Everything Starts Where It Ends (Chapter 14)
"Then we're even now," I managed to say after a few minutes , "I saved your life, and you saved mine. I guess you don't have to feel indebted now. Thanks, and bye Siwon," I continued, picking my bag up before walking out of the hospital room.
"But I want to be..." I ignored him as I gently closed the door, aware that it was a hospital.
~~
"Your lover dead yet,Hyukkie ?"
I stopped, shocked at the mention of my name. Once the familiarity of the voice sank in to me, I started walking, picking up speed.
"Don't fucking ignore me Lee Hyukjae," he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards one of the alley. I sighed, too tired to do this anymore.
"Please Donghae,let go of me.." I pleaded but his grip on me tightened even more.
Finally, he slammed me against the wall, and trapped me with his body.
"NO. You're MINE. Only MINE! I'll make sure you understand that," he shouted in my face. Literally, in my face,as his hands started to undo my shirt.
I tried to push him away, but instead, he grabbed both of it, and pinning them painfully above my head. He started to attack my neck with his lips. He left bites all over, marking me. It was really painful and I could feel my own blood rolling down my neck.
I couldn't get him off me. I didn't even recognise the person in front of me anymore. He wasn't the same guy who was my best friend of two years. He wasn't the same guy who gave me a jar of hearts on the 365th day of our friendship. He wasn't the guy who found me when I wanted to die. He wasn't the same guy who told me he loved me and would never leave me. No, this wasn't Lee Donghae. It was a monster.
I felt anger boiling in me as he started to undo my belt,
"NO GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU PSYCHO SHIT!"
That must have sent him over the edge, because it earned me a slap. A really hard one. Probably a million times harder than the one in his house. The impact sent me crashing onto the floor,not before making my head hit against the wall, hard. I touched the side of my head, and saw blood on my finger. I could feel tears starting to wet my cheek. It wasn't because of the physical pain, even though it was starting sting. It was because I was scared, no, petrified of Donghae.
As if suddenly out of his trance, he squat down next to me and reached out for my wound,
"are you okay hyukkie?"
But before he could touch me, I flinched away.
"Hyukkie..." he tried once more but I kept moving away.
I buried my face into my knees. I could feel my whole body shaking, trembling. I wanted him to go away,far away,so he couldn't touch me. But he was persistent. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder.
"Please, don't touch me.." i pleaded, as I began to rub the places where he had touched me. I rubbed so hard that there were abrasions.
"What's wrong Hyukkie? I'm here for you,"
"I'm scared..." i sobbed
"Of what?"
"You."
Immediately, I could feel him pulling away. After some shuffling off footstep, he was gone. Leaving me alone in the dark, cold alley. Leaving me, like he promised not to.
I don't know how long I sat there, staring into blank space, curled up on the floor, remembering all the times me and Donghae spent together. Our first dinner, our first fight, our first kiss, our first time.. All of that seemed to have burned into nothing,just in a matter of seconds.
~~
I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I looked up.
Kyuhyun
"Oh god, this looks really bad," he looked down at me,clearly horrified at what he's seeing. He bent down and quickly buttoned up my shirt and pants before piggybacking me. I watched through blurry eyes, as he ran towards the hospital that I just left a few hours ago. He ran so fast, that he bumped into someone at the entrance of the hospital, but it wasn't hard enough to cause him to lose his balance.
"Sorry Siwon!" he muttered before running once again.
Siwon? ,I briefly wondered, before I felt myself being placed on one of the beds in the emergency room.
~~
"Thankfully, his wounds are not as deep as I thought it would be. He doesn't need to be hospitalised, but remember to change the gauze on his head daily to avoid any infections. And for his neck.. make sure he stays off kinky stuffs for a while," the young doctor instructed Kyuhyun and chuckled before exiting the room. I bitterly laughed at the joke.
Kyuhyun walked over to the side of the bed and took a seat beside me.
"He called me, you know. Actually, he called Sungmin...but er, Sungmin is still quite stubborn, so i came instead. But don't tell Sungmin okay? He'll probably kill you and me if he finds out that I'm here,"
I nodded and just stared at his face blankly.
"He sounded quite, scared, quite desperate on the phone. He begged Sungmin to get you. He refused to tell us what happened, other than it was 'really bad' .What happened?" he continued.
I sighed, and began telling Kyuhyun everything. From the part about the fight, to the part where he tried to force himself onto me, to the part where he slapped me and not to forget the part where I told him that I was scared of him. Kyuhyun patiently waited for me to finish. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I thought that I probably had no more tears left after everything.
