"Bask in my artistic brilliance!"
"Okay, okay. My last idea for a movie about parts of my life was rejected, but what do you guys think about this?"
A trailer reel begins:
OPEN ON A BLACK SCREEN, ONLY THE RUSTLING OF THE NEXUS AUDIENCE IS HEARD..
"In a multiverse of strife, one homunculus is out to make a difference..."
CUE WIDE ANGLE SHOT OF WARRIORS FROM ALLL DIFFERENT TIMES AND PLACES MOVING TOWARDS A SINGLE FIGURE. HE IS WALKING CASUALLY, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS, LISTENING TO HIS HEADPHONES.
Orc Leader: We've found you, Greed! Give up now!
Greed: *rapping perfectly* I don't know what you heard about me/but a bitch can't get a dollar out of me/no perms, no rims, you can't see/that I'm a motherfuckin' P.I.M.P.
Mech-suit pilot: We're talking to you! *fires a thin laser through his walkman*
The destruction of the walkman is shown three times, from three different angles. In slow motion. Greed is horrified at this travesty.
Greed: You..........
Dracula: You, what?
Greed: BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS! *echo-effect*
A massive, effects laden battle ensued. One which miraculously catches only Greed's best angles. He quickly defeats the entire army, then goes about looting every soldier there.
Greed: *carrying a massive loot-bag, made from the skin of one of the beasts he defeated* Thanks, boys! This oughta make up for the walkman and then some!
"He was a man of action.."
We see him driving the a beat-up old Police car over a hill, chasing drug dealers who are firing backwards at him.
Badguy 1: Is he still there?
Badguy 2: He's been following for 2 days! What the hell is he?! *fires at him*
Greed: *taking bullets and regenerating* Ha ha ha ha ha! Pull over, bitches! I have to read you your rights!
*BLAM* You have the right to spit up your teeth!
*BLAM* You have the right to piss blood!
*BLAM* You have the right to cry for your mothers!
He jumps from the car and lands on them, while the car he was using careens into a home for Senior citizens.
Greed: *wincing* Oops.
Greed: *looks at the badguys* Back to business!
He pops the tires and lets the car crash into a wall. He drags them out and slaps one of them around.
Greed: Where are the hostages and the drugs, Mendoza! I'll lose my badge to take you down, if I have to!
Mendoza: I'll never talk, pig!
Greed quickly holds his own hand in front of the man and cuts it off.
Greed: *holding the severed limb* Now imagine what I'll do to YOU...
Mendoza: I'll talk, I'll talk!
"He was a man of passions....many.."
Greed: *In bed with Pamela Anderson* Tommy Lee? HA! Wait'll you see what I'm packin'!
"..many..."
Greed: *Holding Blue Beetle* Damn it, I wish I could quit you!
"..many..."
Greed: *robbing a bank* Sorry to make a withdrawal on such short notice, but there's bets to make and whores to hire!
"..many passions."
Greed: *eyeing Bridget* I'm in the mood for a LOLI-pop....
"In this grand adventure he will face his fears..."
A small boy wanders up to him.
Little boy: Are you my daddy?
Greed: OH FUCKIN' SHIT!
"Face off against the world's finest..."
Greed is locked in an arena with Chuck Norris, and Mr. T, and Theodore Roosevelt.
Chuck Norris: You realize that you can never attain our power, do you not?
Mr. T: Yeah! You 'bout to be pitied, fool!
Theodore Roosevelt: RAAAAAAAH! ROOSEVELT SMASH PUNY GREED AND HIS LIBERAL LEANINGS!
Greed: *shifts into a defensive stance* .....Don't sing it, bring it.
"He may even learn something about love..."
We cut to scene of Greed and Sarah Osborn in the same bed. They look tired and the room is trashed.
Sarah Osborn: I love you, Greed.
Greed: I know, baby, I love me too! Uh, I'm gonna go gamble and pick up some prostitutes, okay?
"Directed by Greed"
Greed: *in face paint and carrying a sword, leading an army of owls* FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Written/edited by Greed"
Greed: *asking Count D with a serious look on his face* It's not gay if I'm the top, right?
"And based on real experiences by Greed"
Greed: *surrounded by the undead, with two chainsaws for hands* Groovy, baby! Hail to the Greed! *commences chopping zombies*
"This summer.....YOU WILL SHIT YOUR PANTS FROM THE SHEER AWESOME"
Alphonse Elric: Greed, we're gonna need a bigger boat.
Greed: What do you mean?
Edward Elric: It's out there!
A giant Christopher Walken emerges from the water, snarling.
Greed: Oh.....my.....god....
FOLLOW YOUR GREED THIS SUMMER
"So, what do you think? Anygood?"
"Oh, aside from that, what genre would the story of your life fall under?
A trailer reel begins:
OPEN ON A BLACK SCREEN, ONLY THE RUSTLING OF THE NEXUS AUDIENCE IS HEARD..
"In a multiverse of strife, one homunculus is out to make a difference..."
CUE WIDE ANGLE SHOT OF WARRIORS FROM ALLL DIFFERENT TIMES AND PLACES MOVING TOWARDS A SINGLE FIGURE. HE IS WALKING CASUALLY, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS, LISTENING TO HIS HEADPHONES.
Orc Leader: We've found you, Greed! Give up now!
Greed: *rapping perfectly* I don't know what you heard about me/but a bitch can't get a dollar out of me/no perms, no rims, you can't see/that I'm a motherfuckin' P.I.M.P.
Mech-suit pilot: We're talking to you! *fires a thin laser through his walkman*
The destruction of the walkman is shown three times, from three different angles. In slow motion. Greed is horrified at this travesty.
Greed: You..........
Dracula: You, what?
Greed: BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS! *echo-effect*
A massive, effects laden battle ensued. One which miraculously catches only Greed's best angles. He quickly defeats the entire army, then goes about looting every soldier there.
Greed: *carrying a massive loot-bag, made from the skin of one of the beasts he defeated* Thanks, boys! This oughta make up for the walkman and then some!
"He was a man of action.."
We see him driving the a beat-up old Police car over a hill, chasing drug dealers who are firing backwards at him.
Badguy 1: Is he still there?
Badguy 2: He's been following for 2 days! What the hell is he?! *fires at him*
Greed: *taking bullets and regenerating* Ha ha ha ha ha! Pull over, bitches! I have to read you your rights!
*BLAM* You have the right to spit up your teeth!
*BLAM* You have the right to piss blood!
*BLAM* You have the right to cry for your mothers!
He jumps from the car and lands on them, while the car he was using careens into a home for Senior citizens.
Greed: *wincing* Oops.
Greed: *looks at the badguys* Back to business!
He pops the tires and lets the car crash into a wall. He drags them out and slaps one of them around.
Greed: Where are the hostages and the drugs, Mendoza! I'll lose my badge to take you down, if I have to!
Mendoza: I'll never talk, pig!
Greed quickly holds his own hand in front of the man and cuts it off.
Greed: *holding the severed limb* Now imagine what I'll do to YOU...
Mendoza: I'll talk, I'll talk!
"He was a man of passions....many.."
Greed: *In bed with Pamela Anderson* Tommy Lee? HA! Wait'll you see what I'm packin'!
"..many..."
Greed: *Holding Blue Beetle* Damn it, I wish I could quit you!
"..many..."
Greed: *robbing a bank* Sorry to make a withdrawal on such short notice, but there's bets to make and whores to hire!
"..many passions."
Greed: *eyeing Bridget* I'm in the mood for a LOLI-pop....
"In this grand adventure he will face his fears..."
A small boy wanders up to him.
Little boy: Are you my daddy?
Greed: OH FUCKIN' SHIT!
"Face off against the world's finest..."
Greed is locked in an arena with Chuck Norris, and Mr. T, and Theodore Roosevelt.
Chuck Norris: You realize that you can never attain our power, do you not?
Mr. T: Yeah! You 'bout to be pitied, fool!
Theodore Roosevelt: RAAAAAAAH! ROOSEVELT SMASH PUNY GREED AND HIS LIBERAL LEANINGS!
Greed: *shifts into a defensive stance* .....Don't sing it, bring it.
"He may even learn something about love..."
We cut to scene of Greed and Sarah Osborn in the same bed. They look tired and the room is trashed.
Sarah Osborn: I love you, Greed.
Greed: I know, baby, I love me too! Uh, I'm gonna go gamble and pick up some prostitutes, okay?
"Directed by Greed"
Greed: *in face paint and carrying a sword, leading an army of owls* FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Written/edited by Greed"
Greed: *asking Count D with a serious look on his face* It's not gay if I'm the top, right?
"And based on real experiences by Greed"
Greed: *surrounded by the undead, with two chainsaws for hands* Groovy, baby! Hail to the Greed! *commences chopping zombies*
"This summer.....YOU WILL SHIT YOUR PANTS FROM THE SHEER AWESOME"
Alphonse Elric: Greed, we're gonna need a bigger boat.
Greed: What do you mean?
Edward Elric: It's out there!
A giant Christopher Walken emerges from the water, snarling.
Greed: Oh.....my.....god....
FOLLOW YOUR GREED THIS SUMMER
"So, what do you think? Anygood?"
"Oh, aside from that, what genre would the story of your life fall under?