Still Hunt [Chapter Five]
Series Title: Still hunt
Chapter: five
It had been three days since the night the overdose had happened. The hospital had insisted they kept You in for at least another 24 hours, concerned he may continue to react to the harmful substances he had come into contact with.
Satoru stayed by his side throughout the entire stay, refusing to sleep at all; his anxiety for the recovering boy keeping him awake at all hours.
The police had interviewed them both, wanting to know everything that had happened. They had allowed a week for them to decide whether to pursue an investigation into the case.
Satoru had said no for him, insisting it would cause more trouble than it was worth. After all, it would only go to the public, and Satoru would do anything he could in his power to stop this.
You hadn’t found the courage to stand up for himself; he had been too ill during his interview, and of course, too cowardly to speak for himself.
Except, instead of letting it wash over him, this time he felt nothing but anger.
~
I found out that boy’s name today. You-san.
Plain, weak, nothing special about it. It suits him well.
After you and him left the bar last night, I took this opportunity to come here.
There were unopened letters addressed to him on the table, from his parents, some of his bank details and a general waste of paper like that. I tore them up and burnt them with my lighter.
I spent the night in your bed, waking up to the morning light and your gentle scent on the pillows.
I understand why you chose to live here now, the view really is wonderful.
After I woke up, I took a shower, using your soaps and shampoo. Once I had dried myself, I went back into your bedroom and searched through your cupboards and drawers again. Your personal possessions are my favourite things to touch.
I dressed myself in one of your shirts; it came down over my thighs, covering me perfectly. I was completely naked underneath; I couldn’t help but enjoy the thought of you wearing it after it had touched my breasts, and every other part of me…
Satoru, I want to live here with you.
I don’t want to live anywhere else.
~
He turned the heating up a little, their apartment seeming icier than usual. His temperature had been up and down all day; he wasn’t sure whether it was the drugs the hospital had given him, or whether he was still suffering from what had happened.
You tried not to shiver, pulling the long sleeves of his shirt down over his wrists as far as they would go.
Satoru watched him from behind the contracts and documents he had been dealing with, as he sat quietly on the sofa in their living space. They had barely spoken since they got home from the hospital. He had wanted to however, he had wanted to do anything he could to make him well again, but You had barely even allowed himself to be in the same room as him for more than five minutes.
You, aside from feeling terrible, was overcome with anger. Having been too tired and embarrassed to stand up for himself in the interview, he had said nothing, lying in his hospital bed allowing Satoru to take control as always.
Only now he was home, and after many hours of covering up his fury, he could feel it bottling up inside of him ready to burst. He had spent most of the day in the bedroom, trying to sleep off his fever and the anger eating away at his usual cheery attitude.
After all this, the air in their apartment had been left feeling tense and awkward.
You stood in the kitchen, taking his painkillers with water every four hours, as prescribed. He knew Satoru was staring at him, he could feel his piercing blue eyes burning holes right through him.
“You-chan,”
Oh please leave me alone.
Reluctantly, he turned to face the direction of the voice he heard.
“Are you going to be well enough for me to leave you at home tomorrow?” Satoru asked, his eyes now focused keenly on the documents.
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes,” he explained, adjusting the reading glasses positioned on the bridge of his nose. “I have to go back to the studio tomorrow.”
Yes of course, its Friday tomorrow.
Another day of being alone at home.
“Oh I see,” You replied, putting his medication back down on the kitchen counter.
How much precious time has been wasted because of me?
“Do you think you’ll be well enough to be left alone?” he asked again, continuing with his paperwork, not making the slightest bit of eye contact.
I feel so ill that even your talking frustrates me.
“Do I look well to you?”
Satoru picked up on the sharp tone in his voice, finally looking up at the younger boy.
“That’s not what I asked,”
“I never said it was.”
Satoru removed his reading glasses for the moment, setting them down on the table in front of him. He knew this had been waiting for him all day, it was inevitable.
You’s mood had been like this all day, worsening since their interview with the police, until he had finally stopped bothering to talk altogether. It was clear to Satoru that he had been bottling it all up inside, waiting for the right moment to speak out.
He had tried on countless occasions throughout the day to try and talk to him, but to his dismay, had received nothing but one word answers.
“What’s the matter, You?” Satoru asked politely, relaxing back against the sofa.
“What??”
You felt his blood boil beneath his skin.
“What the hell do you mean ‘what’s the matter’?” You exclaimed, finding it hard not to raise his voice. “You know what’s wrong.”
