Exchange Diary Mk2
Dear Antigone
True friendship is a state in which two people can freely share their heart's deepest emotions with each other. I have always considered friendship as a treasure beyond price; yet again and again I dishonor myself by my failure to be a true friend to anyone.
When I shared my fears with you, you were rightly shocked and dismayed by my cowardice, and it was this deeply-felt emotion that you expressed. A poor friend, I was unable to accept this. By attributing your reaction to malice, I cast doubt on your unwavering friendship, doubling my cowardice. And of course, my cruel and brutish manner of reaction was shameful in and of itself.
Although your words hurt me, I know they were spoken as a friend to a friend, with all the expectations and good intentions invested in such a conversation. And of course, you were right. I am a coward, unable to face what so many other seems to accept so easily, and you yourself have been forced by an unkind fate to confront. It is a side of myself I try to keep from the world, but to you, my only friend, I should not have been so defensive of my ugly secret, particularly in such a way. I had no right.
Now I fear that my shameful actions have cost me my only friend, the only person with whom I could have been so honest--because I was once more a coward and, retreating from that honesty, lost control of my temper. Please understand that despite my pathetic actions, there are very few people I have trusted so much, told so much of my secret life and fears.
Please do not think I am making excuses if I tell you that in the past I have misplaced that trust, and been cruelly treated by those I thought cared for me.
I understand that you may not wish to see me again yet. In my country it is traditional among students sometimes to express deeper emotions in writing, via exchange diaries, rather than face to face, to observe proprieties and allow correspondents to weigh their words and avoid the difficulties of articulation that arise in conversation.
I have been disturbed by my concern for you and our friendship all this week. Please, will you write me back using this diary? Here you can express yourself freely without fear of my churlish reactions in the heat of the moment.
Even if you wish only to say that you hate me, please tell me how you feel.
Kyouichi Saionji
True friendship is a state in which two people can freely share their heart's deepest emotions with each other. I have always considered friendship as a treasure beyond price; yet again and again I dishonor myself by my failure to be a true friend to anyone.
When I shared my fears with you, you were rightly shocked and dismayed by my cowardice, and it was this deeply-felt emotion that you expressed. A poor friend, I was unable to accept this. By attributing your reaction to malice, I cast doubt on your unwavering friendship, doubling my cowardice. And of course, my cruel and brutish manner of reaction was shameful in and of itself.
Although your words hurt me, I know they were spoken as a friend to a friend, with all the expectations and good intentions invested in such a conversation. And of course, you were right. I am a coward, unable to face what so many other seems to accept so easily, and you yourself have been forced by an unkind fate to confront. It is a side of myself I try to keep from the world, but to you, my only friend, I should not have been so defensive of my ugly secret, particularly in such a way. I had no right.
Now I fear that my shameful actions have cost me my only friend, the only person with whom I could have been so honest--because I was once more a coward and, retreating from that honesty, lost control of my temper. Please understand that despite my pathetic actions, there are very few people I have trusted so much, told so much of my secret life and fears.
Please do not think I am making excuses if I tell you that in the past I have misplaced that trust, and been cruelly treated by those I thought cared for me.
I understand that you may not wish to see me again yet. In my country it is traditional among students sometimes to express deeper emotions in writing, via exchange diaries, rather than face to face, to observe proprieties and allow correspondents to weigh their words and avoid the difficulties of articulation that arise in conversation.
I have been disturbed by my concern for you and our friendship all this week. Please, will you write me back using this diary? Here you can express yourself freely without fear of my churlish reactions in the heat of the moment.
Even if you wish only to say that you hate me, please tell me how you feel.
Kyouichi Saionji