2x02: Everybody Loves A Clown - sort of review
This is just a rant formed of completely subjective thoughts about the episode, which I'd like to try and keep out of Those Tiny Trifles, even if I know I fail, time and again.
This episode just simply, completely kills me.
It's not John's pyre, not the clowns, not the Roadhouse crew, not even Dean's outburst at the very end that gets to me.
It's Sam and Dean.
It's the way Sam 'feels' like, the way he has, through the whole damn episode, this...undercurrent? to himself that just...ah. He seems like all one needs to do is say 'Boo!' in front of him, and he'll jump out of his skin. Or just ever so slightly stronger gust of wind, and he'll topple over, scatter like a house of cards. He's so...wary? Uneasy?
In fact, he reminds me a great deal of a dog that has had all the fight kicked out of him repeatedly. Or a child that's learned to reconsider time and again what to let out of his mouth for fear of reprimand or worse. And that, right there, hurts me to the bone.
And then there's Dean.
Dean who, for the first time during the series, really gives off the sense of fear. He's afraid, he's more inclined to flee than fight, he flounders for the face he (and us) has gotten used to during the first season, and fails.
He's lost now that he can't just bounce back, leave what's happened alone.
He can no longer shrug his shoulders, write off the fears and phantoms, let the past be past. He has lost his ability to just think that 'it's in the past, nothing I can do about it anymore'. And that hurts.
And, of course, there's Sam and Dean.
The way they're apart. They are brothers, they're a team, alright. They're together, but, dear deities, they're farther apart than ever before.
Even in Scarecrow (1x11), they were close, tied together though miles apart physically. They had a connection that didn't need words.
Here, they hardly even touch each other, mentally OR physically. They fail trying to communicate, wavelengths out of synch.
Both of them are drifting, having lost practically the closest thing to a stable foundation, a cornerstone in their lives. With their lifestyle, the only constant the Winchesters have had, far as the boys are concerned, are the three of them, the Impala. John's contacts, friends...not so much. Never as present.
Now, the Impala's totaled, John's gone. And there's something about Sam which may mean, if he's not kept 'safe', that Dean has to kill him.
There's nothing but the boys themselves left. And neither of them is strong enough, whole enough, to support the other.
And all of that just simply hurts to see.
This episode just simply, completely kills me.
It's not John's pyre, not the clowns, not the Roadhouse crew, not even Dean's outburst at the very end that gets to me.
It's Sam and Dean.
It's the way Sam 'feels' like, the way he has, through the whole damn episode, this...undercurrent? to himself that just...ah. He seems like all one needs to do is say 'Boo!' in front of him, and he'll jump out of his skin. Or just ever so slightly stronger gust of wind, and he'll topple over, scatter like a house of cards. He's so...wary? Uneasy?
In fact, he reminds me a great deal of a dog that has had all the fight kicked out of him repeatedly. Or a child that's learned to reconsider time and again what to let out of his mouth for fear of reprimand or worse. And that, right there, hurts me to the bone.
And then there's Dean.
Dean who, for the first time during the series, really gives off the sense of fear. He's afraid, he's more inclined to flee than fight, he flounders for the face he (and us) has gotten used to during the first season, and fails.
He's lost now that he can't just bounce back, leave what's happened alone.
He can no longer shrug his shoulders, write off the fears and phantoms, let the past be past. He has lost his ability to just think that 'it's in the past, nothing I can do about it anymore'. And that hurts.
And, of course, there's Sam and Dean.
The way they're apart. They are brothers, they're a team, alright. They're together, but, dear deities, they're farther apart than ever before.
Even in Scarecrow (1x11), they were close, tied together though miles apart physically. They had a connection that didn't need words.
Here, they hardly even touch each other, mentally OR physically. They fail trying to communicate, wavelengths out of synch.
Both of them are drifting, having lost practically the closest thing to a stable foundation, a cornerstone in their lives. With their lifestyle, the only constant the Winchesters have had, far as the boys are concerned, are the three of them, the Impala. John's contacts, friends...not so much. Never as present.
Now, the Impala's totaled, John's gone. And there's something about Sam which may mean, if he's not kept 'safe', that Dean has to kill him.
There's nothing but the boys themselves left. And neither of them is strong enough, whole enough, to support the other.
And all of that just simply hurts to see.