"I didn't expect it to be that bad. I don't know what to say, but lay low for a moment okay? I don't think it'd do both of you any good if you saw each other any time soon. And, just to warn you, Sungmin's the new captain since Leeteuk is graduating, and he's in a full bitch mode so do watch out for that. He can get the whole team against you if he wanted to..." he said finally after I finished my story.
I sighed. Great, now everyone is against me.
"I guess, I'll quit soccer then," I said bluntly, closing my eyes, trying to block out everything around me.
Kyuhyun leaned forward and hugged me.
"No, don't. Have faith, everything will be okay soon. Sungmin may be bitchy but he still has a heart. He'll come around soon, trust me. You have to be strong okay? Where's the monkey boy with his stupid gummy smile that I knew? The retarded one that would try to convince me everyday that strawberry milk was better than sex? You have to pull yourself together okay?"
I nodded weakly and slowly opened my eyes. To my surprise, I saw Siwon leaning against the door. I gasped and quickly pulled away from Kyuhyun and stared at Siwon. Kyuhyun looked behind him to see at what I was looking at.
"Okay, i'm going to settle your hospital bill and get your medications okay. I'll meet you outside once you're done.."
With that, he left the room.
~~
"What are you doing here?"
"I didn't know you wanted to visit me so badly that you got yourself admitted," he laughed at his own joke. I just glared at him. Finally, realising that his joke was not funny at all, he continued,
"okay okay chill... I was going out for some fresh air when Kyuhyun bumped into me, with you on his back, and I was worried seeing you lifeless like that, so I came here,"
"You heard everything?" my voice raised
"well, sort of..." he looked away, clearly scared of my reaction.
"what is wrong with you? I don't need your pity.Stop snooping around in my business! Go away," I tried pushing him away from me, off the bed.
But I miserably failed and somehow I ended up crying in his embrace instead. I clung on to his hospital attire, as if my life depended on it. I could feel his steady breathing on my hair, as I buried myself deeper into his chest. He traced circular patterns on my back, trying to soothe me. I didn't know why, but I felt really safe in his embrace.
"I don't get it. Why is all of this happening to me at the same time? Why? It really hurts to live, knowing that tomorrow won't be any better than today," i cried
"it's going to be okay Hyukjae.. trust me," he replied
"No it's not going to be okay. Stop lying Siwon. I just want to know why this is all happening to me.." I cried even louder
"God always tests those he loves the most," he answered simply, but his hold on me became tighter.
"Then he must love me a lot," I said sarcastically
"I'm glad you caught on," I felt him smiling into my hair. I really wanted to roll my eyes at how dense he was, but I knew that I had to be thankful that at least he was trying to comfort me so I kept my mouth shut.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I finally told Siwon I wanted to go home, and he nodded, pulling away and helping me down from the bed.
~~
"He's broken, but he'll live.. Yeah he's still here, Siwon's with him now.. What do you mean get Siwon away from him?! That's rich coming from you who hurt him like that. what? No i'm not going to listen to you..wait er.... i have to go,bye,"
Kyuhyun abruptly ended his conversation when he realised our presence.I didn't want to ask him who he was talking to. Part of me didn't want to know, but part of me already knew. Siwon held onto my hands as he walked us out of the hospital. I really wasn't strong enough physically and emotionally to pull away, so I let him. Kyuhyun had already called for a cab and it was waiting for us outside. Siwon pulled me into one last hug before he let me go into the taxi. I watched him and Kyuhyun exchange a few words, before Kyuhyun joined me in the taxi. As it drove away, I watched Siwon wave at us, with a sincere smile on his face.
When we reached my house, Kyuhyun walked me to the door and rang the doorbell for me. My mom opened the door, and she almost fainted in horror when she saw me.
"What happened to you? Are you okay? I tried calling you a few times. Why didn't you pick up? I wanted to tell you that daddy said he was sorry and he asked you to come home," she began worriedly.
"My battery died, sorry mom. Oh, it's nothing, I just tripped on my own shoelace. Thank god Kyu found me," I lied,nudging Kyuhyun in the elbow signalling him to go along with the story.
"You'll be the death of me boy. You're so clumsy! How can you go through military service next time? You'll probably die, not getting shot or anything honourable but tripping over nothing," she paused to laugh before continuing, " now come in. You too young man," she nodded in Kyuhyun's direction.
He politely declined, saying that he had to be home early, and left. But not before telling me to be careful, and to lay low .
