, picking up Sam's phone from the ground (it was thankfully still intact) and activated the screen. There were five missed calls, all From: Mom. "They've been calling," he said, handing the phone to Sam. "They're worried about you."
Sam looked away from Kurt again, and the his hand dropped to Sam's shoulder.
"I can't answer," he said, watching his right hand as he turned the phone over and over. "What if they're just calling to say they hate me? What if they just want to say they're kicking me out and I have an hour to pack my shit? What do I do then? What can I do?"
Kurt sighed, but his tone was firm as he said, "Sam, look at me." He looked up, and Kurt continued. "I know your parents. I've talked to them a thousand times. They love me, and they love you. They're worried about you, that's why they're calling," Kurt squeezed Sam's shoulder. "You need to call your parents and tell them that you're okay, that you're on your way home."
Sam exhaled sharply.
"Yeah," he said, raising his phone. "Yeah, you're right," he barked out a half laugh. "It's all I can do right now, isn't it?"
Kurt watched as Sam unlocked his phone and tapped on his mom's contact listing.
"Exactly," Kurt said as Sam raised his phone to his ear. "It's all you can do."
Kurt sat quietly and listened, hearing the dial tone before someone on the other line picked up.
"Hey mom," Sam said, and then Kurt could hear a frantic female voice coming from the speaker. "No, I'm fine," a pause, "I'm at Hickory Dickory." A voice with a lower register spoke this time, "No, Kurt's here. He's gonna give me a ride home," another pause. "I'll see you in a few minutes," and then the voice spoke again, very briefly. Sam's mouth twitched up into a smile, his whole body visibly relaxing. "Yeah. I love you, too."
He moved the phone away from his ear and ended the call, breathing out heavily and taking a moment to gather himself before he stood up, turning to Kurt and reaching out a hand. The Kurt smiled, accepting the offered hand and standing.
He was yanked into a powerful hug, Sam's arms nearly crushing him as they pulled him tightly against Sam's body.
"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for always being here for me."
Kurt raised his arms and wrapped them around Sam's middle, not noticing that rain was starting to sprinkle around them.
"Of course I'm here," he said, lost in the warmth and high on the adrenaline that had been coursing through his system since Sam had called him. "I love you."
They both stilled for a moment, and a flush ran up from Kurt's chest to the tips of his ears as his mind replayed what he'd just said. He tightened his hold on Sam, willing him to somehow not have heard what he said or to magically forget it, but Sam was pulling away from Kurt and he had to let go. He squeezed his eyes shut and loosened his grip, his heart thundering in his chest.
But Sam was touching his face in the same comforting way that Kurt had touched his only moments ago, and when Kurt opened his eyes it was to a surprised but gentle face.
"Say it again," Sam said, voice calm, his eyes searching Kurt's.
Kurt swallowed, afraid - nervous. But it was already out, wasn't it? He should practice what he preached… If he'd told Sam to face his parents, then Kurt would have to face this.
"I love you," he said quietly. The world fell away as he watched Sam's expression shift into a smile, his green eyes shining.
"You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear you say that," Sam said. They stood there for a moment, the rain picking up a little.
Kurt exhaled and looked away, not even knowing how to feel at the moment. There was joy, because Sam had wanted to hear Kurt say it, but fear and anxiety and sadness because Sam hadn't said it back.
"We should get to the car before it starts to really pour," Kurt said, taking Sam's hand from his face and turning to walk away.
He made it three steps before Sam whirled him around and hugged him again, a hold that made Kurt's heart flutter and nearly stop. He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped that this meant what he thought it meant. They'd hugged and kissed countless times before - they were together, even if it mostly went unsaid - but this simple hug had more power behind it than any of the other intimacies they'd shared. Kurt's mind raced with touches and kisses and everything in between, everything that had passed between them, and nothing compared to this breathless press of body against body.
"I've wanted to hear you say that," Sam said, "And if you didn't soon, I was gonna say it first."
Kurt breathed in Sam's scent, rain tinting the familiar feel of it.
"Then say it," he said.
"I love you," Sam replied, voice quiet in Kurt's ear. "I've loved you since you started dropping popcorn on my head."
Kurt smiled and laughed a bit, and a feeling like the unexplainable joy and rush of a roller coaster free fall overwhelmed him suddenly, hitting hard and ringing louder in his head than the thunder clap that threatened them from the sky.
They pulled away from each other as the rain started to fall in earnest, smiling and laughing as they ran to Kurt's car. They got in, not drenched, but definitely wet, and were both breathless as Kurt pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street.
