Fic: The Hunter Gets Captured By The Prey (The Self-Talk Mix)

[saeva]

The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game (The Self-Talk Mix)
"You can't even take a little rough play without making everything a mess, can you?"
Author's Notes: Normally, I'm not the sort of person who puts a lot of warnings especially for something written for a kink request, but in this case I'll make an exception: The following is not a nice

Comments

[kimberlite]

I read this last night and wasn't sure what to say, then came back this morning and had a slightly different reaction. Initially, I went with the idea that John was that overwhelmingly in control (or out of control) and that was disturbing (and not the character I see). I wasn't convinced that the last section was Rodney recording a fantasy but was another part of the abusive relationship (and the 'deserved a little reward' was menacing). Today, I can sort of see where there's an out in the last section that softens the first part. Either way, I liked the Rodney-speak and the imagery was hard-hitting and, well, interesting. :)

[madd4the24]

I feel completely displaced when I read this, so utterly disconnected and I love it. It's rough and lusty, just the way I like my kink, so to that I congratulate you. You've done a fine job here, I enjoyed it greatly.

[ellex42]

I'm sorry - I would have liked to read this, but your sentence structures made it nearly impossible. By the time I got to the end of each sentence, I had to go back and read it again - and again - because I was hopelessly lost.

I realise that you were attempting a very distinct and unusual writing style here, and I applaud you for that, but I found it confusing and grammatically inaccurate. I strongly suggest that next time, you try this in shorter sentences rather than paragraph-long ones. It might also be more readable if you make sure that end parentheses aren't placed outside the period at the end of the main sentence.

[saeva]

I actually went and looked up the parenthesis issue. I'm aware that sometimes I have trouble with period placement though I thought I had it right here, so that's something that I'll edit as soon as I have the chance to sit down and do so.

As for the rest, I understood while I was writing Self-Talk that this style is not for everyone; in fact, if you scroll up a bit you'll see where I told the recipient of exactly that concern. It's a pity it doesn't work for you, though I have no idea if you'd enjoy it even if it did, but I'm content in knowing that it did work for the others who commented. Especially considering my recipient loved it.

So, thank you for pointing out the period mix-up, at least.

- Andrea.

[ellex42]

It's clear to me that you put a lot of work into this. I'm not familiar with Palahniuk's (sp?) work, but I don't think I would care for it.

I'm glad that the recipient of this story loved it. I did read the other comments after I wrote my own, and I wish that I'd read them before I commented. Those who are familiar with and care for the style obviously felt that you were able to achieve it accurately.

So you still have my admiration for even attempting this style, even though it doesn't work for me.

[leenys]

I was a bit distracted by the (comments and observations) myself. :) I'm wondering if maybe there weren't quite so many, maybe it would work. I can see where you're going with it, but as it reads it's a bit jarring, and I get lost. I think it's strictly a placement issue. The actual writing is good. Keep working with this style!

Kam :)

[saeva]

If there weren't quite so many it wouldn't be Rodney to me, honestly, but thank you for your suggestion.

- Andrea.

[leenys]

You're welcome. :)

Kam :)

[lillyjk]

*g* WOW! let me say first off that I'm a huge Chuck Palahniuk fan, and I love his influence in this. My head is still reeling from the imagery, Rodney's narration was wonderfully fucked up, just how I imagine his mind works, spinning off in eight hundred directions at once. I loved all the visuals, the sounds, smells, you brought to this. Great twist at the end! And I for one am all about John's darkside, particularly when it's in response to what Rodney's needs.

[saeva]

Thank you! It's surprising to see how many Chuck Palahniuk fans there are out there; I remember the days when people were like "Is that the guy that made the movie about fighting?" *grins*

I'm glad the imagery and style really worked for you and I'm glad you enjoyed, especially John's darkside.

- Andrea.