“I don’t know, that’s why I asked,”
Wipe that nonchalant look off your face.
“Well if you’re too stupid to work it out, then just leave me alone.”
You found himself storm away towards the bedroom, needing to calm himself down before he started shouting.
“Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.”
He ignored the voice, failing to notice the now equally frustrated man stand up from the sofa.
“You-chan-”
Just before he reached the sliding door of their bedroom, he felt Satoru grab him by the wrist.
“Let go of me-”
He tried to pull away from his tight grip, struggling and panicking as he felt Satoru now hold him firmly by both the arms.
For just a split second amongst his attempt to free himself, his eyes met Satoru’s just inches from his own, noticing how his casual, calm look from before had instantly been replaced with frustration and control.
“I said let go!”
“Only when you stop behaving like a fucking child.” He hissed, slamming him into the wall in attempt to restrain him from walking away.
You instantly stopped struggling, frightened slightly by the anger he rarely saw in Satoru. He had barely noticed his head hit against the wall, he was too focused on the fury in his pale eyes.
“If you have something to say, you say it, don’t you dare think its fine to just pretend nothing’s wrong and then sulk about it.”
“You don’t care about what’s wrong.”
Amongst his anger, Satoru felt his heart ache for just a moment.
“That’s not true!”
“Of course it is, the only thing you care about is yourself.”
“Is that what you think??”
“Yes, you’ve made it very evident ever since we moved here.”
You could feel the man holding him in place trembling slightly.
“I’ve been working very very hard, so don’t you even think for one second you can bring that up today.”
“Why not?”
“Do you even understand how much pressure there is on me at the moment? You have no idea. You’re not the one who works twelve hours a day six days a week-”
“No, you’re right, I’m the one stuck at home alone every day, being kept here like a pet.”
“You knew I had to work on this album, you knew that when you came to Tokyo,”
“I wanted to be a part of that, but I didn’t think it would be like this.”
“Like what?”
“Being here every day, waiting for you to come home like some fucking woman, picking up the pieces when you come home in a state,”
Satoru could feel himself being ripped apart. He had never heard You speak like this before, not about him.
I don’t want to hear it…
“Then why didn’t you tell me all this before??”
“Because you never listen to me, you never let me speak for myself, it’s always about you isn’t it?”
You felt the grip on his arms tighten further, until he was sure there’d be bruises.
“You didn’t even have the decency to let me press charges today did you?”
“Oh so now you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
You paused for just a moment, both boys staring at each other furiously.
“They wouldn’t be able to find out who did it, You-chan; you know that, it would just be wasting everyone’s time-”
“You just didn’t want it to leak to the press did you?”
It was Satoru this time that had nothing to say.
“I knew it.”
“No-”
“You didn’t want everyone to find out about what happened, because you knew that everyone would then find out about us.”
“You-chan-”
“You don’t want all your fans to know you’re gay-”
“I’m not gay!”
“What?”
“I’m not gay, don’t say that.”
You watched furiously as Satoru refused to meet his eyes.
What are you saying??
“Then that’s a very convincing lie you’ve been feeding me the last few months isn’t it?”
Don’t make this anymore harder for me than it already is…
“You-chan I love you, I really do love you, I just don’t like men.” His voice was softer now.
You could feel his heart racing in his chest.
“Then why are you with me?”
I could give you a thousand reasons.
“Because you’re different.”
Is that all you have to justify yourself?
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve never had feelings for a man before, only you.” He explained, loosening the grip on the boy. “You-chan, I’m not gay, it’s just you, only you.”
You could feel the blood rushing to his arms again, tingling and painful as he felt all the feeling he had lost flood back into them.
“You’ve changed me,”
He pulled himself out of Satoru’s lose grip, his arms tingling with pins and needles.
“You-chan,”
You’s eyes met his lover’s blue ones. They were filled with guilt and shame.
The same look I get every day that I just pretend I don’t notice.
“I understand.”
It’s my place in this relationship, after all.
He sighed exhaustedly, ignoring Satoru’s anxious eyes.
Now that the shouting had subsided, he realised how much his head hurt, how much his entire body felt weak and achy. He was still unhappy, still fed up with Satoru and his selfishness, but right now he felt too ill to do anything about it.
It wasn’t worth the effort.
“I think I’m going to have a shower.” You muttered, rubbing his aching forehead.