Sam rested his hand on Kurt's thigh, and Kurt glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. Sam just shrugged, smiling, and they were quiet as Kurt drove the few minutes to Sam's house.
When they pulled into the driveway, Sam stiffened a bit, squeezing Kurt's thigh.
"It'll be okay," Kurt said, and Sam gave a nervous sort of smile, breathing in and out slowly.
"Yeah," he said. "It will be."
Sam unbuckled his seat belt and started to open the door.
"Call me if you need me," Kurt said, and Sam nodded.
"I will. Thank you, Kurt."
"I'm always here if you need me."
Sam looked at him, smiling softly.
"I know. That's one of the reasons I love you."
And with that, he opened the door and was out of the car and jogging up to his house.
Kurt sat back, closing his eyes and grinning like an idiot. It felt unreal, but there it was.
And this shift, this new part of them and their relationship, the way that everything was evolving…
It felt right.
4.
It was a beautiful spring day, the middle of April, warm and pretty outside.
They were walking out of Bella, Kurt's favorite salon and spa, and on to other shops in the strip mall when it happened.
A grey pick up truck honked as it approached them, speeding through the parking lot as a boy leaned out the passenger side window and threw a full can of coke toward the two boys.
"Get the fuck out of here, faggots!" the boy yelled, horn blaring as cheers echoed from the vehicle.
The can practically exploded in front of Sam's feet, brown liquid bursting out and spraying him up to his t-shirt before he came to his senses and kicked the thing away.
Sam looked down at himself, inspecting the damage, and Kurt stood beside him, quiet.
"Fuck," Sam muttered, "This shirt was brand new…" he looked up at Kurt, eyes angry as he shook his head. "Fuck those guys. Assholes. Who the hell gets off on shit like this?"
"Neandrathals," Kurt said, but none of the expected venom or sarcasm was in his voice. He didn't look at Sam as he started walking away. "I think it's best if we call it a day. I've lost the urge to dig through Lima's horrendous male clothing selection."
Sam watched Kurt walk, noticing the stiff way he was carrying himself. His nose was still up, but there was something distinctly wrong about the atmosphere around him. Sam jogged a bit to catch up with Kurt, who was walking at a fast pace toward where Sam's car was parked.
"You sure?" he asked, though he already knew that Kurt's mind was made up. "I don't think they'll be coming back."
Kurt sniffed.
"I'm vandalizing that fucking truck if I ever see it again," he sneered, and yeah, there was the anger that had been missing. "But for now, I just want to go home," he paused as they approached Sam's car. "Don't tell my dad about this."
Sam nodded. He understood, because he'd seen first hand how Burt reacted to the negative way his son was treated. Not only did he get up in arms, but it also frustrated him, because it reminded him of all the difficulties his son had to face.
"I won't."
Sam unlocked the doors and they settled into the car, buckling their seat belts as Sam started it up. He looked over to where Kurt was staring out the window and sighed.
"Hey," he said, gently, "Don't let them get to you."
Kurt was silent for a moment, before he turned and stared through the windshield. Sam pulled out of the parking space.
"It's not me I'm worried about," Kurt said, quietly.
Sam frowned.
"What are you talking about?"
Kurt leaned back against the head rest, his face scrunching up in frustration.
"I know it's hard to be out in public with me," he said. "People say and do things that I know you're not ready to deal with, things that you shouldn't have to deal with. It's just… I've come to terms with it, and I know that you haven't, and it's not fair for you to have to put up with this when you're not even out yet."
Sam let this sink in, turning it over in his mind and trying to figure out exactly what Kurt was getting at, but not coming up with any real answers. He went for comforting him.
"Hey, it doesn't matter. Really. It's just a shirt," he said, picking at the garment. "And hey, it's not like they aren't right about me," he joked. He was laughing a bit, trying to lighten the mood; Kurt was not.
Neither of them spoke for a while as Sam drove, though Sam continuously glanced in Kurt's direction, worry building up as he noticed just how tense he was. Kurt was staring out the window, but Sam could see in the reflection that he was upset. Sam's anxiety was rising like an iron weight lodging slowly in his chest - he was afraid that his not understanding Kurt when he was this upset was going to damage them.
They pulled into Kurt's driveway, and Sam stopped Kurt as he made to get out of the car.
