My Name is Jarl: Happy Endings and Sad Stories ((29 Work-Safe Images))
(( Previously on My Name is Jarl, our hero Jarl helped an orc, killed some Telvanni, and met an involuntary nudist. This session, we make use of the map again.))
Well, journal, that got messy. I tried to talk with Hlormar. I told him that Sosia seemed more like a wisewoman than a witch, and what kind of man argues with a wisewoman? The kind who likes to lose, that's who. I told him three days wasn't so long to wait, and Caldera wasn't so far away, and anyway, he could spend the time boozing and wenching. He was undressed already, so the hard part was done. And I pointed out he'd said he was cold, which didn't sound like a Nordish sort of thing to say, and I wondered if maybe he wasn't being just a little dishonest.
Well, I couldn't talk him down, journal, he decided he just had to kill me. With his nakedness, I guess. He started punching me but, I'll say again, he was naked, and I had an axe. Sosia helpfully looked at a rock. For a naked man, though, he was tough--I had to drink some booze to be strong enough to finish the fight.
Pity. We could've gone drinking. Oh, well, time to get my nice, shiny, razor-edged reward!
Whuh? Huh? Buh? No... no axe for Jarl? No cleaving of clouds?
Aw.
Oh, well. You said I should talk to people, journal, so I went back to Caldera and started asking around. About pretty much everything, really.
Huh. I guess people have heard of these "Dark Brotherhood" guys.
I also found a mansion full of orcs. They haven't all figured out the whole "wearing clothes" thing--the men were all shirtless, except for one who was sitting on the top floor with a lump of rock and a bunch of books. He wouldn't talk to me. There was also an orc woman walking around pantsless. They all seemed to think it was normal, so I tried not to stare. Maybe they'll figure it out someday--what do you think, journal?
Oh, hey, the orcs have a pet. It's some kind of little... pink... thing?
Whoa! Journal, it talks! And it... barters? That's really something. Oh, he's got booze! So tempting! For the project! But no, I'll just sell him my dead assassin friend's old things. We need the money for lessons, right journal?
Speaking of lessons, I feel like I learned something today.
I can't find anyone to teach me axework in Balmora or Caldera, so I'll just work on the other things you suggested, magic journal: speechcraft, mercantile, alteration (that's the shield-y magic), and restoration.
I sold most of the soul gems to pay for more lessons, but I kept the big orange one. That one feels special.
I also asked Ajira a little bit about alchemy, but I lost interest when she said people don't usually use it to brew new kinds of booze. They really should. But while I was hanging around listening to her (and grandma orc--she's so funny when she yells about quiet), another one of those guys showed up.
I explained we weren't having any pajama parties in the Mages' Guild, even if there were beds and people in robes. Eventually, I convinced him to stop breathing so loud and let me sell his pajamas to someone who needs them more. No one else in the guild helped. I'm starting to wonder if they appreciate me.
So, with all the running around I was doing, getting better at things, doing jobs, settling in, I thought I'd go show Caius how great I was.
He didn't seem all that impressed. Wouldn't even look at me. But I did decide to catch a nap on his bed, since I'd had another hard day of learning things. Another assassin came in while I was sleeping, but kicked over the skooma pipe. Caius just sat and watched while I fought for my life. Oh, well, more loot for me, and a dead body dumped in the bushes behind his house. Hope he likes raccoons, or whatever kind of bug-raccoon things they have out here. Hey, how'd I know about raccoons?
Talking to people around town, I got word that the Legion champion in Fort Moonmoth wanted a word with me. Thinking back over my recent adventures, I was fairly sure there was nothing they could really prove I'd done, at least nothing worth throwing me on another jail boat, so I went. It turns out, he wanted to tell me the best story ever.
That's not the good part.
THAT'S the good part! And I know just how to give it a happy ending, too! Isn't it exciting to be part of a story, magic journal?
Back in Balmora, I ask myself who would know what's going on with the Cammona Tong, who's in tune with the seedy underbelly? And it hits me: Habasi!
No, she really did hit me, because I hadn't gotten her that key yet. But ooh! One of the bad people is the guy who has the key she wants! I'll do two jobs in one, magic journal, how great is that?
