(no subject)
Title:A Matter of Duty
Fandom: The Sentinel
Characters/Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Prompt: #14 Atonement
Rating: PG
Word Count: 815
Notes: Set somewhere at the beginning of Season 4 so contains possible spoilers
Summary: Blair reflects on what he did and will do in the future.
For more than three years Blair had been riding along as a civilian observer with the Cascade P.D. More importantly he had been partner and friend to Jim Ellison since the day he had tracked down his sentinel. From lies to trust to friendship and beyond in the course of what seemed like three short years.
Three years where Blair had been shot at, shot, drugged, kidnapped, threatened, knifed, poisoned and beaten. It wasn't an easy life, harder than even surviving in the jungles of Africa with nothing but an Anthropology professor and a pocket knife. At least there he hadn't felt like a magnet for disaster. There life had been cut and dry, even when the locals wanted you dead. That was not the way it was in Cascade with Jim Ellison. Blair had learned to deny what he could accept and accept what he could deny and yet none of it prepared him for dying.
He didn't care what others said about death and dying, that sugar coated way they presented it in spiritual circles and on television. There had been no white light with a shadowy figure approaching to guide him. There had been no life flashing before his eyes - which might have been bad because connecting death with the string of women in his life might well make dating impossible now. There had been no good in that moment, no hope for an afterlife once Alex had completed her task.
There had been pressure, a slow building pressure that dampened out the panic. Panic giving way to the way the lungs seemed to tremble, contracting with a need to draw breathe, to expel it, to do anything but try and suck out the last bits of oxygen from waste. It was a pressure that turned to molten heat as lungs deprived of oxygen began to burn, eating away at themselves as Blair died not in an instant but in slow degrees.
The pain seemed secondary now, now that it was over and he was alive and as well as could be expected. Even then, face down in the fountain and fighting for his life even as he sucked in water when he couldn't find air, even then only one thing had gone through Blair's mind.
He had let Jim down.
Blair had let Jim down in every way possible. At least in Blair's mind. He had let him down in not telling his sentinel about Alex. By not introducing them before she had lost control, Blair had let Jim down. Dying was another way he had let Jim down. It didn't matter that the powers that be had allowed him to live, had let Jim bring him back from death.
Some days Blair couldn't even find solace in the connection made in that place between life and death, a connection made by spirits beyond men as wolf and panther came together. It had been what brought him back from the edge, saved his life when everyone else had given up on him. He had lived because Jim hadn't given up on him. Jim hadn't let him die, had risked his life and pushed beyond even Simon's assurance to bring Blair back from death.
Jim had done all of that, even though Blair had let him down.
Jim always knew where Blair was, even what he was doing. From rooms away. Blair had to make the effort but it was coming easy to him. Looking up, he spotted him within seconds. Watching through the glass of Simon's office, Blair could see Jim talking with the Captain. Jim was smiling, creases around his mouth and eyes that belied not age but experience, an easiness to laughter that many weren't comfortable with in themselves. This was the man that Blair had let down. A man who had been let down his entire life. First by his family, then by his government and now by his partner and shaman.
The difference between Blair and the others was Blair was going to change that. Blair was going to fix what he'd done and ensure that he never let Jim down again.
Blair had died, not because Jim had been late because he had let his sentinel down. That was never going to happen again. Blair wouldn't let it happen again. One day he would atone for the crimes he'd committed, both against Jim and the trust Incacha had left in him.
One day he would make it up for letting Jim down.
Until then all Blair could do was remember that despite his thesis and all the years he'd worked to finish his degree, what mattered now was not a paper ready for publication. What mattered now was duty. His duty to Jim, to the people of Cascade, to the Cascade Police Department. What mattered was his duty as a shaman, and he wouldn't let Jim down again.
Fandom: The Sentinel
Characters/Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Prompt: #14 Atonement
Rating: PG
Word Count: 815
Notes: Set somewhere at the beginning of Season 4 so contains possible spoilers
Summary: Blair reflects on what he did and will do in the future.
For more than three years Blair had been riding along as a civilian observer with the Cascade P.D. More importantly he had been partner and friend to Jim Ellison since the day he had tracked down his sentinel. From lies to trust to friendship and beyond in the course of what seemed like three short years.
Three years where Blair had been shot at, shot, drugged, kidnapped, threatened, knifed, poisoned and beaten. It wasn't an easy life, harder than even surviving in the jungles of Africa with nothing but an Anthropology professor and a pocket knife. At least there he hadn't felt like a magnet for disaster. There life had been cut and dry, even when the locals wanted you dead. That was not the way it was in Cascade with Jim Ellison. Blair had learned to deny what he could accept and accept what he could deny and yet none of it prepared him for dying.
He didn't care what others said about death and dying, that sugar coated way they presented it in spiritual circles and on television. There had been no white light with a shadowy figure approaching to guide him. There had been no life flashing before his eyes - which might have been bad because connecting death with the string of women in his life might well make dating impossible now. There had been no good in that moment, no hope for an afterlife once Alex had completed her task.
There had been pressure, a slow building pressure that dampened out the panic. Panic giving way to the way the lungs seemed to tremble, contracting with a need to draw breathe, to expel it, to do anything but try and suck out the last bits of oxygen from waste. It was a pressure that turned to molten heat as lungs deprived of oxygen began to burn, eating away at themselves as Blair died not in an instant but in slow degrees.
The pain seemed secondary now, now that it was over and he was alive and as well as could be expected. Even then, face down in the fountain and fighting for his life even as he sucked in water when he couldn't find air, even then only one thing had gone through Blair's mind.
He had let Jim down.
Blair had let Jim down in every way possible. At least in Blair's mind. He had let him down in not telling his sentinel about Alex. By not introducing them before she had lost control, Blair had let Jim down. Dying was another way he had let Jim down. It didn't matter that the powers that be had allowed him to live, had let Jim bring him back from death.
Some days Blair couldn't even find solace in the connection made in that place between life and death, a connection made by spirits beyond men as wolf and panther came together. It had been what brought him back from the edge, saved his life when everyone else had given up on him. He had lived because Jim hadn't given up on him. Jim hadn't let him die, had risked his life and pushed beyond even Simon's assurance to bring Blair back from death.
Jim had done all of that, even though Blair had let him down.
Jim always knew where Blair was, even what he was doing. From rooms away. Blair had to make the effort but it was coming easy to him. Looking up, he spotted him within seconds. Watching through the glass of Simon's office, Blair could see Jim talking with the Captain. Jim was smiling, creases around his mouth and eyes that belied not age but experience, an easiness to laughter that many weren't comfortable with in themselves. This was the man that Blair had let down. A man who had been let down his entire life. First by his family, then by his government and now by his partner and shaman.
The difference between Blair and the others was Blair was going to change that. Blair was going to fix what he'd done and ensure that he never let Jim down again.
Blair had died, not because Jim had been late because he had let his sentinel down. That was never going to happen again. Blair wouldn't let it happen again. One day he would atone for the crimes he'd committed, both against Jim and the trust Incacha had left in him.
One day he would make it up for letting Jim down.
Until then all Blair could do was remember that despite his thesis and all the years he'd worked to finish his degree, what mattered now was not a paper ready for publication. What mattered now was duty. His duty to Jim, to the people of Cascade, to the Cascade Police Department. What mattered was his duty as a shaman, and he wouldn't let Jim down again.