Farscape fic: Left Behind, chapter 15

Jun 16, 2006 11:58

Left Behind
Timeline placement: earlyish season 3, spoilers for “Eat Me”
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3,191
Disclaimer: The Farscape universe, and all that is in it, is not mine, but rather belongs to the Jim Henson Company. This is a work of fiction based in that universe. No copyright infringement is intended and no money has been or will be collected. No betas were harmed in the writing of this fic. Previous chapter links at the end of the post.

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Chapter Fifteen

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Just as she had done in the corridor outside the center chamber when she had heard Crichton’s voice through the closed door, Chiana pounded her head against the wall, this time in her own quarters. She hadn’t meant anything, she had just gone to his quarters to make sure he was okay - how could it have gone so wrong?

She had been on the edge of sleep when she had heard Crichton screaming. It had scared the hezmana out of her when she’d realized that the sound was real, not a carryover from the dream she’d been slipping in and out of. A dream that consisted mostly of sensations. Sensations that had involved Crichton. She thought the setting might have been on Moya, but a part of Moya that she had never seen before, filled with golden skin and brilliant blue light.

Torn from her dream, one that might have become pleasant save for the feeling that she had not been in control of her own body, she had run headlong down the corridor to Crichton’s cell, shouting his name. He had more or less invited her in, saying that he’d had a “nytmaer,” whatever that was. She had sat next to him on his bed - probably her first mistake, given her dream - and the next thing she knew, still feeling like she had been in a dream, she was kissing him. Kissing Crichton.

Even with her regrets at what she had done, Chiana was a bit tinked that he had been so quick to put distance between them. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t responded to her at all. That distance had been enough to break whatever spell she had been under, though. Embarrassed, angry with herself and at him, she had flung the first thing at him that she could think of and tried to walk calmly away from him, not wanting to further embarrass herself by running. Of course, she had run just as soon as she was sure he could neither see nor hear her flight.

“I’m not your sister, Crichton,” she repeated aloud, alone in her cell. It bothered her sometimes, even when she had been with D’Argo, that Crichton never seemed to see her as anything but his little sister. There had been the time when they had all been under the influence of T’raltixx…. That incident had shocked her and even frightened her a little - Crichton had been truly violent, something she had never seen before, certainly not directed at her or anyone else on Moya.

Crichton. He was the first person besides Nerri who had never wanted anything from her and now she may have done something unforgivable. How could she face him? Flopping back on her bed, she flung an arm over her eyes. Well, I guess that’s easy enough, she thought, I’ll just…just pretend it never happened, just like we all did back then. She thanked Zhaan’s goddess that Aeryn wasn’t here. If Aeryn ever found out about that kiss, Chiana wouldn’t have to worry at all about facing Crichton, because Aeryn would kill her.

***

John sat at the table in the center chamber, where he had retreated following his nightmare and its unsettling aftermath. Everything aboard Rohvu seemed to center on this room or Pilot’s den; John had come here because it was where he felt most comfortable and he wanted to be alone, but not in his own room. He had been here for he didn’t know how long, staring at the refrigeration unit without seeing it, consciously trying to keep his mind a blank - something he couldn’t seem to do when he was asleep anymore. For once, Harvey was keeping his big mouth shut.

Bastard’s probably asleep, he thought sourly.

Idly running through calculations in his mind that he thought, in his current state of mental and physical exhaustion, might work equally well for either a still or a wormhole, he didn’t notice when Reyna entered the room.

“Are you all right, John? You look…troubled.”

Consciousness abruptly pulled back to the here and now by Reyna’s raspy voice above his head, John raised blue eyes that felt as though they were on fire, focusing his attention on the ex-Peacekeeper, so different from the other ex-Peacekeepers he knew. She never seemed to have to work at compassion, it was just a natural part of her personality. Not for the first time, he wondered how she had gotten that scar across her cheek and throat.

“John?” Reyna repeated, frowning, as she sat down across from him.