So, over I go to sort these Bad People out, and I find the first one hanging out just inside the door, all alone. I spend some time talking him up, pretending I'm new to the underground and trying to buy my way in--see, I'll flatter him a little, bribe him a little, then say something to set him off. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I keep at it. I'll be getting that bribe money back, after all. And that neat golden axe he was carrying along with it:
Downstairs, I found Sovor Trandel (key guy) with two of the others. I did the same thing with him as I had his friend upstairs (I guess the scuffle was quiet, they weren't suspicious or anything). It took a little longer, but once he got worked up, his friends joined in and I chopped them all. Oh, there was also a bartender, but he didn't join the fight so I left him alone. I got the key and my money back, too.
Downstairs (I know I'm downstairs, I mean further downstairs from there) I found the last one, and I figured by now there'd be no reinforcements coming and I could just give her a quick chop. The bartender must have slipped out and called the guards, because I heard someone yelling while I chopped her down, and it wasn't either of us.
Thinking I still didn't want to go to a jail boat, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me back to Habasi to give her the key and see about getting the bounty taken off of my head. It turns out the guy downstairs who was teaching me how to make friends and influence people (and get a good price for my junk) also has an in with the local guards, and got it called off. Once again, the wily Nord is in the clear! Take that, Cammona Tong!
Habasi's got another job for me, too, getting some Dwemer artifacts from some guy in Hla Oad who was supposed to send them along, but didn't. I don't know what a Dwemer is, or what their artifacts are supposed to look like, but I don't want to look stupid, so I nod. I'll figure it out on the way.
Larrius gave me a great ring, and threw in a book as a bonus for keeping his name out of it. The book was interesting, too--it had a few ideas about how to talk to people that my friend in the Thieves' Guild hadn't mentioned yet. Plus, I'll be it's worth a lot.
By the way, that new axe?
Looks better in my hand.
Heading back to Balmora, I check in with the Mages' Guild. After all, I've been learning so much magic lately, it ought to count for something. And it does! I get promoted to Journeyman (I wonder if I got here ahead of Ajira and Gabbledygook), and Ranis has some jobs for me:
Whew, looks like these mages take their dues seriously.
Putting the squeeze on thieves sounds easier than shaking down a wizard in her scary wizard-cave, so I think I'll do that first. Also, I can see Hla Oad on the map. It's just a climb over some hills, and a slog through some swamps, to...
...a dumpier dump than Seyda Neen. And it smells like fish and mildew. Great.
I find the shack easily enough, and "shack" is a compliment. Inside, I see the kitty I'm after and some guy in a robe. Might be a mage. I'll have to be smart.
Well, that didn't work. I have a look around the place, and there's a trap door down to a cave with a bunch of people and crates in it. I have a look around, but nobody wants to tell me about any Dwemer artifacts, so I go back upstairs. Outside, even. I ask myself: if I were a sneaky, conniving thief, and I wanted to keep something away from other sneaky, conniving thieves, where would I put it?
Where I could keep an eye on it, of course! I put on the Ring of Surroundings and magic myself up some hiding mojo, and try to sneak back inside. It was a small room, not bright, daytime--I think they saw me open the door. I'm not very good at sneaking.
They must've been humoring me, though, because Kitty kept his back to me while I poked at the barrels and crates piled up next to him. I tried to keep the post in the middle of the room between me and his friend. And then I found it--a locked chest. Well, a little Jarl-suasion (that's persuasion that comes from me) later it wasn't locked, and they were yelling for the guard.
...
I'll admit, journal, I panicked. I ran out of there as fast as my feet could carry me, without even looting the chest. I ran clear out of town before I slowed down. I realized, I had to do this job--the thieves' guild wouldn't keep bailing me out if I didn't get results, and what kind of a man runs away from his fears? Not a Nord sort of man, that's for sure, and double-sure if he has an axe. Also, Larrius' story had given me an idea.
I walked right up to the guard patrolling the town. I say "patrolling," but he was just standing. I'm being nice, magic journal. Anyway, I walked right up to him and said, "I'm the guy they're yelling about."
