Schattenfreund 1: Saturnine

[sadelyrate]

Title: Saturnine
Series: Schattenfreund, 1/7
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: None you know are belong to us.
Warnings: het carnality, angst, First Season; random speculation
Characters/Pairings: Sam, Dean, Jessica/Sam
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The dreams he has of her aren't always nightmares.
Thank You, tigriswolf, for agreeing to beta this beast.

Comments

[erinrua]

Oh, honey, this is so beautiful it aches. Most times now Season 1 seems like ancient history to me, but this catapults me right back, and rings so truly of what Sam's feelings must have been. We never did see him rage or weep, just that silent, inward turning bleed-out of the soul. *sniffle*

And poor Dean, wanting to help but four years' out of touch has left him unsure what language Sam even speaks, any more.

Saving this to mems, simply because I can. :-)
Cheers ~

Erin
p.s.
1/7? There's more? Awesome!

[sadelyrate]

*hugs*
Nice to hear you liked this!

Bloody Mary is one of the episodes that have remained to haunt me long after seeing it the first time. The idea for this (and thus the time the fic takes place in) came from that, so... Angsty Sam ahoy! :)
Not to mention how very intriguing the place the boys were in so early in S1 is... what the two of them know about each other, themselves, what secrets both of them have...how they needed to relearn to be a team again. *sigh*

There's more, all Sam!POV and I'm afraid things get worse before the end. I hope you'll enjoy the ride, however.

Thank You for the compliments, and for memming this!
I don't have words to tell you how much that means to me. :)

[hugemind]

You're ev0l for making me read het. ;)

But seriously, this is hurty in all the right ways. Sam still thinking about Jessica and Dean trying to cheer up Sam in his own way.

"My life burned in Palo Alto."

That's a pretty cruel thing to say, but as it is the truth, it just hurts like hell. Oh, Sam.

*hugs*

[sadelyrate]

If I tell you there's priest!fic coming am I forgiven for the het?

I'm not sure why, but for some reason I see Sam as a person who bluntly states things as they are, as if putting them into words would make it all hurt less, perhaps change it somehow...
There are no words for how much I wish the canon would give us some sort of closure to Jessica's story, something more about the girl we've seen for max 5 minutes (not counting WIAWSNB here).

I hope you'll enjoy the rest of this story, too. :)

[hugemind]

Dude, if there's priest!fic coming, I would even stoop so low as to read femslash or mpreg! The lure of priest!fic is that strong.

--I see Sam as a person who bluntly states things as they are--

When he's not hiding things, then yes. And he might almost get some weird pleasure from getting Dean to shut up completely - though he'd regret it later.

Heh, the show closed Jessica's story by blending her into a post in Bloody Mary. I don't think we're going get more than that, although some details or even throw-away comments would be nice...

[bowtrunckle]

OK, this begins my "I'm going to read more fic" resolution. :) And I'm so glad for it because it's been so long since S1 and Sam/Jess that this fic a nice reminder of "the past" and where the boys started at.

The first thing I noticed was the boys' dynamic and how different it was in S1. The Sam angst is nicely drawn here and so painful to read (but a good painful). Your dialogue really rang true for me:

"I'm just tired, Dean, okay? The sooner we sleep, the sooner there's tomorrow, the sooner we can continue looking for Dad."

and

"There's a pretty waitress with your name on her."

I can see Sam barreling through his days with that misdirected and stubborn determinism because he doesn't really know what else to do. And Dean's line ... lol! It just reeks Dean Testosterone Winchester. Awesome. :)

I love the tone you've set here. I'm curious to know what the central conflict of your story is. Looking forward to reading MORE!

[sadelyrate]

*beams with glee*

I'm so happy you liked this! Here's hoping the rest is able to delight you as well... :)

Early S1 is a source of neverending intrigue for me, especially considering all the revelations in later episodes, the boys' relationship, what's happened to it, how it's still changing... *adores*

Thank You so very much for reading and for your encouraging comments!

[extraonions]

Yummy! The bit at the end, with Sam's life burning in Palo Alto was so hurtful. I really liked the sort of... monotonous repetition that Sam's life has become here-- the sooner we sleep, the sooner we can wake up and look for dad and then sleep again to look for dad that runs through the story.

[sadelyrate]

Sam in the early S1 really had but one goal in mind (find Dad, kill baddie), but that seemed to ease a little during/after Hookman (1x07), only to come back with a vengeance in Scarecrow (1x11). I'm glad I've been able to capture some of that mood here.

Thank you for reading, for commenting! It is greatly appreciated! :)

[noirbabalon]

this is a really lovely and achey picture of Sam and his grief...you just want to ::pet:: him...just like the waitress and Dean.

"My life burned in Palo Alto."

Love that line...how it encapsulates the horror and pain and that Dean knows then that Sam means to be left alone. Needs it...and this

"Good Night, Sammy."

He could have cried at the soft whisper.

..makes me want to just pick him up and hug. Them both.

Looking forward to the rest of the story. Thank you! :-)

[sadelyrate]

Thank You! *hugs*

It's just that, looking at the first episodes of the First Season, especially at Bloody Mary (1x05)... makes me always go "oh, Sam" and long for that state he was in to be elaborated on. I'm happy this rings true, at least in some aspects. :)

And both of the boys were so careful around each other that early on. Like they were supposed to know each other, but the years apart had gotten between them, the life lived separated.

This whole story can be found behind the Schattenfreund-tag, and I'll try to edit in the links to following chapters whenever I post a new chapter from now on.
But here's the link to the next chapter.
And the third chapter lies behind this link.
I hope you'll enjoy the ride. :)