“Sorry, Reyna. Guess I kinda zoned there for a minute.” He leaned back in his chair and closed burning eyes.

“Is something the matter?”

Opening his eyes again - closing them hadn’t lessened the burning sensation as he had hoped - he quipped, “Pretty much everything.”

Nothing but concern in her dark eyes and in her voice, she reached across the table and trapped his left hand, her touch cool. “Do you want to talk?”

“Nah, Reyna, I’m fine. I’ve just got some things I’ve got to work out in my mind.”

She leaned back, releasing his hand. “If you change your mind…” She started to stand up, but John stopped her.

“You know what? Maybe I do need someone to talk to. Someone who doesn’t have a stake in anything.” As she settled back into her chair, John stood up and headed over to the refrigeration unit he’d been staring at, snagging a couple of glasses on the way. “You want any Tang?” he asked.

“Some water would be nice, thank you.”

“No problem.” He poured himself a glass of Tang and filled the second glass with water, gathering his thoughts.

As he returned to his seat, drinks in hand, Reyna said, “You’re still not sleeping, are you?”

He looked at her through narrowed eyes as he sat. “How do you know that? I didn’t think I’d mentioned it.”

“Chiana told me. Not that I can’t see it for myself in your eyes and your movements,” she replied, her tone amused. The concern returned to her voice as she continued, “We did find some sleeping powder in Rohvu’s medical supplies, if you’d like to try them. Although I’m not sure how your body will react, since you’re not Sebacean…”

“Maybe.” John took a swig of Tang, reluctant to talk now that he had made the decision. “Chiana…” God, what’s going to happen there? he thought. Reyna was smart and, as he had already noted, compassionate. He didn’t know what Chiana might have told her about themselves, their past, or about what had happened aboard Rohvu, but he thought she might be able to kickstart some different avenues of thought for him. Something, anything, that might help him to stop chasing his tail in regard to whether or not he wanted to find Moya again, to risk learning for certain that there was more than one of him. Giving himself a mental kick in the ass, he took a deep breath and started talking.

***

Belima sat in the dark corridor outside of the place the others called “command,” silently watching the round beige woman as she alternated between pacing and drawing. Belima had spoken to all of the others, or at least she had tried to. Words came so easily to Crichton, but they had never come easily to Belima, not in the before times and not now. They were all so patient with her, though, helping her with the words she needed to be able to exist among them, but she had not tried to talk to the beige woman yet. She was a little afraid to - the beige woman wasn’t as nice as the others.

For some reason, the beige woman made her uneasy. Maybe it was her nearly colorless eyes that just seemed to look right through Belima, as if she wasn’t worthy of being noticed. Or maybe it was the way she watched Crichton whenever they were in the same room. It could even be because Belima sensed the beige woman was not really their friend, the way Tokar and his mate were. She didn’t even know the beige woman’s name.

So, here she was, venturing out of her comfortable home, trying to work up the nerve to talk to this strange woman. Belima knew that Crichton was helping her to build something, although they had done nothing yet but put lines on a “flim-zee.” That’s what she thought the beige woman was doing right now, having again paused in her pacing. Belima felt that she might be able to help them, if they’d let her, at least once they were done drawing and began building. More and more, as she understood more words and as the days brought her further and further away from the fear, she had been remembering bits and pieces of the before times.

She thought these memories must be from before Kaarvok had come, but she wasn’t sure. She remembered the feel of metal in her hands, the feel of straining muscles as she pushed and pulled at that metal, trying to tighten something that joined pieces of something more complicated together, but she couldn’t remember what anything was called.

Trying to remember always made Belima’s head hurt, as it was starting to hurt now. When the beige woman again began to pace, Belima pushed herself up from the floor and made her way back to her home. She wouldn’t be talking to the strange woman today.