The guard looked me over, asked, "what'd you do?" He sounded bored, really.
"I used a spell to unlock his trunk."
"Oh. Well, you can pay the fine, you can go to jail, or you can resist arrest." He sounded even more bored, saying that.
"What's the fine?"
"Five gold."
"I'll pay. Say, does this apply to higher crimes? Say... theft?"
"Sure. Fine's a little higher, but the law's the same."
"Hold that thought."
I popped back in on Ra'Zhid, gave him my biggest smile, cleaned out the chest with one hand, gave him the dirtiest gesture I knew with the other, and ran for it again. I stashed the loot in the swamp, and hurried off to pay the guard--I mean the fine. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I am great! Well, almost great; the guard had to search me for stolen things, and he took that soul gem I was keeping, "just in case." Still, since I'd settled things up with him, I could pick up the loot, walk right back into Ra'Zhid's, and he couldn't lay a finger on me. If he did, the law'd be with me, and my axe would be with his neck. I think I'm starting to like the laws here.
Anyway, I wanted another look at that cave, and one of the people in the cave apparently wanted another look at me:
I agreed, and led the girl outside. She kept giving me this pleading look, but every time I tried to strike up a conversation, she'd cringe and clam up. She didn't stop giving me the big kitty eyes, though.
On my way out of town, I see a guy Larrius told me about, who's apparently been shaking down travelers.
He's funny. He thinks I'm going to give him money in exchange for safety. That's what I have booze and weapons for. But I will admit, he does have a bigger axe than me.
The scuffle is short, and I win, but in the process that bottle of Telvanni bug musk I've been carrying got broken and splashed all over me.
The smell doesn't do much for me, but it does get my little tagalong to open up.
Now, I know we established that we're okay with slavery, journal, but I'm not sure about this. I'm not sure about this. I know I haven't turned to you much over the last few days, but now I need your advice.
Do I help Rabinna, or do I take her to Balmora like I said I would? On less of a moral quandary note, should I stick to the axe-and-shield combo I've been using so far, or should I trade them in for the bigger, two-handed axe?
((And for those who are wondering, here are Jarl's complete stats as of this post.))
Well, journal, that got messy. I tried to talk with Hlormar. I told him that Sosia seemed more like a wisewoman than a witch, and what kind of man argues with a wisewoman? The kind who likes to lose, that's who. I told him three days wasn't so long to wait, and Caldera wasn't so far away, and anyway, he could spend the time boozing and wenching. He was undressed already, so the hard part was done. And I pointed out he'd said he was cold, which didn't sound like a Nordish sort of thing to say, and I wondered if maybe he wasn't being just a little dishonest.
Well, I couldn't talk him down, journal, he decided he just had to kill me. With his nakedness, I guess. He started punching me but, I'll say again, he was naked, and I had an axe. Sosia helpfully looked at a rock. For a naked man, though, he was tough--I had to drink some booze to be strong enough to finish the fight.
Pity. We could've gone drinking. Oh, well, time to get my nice, shiny, razor-edged reward!
Whuh? Huh? Buh? No... no axe for Jarl? No cleaving of clouds?
Aw.
Oh, well. You said I should talk to people, journal, so I went back to Caldera and started asking around. About pretty much everything, really.
Huh. I guess people have heard of these "Dark Brotherhood" guys.
I also found a mansion full of orcs. They haven't all figured out the whole "wearing clothes" thing--the men were all shirtless, except for one who was sitting on the top floor with a lump of rock and a bunch of books. He wouldn't talk to me. There was also an orc woman walking around pantsless. They all seemed to think it was normal, so I tried not to stare. Maybe they'll figure it out someday--what do you think, journal?
Oh, hey, the orcs have a pet. It's some kind of little... pink... thing?
Whoa! Journal, it talks! And it... barters? That's really something. Oh, he's got booze! So tempting! For the project! But no, I'll just sell him my dead assassin friend's old things. We need the money for lessons, right journal?
Speaking of lessons, I feel like I learned something today.
