I still maintain that I need some sort of device that can play any one of three sounds at the press of a button: A choir of angels (possibly the "Hallelujah" chorus), the sound of cricket chirping, and a rimshot. A laugh track and/or audience going "OHHHHHHH!" for the inevitable verbal smackdowns I will dispense would be lovely, but optional.
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If I find one, you will get one, too.
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