***

Reyna Val watched John Crichton’s face as he spoke, sometimes having to strain to hear his words when he spoke of the things that caused him the most distress. Although she had been trained only as a med tech - one among many on a command carrier - she had learned to be much more over the cycles since she and Tokar had left Peacekeeper service. For instance, she knew from watching John now, watching his haggard face, seeing the blue shadows under his eyes, hearing the abrupt changes in his voice from near-despair to almost-mania, that John was nearing a breaking point. And from the things he had told her so far, she was surprised he hadn’t broken before now.

She didn’t understand all of what he told her and some of it she would have to run past Tokar when she saw him next, get his opinion of John’s story. John had told her of his arrival in this quadrant of the galaxy and his feud with Captain Bialar Crais. He had told her of Moya and his friends there, especially Officer Aeryn Sun, although what Reyna thought she knew of John’s relationship with Sun she had gleaned more from what he hadn’t said than what he had - he had spoken much more freely of Zhaan and D’Argo and Rygel than of Officer Sun. He had spoken of Scorpius and of wormholes and of torture, of princesses and Scarrans and shadow depositories. Just as he had only a few words for Aeryn Sun, he had only a few words to describe the recent death of his friend Zhaan, which was how Reyna knew what Sun must mean to him.

In spite of some of the disturbing things she had already heard, what he spoke of now might be the most disturbing of all, and it explained many of the things she and Tokar had seen since joining this odd little crew.

“They were eating him, you know?” John’s voice had taken on a hollow quality. “Both of them. The Xarai, we saw evidence that they were cutting pieces from Rohvu’s ribs, but that was before we stumbled across Pilot’s den and found that they had taken his arms.” He paused in his tale, seeming to be lost in his memories. She didn’t interrupt him, knowing that he needed to get this out, to stop it from eating away at him.

“Anyway, Reyna, the Xarai were pretty sick puppies.” John’s blue eyes were a little clearer now. “Jool stayed behind on the transport pod, so I don’t know what happened to her, but D’Argo, Chiana, and me… The three of us searched as much of the ship as we could, looking for those damn coils. That’s how we met Kaarvok.”

“Belima and Pilot have both mentioned that name.”

“Yeah, Kaarvok was the big bad. So dangerous that an entire Leviathan and his crew was devoted to transporting him to some maximum security prison for the criminally insane. Why they didn’t just kill that monster when they had the chance, I don’t know.”

There was the creak of leather as John rose, taking their glasses over to the refrigeration unit. He refilled them, both with water, and returned to his chair. “Kaarvok twinned people,” John said matter-of-factly as he handed back her glass.

“Twinned?” she asked, taking a sip.

“He had this…device…strapped to his arm. It shot out some kind of beam that wrapped you up and…” He took a large swig of water. “A bubble formed around you and then there was this…tearing, like you’re being torn apart, and suddenly you’re not quite so unique in the universe as you once were.”

“He made two of you?” She watched as John’s eyebrows raised at the skepticism in her voice.

“Two of me, two of Chiana, two of D’Argo, who knows how many of Belima. All supposedly equal and original.”

Reyna shook her head, not sure if she believed what John was telling her, but knowing that he certainly believed it. And there was the evidence of Pilot’s half-grown arms and the scars on Rohvu’s bulkheads… “Why?”

John laughed, a bitter sound. “Why did he do it? Kaarvok was a nutcase. He twinned the Peacekeepers that were aboard this ship, he sucked out their brains, and then he threw what was left to his Xarai. The Xarai were what those Peacekeepers became after he twinned them over and over and over… As far as the Xarai were concerned? What was left after Kaarvey sucked their brains out was grade A-1 Omaha beef. Yum.”

“Are you telling me that they…ate each other? These twins that he created?”

“Ding ding ding ding ding! Give the lady a prize.”

“Oh, my.” Reyna was horrified. “You say this happened to you and to Chiana? This twinning?”

“I’m certain it happened to Chi. I…think it probably happened to me, too. I think that’s where the nightmares are coming from, why I haven’t been able to sleep.” When she didn’t say anything, he looked up at her. “I found Chi’s body in one of the corridors. Later, I also saw her get on that transport pod before it raced outta here.”

