one jealous wizard
She strikes again, this time with Darla in tow.
Darla helped with this one sooo much -- from first with plot scheming, then finally goading me with the perfect bits of inspiration. So, hat's off to Darla!
Warning: this is another tie-in with a popular series as of late. I'm going to forego trying to perfectly fit in canon and real-life timelines just for the sake of author's jurisdiction. And unfortunately, one should be a Twilight fan (having read all 4 books and watched movie) to really appreciate this fic. Most apologies to those who haven't, but hopefully you can still read along, and understand from the viewpoint of one of the guys...
TITLE: one jealous wizard
SUMMARY: The girls have been a bit obsessed lately... and Ron's had it up to here...
TIME FRAME: after DH, before epilogue, H/G and R/Hr are both married, and some children
CAST: Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, James. Mentions of other characters.
RATING: PG-13.
WORDS: 7,187. Holy crap. So therefore, this is will be in 2 parts. You're welcome.
part 1 -- part 2
--**--
Harry crouched in the tent, patiently waiting for dawn. He was on a reconnaissance mission and he had come to the conclusion that he slightly regretted asking Ron to accompany him.
The fantastic thing about Ron was that even though he was no longer an Auror in an official capacity, he did provide the perfect investigation partner in certain matters. However, Harry hadn’t considered the fact that perhaps things were not all that great between Ron and Hermione, and in some sense, he really didn’t want to know too much about it. But what he did note was the fact that Ron was increasingly irritable.
Admittedly, Harry did feel slightly guilty as his life with Ginny (the words “wedded bliss” floated across his mind with a pathetic grin) was perfect at the moment; the only exception that he was stuck in a damn tent in the middle of some dandelion field waiting on Mundungus Fletcher of all wizards when he’d rather be at home.
He checked his battered watch and knew that Ginny would be waking soon with James and Albus. The idea of apparating home for ten minutes (alright, perhaps he could stretch it to twenty-five; Dung was always late) was excruciatingly appealing. She had been so keen lately that he sometimes pondered what was going through her head, but another part of his body didn’t care and quite frankly, Harry wasn’t complaining in the slightest.
He did, however, sense that Ron’s situation might be clearly the opposite, which was another obvious reason that he didn’t want to pry. This was clearly a “female” matter, and perhaps, if he remembered, he would ask Ginny if she knew what might be going on.
“What time is it?” Ron asked, groggily.
Harry turned around and noted Ron’s scowl. “Quarter to six. Dung’s not back yet.”
“Skimpy git. Bet he’s havin’ it off on the job.”
The nice little daydream he was having suddenly popped. “Ergh, Ron. I didn’t want that visual.”
Ron groaned in response. “Sorry. What have you for breakfast?”
He nodded his head towards the corner of the tent. “Ginny packed us a basket. Help yourself.”
“At least your wife’s still cooking for you,” Ron groused.
Harry turned back to the door of the tent.
“Then again, Hermione’s absolute pants at cooking. Why do I even care?”
Harry wondered for a moment how many dandelions he could count.
“Bloody effin’ American vampire.”
“What?” Harry turned around.
“I think Hermione’s in love with someone else.”
He was definitely going to have Ginny say something. This can’t be right. “What are you on about, mate?”
“I can’t figure it out - it’s either this vampire or a damn werewolf.”
Harry was confused. “Maybe you’re jumping to conclusions. You know how serious she is about work - is this some case that she’s working on?”
“All I know is that the vampire is American, and so is the werewolf. I’ve got names too. This can’t be a case that she’s on, because they are American - bloody yanks.”
“Maybe she took on an international case.”
“Doubt it.”
Harry shook his head. “Hold on, now back up. You have names. Who are they? I have contacts in the international office - I could find out if she’s on a case or not. She wouldn’t even know, mate.”
Ron just sighed.
“Ron, this doesn’t make sense.”
“So explain to me why she’s talking about some Edward in her sleep.”
“Edward is a vampire?”
“And Jacob is the werewolf. What the bloody hell kind of name is Jacob?” Ron growled.
Harry thought for a moment. “She’s saying these names in her sleep?”
“It’s bloody disgusting.” Ron was quiet for a moment. “She won’t touch me,” he mumbled.
