Ambivalent Lucidity Rewrite
Title: Ambivalent Lucidity
Rating: Currently R
Pairings: Harry/Draco
Summary: When Draco Malfoy's mental health mysteriously declines, he is placed under the care of the only person he responds to: Harry Potter.
Warnings: (Future) Violence, rape, character death, mental illnesses (Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress, Paranoid Schizophrenia), slash, Pre-HBP
Beta-read by cluelesschase.
Hermione watched over the next few days as Ron grew steadily angrier in Harry’s silence. She kept expecting Harry to bring it up at dinner, to pull them aside, but any time it seemed as though he might, he blushed and changed the subject. Draco, she noticed, seemed to be content with this, and whilst she understood the appeal of being secret lovers, she felt slightly betrayed. Harry was her best friend- he was supposed to trust her. However, when Ron decided that he had had enough, she was sure that this was a very improper way of handling the situation.
Harry and Draco sat down quietly at the table early one Wednesday morning, Draco looking particularly tired and Harry acting slightly irritable, and they were sitting a good foot away from one another. Hermione suspected they had not slept well the night before, and greeted them with a small smile and a, “Good morning, you two.” They did not share her enthusiasm.
Ron did not say a word, instead simply stuffing his mouth with bacon, and when Hermione elbowed him, he elbowed her back stiffly and refused to look up. He did, however, see that Harry and Draco were inching closer to one another, and when Harry’s arm moved to touch Draco’s hand under the table, Ron dropped his fork loudly and glared straight into Harry’s eyes. “Why the fuck are you keeping secrets from us?” he growled lowly, but the Gryffindors sitting near them heard and turned their heads to observe. “No one’s blind, Harry -we all see what’s going on- so why the hell don’t you tell us?!” His voice was rising as he spoke until the entire Gryffindor table and part of Ravenclaw’s was staring.
Draco’s eyes widened slightly, and as he carefully kept his gaze from alighting on Harry, his lips curled slightly into a nasty smirk, and he leaned forward a little. “What’s wrong, Weasel? Does everyone not inform you before doing anything? Did you not receive a notice?” His voice was snarling, and his eyes narrowed before he glanced up to his boyfriend, whose face was a fierce red from fury, not embarrassment. “What secret is he keeping from you, exactly? Did he not tell you before using the loo this morning or-”
“Shut your face, Malfoy!” Ron snapped, slapping his palm against the tabletop, and he snapped his eyes back to Harry. “You think we don’t know what’s going on between you? I thought we weren’t going to keep secrets anymore, goddamnit!” By now, it seemed as though the entire Great Hall, including the snickering Slytherins, was staring at them, and while the teachers continued eating their breakfast, it was obvious they were forcing themselves not to look up.
Seamus chose this time to chime in, touching Ron’s shoulder and shaking his head. “It’s hardly a secret, mate. Why should Harry have to tell you when it’s so bleeding obvious?” His voice was hushed, as though he was afraid for anyone else to hear, and he jerked back as Ron made a violent gesture in his direction. “You don’t have to get so touchy over it, damn. I wouldn’t want to tell you either!”
This was hardly helping. Harry was shaking slightly, his cheeks on fire as he leaned forward and laced his fingers on the table. “You want to know why? Because I knew you’d act like a damned fool like you always do!” he exclaimed, and he reached over to seize Draco around the waist and haul him close. “What I choose to do is my business, got it? I have enough on my plate right now without you freaking out on me over everything I do, so you’re either going to have to get over it or leave me the hell alone! Whether you like it or not, he and I are going to… going to be like this!” No matter his lack of eloquence; this statement seemed to please Draco, who gave a firm nod and defiantly leaned up to brush his lips across Harry’s cheek.
This simple act threw Ron into a rage, and he stood up abruptly, forgetting that the bench was behind him and tripping over it as he tried to step backward. Harry and Draco watched as he fell flat on his arse in front of everyone, and Harry closed his eyes as he heard the snickers from his schoolmates evolve into raucous laughter. Ron’s ears enflamed and he scrambled up, trembling, before running out of the Great Hall in utter humiliation. Hermione felt herself blushing as well, and she sighed softly at the couple before her, who had parted and were pointedly not looking at one another, before she stood up. “Well, if YOU’RE not going to go after him, Harry, I will,” she huffed in a disappointed tone, gathering her bag and hurrying after her ashamed boyfriend.
Harry decided that he should take the morning off classes to gather himself, and when Draco climbed out of the shower, he found his boyfriend lying miserably on the bed. “Hey,” he whispered, sitting down beside him and threading his fingers through that thick black hair whilst dressed in nothing but a robe. “Cheer up. He had it coming, you know, and thanks to him, everyone in the fucking school knows about us.” Draco sighed and ran his fingers through his wet hair, shaking his head before lying down next to Harry, his robe dangerously close to falling off him. “Come here.”