“That means that there are three of her.”

“At least. And I’m pretty sure there’s at least one more of me. No one ever came looking for us.”

“Would they have?”

“Oh, yes.” He didn’t expand on his answer and she didn’t push him to.

“You said that your…nytmaers? That they are what make you believe that you had also been twinned.”

John snorted. “Nightmares. It’s a kind of dream, but one that can scare the life out of you. The nightmares have been getting more…real. This last one, I was fighting with Kaarvok in Pilot’s den. He had this sticker thingie that he used to suck out his victim’s brain. I wrestled it away from him and stuck it into him, but I guess my aim wasn’t good enough to kill him right away. As I was running across the catwalk, he was able to work his magic and I was caught by that beam.” As though unable to contain a surge of energy, reliving that terrifying situation, he jumped from the table and began to pace as he continued.

“Next thing I know, I’m laying flat on my stomach, Winona, here,” he gestured to his pulse pistol, strapped to his leather-clad thigh, “still in my hand. I scrambled back to my feet, started to run again, and tripped over Winona in the middle of the catwalk. But! When I tripped, I still had her in my hand. When I hit the catwalk, she flew outta my hand and over the edge into the muck at the bottom of Pilot’s den. I could hear starburst struggling to happen behind me, so I grabbed the pistol that was still on the catwalk and ran. I didn’t stop running until I got to the hangar and saw the transport pod leave without me.”

John stopped pacing and stopped next to her, fingertips resting on the table’s surface. “So you see, Rey, we don’t know if we’re the originals or copies, me and Chi.”

She looked up at him. “But if this Kaarvok was right about equal and original-”

John cut her off. “My pulse pistol isn’t working right. We found D’Argo’s Qualta Blade, but it didn’t work right, either. And Belima…”

“Well, John, I don’t know what to say about Belima, since I didn’t know her before this Kaarvok, but perhaps your pulse pistol and your friend’s blade weren’t ‘twinned’ exactly because they’re inorganic. Perhaps the process only works correctly on living things.”

John’s brow furrowed in thought and Reyna remained silent, allowing him to work through it. She didn’t mind the silence, herself, since it gave her some time to absorb the amazing story he had told her over the past couple of arns.

“Okay,” he said after returning to his seat and draining the rest of his water. “Maybe there’s something to that. The Qualta didn’t work at all, but it was made up entirely of metal and circuitry, as far as I know. Winona works most of the time, but Tokar said her parts didn’t seem to be put together quite right. Maybe her metal parts didn’t twin properly, but the chakan oil did, because it’s organic, from tannot root.”

“You don’t sound like you believe that, John.”

“That would be because I don’t,” he replied with a small smile. “Who am I kidding, Reyna? I’m just grasping at straws, here. Just because I lost my pulse pistol and grabbed another one that doesn’t work doesn’t prove anything one way or the other.”

“Does it matter so much? Whether you’re the original or a twin?”

“No, I suppose it doesn’t…”

Again, he didn’t sound as though he believed it. Reyna reached over to touch John’s hand in sympathy. “John, you really do look awful.”

“Gee, thanks,” he shot back at her with sarcasm.

She laughed. “Why don’t I get you some of that sleeping powder?”

“What the hell. Guess it can’t hurt.”

***

John followed Reyna from the center chamber to sick bay - “sick bay” sounded much better to him than “medical facility.” Too bad Dr. McCoy wasn’t around, but then again, Reyna was a lot better looking and didn’t whine about not being a mechanic or whatever.

Damn, he needed some sleep. His frelling brain was all over the map.

Reyna waved the door open and entered, just as Pilot’s voice came to him over his comms. “John?”

“Yeah, Pilot?”

“We have arrived at the burial space.”

Left Behind, chapter 14

Left Behind, chapter 16

my fic, my farscape fic

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