Text Speak (3/4)

Feb 02, 2011 12:00

Title: Text Speak (3/4)
Author: mildly_obsessed
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sam/Kurt
Word Count: ~5300
Summary: Because, well, we can't all be brave all the time.
Warnings: Cursing, dorky flirting.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and am in no way affiliated with the show or its creators.
Authors Note: Aaaaand chapter three. It took me a few days because we had a lot of guests last weekend and yesterday was my birthday, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it, and I apologize. You'll know what for once you've read it.

Also, there will probably be only one other part to this story, but I'm not absolutely positive about that, so I'm leaving it as ? still.

Chapter One

Chapter Two



Sam thought that maybe he was a patient kind of guy, but he had to admit that waiting for Kurt to text him first was excruciating. He'd tried to distract himself - he logged onto WoW (he logged off within ten minutes, which was really saying something), started cleaning his room (he stopped halfway through but at least some of the laundry was in the basket and the garbage was off the floor), went on an hour-long run (this actually helped a lot), showered again (this was a good thing too), then microwaved leftovers and ate (he only ate half) - but he couldn't really stop the anxiety which came with anticipating a text.

He'd start-stopped sending a text (that sounded familiar) at least a hundred times, telling himself that he needed to wait for a text from Kurt so as not to bother him too much.

But it was getting seriously, seriously hard not to message him.

He glanced at his phone where it lay innocently on the bed, then turned to his computer. He stared at it for several long seconds before opening his browser and logging on to Facebook. Instead of immediately checking Kurt's profile (he was trying to be less pathetic, really he was), he clicked on his notifications to see that Finn had written something on his wall.

Finn Hudson
hey man, heard you're gonna come over 4 2nite! its gonna b a blast. hope ur break has been good dude

Sam wasn't sure whether to roll his eyes or give a half smile, mostly because he was a wreck waiting for Kurt to message him, but partly because Finn was such a stereotypically good guy.

Sam sighed.

At least Finn hadn't been afraid to date Rachel. If Sam were a better man, he wouldn't be afraid to date Kurt, either.

As it stood, he was still stuck in a mental standoff - reveal vs. not reveal.

If he were honest, he would have to admit that there was probably no way he could go back to not talking to Kurt - not without side effects of the very negative variety. And he couldn't maintain anonymity forever anyway, even if Kurt chose to continue to talk to him without tracing the number. Something would have to give, eventually, but it was that eventually that Sam was so scared of.

He'd already decided to rip the band-aid off tonight, to tell Kurt who he was and leave the ball in his court. It would be a lot of weight off of his shoulders for Kurt to know what this heavy thing in his chest was. Maybe then he could breathe again.

But then there were the things that could come after that - if Kurt accepted his feelings and decided to return them, what then? If Kurt rejected him outright, how would he deal with that?

These questions, these stupid goddamn worries were really starting to get to Sam, and he itched for a distraction. He glanced longingly at his phone again, but turned back to his computer and opened up Facebook chat. He scanned the list of contacts, and when his eyes landed on one particular name, he felt his breath catch in his throat.

Kurt Hummel

'Shitshitshit! What do I do? Should I talk to him? Would that be too obvious? What do I say? He's never online. Why is he online? Does he really not want to text me that badly? He hasn't sent me anything. I want to talk to him. I could talk to him here. I could ask about the party tonight? Fuckshit what do I do?!'

Sam clicked on Kurt's name, and the chatbox popped up. The cursor blinked at him, completely unaware of the clusterfuck currently crashing around Sam's head.

He swallowed, and typed as carefully as he could.

hey. im coming to youre house tonite. will i see you thare?

His finger hovered over the enter key, and there was a long moment where Sam didn't breathe at all.

He manned up.

He hit enter.

And the message never went through.

Kurt Hummel is offline.

He let out a whooshing breath and dropped back in his chair, closing his eyes and trying to shake off the nerves that his attempt to start up a Facebook chat had riled up in him. God, this was ridiculous. Why couldn't he just be normal around Kurt? Why couldn't he stop his stomach from falling out of his gut whenever he was faced with being found out?

If he was still this scared, how was he ever going to admit who he was?