Harry closed his eyes and turned back to the doorway of the tent. He did not want to discuss sex with Ron at all. Those types of discussions were private to him and particularly sensitive since Ron was Ginny’s brother. But Ron seemed to be in pain. He sighed and faced his friend again. “She’s probably just dreaming about work. I don’t see Hermione having an affair. Especially not with a vampire,” he added, shuddering.
“Then it’s the werewolf, isn’t it?”
Harry rolled his eyes. “I just can’t see it, mate. Tell you what - I’ll look into this when we’re done with the mission today, alright? I’ll find out who these blokes are for you. I assure you, it’s likely it’s a case she’s working on, and she can’t say anything about it. Not intentionally, of course.”
Ron gave him the most defeated look. “Would you really?”
“Sure.” Harry turned back to the door of the tent when a soft pop sounded about ten yards away. “About time, Dung.”
--**--
“Oh, bugger,” Ginny muttered, reluctantly getting up.
“He has good timing,” Harry panted, sinking back into the bed.
Albus’ cries intensified.
“Yes, at least he waited until we were done,” she grinned, kissing his chin before hurriedly putting on her robe and rushing out the door.
He smiled, feeling rather satisfied and snuggled in deeper under the covers.
He realized with a sudden rush of anxiety that he had forgotten something rather important today. He mentally rushed through his agenda, trying desperately to find what it was that he might have forgotten. He and Ron had finished up their mission early this morning; he had already completed and filed his notes and reports from the mission (that was a great personal accomplishment as it took all day - Hermione would have been proud of him) and by the time he had arrived home, Ginny had the entire evening planned for their little family. It was rather fantastic, actually, once the boys were put to bed.
He groaned and stretched again.
Oh, bugger. Ron and Hermione. That’s what he had forgotten.
Well, nothing he was going to do about that now. Hopefully, he wouldn’t forget in the morning.
He sat up and looked around the bedroom. Briefly he wondered what was really going on between his friends, especially since that particular aspect of his life was fully satisfied, and it was obvious that theirs weren’t. But a small voice coming from the base of his stomach reminded him that he needn’t care.
He noticed that Ginny must have recently taken up reading during his frequent absences as there were three rather thick books piled haphazardly on her bedside table. He didn’t recall seeing these books before, and so he picked up the first one that featured an apple on the cover. It looked a bit too romantic for him, so he put it back. It was definitely not his taste in reading.
Ginny stealthily snuck back into the room and snuggled right into his arms.
He’ll worry about his friends tomorrow. But what was he going to do again? Something about a case of Hermione’s?
Oh, never mind.
--**--
Harry had no sooner sat at his desk before a breathless red-haired wizard appeared and collapsed in the chair across from him. He looked up, startled, and smiled looking back at his desk. “Ron.”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“What did you find out, you git?”
He looked up and realized that he had once again forgotten about Ron’s problems, and his promise to find out whatever he could. He sighed - had he always been this incompetent?
However, it was the desperate look in Ron’s eyes that prompted Harry’s response. “Ron, you’ve got nothing to worry about. It’s a case she’s working on.” It was a plausible lie.
Ron studied him for a moment. “You’re not putting me on, are you?”
“Mate, if I honestly thought that you should be concerned, I would tell you.”
“That’s it? Don’t worry about it?” Ron huffed angrily. “I’ll duel the bastards,” he muttered.
Harry sighed. “What happened last night?”
“I don’t know,” he grumbled. “I did manage to figure out that Edward, whoever he is, left, and now it’s all Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.”
“Ron - are you absolutely positive that there’s something going on, because this just doesn’t make any sense.” He had to remember to talk to Ginny about this.
“Well, no it doesn’t make any sense to you, Mr-Everything-is-so-perfect-because-he’s-getting-laid,” Ron sneered before getting up in a huff. “Why do I even bother?”
“Ron -“
“Just admit it, Harry. You forgot, didn’t you?”
“Look, I’d go down right now to her floor, but you and I both know that she’s there. She’d get suspicious. Just, please. Don’t do anything rash.”
“What do you think I would do?”
He met Ron’s eyes square. “What will you do?”
“I’ll buy tickets for one of those air-e-o-plane-things and fly to Seattle.”
“Seattle?”
“Yes. They live near Seattle, wherever that is.”
“Where did you get this?”
Ron gave him another dirty look.
“So, she’s dreaming and talking about Seattle now?” Harry asked. This was bewildering. He sighed. “Scratch answering that. What will you do once you get to Seattle?”
“You’re going to help me find these bastards.”
“I - what? I can’t leave right now!”
“You can and you will! You’re my second!”
“You are honestly going to challenge a werewolf and a vampire to a dual? Ron -“
“If you take the vampire, I can handle the werewolf.”
Panicked, he checked the calendar to great relief. “Did you realize that this week is the full moon? No way am I going to fly across the globe to fight a vampire and a transformed werewolf, you git.”
“Alright, we’ll wait until next week.”
Harry smacked his hand to his forehead. “Will you listen to yourself?”
“Harry, please?”
The look of desperation stopped Harry again. He sighed. “Ron, no. There is no reason for this, you know.”
“How do you know that?”
This stopped Harry. “I just-it’s just that Hermione loves you. She wouldn’t do this to you. There is a logical explanation - I just know it.”
Ron sighed. “Next week.” He gruffly stormed out.
“Fantastic,” Harry muttered to himself. “Bloody fantastic.”
--**--
He had hung up his cloak when he realized that the house was awfully quiet for having two rather rambunctious toddlers about. He found his wife curled up on the sofa reading another one of those black books. Smiling despite himself, he suddenly felt much better and snuggled right down next to her, wrapping his arms about her and helping himself to the back of her neck.
“Hi, Harry. Why are you home so early?” She hadn’t even looked up or turned around.
“I decided to skive off the rest of the day. Where are the boys?”
“With Mum.”
“Well, isn’t that convenient,” he murmured into her shoulder.
She turned the page in her book.
He felt an annoying twang deep in his chest. What was going on? “Convenient, you know,” he tried. “I’m home early, the boys are gone…” his voice trailed off pathetically.
She was completely absorbed in the damn book.
How could she do this to him? Build him up over the past weeks to some insane sexual stamina then just ignore him like this? He could feel that old chest monster stretching and clawing in preparation.
“Good reading?” he asked, feeling miffed, but yet bravely set his hands wandering.
“Mm hmm.”
He sighed. “Since when is a book more amusing than me?” he complained.
She looked up at him, and then suddenly seemed to realize that he was there. She smiled and kissed him quickly. “I’m sorry, Harry, it’s a new book and I’m enthralled.”
“A book is more enthralling than me?” he pouted.
“I wouldn’t put it that way, love,” she laughed. “I mean, if you were the subject of a series of novels, I’m sure it would be fantastically enthralling. Probably better than this,” she shrugged, even though she hadn’t closed her book yet.
He could feel a quiver of his smile coming back. “So, I’m home…” he started.
“How was your day?” She still didn’t close her book.
“Absolute crap.” He wasn’t going to forget this time. “Do you know what’s going on with Ron and Hermione?”
She gave him a curious look. “No, why?”
“Well, Ron -“ he shook his head in disbelief. “Ron’s got the mind that Hermione’s seeing someone.”
Ginny’s eyes grew large. “What? That’s impossible!”
“That’s what I told him, but he wouldn’t believe me.”
This time she did mark her place and closed her book. “Alright, tell me everything.”
He took a breath. “He’s decided to fly out to Seattle to dual some vampire and a werewolf.”
Ginny clapped her hands to her mouth, and instead of being shocked, she exploded in giggles. “Are- are you - oh my - God, only Ron,” she managed before leaning back on the sofa, shaking in laughter.
He, on the other hand, was not as amused. “Would you mind telling me what this is about?”
“Why - why would Ron come to this?” she managed. There were tears in her eyes now; laughing tears.
“Apparently Hermione’s been - uninterested - in him lately.”
More peals of giggles.
Harry rolled his eyes. “I’m glad you find this so amusing. Will you enlighten me?”
“Oh, Harry,” she laughed, tossing aside her book and crawling into his lap. “It’s probably my fault.”
She sprinkled kisses across his chin, but he pulled away. “Explain.”
She sighed. “Oh, alright. But first, tell me who Ron feels more threatened by.”
He glared at her. “What?”
“Did he mention any names?”
“Yes. He mentioned an Edward and a Jacob.”
“And who bothered him more?”
“I don’t bloody know!” His temper was starting to show. “He complained about an American vampire and a werewolf. In fact, he expects me to dual the vampire while he takes on the werewolf.”
Ginny collapsed in another fit of giggles.
He firmly pulled her off his lap and set her down on the sofa before standing up over her. “I still fail to see the humour.”
“Oh, Harry. You may be the savior of the wizarding world, but I don’t think you could stand a chance against Edward Cullen.”