Harry watched his boyfriend’s eyes for a moment before he scooted closer, head settling comfortably on the pillow as his hand reached out to adjust the robe on Draco’s chest. Pale fingers caught his wrist, and he gulped quietly as Draco slid his hand into the robe, bringing Harry’s fingers in contact with his cool, damp skin. There was a moment’s pause before Harry leaned up to kiss him soundly on the lips, and his hand slid further into the robe to caress that naked back. His fingers slid over the small of Draco’s back and they both shivered, the robe beginning to come open, and as Harry’s palm moved down to cup Draco’s arse, his tongue sliding into his mouth, Draco felt the tie on his robe fall loose, and he pressed against the other with a moan. “You can take it off if you want,” he whispered between kisses.
Harry did not need to be told again, and he immediately pulled the robe down around Draco’s waist, hands exploring the newly-bared skin of Draco’s chest and stomach. When his fingers reached the robe again, he opened his eyes and looked into the other’s eyes to find no hint of fear, and he seized it to push it completely off. Draco was glorious lying there with him, the light from the window catching him just so, and Harry’s eyes devoured the sight of his full nudity, his smooth hips and thighs and the taut flesh stretched over his rather prominent arousal. His heart pounded in his ribcage as he dared to caress Draco’s most intimate places with his palm, and he looked up into his eyes to make sure that this was all right. He was greeted with the sight of Draco’s eyes falling shut and his head falling back slightly, and he rightfully took this as a signal to continue forward.
He felt Draco’s hands on his trousers, felt the button and zip come undone speedily, and he shivered as his pants tightened so much that he could feel the hem cutting into his hips. His other hand moved down to caress the silky skin of Draco’s erection, and he stroked it with all the skill of a seventeen year-old virgin, but Draco did not seem to notice nor care about his lack of skill as he arched his hips into those welcoming hands. His own slipped into the hem of Harry’s trousers and pants, pushing them down over his hips and seizing them in a fierce grip as he leaned in to devour Harry’s neck. Fingers pried apart Harry’s buttocks, and he smoothed his palm over each one individually before squeezing them together and giggling quietly against the hollow of Harry’s throat. “What’re you giggling about?” Harry gasped, eyes glazing over as he looked into Draco’s. He searched that expression for a moment before he realised that it was not Draco at all, and his hands flew off that pale body as though burned. “Who the hell are you?!” He did not recognise this personality at all, and as the other sat up and arrogantly pushed a lock of hair behind his ear with a smirk, Harry knew that he did not like him.
“You’re so easily… well, easy,” the man whispered nastily, and he reached over to run his fingers very lightly across the bulge in Harry’s pants before seizing it with strong fingers. Harry’s eyes widened and he yelled in pained shock, quelling the urge to jerk away because he had a feeling the other would not be keen on letting go. “Calm down, little Potter. Now that I’ve got your attention, listen to me. If you so much as touch our body once more -ever- then I will kill you. After all, I have to have practise for when I take over, don’t I?”
Tears were streaming down Harry’s face as the agonising fingers that were mercilessly gripping his most delicate of organs gave a harsh tug that Harry though would be the end of him. “Y-you leave Draco alone! Get out of his-” The other cut him off by suddenly releasing his groin and knocking him back on the bed, hands clenching around his throat. Harry could not breathe, could hardly see as the other blocked his airway and bounced hard on his chest.
“I will not hesitate, Potter.” The next thing Harry knew, he was released and pain flooded through him again. Choking and sputtering, he rolled onto his side and gasped for air, feeling the body beside him give a start, then, “Harry, fuck, are you all right?” It was Draco’s voice, and Harry felt tears rise to his eyes. Draco’s hands alighted on his arm, but Harry pulled back from his touch and shook his head.
“Don’t,” he rasped, and he shook his head. “We…We can’t touch. Draco, I-”
“Fuck that,” Draco growled, and he seized Harry’s shoulders, looking into his eyes and shaking his head. “I don’t take threats, Harry, and neither should you. I’m with you, I want to be with you, and no one, not even ME, is going to keep us apart.”
Harry woke up before Draco the next morning, and he slipped quietly out of bed and out of the room. When he arrived at the boys’ dormitory, he moved inside to find that everyone was awake and getting ready for the day, and they all greeted Harry save for Ron, who snobbily refused to look at him. “Ron, I came to say I’m sorry,” he sighed, and when Ron continued to avoid him, he rolled his eyes. “I’m having a hard time right now, you know. So please, try to calm down about it and be my friend again.” Silence. Harry sighed and looked over at Neville, who shrugged helplessly, and he shook his head. “Fine.” He gathered his pride and left the dormitory again, unable to muster the energy to give a damn.