He raised his hands to his face and the pulled them down over it as if trying to wipe away the stupid.

The Zelda sound effect blared from his phone, and Sam snapped his head to the side before scrambling out of his chair to reach it.

1 Unread Text From: Kurt Hummel

Hello again, oh anonymous texter. I am taking a break from that awful assignment that's due the day after winter break ends (murder me), and I thought that I'd get some sort of mild entertainment from you while I procrastinate.

Sam smiled, thanking whatever deity was listening that Kurt had finally messaged him. His stomach unknotted and he sat down on his bed as he texted back.

that dose suk. y did they give u sumthin 4 the break? thats srsly lame. and i can entertane u in moor ways than 1 ;-)

Your terrible pick up lines are good for a laugh, at least. And I'm convinced my professor assigned this paper simply to be cruel. I have been working on it for three days, not counting all the reading I did, and I'm still only half way through my draft.

u luv how i flirt w/ u. but i srsly hate riting so i wuld hate 2 do that rite now

I'm sure being dyslexic doesn't help with that, either. But enough about anything related to school. What have you been up to?

'Nothing, just sitting here waiting for you to text me… Ugh, I really am ridiculous.'

nm just went 4 a run showerd and ate. been kinda bored but mosly i missed u

I'm sure you were devastated to not get to talk to me for those four hours we were apart.

Sam sighed.

dude u have no idea

Message Sent

…Oops.

Sam actually found himself not freaking out over that. Well, relatively speaking. He wasn't as freaked out over accidentally hitting 'send' for that message as he was for sending the text that had started it all… But still, here he was, his eyes wide and a sound half between a groan and a wail escaping his mouth. He grimaced and lowered his phone, ashamed of how disgustingly desperate he sounded.

(It didn't much matter that he actually was quite desperate, but still. He was trying to maintain some dignity. Maybe. Fine, so what if he was failing miserably? Fuck it.)

I didn't realize you were so clingy, Mr. Anonymous. I may have to rethink our relationship, as I'm not currently sure whether or not you would make a good accessory to any of my perfectly coordinated outfits. I'm very picky about accessorizing, you know.

Sam's doofus grin spanned his face in a way reminiscent of a child's drawing of a stick figure's smile - too wide to be really human but certainly conveying a look of great happiness.

i wuld b moor then a acsessery. id b the only thing on u ;-)

Now I'm definitely amused. And you seem to think very highly of yourself. The more you talk, the more I realize just how big your ego is. I don't think I like it very much, even if you are somewhat entertaining.

He swiped blond hair out of his eyes as he sat back. He could take this down one of two pathways: heavy, borderline inappropriate flirting; or back-pedaling apologies.

He decided to go for the latter. Innuendos about the size of his dick just didn't seem like they would go off very well, given the way the conversation was going.

im not the bset in the wurld at everythnig but im gud ware it counts an i try hard 2 b better

Sam had to wait a few minutes for his phone to go off again.

I suppose your ego isn't as big as I was thinking; most people with over-sized egos don't realize that they can be better people. I do hope your "where it counts" wasn't just referring to the bedroom, however, because while I'd like my boyfriend to be good at that, I'd like it even more if he loved me like I need him to.

Sam bit his lip. All this… saying all this was so much easier in an anonymous text message. And with his imminent reveal looming over his head, he suddenly felt like he had to say everything now or risk losing the words forever. His mind felt more clear than it had in a while - even if his breathing was a little shaky - as he sent his next message:

im gud at both ;-) but srsly i give everythnig in relashonships an i alredy luv u in every way i cna so im basicly perfect 4 u

Perfect for me? And what makes you so sure of that? You won't even tell me who you are, so I still don't know if this is real. And if it is, what then? How do you plan on sweeping me off my feet in your oh so perfect ways?

Sam didn't know where he'd messed up, but he could definitely feel Kurt's defenses rising quickly. Where he'd been playful before, he was serious now, and Sam had no idea how to get him to drop his guard again.

ull no who i am soon i promis. thare r jus things i need 2 say 1st that im scared 2 say if u alredy no who i am but i promis i cna make u happy 1 day

But that was another promise Sam wasn't sure he could keep. After all, how could he make Kurt happy if he wasn't brave enough to be with him? He would probably have to go public with his feelings and his bisexuality before Kurt would even consider being his.

He'd gotten himself into such a mess. He was going to put everything on the line for a boy who might not even want to even attempt to return his feelings.

His phone went off again before he could get too deeply into thought.

Can you really adhere to that promise?

Sam frowned and scratched the back of his neck.

ill try 2. ill rlly try

He sighed for probably the thousandth time that day, setting his phone next to him and laying back on the bed, stretching out his back from where he'd been sitting hunched over his phone.

It went off again, and he picked it up, holding it over his face to check the message.

Do or do not. There is no try.

Sam blinked. Did Kurt really just quote what Sam was thinking he quoted?

did u rlly just qoute yoda?

Yes. Since I could not choose better words to use, I figured that I would bow out to the words of someone far wiser than myself.

A soft smile spread across Sam's face, and he lifted the phone over him to text back.

i think i just feel in luv agian

So do you think you can make me happy?

i no i will make u haappy

Sam closed his eyes, praying to someone, something, anything that he could man up tonight, that he could keep his promises to Kurt and that everything would be okay.

He could do this. He could tell him. He could ask for Kurt to wait for him, to wait until he's ready to tell everyone. He'd tell Kurt that he loved him, wanted him, but that he was scared, that he needed a little more time to come to terms with things and that when he did he would make everything perfect.

He'd say to Kurt that he would make him happy, that he'd be there for and with him and he'd never let him go.

That's what he would do.

He wasn't a liar, he wasn't, so he had to do this.

He would do this.

We shall see then, won't we?

Sam raised his eyebrows.

so ull give me a chacne?

My dear anonymous, all I've given you are chances. So a word to the wise, if you're real: do not fuck this up.

i wont. i wnat u 2 much 2 mess up

Because he did, didn't he? He needed this too much to fuck it up. He really, really did.

Good. Then by midnight tonight, I expect to be a happier person. It's all on you now, sir. For the moment, however, I must return to this assignment, and then after that, I'm afraid, I must get ready for a party. Enjoy your new years eve, but remember the caveat. You have to tell me who you are tonight, or I will cut ties with you completely.

Sam let out a stuttered, shaky breath.

i no. ill tell u. hvae a gud nite and ill txt u soon

-----------------------

This was worse than the four hours he'd spent anticipating a text from Kurt.

Infinitely worse.

It was only two in the afternoon when he and Kurt had stopped texting, which meant that it would be six long hours before the party.

Sam was itching underneath his skin, and seriously considered going on another run to calm himself down, but decided against it as he was already tired from lack of sleep. Tossing and turning the night before combined with waking up early and then feeling jittery all day was really taking a toll on him, and even though his first run had helped immensely, he honestly didn't think he'd make it to midnight if he went for another.

And that was a time he absolutely could not miss.

So he found himself laying in bed, attempting to sleep, but was shifting positions every two minutes because apparently his bed, usually suitable for a god in its comfort level, suddenly had lumps in it, was too soft or too firm, and would absolutely not let him find a position he could sleep in.

He did manage to sleep for an hour - possibly the most fitful hour of sleep he'd ever had (at least in Life Before Kurt) - but it did almost nothing to sate his exhaustion.

And so he sat, at 5:00 PM, anxiously awaiting the time where he could fix his hair, shave, pick out an outfit, and venture to the Hummel-Hudson household.

It took him half an hour longer than usual - so 35 minutes - to pick out what he wanted to wear. He settled on a green t-shirt with the white Green Lantern symbol on the front, paired with his dark blue zip-up hoodie and jeans (that were just a little tight) and his standard black vans.

He had only been aware of his choice of clothes a few times in his life, but now was certainly one of them. Casual but not messy… That was the look he was going for.

He checked his hair, which was thankfully not screwed up from his three hours of laying in bed, which included the actual hour where he'd slept, and then shaved as cleanly as he ever had before in his life.

There may have been a nick or two on the underside of his chin, but a spot of tissue paper here and there quickly remedied the problem. It's not like he was too self-conscious about it, but he knew that Kurt, in all his flawless glory, might notice and care. So yeah, fuck it, maybe he was self-conscious after all.