~~
And that's what I did. For the whole holiday, I never once left my house. Not even to buy something from the supermarket across my house.
---
"But I want to be..." I ignored him as I gently closed the door, aware that it was a hospital.
~~
"Your lover dead yet,Hyukkie ?"
I stopped, shocked at the mention of my name. Once the familiarity of the voice sank in to me, I started walking, picking up speed.
"Don't fucking ignore me Lee Hyukjae," he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards one of the alley. I sighed, too tired to do this anymore.
"Please Donghae,let go of me.." I pleaded but his grip on me tightened even more.
Finally, he slammed me against the wall, and trapped me with his body.
"NO. You're MINE. Only MINE! I'll make sure you understand that," he shouted in my face. Literally, in my face,as his hands started to undo my shirt.
I tried to push him away, but instead, he grabbed both of it, and pinning them painfully above my head. He started to attack my neck with his lips. He left bites all over, marking me. It was really painful and I could feel my own blood rolling down my neck.
I couldn't get him off me. I didn't even recognise the person in front of me anymore. He wasn't the same guy who was my best friend of two years. He wasn't the same guy who gave me a jar of hearts on the 365th day of our friendship. He wasn't the guy who found me when I wanted to die. He wasn't the same guy who told me he loved me and would never leave me. No, this wasn't Lee Donghae. It was a monster.
I felt anger boiling in me as he started to undo my belt,
"NO GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU PSYCHO SHIT!"
That must have sent him over the edge, because it earned me a slap. A really hard one. Probably a million times harder than the one in his house. The impact sent me crashing onto the floor,not before making my head hit against the wall, hard. I touched the side of my head, and saw blood on my finger. I could feel tears starting to wet my cheek. It wasn't because of the physical pain, even though it was starting sting. It was because I was scared, no, petrified of Donghae.
As if suddenly out of his trance, he squat down next to me and reached out for my wound,
"are you okay hyukkie?"
But before he could touch me, I flinched away.
"Hyukkie..." he tried once more but I kept moving away.
I buried my face into my knees. I could feel my whole body shaking, trembling. I wanted him to go away,far away,so he couldn't touch me. But he was persistent. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder.
"Please, don't touch me.." i pleaded, as I began to rub the places where he had touched me. I rubbed so hard that there were abrasions.
"What's wrong Hyukkie? I'm here for you,"
"I'm scared..." i sobbed
"Of what?"
"You."
Immediately, I could feel him pulling away. After some shuffling off footstep, he was gone. Leaving me alone in the dark, cold alley. Leaving me, like he promised not to.
I don't know how long I sat there, staring into blank space, curled up on the floor, remembering all the times me and Donghae spent together. Our first dinner, our first fight, our first kiss, our first time.. All of that seemed to have burned into nothing,just in a matter of seconds.
~~
I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I looked up.
Kyuhyun
"Oh god, this looks really bad," he looked down at me,clearly horrified at what he's seeing. He bent down and quickly buttoned up my shirt and pants before piggybacking me. I watched through blurry eyes, as he ran towards the hospital that I just left a few hours ago. He ran so fast, that he bumped into someone at the entrance of the hospital, but it wasn't hard enough to cause him to lose his balance.
"Sorry Siwon!" he muttered before running once again.
Siwon? ,I briefly wondered, before I felt myself being placed on one of the beds in the emergency room.
~~
"Thankfully, his wounds are not as deep as I thought it would be. He doesn't need to be hospitalised, but remember to change the gauze on his head daily to avoid any infections. And for his neck.. make sure he stays off kinky stuffs for a while," the young doctor instructed Kyuhyun and chuckled before exiting the room. I bitterly laughed at the joke.
Kyuhyun walked over to the side of the bed and took a seat beside me.
"He called me, you know. Actually, he called Sungmin...but er, Sungmin is still quite stubborn, so i came instead. But don't tell Sungmin okay? He'll probably kill you and me if he finds out that I'm here,"
I nodded and just stared at his face blankly.
"He sounded quite, scared, quite desperate on the phone. He begged Sungmin to get you. He refused to tell us what happened, other than it was 'really bad' .What happened?" he continued.
I sighed, and began telling Kyuhyun everything. From the part about the fight, to the part where he tried to force himself onto me, to the part where he slapped me and not to forget the part where I told him that I was scared of him. Kyuhyun patiently waited for me to finish. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I thought that I probably had no more tears left after everything.