Need to catch up?
Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven
Rating: Currently R
Pairings: Harry/Draco
Summary: When Draco Malfoy's mental health mysteriously declines, he is placed under the care of the only person he responds to: Harry Potter.
Warnings: (Future) Violence, rape, character death, mental illnesses (Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress, Paranoid Schizophrenia), slash, Pre-HBP
Beta-read by cluelesschase.
Hermione watched over the next few days as Ron grew steadily angrier in Harry’s silence. She kept expecting Harry to bring it up at dinner, to pull them aside, but any time it seemed as though he might, he blushed and changed the subject. Draco, she noticed, seemed to be content with this, and whilst she understood the appeal of being secret lovers, she felt slightly betrayed. Harry was her best friend- he was supposed to trust her. However, when Ron decided that he had had enough, she was sure that this was a very improper way of handling the situation.
Harry and Draco sat down quietly at the table early one Wednesday morning, Draco looking particularly tired and Harry acting slightly irritable, and they were sitting a good foot away from one another. Hermione suspected they had not slept well the night before, and greeted them with a small smile and a, “Good morning, you two.” They did not share her enthusiasm.
Ron did not say a word, instead simply stuffing his mouth with bacon, and when Hermione elbowed him, he elbowed her back stiffly and refused to look up. He did, however, see that Harry and Draco were inching closer to one another, and when Harry’s arm moved to touch Draco’s hand under the table, Ron dropped his fork loudly and glared straight into Harry’s eyes. “Why the fuck are you keeping secrets from us?” he growled lowly, but the Gryffindors sitting near them heard and turned their heads to observe. “No one’s blind, Harry -we all see what’s going on- so why the hell don’t you tell us?!” His voice was rising as he spoke until the entire Gryffindor table and part of Ravenclaw’s was staring.
Draco’s eyes widened slightly, and as he carefully kept his gaze from alighting on Harry, his lips curled slightly into a nasty smirk, and he leaned forward a little. “What’s wrong, Weasel? Does everyone not inform you before doing anything? Did you not receive a notice?” His voice was snarling, and his eyes narrowed before he glanced up to his boyfriend, whose face was a fierce red from fury, not embarrassment. “What secret is he keeping from you, exactly? Did he not tell you before using the loo this morning or-”
“Shut your face, Malfoy!” Ron snapped, slapping his palm against the tabletop, and he snapped his eyes back to Harry. “You think we don’t know what’s going on between you? I thought we weren’t going to keep secrets anymore, goddamnit!” By now, it seemed as though the entire Great Hall, including the snickering Slytherins, was staring at them, and while the teachers continued eating their breakfast, it was obvious they were forcing themselves not to look up.
Seamus chose this time to chime in, touching Ron’s shoulder and shaking his head. “It’s hardly a secret, mate. Why should Harry have to tell you when it’s so bleeding obvious?” His voice was hushed, as though he was afraid for anyone else to hear, and he jerked back as Ron made a violent gesture in his direction. “You don’t have to get so touchy over it, damn. I wouldn’t want to tell you either!”
This was hardly helping. Harry was shaking slightly, his cheeks on fire as he leaned forward and laced his fingers on the table. “You want to know why? Because I knew you’d act like a damned fool like you always do!” he exclaimed, and he reached over to seize Draco around the waist and haul him close. “What I choose to do is my business, got it? I have enough on my plate right now without you freaking out on me over everything I do, so you’re either going to have to get over it or leave me the hell alone! Whether you like it or not, he and I are going to… going to be like this!” No matter his lack of eloquence; this statement seemed to please Draco, who gave a firm nod and defiantly leaned up to brush his lips across Harry’s cheek.
This simple act threw Ron into a rage, and he stood up abruptly, forgetting that the bench was behind him and tripping over it as he tried to step backward. Harry and Draco watched as he fell flat on his arse in front of everyone, and Harry closed his eyes as he heard the snickers from his schoolmates evolve into raucous laughter. Ron’s ears enflamed and he scrambled up, trembling, before running out of the Great Hall in utter humiliation. Hermione felt herself blushing as well, and she sighed softly at the couple before her, who had parted and were pointedly not looking at one another, before she stood up. “Well, if YOU’RE not going to go after him, Harry, I will,” she huffed in a disappointed tone, gathering her bag and hurrying after her ashamed boyfriend.
Harry decided that he should take the morning off classes to gather himself, and when Draco climbed out of the shower, he found his boyfriend lying miserably on the bed. “Hey,” he whispered, sitting down beside him and threading his fingers through that thick black hair whilst dressed in nothing but a robe. “Cheer up. He had it coming, you know, and thanks to him, everyone in the fucking school knows about us.” Draco sighed and ran his fingers through his wet hair, shaking his head before lying down next to Harry, his robe dangerously close to falling off him. “Come here.”