Because, well, this had to be perfect. It had to be. He couldn't risk mucking this up, or all hope would be lost and he'd be blocked and Kurt would never talk to him again and it would be - !!!!

He looked at himself in the mirror, and manually forced himself to calm down.

It would be fine. All of it would be fine. He would get past this; he would tell Kurt the truth and then it would be out there and thus completely out of his control.

So yeah, there he was, ready and willing to go.

And yet there were still three hours left before the party. The whole shebang started at 8:00 PM, which meant that he should show up at 8:30, considering the only people that would be there at 8:00 would be Rachel and the people who lived there.

(If nothing else, Rachel was always on time.)

So he sat, twiddling his thumbs, wasting his time on playing Halo, then a game of League of Legends (which generally took about an hour), and paced his room for a good fifteen minutes before heading out to his car and making his round-about-way to the Hudson-Hummel household.

He showed up at 8:30 on the dot.

Finn answered the door, all grins and "hey dude!", and Sam nervously made his way inside.

Only to not see Kurt…

…for an hour. Artie and Brittany were already there.

"What up playa?" Artie said, holding out his hand to do a fist bump. The familiarity of it all was calming Sam down from the anxiety he felt due to the fact that Kurt could pop up at any time without forewarning.

"Not much dude," he offered back, fist-bumping Artie, who then opened his fist and wiggled his fingers as his hand moved down. Sam looked at him weirdly.

"You gotta make it rain after we bump."

Sam smiled and shrugged.

"Whatever you say man," he said, turning to Brittany. "Hey there."

She ignored him.

"Hey Artie, can you make it snow, too? Rain is too wet and it ruins you hair."

Sam and Artie shared a look.

"Sure, I'll go for snow next time."

Brittany smiled and kissed him on top of his head.

"You're so awesome!"

After that they settled in waited for others to arrive. It didn't take long for everyone else to show up, thankfully, and even though Sam thought his stomach was going to fall out from nerves, he drank punch (which was not spiked, to his unhappiness), and ate cookies (much to his diet's chagrin). Mostly he ate and drank just to have something to do with his hands so he wouldn't bite his nails down to the quick.

He was calming down some, but his nerves really were fried to hell and back.

Puck and Santana - with a few other random people - showed up fifteen minutes after Artie and Brittany, with Quinn and Mercedes not far behind. With Puck's arrival, the punch got much more interesting.

Tina and Mike appeared at the front door after that.

…And fifteen minutes later, Kurt made his debut.

Sam had been standing innocently in the kitchen, sipping his fourth cup of punch (the special punch - he was honestly a little tipsy and Puck was spiking it just as fast as Finn could make it), and then there opened a random door that he had seriously thought was the cupboard.

And Kurt stepped out, in all his immaculate glory.

Sam felt his pulse speed up, his mouth going dry even as he attempted to swallow the strawberry-something cocktail he was currently trying to get down.

Kurt stood in a simple black sweater and black skinny jeans, complete with a classically matched grey belt and scarf. As he looked Kurt's body up and down, his dry mouth suddenly watered, and he swallowed multiple times after his sip of punch in order not to openly drool in front of everyone else.

Kurt sauntered across the kitchen, smile wide and inviting as he greeted everyone sweetly… He kissed Mercedes and Quinn on the cheek (Sam was absolutely not jealous), and said hello to everyone else.

Santana was a little drunk, opening her arms to Kurt in a rare show of affection, saying, "It's our favorite fairy in those tight-ass girlie pants!"

Sam had to agree about the pants, but he certainly wasn't complaining about them.

Kurt frowned, but his eyes were smiling.

"Well if it isn't our favorite Latina with someone not in her pants for once!"

The dark haired girl mock-glared at him, eyebrow raised.

"I'd kick your ass for going there, but it doesn't matter because my reputation for good sex is spotless, and I'm not about to argue otherwise," she scoffed.

"Oh please, we all know I'd beat you so fast in a fight that you wouldn't even have time to cat-scratch me with your poorly manicured nails."

Santana was half starting to get pissed, but obviously brushed it off as she responded.

"You can take that up with Coach Sylvester; I'm sure she'd have a couple things to say to you."

"I think I'd rather eat my foot than talk to her about manicures. God only knows where that conversation would lead."

Kurt laughed a bit, and Sam almost melted, happy as he was to hear that particular sound. He hadn't heard Kurt laugh since a week before he left McKinley.

Kurt grabbed his own cup of punch, took a sip and then half-gagged as the alcohol reached his his tongue.

He didn't stop drinking, however, which gave half-drunk Sam a boost of confidence.

People migrated to the main room, where the pizza lay waiting to be eaten and the music played through the speakers.

Sam made small talk with the people that were there, which consisted of the glee club and a few other people from McKinley that Sam recognized but didn't really know all that well. But his eyes were following Kurt all night.

Kurt had mostly stuck to talking with the girls, though he had talked to Puck a few times (and laughed, Sam noticed, green with envy), and Artie was at Brittany's side so that was pretty unavoidable as well. He stayed a noticeable distance away from the majority of people Puck and Santana had brought with them.

Sam also noticed that Kurt wasn't downing all that much punch.

Negative score for Sam, who was drinking relatively heavily to hopefully make him man up and go talk to him.

A few people had been talking in the kitchen, but as thirty minutes to midnight was called, Sam noticed Kurt stand to leave, following Mercedes and Tina. He took a deep breath, got up, and left to follow them.

The kitchen door swung shut behind them all, but Mercedes and Tina only grabbed a few cookies from the counter before heading back into the den (both girls were driving that night, so no punch for them. Sam looked down at his own cup, and vaguely wondered whether he'd be okay to drive). Kurt, however was still there.

He had a cookie in his mouth and was walking toward the punch.

(In other words he was maddeningly adorable.)

Once Mercedes and Tina left, he and Kurt were the only two left in the kitchen.

...It had to be now, didn't it?

Now or never.

It was already 11:30, after all. He was running out of time.

He walked over to where Kurt was downing his last bit of punch, turning to go for a refill. Sam took a deep breath, tried to still his shaking hands by shoving them in his pockets, then spoke.

"What have you been up to?"

Kurt looked up at him, surprise written across his features.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he said (what he probably meant was that he wasn't expecting Sam to talk to him). His face was honest and curious, and his expression softened into a light smile. "But I really haven't been up to much. I have a monstrous paper due immediately when classes resume, but other than that life has been going relatively smoothly... Aside from dad freaking out over my Christmas credit card expenses, of course," he finished with a small laugh.

Sam smiled back, eyes twinkling, nerves frayed but voice calm as he asked another question.

"How is Dalton? I heard that school was academic hell. I dunno if I could do it."

Kurt's smile faded a bit.

"It's okay, I suppose. The coursework is difficult but the school itself is Neandrathal-free and thus ideal for the resident gay kid. And I'm not the only one there, either, so I actually have someone to relate to, which is kind of nice."

Sam clenched his fists (as much as they would clench) in his pockets, mind buzzing with the fact that there were other gay boys at Dalton, and that they were out and open and Kurt knew about them and probably already had a crush on one and Sam was gonna lose his chance and it would all be really, really horrible.

He closed his eyes briefly, slowing down his brain, but he'd obviously taken too long to respond, considering that when he opened them again Kurt was giving him an awkward look.

Sam scrambled for something to say, completely aware that he already looking stupid.

"Uh, yeah, I guess that's pretty awesome for you. I mean, you can talk to other gay guys about… you know… gay stuff?"

Oh god Sam was so lame.

Kurt raised an eyebrow, his expression somewhere between cautious and amused.

"Yes, I suppose we do talk about a lot of gay stuff. You know. About being gay."

Sam scratched the back of his neck.

"I didn't mean it like that, really, I just… I mean…" he sighed. "What I mean is that I didn't really get to talk to you all that much before you left and I just was wondering how you're doing."

Kurt smiled again, and with that smile Sam's heartbeat picked up, suddenly pounding in his temple as butterflies had a parade in his stomach. He picked up his drink and took another gulp.

Liquid courage.

"I'm doing fine, really. I appreciate you asking, Sam, you but you really don't have to worry or anything. Life is going well, I assure you."

Sam smiled, taking his other hand out of his pocket and leaned back against the counter. He was pretty buzzed, and so he went for asking the thing he really wanted to ask.