He pushed past the older boy, until he heard the voice that had been shouting at him for the last five minutes speak once more.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
~
to be continued
did anyone expect it to be a woman? ahahaha :P
Chapter: five
It had been three days since the night the overdose had happened. The hospital had insisted they kept You in for at least another 24 hours, concerned he may continue to react to the harmful substances he had come into contact with.
Satoru stayed by his side throughout the entire stay, refusing to sleep at all; his anxiety for the recovering boy keeping him awake at all hours.
The police had interviewed them both, wanting to know everything that had happened. They had allowed a week for them to decide whether to pursue an investigation into the case.
Satoru had said no for him, insisting it would cause more trouble than it was worth. After all, it would only go to the public, and Satoru would do anything he could in his power to stop this.
You hadn’t found the courage to stand up for himself; he had been too ill during his interview, and of course, too cowardly to speak for himself.
Except, instead of letting it wash over him, this time he felt nothing but anger.
~
I found out that boy’s name today. You-san.
Plain, weak, nothing special about it. It suits him well.
After you and him left the bar last night, I took this opportunity to come here.
There were unopened letters addressed to him on the table, from his parents, some of his bank details and a general waste of paper like that. I tore them up and burnt them with my lighter.
I spent the night in your bed, waking up to the morning light and your gentle scent on the pillows.
I understand why you chose to live here now, the view really is wonderful.
After I woke up, I took a shower, using your soaps and shampoo. Once I had dried myself, I went back into your bedroom and searched through your cupboards and drawers again. Your personal possessions are my favourite things to touch.
I dressed myself in one of your shirts; it came down over my thighs, covering me perfectly. I was completely naked underneath; I couldn’t help but enjoy the thought of you wearing it after it had touched my breasts, and every other part of me…
Satoru, I want to live here with you.
I don’t want to live anywhere else.
~
He turned the heating up a little, their apartment seeming icier than usual. His temperature had been up and down all day; he wasn’t sure whether it was the drugs the hospital had given him, or whether he was still suffering from what had happened.
You tried not to shiver, pulling the long sleeves of his shirt down over his wrists as far as they would go.
Satoru watched him from behind the contracts and documents he had been dealing with, as he sat quietly on the sofa in their living space. They had barely spoken since they got home from the hospital. He had wanted to however, he had wanted to do anything he could to make him well again, but You had barely even allowed himself to be in the same room as him for more than five minutes.
You, aside from feeling terrible, was overcome with anger. Having been too tired and embarrassed to stand up for himself in the interview, he had said nothing, lying in his hospital bed allowing Satoru to take control as always.
Only now he was home, and after many hours of covering up his fury, he could feel it bottling up inside of him ready to burst. He had spent most of the day in the bedroom, trying to sleep off his fever and the anger eating away at his usual cheery attitude.
After all this, the air in their apartment had been left feeling tense and awkward.
You stood in the kitchen, taking his painkillers with water every four hours, as prescribed. He knew Satoru was staring at him, he could feel his piercing blue eyes burning holes right through him.
“You-chan,”
Oh please leave me alone.
Reluctantly, he turned to face the direction of the voice he heard.
“Are you going to be well enough for me to leave you at home tomorrow?” Satoru asked, his eyes now focused keenly on the documents.
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes,” he explained, adjusting the reading glasses positioned on the bridge of his nose. “I have to go back to the studio tomorrow.”
Yes of course, its Friday tomorrow.
Another day of being alone at home.
“Oh I see,” You replied, putting his medication back down on the kitchen counter.
How much precious time has been wasted because of me?
“Do you think you’ll be well enough to be left alone?” he asked again, continuing with his paperwork, not making the slightest bit of eye contact.
I feel so ill that even your talking frustrates me.
“Do I look well to you?”
Satoru picked up on the sharp tone in his voice, finally looking up at the younger boy.
“That’s not what I asked,”
“I never said it was.”
Satoru removed his reading glasses for the moment, setting them down on the table in front of him. He knew this had been waiting for him all day, it was inevitable.
You’s mood had been like this all day, worsening since their interview with the police, until he had finally stopped bothering to talk altogether. It was clear to Satoru that he had been bottling it all up inside, waiting for the right moment to speak out.
He had tried on countless occasions throughout the day to try and talk to him, but to his dismay, had received nothing but one word answers.
“What’s the matter, You?” Satoru asked politely, relaxing back against the sofa.
“What??”
You felt his blood boil beneath his skin.
“What the hell do you mean ‘what’s the matter’?” You exclaimed, finding it hard not to raise his voice. “You know what’s wrong.”