"It really is okay," he said softly. "I don't mind putting up with-"
"It's okay when it's just me," Kurt interrupted, and Sam was surprised to see him fighting back tears. "I'm an obvious target, and I always have been, so I know how to handle all of it. But then there's you, and it upsets me on so many different levels… God, I don't even know."
Sam watched Kurt for a moment. Kurt took a deep, steadying breath, letting his shoulders relax a bit.
"Kurt… What really has you so upset?" he asked, going for a direct question.
"I can't even touch you in public," Kurt replied, voice breaking as a few tears escaped. "I'm trying to be patient and let you do this on your own, but then you get humiliated and hurt anyway, and it's like it just doesn't matter at all. They fuck with you just for standing next to me."
Sam was silent, completely lost on what to say. Kurt shook his head.
"Just… I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
And before Sam could stop him, Kurt was gone.
The next day, Sam was anxious as he waited for Kurt to come to the door. He was picking him up; there was some new cheesy romance flick out that they'd been planning to go see since Thursday night, and when Sam had texted Kurt that morning, he'd said he was still up for it.
They had only talked once since Kurt had gotten out of the car the day before, and even that was just Sam texting him asking if they could talk - Kurt had replied that they'd talk about it later, and that was that.
So Sam was fighting off nerves even as Kurt opened the door, smiling. Sam breathed out a sigh, taking in Kurt's outfit.
"Hey," he said, smiling even through his anxiety. "You look awesome."
"Of course I do," Kurt said, stepping out of the house and closing the door behind him. He tossed his head as they started walking to the car. "I am always impeccably dressed."
Sam looked at Kurt's smirking face and chuckled as they got in the car.
There wasn't really an elephant in the room, but even though the atmosphere was mostly light, there was an undercurrent of tension between them.
They chatted about nothing as they drove to the theater, Sam complaining that the movie would be awful and Kurt reminding him that they'd gone to see some sort of alien-zombie movie the previous week and that if Kurt could sit through that, Sam could sit through this.
Bickering like this was second nature to them, and it was easy and comfortable as they made the ride to the theater.
They arrived and parked and got out of the car, and Sam took a breath as he rushed over to Kurt, who was already starting to walk off.
Sam grabbed Kurt's hand, stopping him, and Kurt stiffened, trying to tug his hand away. Sam just held tighter, and when Kurt relaxed his arm Sam laced their fingers together.
"Sam," Kurt started, somewhat breathless and panicked. "What are you doing?!"
Sam rolled his eyes, pushing down the butterflies that were crashing into the walls of his stomach. Fuck butterflies, these things felt like bees.
"I'm holding your hand," he said, starting to walk, pulling Kurt along with him. Kurt blinked, planting his feet and forcing Sam to stop.
"I can see that," he said, face cross, "Why are you doing this? You know how dangerous it is to-"
"Of course I know," Sam said, voice somewhat fierce. "I know that it's dangerous. But I want to anyway. It's not fair for me to have to suffer even if I don't hold your hand… So why not go ahead and touch you if they're going to be assholes anyway?"
Kurt stared at him.
"You know what they'll do, right? Sam, you have to know what you're getting yourself into."
Sam sighed.
"I know what I'm getting myself-"
"No, Sam, you don't," Kurt said sternly. "They'll call us names. They'll give us looks. They'll whisper and cringe away… They'll throw you into lockers, they'll slush you… They'll nail your lawn furniture to your roof. They're horrible, Sam, and you're not ready for-"
"I know what I'm ready for better than you do, Kurt," Sam said, firm but not mean. "And I'm ready for this. It's… It's something I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life anyway, right? Why not start learning how to deal with it now? They can figure it out on their own, but for now, I just wanna hold your hand. Can you let me do that?"
Kurt's eyes searched Sam's before he released a breath he hadn't known he was holding.
"Yeah. I can do that," he said, looking down before meeting Sam's eyes again. "Are you sure?"
Sam laughed.
"I can't keep running forever, right? I mean… Don't get me wrong, I'm fucking terrified right now. My palms are probably disgusting and sweaty, so I'm sorry for that," Sam scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, "But I can do this. I can get through this."
Kurt looked at him for a moment longer before a smile broke out across his face, and he shook his head.
"You are crazy, Sam Evans. But I'm proud of you. And, of course, I'll be by your side," Kurt gave Sam's hand a squeeze, "Always."
Sam smiled back.
"Good," he said.
They walked hand-in-hand to the theater, and people stared and shied away. And Sam felt their eyes and knew what they were thinking, and he dealt with it.
Just like he would deal with anything else they tossed his way.