"Anything interesting happen over your break?"

Kurt shot him a look as he refilled his cup, his eyes guarded. His answer was hesitant, even as he pulled his phone out to check it.

"Not really," he started, pocketing his phone when he saw he had no new texts. "I seem to have acquired somewhat of a stalker, but that's about it."

Sam blinked.

Stalker?

"Is it the good kind of stalker or the bad kind of stalker?" Sam asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Did Kurt really look at him as a stalker?

One of those delicate eyebrows raised.

"I wasn't aware that there was a good kind of stalker. But I suppose that if you had to put this person into a category, it actually would be the good kind of stalker. Unless, of course, it's someone playing a rather cruel joke on me," Kurt watched Sam intently, looking as if there was something that Sam didn't know. "Which I'm really hoping it isn't."

Sam swallowed hard, eyes going somewhat wide as he realized that maybe Kurt knew more than he was letting on about those anonymous texts. His hands started kind of sweating, and he swished his hair out of his face as he looked away from those shining blue eyes.

"Well I hope that it's not a bad thing," Sam said, half feeling uncomfortable and half worried, "'Cause playing a joke like that is just mean."

Kurt seemed to consider this for a moment before shrugging. His expression twisted into a playful smirk.

"I've dealt with much worse; I don't think a little thing like this will be much of a blow to my mental state, which, currently, is set on 'happy'. So if this is a prank, the people perpetrating it can just shove it up their asses."

Sam laughed loudly, partly because he was afraid that Kurt would still be mad at him when he found out it wasn't a joke, but mostly because he'd never heard Kurt talk like that before.

Sam's expression slipped for a minute, and he suddenly felt panic rising as fifteen minutes till midnight was called.

His laugh became a bit hysterical, so he squashed it out before asking, "So what is this stalker of yours like?"

Kurt's eyes narrowed, but his smirk remained.

"Why so curious?"

"I just… I mean… I was wondering because…?"

Sam was saved from his rambling as Kurt looked down to check his phone again.

He swallowed hard, putting down his useless drink, unable to stop his eyes from widening as anxiety started to pulse through his body like little electric shocks.

"Why do you keep checking your phone like that?"

Kurt slumped a bit, pocketing the device, seemingly not having heard Sam's pathetic mumbling from just a moment ago.

"No reason, really. I was just getting my hopes up, foolishly, over something that I thought could have been real."

Ten minutes until midnight was called out from the den where everyone else was gathered.

Sam could only watch Kurt's face as disappointment flooded his features.

"Something real?"

Kurt hesitated. "Just something I thought was genuine - my stalker - that turned out to be yet another joke," he said, sighing heavily. He looked up at Sam with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "We should go back to everyone else. Wouldn't want to miss the new year, right?"

He made to walk around Sam and leave the kitchen, and barely took a step before Sam jumped after him and caught his arm. Kurt turned and looked at him curiously.

"Yes?"

Sam's heart was in his throat. He looked down, trying to gather himself. He could see everyone's shadows from where they moved in the light of the den. He looked back up to see Kurt's inquisitive face.

"I want… I want to tell you…"

But he couldn't get it out. His mouth was dry, and he was choking on his tongue. His pulse beat erratically and his nerves were on fire and he couldn't focus on anything but Kurt's face.

"Sam?"

He dropped Kurt's arm where he'd been holding it captive, and pulled out his phone. His hands were shaking so badly that he could barely get the message out.

Kurt stiffened when his Bad Romance ringtone sounded, and had Sam been paying any attention to that detail, he would have laughed at Kurt's choice of ringtone for his anonymous texter.

But everything else was silent and in black, and all he focus on was Kurt pulling out his phone, eyes wide, and checking the text.

im rite in fnort off u

Sam could see it when realization hit Kurt, and his heart stopped for a moment as he watched Kurt struggle to react. His face was like a kaleidoscope of emotion - mostly surprised and confused - before it finally stopped shifting and settled on shock.

He looked up at where Sam stood, heart still stopped.

"It's you."

fic rating: pg13, character: sam evans, author: mildly_obsessed, ship: sam/kurt, character: kurt hummel

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