“I don’t know, that’s why I asked,”
Wipe that nonchalant look off your face.
“Well if you’re too stupid to work it out, then just leave me alone.”
You found himself storm away towards the bedroom, needing to calm himself down before he started shouting.
“Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you.”
He ignored the voice, failing to notice the now equally frustrated man stand up from the sofa.
“You-chan-”
Just before he reached the sliding door of their bedroom, he felt Satoru grab him by the wrist.
“Let go of me-”
He tried to pull away from his tight grip, struggling and panicking as he felt Satoru now hold him firmly by both the arms.
For just a split second amongst his attempt to free himself, his eyes met Satoru’s just inches from his own, noticing how his casual, calm look from before had instantly been replaced with frustration and control.
“I said let go!”
“Only when you stop behaving like a fucking child.” He hissed, slamming him into the wall in attempt to restrain him from walking away.
You instantly stopped struggling, frightened slightly by the anger he rarely saw in Satoru. He had barely noticed his head hit against the wall, he was too focused on the fury in his pale eyes.
“If you have something to say, you say it, don’t you dare think its fine to just pretend nothing’s wrong and then sulk about it.”
“You don’t care about what’s wrong.”
Amongst his anger, Satoru felt his heart ache for just a moment.
“That’s not true!”
“Of course it is, the only thing you care about is yourself.”
“Is that what you think??”
“Yes, you’ve made it very evident ever since we moved here.”
You could feel the man holding him in place trembling slightly.
“I’ve been working very very hard, so don’t you even think for one second you can bring that up today.”
“Why not?”
“Do you even understand how much pressure there is on me at the moment? You have no idea. You’re not the one who works twelve hours a day six days a week-”
“No, you’re right, I’m the one stuck at home alone every day, being kept here like a pet.”
“You knew I had to work on this album, you knew that when you came to Tokyo,”
“I wanted to be a part of that, but I didn’t think it would be like this.”
“Like what?”
“Being here every day, waiting for you to come home like some fucking woman, picking up the pieces when you come home in a state,”
Satoru could feel himself being ripped apart. He had never heard You speak like this before, not about him.
I don’t want to hear it…
“Then why didn’t you tell me all this before??”
“Because you never listen to me, you never let me speak for myself, it’s always about you isn’t it?”
You felt the grip on his arms tighten further, until he was sure there’d be bruises.
“You didn’t even have the decency to let me press charges today did you?”
“Oh so now you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
You paused for just a moment, both boys staring at each other furiously.
“They wouldn’t be able to find out who did it, You-chan; you know that, it would just be wasting everyone’s time-”
“You just didn’t want it to leak to the press did you?”
It was Satoru this time that had nothing to say.
“I knew it.”
“No-”
“You didn’t want everyone to find out about what happened, because you knew that everyone would then find out about us.”
“You-chan-”
“You don’t want all your fans to know you’re gay-”
“I’m not gay!”
“What?”
“I’m not gay, don’t say that.”
You watched furiously as Satoru refused to meet his eyes.
What are you saying??
“Then that’s a very convincing lie you’ve been feeding me the last few months isn’t it?”
Don’t make this anymore harder for me than it already is…
“You-chan I love you, I really do love you, I just don’t like men.” His voice was softer now.
You could feel his heart racing in his chest.
“Then why are you with me?”
I could give you a thousand reasons.
“Because you’re different.”
Is that all you have to justify yourself?
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve never had feelings for a man before, only you.” He explained, loosening the grip on the boy. “You-chan, I’m not gay, it’s just you, only you.”
You could feel the blood rushing to his arms again, tingling and painful as he felt all the feeling he had lost flood back into them.
“You’ve changed me,”
He pulled himself out of Satoru’s lose grip, his arms tingling with pins and needles.
“You-chan,”
You’s eyes met his lover’s blue ones. They were filled with guilt and shame.
The same look I get every day that I just pretend I don’t notice.
“I understand.”
It’s my place in this relationship, after all.
He sighed exhaustedly, ignoring Satoru’s anxious eyes.
Now that the shouting had subsided, he realised how much his head hurt, how much his entire body felt weak and achy. He was still unhappy, still fed up with Satoru and his selfishness, but right now he felt too ill to do anything about it.
It wasn’t worth the effort.
“I think I’m going to have a shower.” You muttered, rubbing his aching forehead.
He pushed past the older boy, until he heard the voice that had been shouting at him for the last five minutes speak once more.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
~
to be continued
did anyone expect it to be a woman? ahahaha :P