I can't find anyone to teach me axework in Balmora or Caldera, so I'll just work on the other things you suggested, magic journal: speechcraft, mercantile, alteration (that's the shield-y magic), and restoration.
I sold most of the soul gems to pay for more lessons, but I kept the big orange one. That one feels special.
I also asked Ajira a little bit about alchemy, but I lost interest when she said people don't usually use it to brew new kinds of booze. They really should. But while I was hanging around listening to her (and grandma orc--she's so funny when she yells about quiet), another one of those guys showed up.
I explained we weren't having any pajama parties in the Mages' Guild, even if there were beds and people in robes. Eventually, I convinced him to stop breathing so loud and let me sell his pajamas to someone who needs them more. No one else in the guild helped. I'm starting to wonder if they appreciate me.
So, with all the running around I was doing, getting better at things, doing jobs, settling in, I thought I'd go show Caius how great I was.
He didn't seem all that impressed. Wouldn't even look at me. But I did decide to catch a nap on his bed, since I'd had another hard day of learning things. Another assassin came in while I was sleeping, but kicked over the skooma pipe. Caius just sat and watched while I fought for my life. Oh, well, more loot for me, and a dead body dumped in the bushes behind his house. Hope he likes raccoons, or whatever kind of bug-raccoon things they have out here. Hey, how'd I know about raccoons?
Talking to people around town, I got word that the Legion champion in Fort Moonmoth wanted a word with me. Thinking back over my recent adventures, I was fairly sure there was nothing they could really prove I'd done, at least nothing worth throwing me on another jail boat, so I went. It turns out, he wanted to tell me the best story ever.
That's not the good part.
THAT'S the good part! And I know just how to give it a happy ending, too! Isn't it exciting to be part of a story, magic journal?
Back in Balmora, I ask myself who would know what's going on with the Cammona Tong, who's in tune with the seedy underbelly? And it hits me: Habasi!
No, she really did hit me, because I hadn't gotten her that key yet. But ooh! One of the bad people is the guy who has the key she wants! I'll do two jobs in one, magic journal, how great is that?
So, over I go to sort these Bad People out, and I find the first one hanging out just inside the door, all alone. I spend some time talking him up, pretending I'm new to the underground and trying to buy my way in--see, I'll flatter him a little, bribe him a little, then say something to set him off. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I keep at it. I'll be getting that bribe money back, after all. And that neat golden axe he was carrying along with it:
Downstairs, I found Sovor Trandel (key guy) with two of the others. I did the same thing with him as I had his friend upstairs (I guess the scuffle was quiet, they weren't suspicious or anything). It took a little longer, but once he got worked up, his friends joined in and I chopped them all. Oh, there was also a bartender, but he didn't join the fight so I left him alone. I got the key and my money back, too.
Downstairs (I know I'm downstairs, I mean further downstairs from there) I found the last one, and I figured by now there'd be no reinforcements coming and I could just give her a quick chop. The bartender must have slipped out and called the guards, because I heard someone yelling while I chopped her down, and it wasn't either of us.
Thinking I still didn't want to go to a jail boat, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me back to Habasi to give her the key and see about getting the bounty taken off of my head. It turns out the guy downstairs who was teaching me how to make friends and influence people (and get a good price for my junk) also has an in with the local guards, and got it called off. Once again, the wily Nord is in the clear! Take that, Cammona Tong!
Habasi's got another job for me, too, getting some Dwemer artifacts from some guy in Hla Oad who was supposed to send them along, but didn't. I don't know what a Dwemer is, or what their artifacts are supposed to look like, but I don't want to look stupid, so I nod. I'll figure it out on the way.
Larrius gave me a great ring, and threw in a book as a bonus for keeping his name out of it. The book was interesting, too--it had a few ideas about how to talk to people that my friend in the Thieves' Guild hadn't mentioned yet. Plus, I'll be it's worth a lot.
By the way, that new axe?
Looks better in my hand.
Heading back to Balmora, I check in with the Mages' Guild. After all, I've been learning so much magic lately, it ought to count for something. And it does! I get promoted to Journeyman (I wonder if I got here ahead of Ajira and Gabbledygook), and Ranis has some jobs for me:
Whew, looks like these mages take their dues seriously.