This comment rankled him more than he wanted to admit. “Excuse me?”
She wiped the tears from her eyes, and smiled sympathetically up at him. “I’m sorry, but honestly -“
“What’s he got that I don’t?” He growled heatedly. Out of all the things he’d been through - that he’d done - and she doesn’t think he can fight a stupid vampire?
She composed herself for a moment. “Can you wait just a minute? I’ll be right back.”
He nodded and crossed his arms. “Fine. I’m waiting.”
She bolted up the stairs and the next thing he heard was her literally howling in laughter. He could feel the prickles of anger itching up his back. Why the hell had he decided to come home early?
By the time she arrived at the foot of the stairs, she had at least controlled herself of the incessant laughter. She was also holding that black book with the apple on the front. “Ok, Harry. A couple months ago, Darla - you remember her, right? My old teammate on the Harpies? Well, she lent me this book that she said I absolutely had to read. Well, it was so good that I had to buy myself a copy - Mind you that I had to go into Muggle London for this thing. There’s actually three - wait, four - books in the series,” she gestured to the book on the sofa. “I just bought the fourth one today. I convinced Mum to watch the boys so that I could hopefully finish it before you came home. Beyond that, I introduced Hermione to these books as well.” She took a breath.
He just waited. He had to admit, his pride was still burning at her suggestion that a vampire could defeat him.
“The books are very - romantic. This girl falls in love with a seventeen-year-old vampire - he’s been seventeen for nearly a hundred years. Then her best friend happens to be a werewolf. So, it’s this complicated love triangle bit, because the werewolf loves her too, and she’s torn between the two.” She gauged his expression, and hurriedly went on. “Anyways, Hermione’s only up to book two which might-“ she fought off a giggle here, “explain her lack of interest. It’s a very depressing book. The third book is where the romance really picks up,” she blushed here, he noted. “And so far in the fourth book, she and the vampire have gotten married and - well, I haven’t gotten too far yet, but it’s pretty good.”
He shook his head. All this over a stupid book? Wait. “What did you mean that I couldn’t stand a chance on this Edward bloke?”
She smiled. “Well, first of all, he’s fictional. He’s written to be perfect, so it’s impossible to really compare him - although he’s constantly saving Bella over and over again. He’s awfully protective of her because she’s just human. Somewhat reminds me of you and your ‘saving people’ thing.” She smiled this time, and it was genuine. She then shot him a knowing look. “He even tried to leave her - for her own good.” She sighed.
He narrowed his eyes. “But I don’t stand a chance? That’s not bloody fair, now is it?”
“Well, now, hold on,” She smiled. “It’s just that he’s incredibly fast and he can read minds. So, by the time you’d have your wand out, he could essentially rip you apart before you could say ‘Expelliarmus.’”
“Thanks for that wonderful vote of confidence,” he said, sarcastically.
“Fictional, Harry. It’s just a book.”
He huffed, slowly fighting to calm down. “It might be just a book, but Ron thinks Hermione’s having an affair with one of these two.” Then the absurdity of the whole scenario hit him. He snickered despite himself. “Come on, Gin. I have an invisibility cloak. I could dual the vampire.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, but her smile danced on her lips. “Only if you could somehow block your thoughts, I’ll give.”
“So, is this why you’ve been so demanding of me lately?” he asked, his hands snaking around her waist and pulling her close. “You’ve been obsessing over mind-reading vampire romance novels?”
Sheepishly she shrugged. “Are you complaining?”
“Not in the least.” He bent down to kiss her neck. “But I did come home early,” he started.
“Yes, you did. I hardly even got through the first few chapters,” she complained, glancing back at the book on the sofa.
“Well, seems a shame to waste the day off,” he murmured into her shoulder.
“Just, can I finish this chapter first?”
“What? Are you putting me on?”
“Well, it’s just that they’re still on the honeymoon and well - just let me finish this chapter. I think she’s going to take advantage of him soon.”
“Really? Well, I can think of a wizard who won’t complain if his wife were to seduce him at the moment.”
She kissed him quickly and gently pulled away. “Just a few more pages.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Trust me. I’ll come take advantage of you when they have sex.”
He chucked her under the chin. “You haven’t gone all barmy, have you?”
“Go upstairs and lay down. Just give me a bit, love.”
He groaned, stepped back from her and started up the stairs.
“Oh, Harry?”