"I didn't expect it to be that bad. I don't know what to say, but lay low for a moment okay? I don't think it'd do both of you any good if you saw each other any time soon. And, just to warn you, Sungmin's the new captain since Leeteuk is graduating, and he's in a full bitch mode so do watch out for that. He can get the whole team against you if he wanted to..." he said finally after I finished my story.
I sighed. Great, now everyone is against me.
"I guess, I'll quit soccer then," I said bluntly, closing my eyes, trying to block out everything around me.
Kyuhyun leaned forward and hugged me.
"No, don't. Have faith, everything will be okay soon. Sungmin may be bitchy but he still has a heart. He'll come around soon, trust me. You have to be strong okay? Where's the monkey boy with his stupid gummy smile that I knew? The retarded one that would try to convince me everyday that strawberry milk was better than sex? You have to pull yourself together okay?"
I nodded weakly and slowly opened my eyes. To my surprise, I saw Siwon leaning against the door. I gasped and quickly pulled away from Kyuhyun and stared at Siwon. Kyuhyun looked behind him to see at what I was looking at.
"Okay, i'm going to settle your hospital bill and get your medications okay. I'll meet you outside once you're done.."
With that, he left the room.
~~
"What are you doing here?"
"I didn't know you wanted to visit me so badly that you got yourself admitted," he laughed at his own joke. I just glared at him. Finally, realising that his joke was not funny at all, he continued,
"okay okay chill... I was going out for some fresh air when Kyuhyun bumped into me, with you on his back, and I was worried seeing you lifeless like that, so I came here,"
"You heard everything?" my voice raised
"well, sort of..." he looked away, clearly scared of my reaction.
"what is wrong with you? I don't need your pity.Stop snooping around in my business! Go away," I tried pushing him away from me, off the bed.
But I miserably failed and somehow I ended up crying in his embrace instead. I clung on to his hospital attire, as if my life depended on it. I could feel his steady breathing on my hair, as I buried myself deeper into his chest. He traced circular patterns on my back, trying to soothe me. I didn't know why, but I felt really safe in his embrace.
"I don't get it. Why is all of this happening to me at the same time? Why? It really hurts to live, knowing that tomorrow won't be any better than today," i cried
"it's going to be okay Hyukjae.. trust me," he replied
"No it's not going to be okay. Stop lying Siwon. I just want to know why this is all happening to me.." I cried even louder
"God always tests those he loves the most," he answered simply, but his hold on me became tighter.
"Then he must love me a lot," I said sarcastically
"I'm glad you caught on," I felt him smiling into my hair. I really wanted to roll my eyes at how dense he was, but I knew that I had to be thankful that at least he was trying to comfort me so I kept my mouth shut.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I finally told Siwon I wanted to go home, and he nodded, pulling away and helping me down from the bed.
~~
"He's broken, but he'll live.. Yeah he's still here, Siwon's with him now.. What do you mean get Siwon away from him?! That's rich coming from you who hurt him like that. what? No i'm not going to listen to you..wait er.... i have to go,bye,"
Kyuhyun abruptly ended his conversation when he realised our presence.I didn't want to ask him who he was talking to. Part of me didn't want to know, but part of me already knew. Siwon held onto my hands as he walked us out of the hospital. I really wasn't strong enough physically and emotionally to pull away, so I let him. Kyuhyun had already called for a cab and it was waiting for us outside. Siwon pulled me into one last hug before he let me go into the taxi. I watched him and Kyuhyun exchange a few words, before Kyuhyun joined me in the taxi. As it drove away, I watched Siwon wave at us, with a sincere smile on his face.
When we reached my house, Kyuhyun walked me to the door and rang the doorbell for me. My mom opened the door, and she almost fainted in horror when she saw me.
"What happened to you? Are you okay? I tried calling you a few times. Why didn't you pick up? I wanted to tell you that daddy said he was sorry and he asked you to come home," she began worriedly.
"My battery died, sorry mom. Oh, it's nothing, I just tripped on my own shoelace. Thank god Kyu found me," I lied,nudging Kyuhyun in the elbow signalling him to go along with the story.
"You'll be the death of me boy. You're so clumsy! How can you go through military service next time? You'll probably die, not getting shot or anything honourable but tripping over nothing," she paused to laugh before continuing, " now come in. You too young man," she nodded in Kyuhyun's direction.
He politely declined, saying that he had to be home early, and left. But not before telling me to be careful, and to lay low .
~~
And that's what I did. For the whole holiday, I never once left my house. Not even to buy something from the supermarket across my house.
---