Putting the squeeze on thieves sounds easier than shaking down a wizard in her scary wizard-cave, so I think I'll do that first. Also, I can see Hla Oad on the map. It's just a climb over some hills, and a slog through some swamps, to...
...a dumpier dump than Seyda Neen. And it smells like fish and mildew. Great.
I find the shack easily enough, and "shack" is a compliment. Inside, I see the kitty I'm after and some guy in a robe. Might be a mage. I'll have to be smart.
Well, that didn't work. I have a look around the place, and there's a trap door down to a cave with a bunch of people and crates in it. I have a look around, but nobody wants to tell me about any Dwemer artifacts, so I go back upstairs. Outside, even. I ask myself: if I were a sneaky, conniving thief, and I wanted to keep something away from other sneaky, conniving thieves, where would I put it?
Where I could keep an eye on it, of course! I put on the Ring of Surroundings and magic myself up some hiding mojo, and try to sneak back inside. It was a small room, not bright, daytime--I think they saw me open the door. I'm not very good at sneaking.
They must've been humoring me, though, because Kitty kept his back to me while I poked at the barrels and crates piled up next to him. I tried to keep the post in the middle of the room between me and his friend. And then I found it--a locked chest. Well, a little Jarl-suasion (that's persuasion that comes from me) later it wasn't locked, and they were yelling for the guard.
...
I'll admit, journal, I panicked. I ran out of there as fast as my feet could carry me, without even looting the chest. I ran clear out of town before I slowed down. I realized, I had to do this job--the thieves' guild wouldn't keep bailing me out if I didn't get results, and what kind of a man runs away from his fears? Not a Nord sort of man, that's for sure, and double-sure if he has an axe. Also, Larrius' story had given me an idea.
I walked right up to the guard patrolling the town. I say "patrolling," but he was just standing. I'm being nice, magic journal. Anyway, I walked right up to him and said, "I'm the guy they're yelling about."
The guard looked me over, asked, "what'd you do?" He sounded bored, really.
"I used a spell to unlock his trunk."
"Oh. Well, you can pay the fine, you can go to jail, or you can resist arrest." He sounded even more bored, saying that.
"What's the fine?"
"Five gold."
"I'll pay. Say, does this apply to higher crimes? Say... theft?"
"Sure. Fine's a little higher, but the law's the same."
"Hold that thought."
I popped back in on Ra'Zhid, gave him my biggest smile, cleaned out the chest with one hand, gave him the dirtiest gesture I knew with the other, and ran for it again. I stashed the loot in the swamp, and hurried off to pay the guard--I mean the fine. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I am great! Well, almost great; the guard had to search me for stolen things, and he took that soul gem I was keeping, "just in case." Still, since I'd settled things up with him, I could pick up the loot, walk right back into Ra'Zhid's, and he couldn't lay a finger on me. If he did, the law'd be with me, and my axe would be with his neck. I think I'm starting to like the laws here.
Anyway, I wanted another look at that cave, and one of the people in the cave apparently wanted another look at me:
I agreed, and led the girl outside. She kept giving me this pleading look, but every time I tried to strike up a conversation, she'd cringe and clam up. She didn't stop giving me the big kitty eyes, though.
On my way out of town, I see a guy Larrius told me about, who's apparently been shaking down travelers.
He's funny. He thinks I'm going to give him money in exchange for safety. That's what I have booze and weapons for. But I will admit, he does have a bigger axe than me.
The scuffle is short, and I win, but in the process that bottle of Telvanni bug musk I've been carrying got broken and splashed all over me.
The smell doesn't do much for me, but it does get my little tagalong to open up.
Now, I know we established that we're okay with slavery, journal, but I'm not sure about this. I'm not sure about this. I know I haven't turned to you much over the last few days, but now I need your advice.
Do I help Rabinna, or do I take her to Balmora like I said I would? On less of a moral quandary note, should I stick to the axe-and-shield combo I've been using so far, or should I trade them in for the bigger, two-handed axe?
((And for those who are wondering, here are Jarl's complete stats as of this post.))