He turned, hopeful.
“We ought to invite Ron and Hermione to dinner tonight. I want to see Ron’s face when he realizes what’s really been going on.”
“Only if you follow me up the stairs,” he countered.
“Just a couple more pages. I promise.” She hopped back into her spot on the sofa and opened her book.
True to her word, she had only turned two pages before she squealed in excitement and bolted up the stairs and into his arms.
--**--
“I have not!”
“Hermione, don’t deny it. You have been ignoring your husband as of late, haven’t you?”
“Why would you say something like that?”
The two moms were in the Potter’s kitchen clearing up after the shared family dinner. Ginny shooed the husbands and the three little children out to the garden to play so that she could have a talk with Hermione.
“I say this because apparently your husband was complaining to my husband.”
“Complaining about what?”
Ginny raised one eyebrow. “For being extremely bright and the smartest witch I’ve ever known, I can’t fathom that you are missing the point here. Ron thinks that you’re having an affair.”
“What? That’s impossible! Where - How?”
“And unless you do something about it soon-“ she couldn’t hold her smile nor her laugh any longer.
“What?! Ginny, I’m not having an affair!”
“I know,” she laughed.
“This is not funny! Where could he have possibly gotten that idea?”
“Just tell me one thing. Who have you been dreaming of lately? Edward or Jacob?”
“Are you serious?”
“Ron’s trying to convince Harry to travel with him to go duel a vampire and a werewolf near Seattle.”
“Oh, my,” Hermione sat down at the table. “He’s so thick - how could he have come to that conclusion?”
“Well, apparently men - I can safely assume that we could include Muggles in this analogy - primarily think with one part and one part only; and in a Wizard’s case, it’s his wand. Figuratively speaking.”
Hermione sighed, clearly looking embarrassed over the content of the discussion. “But why -“
“Think on it.” Ginny sighed. “I don’t want any details,” she shuddered at the thought, “but when was the last time you were intimate with your husband?”
She shot her a baleful glare. “Well, what about you?”
Ginny grinned shamelessly. “Harry’s been quite accommodating.”
“Merlin, no wonder you’re absolutely glowing,” Hermione muttered.
“How far have you gotten into the book?” Ginny asked.
Hermione thought for a moment. “It’s a harder read than I thought it would be. It’s been so depressing I can’t finish it.”
“How far?”
“She was about to go cliff jumping, I believe.”
“Oh, for Merlin’s pants! Look, just finish the damn book! I swear I should send you home right now!”
“Ginny!”
“I’m of the mind to tell Ron right now what’s really going on with you.” Ginny started to march off towards the door.
“What are you going to say? You can’t tell him!”
Ginny stopped and turned around. “Why not? He thinks you’re having an affair! What I’d like to know is which one is it - the vampire or the werewolf?”
“What?”
“I’m not having an affair!”
“But who would you pick, Hermione? Are you a Jacob shipper, or on team Edward?”
“You’ve lost it, you know,” Hermione shook her head. “So, wait a minute. If Ron’s complained to Harry, then Harry knows about all this?”
Ginny laughed. “I would have died to be a fly buzzing about in that tent when they were talking about this. You can imagine how uncomfortable Harry must have been. He apparently was doing all he could to convince Ron that you wouldn’t have an affair, but you know how stubborn Ron is.”
“But does Harry know about your books then?”
Ginny blushed. “He figured that out. He came home early today, and I had just sat down to read the fourth book -- speaking of which, hurry up and finish the other damn books so I can have someone to talk this madness with!”
“Why? What happens?”
“I don’t want to ruin it for you! You’re almost at the best part in the second book, anyways.”
Hermione laughed. “Why is it that you didn’t harbour the same interest over ‘Pride and Prejudice’ or ‘Wuthering Heights’?”
“Because I couldn’t stand Mr. Darcy. Regardless, I guess I’m going to have to read those again.” Ginny sighed. She glanced outside, and grinned at a thought.
“What is it now?”
“Oh, what I would give to see my dear brother’s face when he finds out he’s been jealous of a fictional vampire. Or would be the werewolf? Which do you prefer?”
Hermione sighed, pursing her lips. “Not sure. They both have good qualities, you know. What about you?”
“Oh, definitely Edward. You, however, I’m bettin’ that you’re a Jacob shipper.”
“Good point there,” Hermione smiled.
--**--
stay tuned for part 2!!