Harry watched his boyfriend’s eyes for a moment before he scooted closer, head settling comfortably on the pillow as his hand reached out to adjust the robe on Draco’s chest. Pale fingers caught his wrist, and he gulped quietly as Draco slid his hand into the robe, bringing Harry’s fingers in contact with his cool, damp skin. There was a moment’s pause before Harry leaned up to kiss him soundly on the lips, and his hand slid further into the robe to caress that naked back. His fingers slid over the small of Draco’s back and they both shivered, the robe beginning to come open, and as Harry’s palm moved down to cup Draco’s arse, his tongue sliding into his mouth, Draco felt the tie on his robe fall loose, and he pressed against the other with a moan. “You can take it off if you want,” he whispered between kisses.
Harry did not need to be told again, and he immediately pulled the robe down around Draco’s waist, hands exploring the newly-bared skin of Draco’s chest and stomach. When his fingers reached the robe again, he opened his eyes and looked into the other’s eyes to find no hint of fear, and he seized it to push it completely off. Draco was glorious lying there with him, the light from the window catching him just so, and Harry’s eyes devoured the sight of his full nudity, his smooth hips and thighs and the taut flesh stretched over his rather prominent arousal. His heart pounded in his ribcage as he dared to caress Draco’s most intimate places with his palm, and he looked up into his eyes to make sure that this was all right. He was greeted with the sight of Draco’s eyes falling shut and his head falling back slightly, and he rightfully took this as a signal to continue forward.
He felt Draco’s hands on his trousers, felt the button and zip come undone speedily, and he shivered as his pants tightened so much that he could feel the hem cutting into his hips. His other hand moved down to caress the silky skin of Draco’s erection, and he stroked it with all the skill of a seventeen year-old virgin, but Draco did not seem to notice nor care about his lack of skill as he arched his hips into those welcoming hands. His own slipped into the hem of Harry’s trousers and pants, pushing them down over his hips and seizing them in a fierce grip as he leaned in to devour Harry’s neck. Fingers pried apart Harry’s buttocks, and he smoothed his palm over each one individually before squeezing them together and giggling quietly against the hollow of Harry’s throat. “What’re you giggling about?” Harry gasped, eyes glazing over as he looked into Draco’s. He searched that expression for a moment before he realised that it was not Draco at all, and his hands flew off that pale body as though burned. “Who the hell are you?!” He did not recognise this personality at all, and as the other sat up and arrogantly pushed a lock of hair behind his ear with a smirk, Harry knew that he did not like him.
“You’re so easily… well, easy,” the man whispered nastily, and he reached over to run his fingers very lightly across the bulge in Harry’s pants before seizing it with strong fingers. Harry’s eyes widened and he yelled in pained shock, quelling the urge to jerk away because he had a feeling the other would not be keen on letting go. “Calm down, little Potter. Now that I’ve got your attention, listen to me. If you so much as touch our body once more -ever- then I will kill you. After all, I have to have practise for when I take over, don’t I?”
Tears were streaming down Harry’s face as the agonising fingers that were mercilessly gripping his most delicate of organs gave a harsh tug that Harry though would be the end of him. “Y-you leave Draco alone! Get out of his-” The other cut him off by suddenly releasing his groin and knocking him back on the bed, hands clenching around his throat. Harry could not breathe, could hardly see as the other blocked his airway and bounced hard on his chest.
“I will not hesitate, Potter.” The next thing Harry knew, he was released and pain flooded through him again. Choking and sputtering, he rolled onto his side and gasped for air, feeling the body beside him give a start, then, “Harry, fuck, are you all right?” It was Draco’s voice, and Harry felt tears rise to his eyes. Draco’s hands alighted on his arm, but Harry pulled back from his touch and shook his head.
“Don’t,” he rasped, and he shook his head. “We…We can’t touch. Draco, I-”
“Fuck that,” Draco growled, and he seized Harry’s shoulders, looking into his eyes and shaking his head. “I don’t take threats, Harry, and neither should you. I’m with you, I want to be with you, and no one, not even ME, is going to keep us apart.”
Harry woke up before Draco the next morning, and he slipped quietly out of bed and out of the room. When he arrived at the boys’ dormitory, he moved inside to find that everyone was awake and getting ready for the day, and they all greeted Harry save for Ron, who snobbily refused to look at him. “Ron, I came to say I’m sorry,” he sighed, and when Ron continued to avoid him, he rolled his eyes. “I’m having a hard time right now, you know. So please, try to calm down about it and be my friend again.” Silence. Harry sighed and looked over at Neville, who shrugged helplessly, and he shook his head. “Fine.” He gathered his pride and left the dormitory again, unable to muster the energy to give a damn.
Need to catch up?
Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven