Tales of Phantasia, Part 4 - Epic Long-Ass Post
The Epic Long-Ass Post starts in Midgar, where Arche has been making sensible statements and everyone has been ignoring her. She's about to start making more sensible statements right here:
Yes, yes it is indeed. Something reeks of fish-like doom here. I thought this was pretty obvious.
...But that doesn't mean I expected Klarth to have noticed anything.
KLARTH, YOU'RE DUMB. STOP PRETENDING TO BE THE SMART ONE.
...anything to Midgar. I do believe I missed a screenshot there.
See, that's why everyone thinks Klarth is the smart one: he sits around and doesn't do shit, and every once in a while he makes these obtuse, useless comments that sound vaguely intellectual. BUT HE'S DUMB.
Oh my God you're all idiots.
There you go, Arche, spell it out slowly for them.
A very useful comment, you might notice.
Yeah, I got that a while ago, thanks. These other guys are still being retarded, though.
Ooh, listen up, everybody! The genius is thinking!
Wow, thanks Klarth. That's really...helpful.
Since nobody knows what the hell is going on, we decide to go talk to Arche's daddy and see if he has any idea what's going on. Or something. So, yes, let's settle in for a long, peaceful chat...
Or not. Whatever.
Well, there's a quick change of mood for you.
I dunno, you seem awfully nervous all of a sudden...
Oh, shut the fuck up, Klarth. You called your girlfriend a stupid bitch, and Arche can't ask a (mostly) legitimate question?
What, she was kidnapped?
Because this looks like the nicest kidnapping I've ever seen.
Because you keep blowing your plans by saying shit like this that in front of the people who're trying to take her away.
"...I'm sorry, but I can't marry an idiot."
And then Bart had a bitchfight with the elves, which I didn't take screenshots of because it was boring. It appears that the elves have decided to stop breeding with idiots, which is why Arche was left with Bart - because they didn't know that she's a genius in spite of her retarded genes.
That's a tear, if you couldn't tell.
It's so touching.
And of course, Klarth, who has had enough of the touchy-feely crap, has taken this as an opportunity to rear his socially retarded head.
After a short, boring conversation I didn't bother screencapping, we end up back in Midgar, where we can see that...
...Klarth has become a disembodied voice. Okay. We head over to the castle, and here's what we saw.
A bunch of guards standing around being useless. I'm sure you're shocked.
Um, you're the guard here. Why do I have to deal with it?
Well, it rather looks like you're going to sit around and whine.
He probably just walked in while you dumbasses were napping. I’ve done it in a thousand games.
Um, I think it's a demon, Cless.
Eddie here's struck speechless by Cless's idiocy.
Um, do you realize you're talking to a demon? I'm pretty sure he would.
Well, you could always put the kid down if you don't want to kill him.
Anyway, Eddie dies, drama drama drama, and then...
Er, she never actually said she wasn't against fighting him. She just said she wanted to think about this logically. Logically, Cless.
That's what we call strategy, Cless. You don't send the general out to do the grunt work. It's kind of fucking obvious. Anyway, do you see the king heading out to the battlefield?
NO, ARCHE! NOOO! DON'T DO IT! WE NEED YOU!!
*Sigh* They're all retarded. Anyway, we head out to a war meeting, which I'm sure will be stupidity-free.
Until someone suggests that Klarth lead the troops. God help me.
Oh my God! There are people here with common sense!
...Logic?
Something horrible happened with the resizing/cropping of this picture. I think my computer just couldn't handle the overwhelming stench of DUMB.
Shit, this is how the USA is run, isn't it? Wonderful.
Anyway, that's the end of the epic long-ass post. I hope you enjoyed yourself and that your eyes haven't crossed yet.